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What would you do if...

joko104

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I'm bored, so posted this topic.

What would you do (think you should and/or think you would) if you came home early and in your bedroom your spouse/mate/significant other was in bed having sex with someone else? They haven't seen you yet.

Of course what you would do compared to what you think you should do can be different. Are there details (such as who, sex/age/race, friend/foe/stranger etc) that matter? Serous or joke responses both allowed.
 
I'm bored, so posted this topic.

What would you do (think you should and/or think you would) if you came home early and in your bedroom your spouse/mate/significant other was in bed having sex with someone else? They haven't seen you yet.

Of course what you would do compared to what you think you should do can be different. Are there details (such as who, sex/age/race, friend/foe/stranger etc) that matter? Serous or joke responses both allowed.

I volunteered at a homeless shelter some time ago. One of the frequent visitors had this exact same thing happen to him.

He was a very smart black (just as an aside) man, had a great job (programmer), house - everything going for him. He ended up shooting and killing both of them in that instant (crime of passion). He went to prison. When he got out, he obviously had lost everything.

He was a super nice guy and good at Spades (my favorite partner - just another aside). I don't know the outcome, since I didn't volunteer the next winter but hope he was eventually given another chance.
 
I'm bored, so posted this topic.

What would you do (think you should and/or think you would) if you came home early and in your bedroom your spouse/mate/significant other was in bed having sex with someone else? They haven't seen you yet.

Of course what you would do compared to what you think you should do can be different. Are there details (such as who, sex/age/race, friend/foe/stranger etc) that matter? Serous or joke responses both allowed.
This actually happened to me. I saw red, literally, grabbed the revolver in my pocket, remembered who would be raising my kids if she were dead and I in prison, and I left the house for a walk. They were both gone by the time I got back, so I changed the locks that night, removed her from the lease and filed for divorce the next day. She came and collected her stuff that weekend.
 
I would probably check the address, (just to be sure I was in the right house.)
 
This actually happened to me. I saw red, literally, grabbed the revolver in my pocket, remembered who would be raising my kids if she were dead and I in prison, and I left the house for a walk. They were both gone by the time I got back, so I changed the locks that night, removed her from the lease and filed for divorce the next day. She came and collected her stuff that weekend.
Rough. Glad you got your sense about you.

We hired an employee who spend nearly 20 years in the pen for catching a guy with his woman (not wife) and gunned him down. She wasn't worth it, no matter how great she was. You made the right decision. Big time. In the long run that terrible discovery may have been particularly lucky for you in the long run - but it could really sting an ego. Bottom line? Well done!
 
As mad as I might be, I'm not going to prison over that scenario. Might wave my gun around a bit and scare heck out of em for some self satisfaction. Then make the sorry SOB get out minus his clothes and car keys.
 
I'm bored, so posted this topic.

What would you do (think you should and/or think you would) if you came home early and in your bedroom your spouse/mate/significant other was in bed having sex with someone else? They haven't seen you yet.

Of course what you would do compared to what you think you should do can be different. Are there details (such as who, sex/age/race, friend/foe/stranger etc) that matter? Serous or joke responses both allowed.

As one who is both poly and open, this would depend upon conditions. However, I will take the question as it seem to be intended, i.e. that is was not something agreed upon in advance. I would be angry, as all relationships are supposed to be told to the rest of the spouses. So this would be a breech in trust. I am unsure if I would confront them then and there in a verbal rage, or go off and make sure they saw me when they came out.
 
I could imagine hearing them in the bedroom.....not going in, but offering them a drink when they came out just to watch them squirm a little before telling them both to get out...
 
As one who is both poly and open, this would depend upon conditions. However, I will take the question as it seem to be intended, i.e. that is was not something agreed upon in advance. I would be angry, as all relationships are supposed to be told to the rest of the spouses. So this would be a breech in trust. I am unsure if I would confront them then and there in a verbal rage, or go off and make sure they saw me when they came out.

I understand your perspective since you preface it there was agreement in advance, particularly when disease and pregnancy might also be a potentially.
 
I understand your perspective since you preface it there was agreement in advance, particularly when disease and pregnancy might also be a potentially.
Well pregnancy is out at this point for all but one of us. Both wives are past menopause and one is fixed, and I have been fixed as well. Only our husband has that potential. And we guard against STI's. Mind you while potential outside partners are agreed to in advance, not all encounters are. IOW, an approved boyfriend might be there unexpectedly. In such a case, I would make sure a snack and something to drink were ready for when they finish.
 
Without thinking about it too much, I would probably just break up with/divorce them, assuming that the relationship is a significant one and we have an understanding that it is exclusive, too. Yes I would be sad, angry, hurt, humiliated and a whole bunch of other stuff, but I would not physically hurt either of them. For one thing, I am not a violent person. But more importantly, I believe that monogamy might not be everybody's thing. Sometimes, some people are simply going to be attracted to someone else, despite the fact they are married or have made a pledge of some sort to their mate.
 
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Well pregnancy is out at this point for all but one of us. Both wives are past menopause and one is fixed, and I have been fixed as well. Only our husband has that potential. And we guard against STI's. Mind you while potential outside partners are agreed to in advance, not all encounters are. IOW, an approved boyfriend might be there unexpectedly. In such a case, I would make sure a snack and something to drink were ready for when they finish.
Wow...that is certainly...fascinating.

I could never be in a poly or open arrangement. For one thing, I get jealous. Secondly, it just seems too "adventurous" for me. Call me a square but I am a believer in traditional relationship/marriage, monogamy and all that. As for whether I would be happy...honestly I am not sure. But I like the fact that I do not have to say, "I cracked open a beer while my significant other was having sex with both our husband and wife", lol.
 
Wow...that is certainly...fascinating.

I could never be in a poly or open arrangement. For one thing, I get jealous. Secondly, it just seems too "adventurous" for me. Call me a square but I am a believer in traditional relationship/marriage, monogamy and all that. As for whether I would be happy...honestly I am not sure. But I like the fact that I do not have to say, "I cracked open a beer while my significant other was having sex with both our husband and wife", lol.

It isn't for everyone. In fact it is not for most. Although I should point out that polygamy is just as traditional as monogamy is. It is prevalent in the Bible, particularly in the OT, although we only see the polygyny form there. Polyandry is just as old and is even still practiced as a culture in a society in Asia somewhere. I have a link to a TED talk about them if anyone is interested.
 
Assuming it consentual... and as theoretically as I won't make my marriage a forum debate topic on a personal level... if she was with a woman, it's all good in my book. If a man, I would not confront her over it. Either way I would be surprised I did not already know and/or she had not told me unless it was spontaneous, certainly would want her to be safe and that she got what she needed out of it, absolutely would not want her to feel any guilty from it, and probably would re-examine my behavior. Then again it may not have anything to do about me, only about herself. If she wants me to know, she'll tell me. If not, then not.

Jealousy and possessiveness are irrational destructive emotions and thoughts. I can't think of anything good that could come from either. Protectiveness in a non-possessive way? Sure. But otherwise? No. To the extent she is chained to me, it is by "chains of love" (Biblical expression), not the threat that I'll destroy our family, marriage and life.
 
I could imagine hearing them in the bedroom.....not going in, but offering them a drink when they came out just to watch them squirm a little before telling them both to get out...
Would be smart thing to make photo or video of them in the act or at least naked. Would help during divorce procedure.
 
Would be smart thing to make photo or video of them in the act or at least naked. Would help during divorce procedure.
You don't have no fault divorce where you live?
 
I'm bored, so posted this topic.

What would you do (think you should and/or think you would) if you came home early and in your bedroom your spouse/mate/significant other was in bed having sex with someone else? They haven't seen you yet.

Of course what you would do compared to what you think you should do can be different. Are there details (such as who, sex/age/race, friend/foe/stranger etc) that matter? Serous or joke responses both allowed.
I'd leave or divorce them, details shouldn't be relevant (unless by "age" you mean they were sleeping with an underage person).
 
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