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When a friend died

Very... a strange topic... not everyone will be able to understand it.
Speaking of the death of a friend, I say dogs.
For the total majority of the world, this is an insignificant event. What's the big deal? Dog, animal... died... and died.
And your soul is tearing apart.
This is not a person and no one cares... and it's hard to explain. That you loved him, that he was important to you. And you understand that the world doesn't give a shit about such pain, "get yourself a new dog" will answer you. Like it's a jacket.
After all, his love was absolutely sincere, he doesn't care what kind of political views you have, how much you are a faithful husband or citizen. He loved you like a native person without any "buts".
And it doesn't matter to anyone how torn your soul is from this.
 

eohrnberger

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Thats what happened to my good buddy Coco, he got a bad back, steadily got worse until one day I got home from golfing and he couldn't stand up or walk on his own.
I knew that was the end of the line, thank the Universe we had almost 13 years together. The Universe answered all my prayers, let him live a long time, kept him pretty healthy and maintenance free until about 2 months before he passed, blessed us with good fortune to be able to keep him at the same house and nice property for his entire lifespan.
If he cant stand up or walk, and there's no chance of getting better, then you have to show your good buddy mercy and do the right thing by him even though its terrible and difficult.
Agreed.

Duncan has been a great dog and family member for all of his 13 years, which is a little on the high side for a Chesapeake Bay Retriever.

He's handled the kids from being pre-teen, teenagers, young adult and moving out. He's handled the back yard graduation parties with all the strangers always being friendly, the cats with whom he enjoyed a good game of chase (yes the cat chased the dog back as well - they took turns), and on top of all that the adopting my dad's Sheppard as well (of course they already knew each other from the many visits). It's very likely this last trip to the Up North house will be his last, but he loves it up there with the walks in the forest.

We've known about his arthritic spine for about a year and 1/2 now, and it's caused him to really slow down and become less active. But boy oh boy! When it's breakfast or dinner time! He's bouncing around as if nothing is wrong. He has a strong spirit. Hanging on to that for now, but we've known for some time, and have seen it slowly getting worse, that there is going to be a point when it's going to be the right time to let go and say goodbye. (Ahh shit, tearing up now as I write this).
I sometimes wonder who will be around to do the right thing by me if I get to the point of not being able to take care of myself. Its not a great thing to think about but I'd like to have the option of a painless departure on my own terms. If I'm lucky I'll be like my grandfather and still be driving a car at age 95, then just suddenly pass in my sleep.(y)
If one has to contemplate one's own passing, it is this hope which gives us all peace of mind.
 

SkyFox76

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Very... a strange topic... not everyone will be able to understand it.
Speaking of the death of a friend, I say dogs.
For the total majority of the world, this is an insignificant event. What's the big deal? Dog, animal... died... and died.
And your soul is tearing apart.
This is not a person and no one cares... and it's hard to explain. That you loved him, that he was important to you. And you understand that the world doesn't give a shit about such pain, "get yourself a new dog" will answer you. Like it's a jacket.
After all, his love was absolutely sincere, he doesn't care what kind of political views you have, how much you are a faithful husband or citizen. He loved you like a native person without any "buts".
And it doesn't matter to anyone how torn your soul is from this.

It matters to a lot of people because, many of us have loved and lost our most loved pets. And, we've heard the same type comments from people who apparently have never bonded with a pet or can understand the horrible loss. There actually are support groups out there that have people also hurting on this same thing. My heart is hurting right now because I've felt the loss you're experiencing. I'm sending you my sincere condolences and just know there is no set rules or time on what you yourself are grieving.

I've not read through the thread, but for myself, I'd love to hear some some fun things you two shared. Car rides? Chewed socks? So, please share if you feel like it. And if you don't, it's completely understandable. But my thoughts are very much with you.
 

SkyFox76

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I have always had dogs, and at my age I've had many. Each time one passes I tell myself I won't get another, the pain is too much. Then as time passes the pain subsides, and the desire for the friendship a dog can provide overcomes the pain. And the cycle begins again.

I've generally had more than one furr kid at the time so when one passed I was left to be there for the rest of them. Yes there was void, but those others still needed my attention so the passing fell to the backside within time. Then, my situation changed and I went through two deaths of my older cats, and SWORE I'd not go though that hurt again. Except life had other plans for me. I saw a little guy up for adoption one day after my last cat died, and he stole my heart at first site. It was an adoption though a personal cat rescue woman and even though it took 5-6 misses to connect, I was finally able to connect, meet him and bring him home. And my wild child makes me laugh and smile every single day. Unless it's 3am when he thinks I should get up and look to tell him that YES there is food IN THAT DISH!!

In short, I think many of us say never again....and then we do. And then some lucky one get's a new loving home. (y)
 

nota bene

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In short, I think many of us say never again....and then we do. And then some lucky one get's a new loving home. (y)
As my little family prepares for the loss of two of our pets, we were gifted a week ago with a surprise kitten. We'd all said "No more pets; we're done." And definitely not another female--so expensive to fix! But the kid was driving to work and thought she heard crying under her hood, convinced herself she was crazy and drove on, and then heard it again and pulled over. Under the hood was a not flattened/crushed/or burned up baby kitty, and now we are experiencing the joy of a baby again.
 

SkyFox76

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As my little family prepares for the loss of two of our pets, we were gifted a week ago with a surprise kitten. We'd all said "No more pets; we're done." And definitely not another female--so expensive to fix! But the kid was driving to work and thought she heard crying under her hood, convinced herself she was crazy and drove on, and then heard it again and pulled over. Under the hood was a not flattened/crushed/or burned up baby kitty, and now we are experiencing the joy of a baby again.

Since all mine had aged I wasn't used to hearing racing through the house and then jumping on the bed liked he'd been dropped from 20' above. He's mellowed a little, but each night he wakes me up bringing his 3 favorite toys to bed at various times lol.

Enjoy your new addition and soooo glad it wasn't hurt being under the hood.
 

nota bene

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Since all mine had aged I wasn't used to hearing racing through the house and then jumping on the bed liked he'd been dropped from 20' above. He's mellowed a little, but each night he wakes me up bringing his 3 favorite toys to bed at various times lol.

Enjoy your new addition and soooo glad it wasn't hurt being under the hood.
That is just a miracle. And baby puppies and kitties are the BEST. Of course, I have to wear her out by having her run up and down the little steps I've placed by my little old baby's fave window chasing feathers and pom-poms on fishing poles and etc. And I've now been reminded how incredibly important not moving your feet in bed is.
 

Old 'N Chill

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Very... a strange topic... not everyone will be able to understand it.
Speaking of the death of a friend, I say dogs.
For the total majority of the world, this is an insignificant event. What's the big deal? Dog, animal... died... and died.
And your soul is tearing apart.
This is not a person and no one cares... and it's hard to explain. That you loved him, that he was important to you. And you understand that the world doesn't give a shit about such pain, "get yourself a new dog" will answer you. Like it's a jacket.
After all, his love was absolutely sincere, he doesn't care what kind of political views you have, how much you are a faithful husband or citizen. He loved you like a native person without any "buts".
And it doesn't matter to anyone how torn your soul is from this.
My condolences for the loss of your dog, I know your heart is hurting and you miss him terribly. He was lucky to have someone like you who cared for him so much, he can rest peacefully knowing he had a good life with you and you are still loving and thinking of him. I completely understand, my dog is my baby, part of my family and my heart. I get emotional when I think of dogs I've lost over the years, each is special, and each will always hold a warm place in my heart and soul.

My last dog died at the age of 14, serious health issues towards the end. I have another dog now, I think my old boy would have wanted someone to share my heart and my house since he's no longer with us. My bond with my dog is strong, the love is there, and many times I put him before myself. Hang in there and know you're not alone. Getting another dog does help heal, but if/when that happens is a very individual decision for all of us. We need time to accept and grieve, before we can plan for the future. Glad you posted.
 

trixare4kids

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As my little family prepares for the loss of two of our pets, we were gifted a week ago with a surprise kitten. We'd all said "No more pets; we're done." And definitely not another female--so expensive to fix! But the kid was driving to work and thought she heard crying under her hood, convinced herself she was crazy and drove on, and then heard it again and pulled over. Under the hood was a not flattened/crushed/or burned up baby kitty, and now we are experiencing the joy of a baby again.

They, who need homes, have a way of finding those of us, who said never again. :cry: It's bittersweet, really.

We were dog lovers our entire lives, but when our last dog, an 8 year old English bulldog suddenly died, in waltzed a starving, abandoned young cat who thought she'd give us a try. Cats, we said? We're not cat people or so we thought...

The tag on her collar said Lily, and yes, her military type family up and moved and left her to fend for herself in a heavily populated feral cat population in Imperial Beach. We're so happy she found us. She has been with us for nine years. She has taught us to think of the possibilities and to never say never again.
 

JasperL

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Condolences on your loss Fabiusbile.
There are a lot of folks here on DP who have pets, and know what you are going through.
They really are a family member.

We are facing an aging dog who's spinal arthritis is slowly taking strength and control from his rear legs, yet his spirit remains strong and steadfast.
This one is going to be a tough call, but if he can't get up on his own, I think it's going to be time. :(
I feel for you. For our last three who died, we knew. It wasn't obvious at all, then one day, or with the last one, one really bad incident (an awful seizure), and then it was clear. I don't know how I'd deal with something like you're going through and I hope you can make a decision that will give you and the dog the peace you both deserve in the moment.
 

tres borrachos

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Very... a strange topic... not everyone will be able to understand it.
Speaking of the death of a friend, I say dogs.
For the total majority of the world, this is an insignificant event. What's the big deal? Dog, animal... died... and died.
And your soul is tearing apart.
This is not a person and no one cares... and it's hard to explain. That you loved him, that he was important to you. And you understand that the world doesn't give a shit about such pain, "get yourself a new dog" will answer you. Like it's a jacket.
After all, his love was absolutely sincere, he doesn't care what kind of political views you have, how much you are a faithful husband or citizen. He loved you like a native person without any "buts".
And it doesn't matter to anyone how torn your soul is from this.

I care. And I know what your pain is.

Every time we lose one of our beloved pets dies, I remind myself, my husband and our sons that grief is the price we pay for love. It hurts so much, but it's so worth it.

I love my dogs more than anything. As much as I love my sons. As much as I love my husband. They are family. I'm their mother.
 

Lovebug

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I care. And I know what your pain is.

Every time we lose one of our beloved pets dies, I remind myself, my husband and our sons that grief is the price we pay for love. It hurts so much, but it's so worth it.

I love my dogs more than anything. As much as I love my sons. As much as I love my husband. They are family. I'm their mother.
Anyone who doesn't know that pain isn't human.
 

HikerGuy83

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Very... a strange topic... not everyone will be able to understand it.
Speaking of the death of a friend, I say dogs.
For the total majority of the world, this is an insignificant event. What's the big deal? Dog, animal... died... and died.
And your soul is tearing apart.
This is not a person and no one cares... and it's hard to explain. That you loved him, that he was important to you. And you understand that the world doesn't give a shit about such pain, "get yourself a new dog" will answer you. Like it's a jacket.
After all, his love was absolutely sincere, he doesn't care what kind of political views you have, how much you are a faithful husband or citizen. He loved you like a native person without any "buts".
And it doesn't matter to anyone how torn your soul is from this.

Many do understand it.

Had to put down my wonderful Toby about seven years ago.

I agonized for a two months before we had a vet come to our home so he could pass with us in a place he knew.

I still cry when I think of him.

This was a great video


I love the line: The best place to bury a dog is in his master's heart.

I know that is where Toby is.

God bless and comfort you in a difficult time.
 

vesper

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So sorry for your loss. It is so hard to say goodbye to a buddy. It is going to hurt for a long time. But there will come a time when you think of them and will be so thankful for all the joy they brought you. Take care.
 

joko104

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And that's just the phrase I use--"do the right thing." No matter how terrible it is for you, it's your obligation of gratitude.

I was very proud of my then-9-year old daughter when her Akita had to be put down. He savagely attacked our other dog for no reason, and like the fools we both remain, we jumped right in and were hurt too. I let her make the decision because I was certain she'd make the right one, and to our vet the next day we went. The vet told her she didn't have to stay in the room, but my daughter wouldn't have it any other way. And when the doggie's bladder emptied and made a mess on the floor, she headed straight for the paper towels and insisted that she be the one to clean up. I was very proud of her that day.

You have to do the right thing, and you have to do right by your animals, no matter how difficult it is. A friend's now ex-husband allowed his dog to suffer terribly with a brain tumor for over a year because he "just wasn't ready to let go." Someone this selfish doesn't deserve to have a dog.

Sadly, current laws and restrictions on doctors and hospitals are not allowed to on instruction of the patient and loved one to show the level of end of life dignity and mercy that we can do for dogs, cats and other animals. Absolute slogans are almost always wrong at the extreme end. Fighting to preserve human life is a noble cause, until it becomes justifying lack of mercy and rationalizing required people at the end of their life to endure hours, days or weeks of torturous pain and emotional horror. I favor assisted suicide certainly in cases of absolute last days end of life to allow people to have a dignified and merciful death.

Don't mean to change the topic. I' held my beloved 14 year old female min-pom as she died in my arms. Abigale Penelope, a registered show quality princess. Never walked, only pranced and danced. When I walked in the house, always "where's my Abby?!" and she comes prancing and dancing. Had her since a puppy. The family dog, but mostly MY dog. We were so deeply in love with each other. And I have had to take a cat that would sit on the couch just admiring me for saving her from a tomcat to be put down in her suffering old age. And this as compared to humans just came to my mind.
 
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nota bene

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Sadly, current laws and restrictions on doctors and hospitals are not allowed to on instruction of the patient and loved one to show the level of end of life dignity and mercy that we can do for dogs, cats and other animals. Absolute slogans are almost always wrong at the extreme end. Fighting to preserve human life is a noble cause, until it becomes justifying lack of mercy and rationalizing required people at the end of their life to endure hours, days or weeks of torturous pain and emotional horror. I favor assisted suicide certainly in cases of absolute last days end of life to allow people to have a dignified and merciful death.

Don't mean to change the topic. I' held my beloved 14 year old female min-pom as she died in my arms. Abigale Penelope, a registered show quality princess. Never walked, only pranced and danced. When I walked in the house, always "where's my Abby?!" and she comes prancing and dancing. Had her since a puppy. The family dog, but mostly MY dog. We were so deeply in love with each other. And I have had to take a cat that would sit on the couch just admiring me for saving her from a tomcat to be put down in her suffering old age. And this as compared to humans just came to my mind.
I believe in the importance of dignity and humanity at the end of life. I do not, however, support assisted-suicide as a matter of law.

I don't wish to derail either, so to return to the topic, losing a beloved animal never gets any easier.
 

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As my little family prepares for the loss of two of our pets, we were gifted a week ago with a surprise kitten. We'd all said "No more pets; we're done." And definitely not another female--so expensive to fix! But the kid was driving to work and thought she heard crying under her hood, convinced herself she was crazy and drove on, and then heard it again and pulled over. Under the hood was a not flattened/crushed/or burned up baby kitty, and now we are experiencing the joy of a baby again.

This 'found under the hood' thing is so common!

I feel confident in predicting the local weather turned cool that week, and the work commute was in the early morning?
 

nota bene

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This 'found under the hood' thing is so common!

I feel confident in predicting the local weather turned cool that week, and the work commute was in the early morning?
Nope, and nope. My kid had driven over to the horse arena across the street while heading to work to ask about somebody helping her move a chicken coop, and the baby somehow climbed in with the motor running. At about 1:45 because the kid is an assistant chef and had to be at work at 2. There are always barn kittens. (The kid did go back the next day to ask if anybody was missing a kitten, and the guy she talked to disavowed any knowledge of kittens.):rolleyes:
 

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When I was a kid we had a dog that one time he would not move from the front of my dads truck. Dad was getting so frustrated and had to get out of his truck, only to find that there were kittens under the hood and one was on top of the front tire. We loved that dog so much.
 
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