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What's The Worst Meal You Ever Made?

rhinefire

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I tried fried rice once not thinking to cook the egg portion separate so the "fried rice" came out looking like an omelet and in to the trash it went.
 
i'm generally a pretty good cook, but i've screwed up steak pretty good a few times. not a big deal, as i'm not a huge fan of steak. i also tried to make low fat chocolate chip cookies one time with a margarine substitute. they came out looking like cupcakes. since then, i've gotten better at baking. sometimes you have to screw up the recipe before getting it right.
 
i'm generally a pretty good cook, but i've screwed up steak pretty good a few times. not a big deal, as i'm not a huge fan of steak. i also tried to make low fat chocolate chip cookies one time with a margarine substitute. they came out looking like cupcakes. since then, i've gotten better at baking. sometimes you have to screw up the recipe before getting it right.

I would have thought low-cal-chocolate-cookies-cupcakes would be cool.
 
I would have thought low-cal-chocolate-cookies-cupcakes would be cool.

i tried one of them, but it lacked the fluffiness of a cupcake or the condensed richness of a cookie. it tasted more like a "i want to be a chocolate chip cookie, but you ****ed up" puffball. and thus malformed by their creator, into the trash went the batch.
 
I tried fried rice once not thinking to cook the egg portion separate so the "fried rice" came out looking like an omelet and in to the trash it went.

Swedish Meatballs. Misread the recipe. Called for three teaspoons of salt. Put in 3 tablespoons. And, as with your rice, into the trash they went.
 
I baked a pumpkin pie just like I baked a cherry pie - using only a pre-made pie crust and then added a can of pie filling. The cherry pie was OK but the pumpkin pie seemed to lack something very important. ;)
 
I wouldn't be able to put it down to just one

inedible is inedible after all and I've had a few of those for various reasons:

not being attentive enough

substituting the wrong ingredient for another that I did not have

poor choice of meat

casserole burst in the oven ( it was old )

and on she goes over the course of a life time and there will be more to come

great part is while we still cook there is always another chance to perform
 
I tried making beef Bourguignon when I was around 15, but I think I poured too much brandy and wine into it and it ended up as something so foul that my dog wouldnt even eat it.
 
thanksgiving 1984
married less than six months
the first dinner with both sets of parents
traditional menu; i was going to smoke the turkey with the brand new smoker that i had just bought and never used
just like cooking on my Father-in-law's grill or my Dad's hibachi pot (they are now known as big green eggs). that was my frame of reference. and was my frame of reference ever wrong
had i begun smoking that bird the night before it might have been ready in time for our afternoon meal
so, while we are waiting on turkey that is cooking very s-l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w-l-y both Dads are getting **** faced, having a grand time getting to know one another
meanwhile, our mothers are competing to see who could be the biggest bitch. the hungrier they became the ornerier they got. my Mom wondered - out loud, of course - how my wife could allow dinner to take this long to cook ... didn't matter that i was the one in charge of getting the meal prepared. my mother-in-law gave as good as she got and reminded my Mom that i was the one who had no idea how to cook a turkey. it only got worse from there
finally realized i could separate my Mom from her combatant if i would pull her into the kitchen to show me how to cook a turkey in the oven
by the time the bird was finally done, out fathers were too smashed to eat, our mothers too pissed to eat, and my wife and i were too exhausted to eat ... so, i cannot actually recall how the food turned out
no surprise, we never shared another meal with both moms and dads in the same house
 
First attempt at Swedish meatballs, Couldn't get the Rue right at the beginning, trashed it before I wasted a lot of ingredients.
 
thanksgiving 1984
married less than six months
the first dinner with both sets of parents
traditional menu; i was going to smoke the turkey with the brand new smoker that i had just bought and never used
just like cooking on my Father-in-law's grill or my Dad's hibachi pot (they are now known as big green eggs). that was my frame of reference. and was my frame of reference ever wrong
had i begun smoking that bird the night before it might have been ready in time for our afternoon meal
so, while we are waiting on turkey that is cooking very s-l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w-l-y both Dads are getting **** faced, having a grand time getting to know one another
meanwhile, our mothers are competing to see who could be the biggest bitch. the hungrier they became the ornerier they got. my Mom wondered - out loud, of course - how my wife could allow dinner to take this long to cook ... didn't matter that i was the one in charge of getting the meal prepared. my mother-in-law gave as good as she got and reminded my Mom that i was the one who had no idea how to cook a turkey. it only got worse from there
finally realized i could separate my Mom from her combatant if i would pull her into the kitchen to show me how to cook a turkey in the oven
by the time the bird was finally done, out fathers were too smashed to eat, our mothers too pissed to eat, and my wife and i were too exhausted to eat ... so, i cannot actually recall how the food turned out
no surprise, we never shared another meal with both moms and dads in the same house

I give that a 10 for presentation!
 
i tried one of them, but it lacked the fluffiness of a cupcake or the condensed richness of a cookie. it tasted more like a "i want to be a chocolate chip cookie, but you ****ed up" puffball. and thus malformed by their creator, into the trash went the batch.

A real pity. It sounded like such a wonderful food. But thanks to you, we now know. ;)
 
When I was a kid, I used to make bowls of melted velveeta cheese dip.

That probably counts.
 
Friend had one of those jet stream ovens that cooks with hot circulating air. he also had this big bag of pinto beans so I said hey I'm going to try making Chili with your jet stream oven.
So i knew I had to soak the beans before putting them in there but didn't know the specifics. I call gf and ask her and she said soak the beans in water but put some salt in the water.. I asked how much salt.. she says tablespoon.
I put a somewhat heaping tablespoon of salt in there. soaked them. drained and put them in that oven. sounded messy but it actually cooked the beans just fine.

But... as I found out it should have been half a teaspoon of salt, not a heaping tablespoon of salt. aaand.. i forgot to rinse after i drained.
So, i may as well have fed this chili to cows because it tasted like licking a salt block.
 
My worst one was jugged hare.
 
I tried fried rice once not thinking to cook the egg portion separate so the "fried rice" came out looking like an omelet and in to the trash it went.

I was going to say that I have never f'ed up so bad my food was inedible, but once I did accidentally use a can of spoiled tomatoes and had to throw out a few hours of work and a week's worth of groceries (Well, that went into the beans I was making). That was a s****y week because I didn't buy enough ingredients to make a second go around, and I needed my friend to drive me to the supermarket back then (I didn't have a car at the time). Ergo, I didn't have my main food for that week --that added insult to injury.
 
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I seem to recall getting some taco meat ready, and mistaking cinnamon for red chili powder.
Cinnamon goes with many things, just not ground beef!
 
I was grilling some brats and got distracted with something (phone call that had to be dealt with), by the time I remembered the brats, they were literally glowing coals.
 
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