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What would you do if your son/daughter told you they were gay? [W:302,308,330]

I am hoping to point out how silly it would be to tell a child that world is wrong
but then I don't suffer from the mental disorder that is Liberalism.
my kid was diagnosed with a low 170's IQ as a pre-teen
his thinking everyone was STUPID wasn't how I wanted him to grow up
I had to get him to see HE was the one who was anomalous
 
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I am hoping to point out how silly it would be to tell a child that world is wrong
but then I don't suffer from the mental disorder that is Liberalism.
my kid was diagnosed with a low 170's IQ as a pre-teen
his thinking everyone was STUPID wasn't how I wanted him to grow up
I had to get him to see HE was the one who was anomalous

Okay, so homosexuality is not the majority, is the majority only correct because they are the majority?

Why are you dragging politics into it? This is not a political issue. Besides I am generally conservative.
 
But, but, grandkids!!! Boohoohooo. That would be my first thought. Maybe "I failed" as my second thought. Those would be emotional, internal responses mind you, I would likely to be in full control of them.

Then I'd make sure to hug them and be happy for them and supportive. I care more about keeping a super relationship with my adult child (assuming they are 18 at the time to make it easy), than it persecuting them for liking someone with a different chromosome. Just saying, I have priorities.
 
But, but, grandkids!!! Boohoohooo. That would be my first thought. Maybe "I failed" as my second thought. Those would be emotional, internal responses mind you, I would likely to be in full control of them.

Then I'd make sure to hug them and be happy for them and supportive. I care more about keeping a super relationship with my adult child (assuming they are 18 at the time to make it easy), than it persecuting them for liking someone with a different chromosome. Just saying, I have priorities.

You could still have grand kids. There is nothing parents do to make their children gay. They just are, i don't feel as though my parents failed me. At first they had that feeling, what did I do to make him gay, but it wasn't what they did. I Don't really know the source of my sexuality but it started when I was very very young.
 
Just gona leave this here....


 
You could still have grand kids. There is nothing parents do to make their children gay. They just are, i don't feel as though my parents failed me. At first they had that feeling, what did I do to make him gay, but it wasn't what they did. I Don't really know the source of my sexuality but it started when I was very very young.

I know rationally I may still get grandkids, I'd still think "Oh noes, the grandbabies will never be!" emotionally. A very selfish response, but it's likely one of the first thoughts that would cross my mind. It's rooted in goodness though, wanting grand kids is often a result (I assume) of having loved the experience of having your own children...just wired to love them. Just being honest. I also know it's likely not *really* my fault. But as a parent, we assume responsibility for everything. The opposite, denying responsibility for the child we brought into this world, is horrifying. So we accept responsibility, the good, the bad the ugly and the different. And we think we failed all the time, don't think coming out of the closet makes that some big deal for a parent to think "Oh I failed them!". I think that probably twice a week and my daughters is in first grade ;) She's back talking a lot...I failed to discipline enough early on! It's just the OCD aspect of parenting. Is gay a failure reasonably? Unlikely to me that I'd *really* consider it a failure, or a fault. But knee-jerk reaction may be that way.

Remember too that even if a parent is supportive of a lifestyle, but they know the lifestyle will make their childs life a struggle, they will still empathize with that, sometimes to the point of wishing their child had chosen differently purely from the standpoint of not wanting to see their child struggle. This day and age, it's not nearly as critical though, and I think good, reasonably parents aren't nearly as crazy about it as they may have been when the social repercussions may have been potentially devastating.

Here is another thought I'd have. "How could I not know"? I'd feel that if I were surprised by the information, I must not have known my child very well. Being a kid is tough, being a gay youth is tough, being a parent is tough too :)
 
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I know rationally I may still get grandkids, I'd still think "Oh noes, the grandbabies will never be!" emotionally. A very selfish response, but it's likely one of the first thoughts that would cross my mind. It's rooted in goodness though, wanting grand kids is often a result (I assume) of having loved the experience of having your own children...just wired to love them. Just being honest. I also know it's likely not *really* my fault. But as a parent, we assume responsibility for everything. The opposite, denying responsibility for the child we brought into this world, is horrifying. So we accept responsibility, the good, the bad the ugly and the different. And we think we failed all the time, don't think coming out of the closet makes that some big deal for a parent to think "Oh I failed them!". I think that probably twice a week and my daughters is in first grade ;) She's back talking a lot...I failed to discipline enough early on! It's just the OCD aspect of parenting. Is gay a failure reasonably? Unlikely to me that I'd *really* consider it a failure, or a fault. But knee-jerk reaction may be that way.

Remember too that even if a parent is supportive of a lifestyle, but they know the lifestyle will make their childs life a struggle, they will still empathize with that, sometimes to the point of wishing their child had chosen differently purely from the standpoint of not wanting to see their child struggle. This day and age, it's not nearly as critical though, and I think good, reasonably parents aren't nearly as crazy about it as they may have been when the social repercussions may have been potentially devastating.

Here is another thought I'd have. "How could I not know"? I'd feel that if I were surprised by the information, I must not have known my child very well. Being a kid is tough, being a gay youth is tough, being a parent is tough too :)

Really the only struggles i have had were internal. Coming to terms with my sexuality, accepting myself, that was the hardest part by far. That all occurred before I told my folks. I also understand the idea that this went unnoticed for so long. But I his my sexuality well. The only times i was ever caught I was so incredibly humiliated, I basically said I was curious. My folks never suspected even after that because I didn't want to feel that humiliation again. I faked it very well.

I understand that guilt also, I have only been a parent for two years, of my lover's little brother. He was thrown out by his parents for being gay. His heart is broken, i can't help but feel like I could have comforted him better.
 
All I know is that I'd want them to tell me. I'd rather have a son that sat down and told me what was up, and not have to open his bedroom door one day and find a football player's nuts slapping him in the chin.

That'd probably make me respond in a way that's not..."understanding".
 
I know rationally I may still get grandkids, I'd still think "Oh noes, the grandbabies will never be!" emotionally. A very selfish response, but it's likely one of the first thoughts that would cross my mind. It's rooted in goodness though, wanting grand kids is often a result (I assume) of having loved the experience of having your own children...just wired to love them. Just being honest. I also know it's likely not *really* my fault. But as a parent, we assume responsibility for everything. The opposite, denying responsibility for the child we brought into this world, is horrifying. So we accept responsibility, the good, the bad the ugly and the different. And we think we failed all the time, don't think coming out of the closet makes that some big deal for a parent to think "Oh I failed them!". I think that probably twice a week and my daughters is in first grade ;) She's back talking a lot...I failed to discipline enough early on! It's just the OCD aspect of parenting. Is gay a failure reasonably? Unlikely to me that I'd *really* consider it a failure, or a fault. But knee-jerk reaction may be that way.

Remember too that even if a parent is supportive of a lifestyle, but they know the lifestyle will make their childs life a struggle, they will still empathize with that, sometimes to the point of wishing their child had chosen differently purely from the standpoint of not wanting to see their child struggle. This day and age, it's not nearly as critical though, and I think good, reasonably parents aren't nearly as crazy about it as they may have been when the social repercussions may have been potentially devastating.

Here is another thought I'd have. "How could I not know"? I'd feel that if I were surprised by the information, I must not have known my child very well. Being a kid is tough, being a gay youth is tough, being a parent is tough too :)

Parenting is torture sometimes isn't it. I understand your fears/concerns and it sounds like your kids are pretty lucky to have such an honest parent. My daughter came to me when she was 16 and told me she realized that she was gay. She is very introspective and thoughtful so she was able to explain to me how she came to this understanding so I had no concerns about what was motivating it or if it was a certainty. I have to admit my first concern was how she would be treated because of it; how it might complicate her life. So we talked about that. I realized that she was aware of the conflicts she may face but she was so well equipped to handle them it was easy for me to let it go. You know, your kids will face hardships in their lives, it is unavoidable. I think if you can figure out a way to equip them to handle them you have done the best and only thing you can for them. :twocents:
 
Parenting is torture sometimes isn't it. I understand your fears/concerns and it sounds like your kids are pretty lucky to have such an honest parent. My daughter came to me when she was 16 and told me she realized that she was gay. She is very introspective and thoughtful so she was able to explain to me how she came to this understanding so I had no concerns about what was motivating it or if it was a certainty. I have to admit my first concern was how she would be treated because of it; how it might complicate her life. So we talked about that. I realized that she was aware of the conflicts she may face but she was so well equipped to handle them it was easy for me to let it go. You know, your kids will face hardships in their lives, it is unavoidable. I think if you can figure out a way to equip them to handle them you have done the best and only thing you can for them. :twocents:

That also has to do with you as a parent. My folks were approachable about nearly everything, except homosexuality. Having a parent that will listen and care means a whole lot. This door was slammed shut before I even had a chance to open it. Now i don't fault my folks, it's a hard thing to swallow, they did their best and i am sure they are disappointed that i will not live like they do. And that they will have a son in law verses a daughter in law. It's hard to accept. It took me years to accept it.

My folks didn't what to hear how i came to that understanding. I was in tears the first time I attempted to come out, i was 17. But they became furious and told me that i was just going through a phase. They attempted to tell me I was going through a phase the last time I came out, i said that i was 26 and my time for phases was over. I may have believed that as a youth.

They didn't care, i didn't see them for several months.
 
That also has to do with you as a parent. My folks were approachable about nearly everything, except homosexuality. Having a parent that will listen and care means a whole lot. This door was slammed shut before I even had a chance to open it. Now i don't fault my folks, it's a hard thing to swallow, they did their best and i am sure they are disappointed that i will not live like they do. And that they will have a son in law verses a daughter in law. It's hard to accept. It took me years to accept it.

My folks didn't what to hear how i came to that understanding. I was in tears the first time I attempted to come out, i was 17. But they became furious and told me that i was just going through a phase. They attempted to tell me I was going through a phase the last time I came out, i said that i was 26 and my time for phases was over. I may have believed that as a youth.

They didn't care, i didn't see them for several months.

I can't tell you how many kids I took in over the years because their parents threw them out for one reason or another. It just broke my heart. Sexual orientation is a particularity tough reason for that to happen because it is such a fundamental part of what you are, you know what I mean...it's not like you've got an attitude problem or something. I don't understand how a parent doesn't just crumble at the sight of their child's tears, no matter what their age. I'm so sorry you and people you love experienced that. It's one of those moments when the child has to be the adult and accept the reality that their parents are imperfect humans and it just side swipes you. It sounds like you handled it in a profoundly generous way, understanding and forgiving them when in fact, that's what you were hoping for from them. That takes a very big person and it changes that relationship forever. You are an adult now and it sounds like you have shouldered it well, like I said before, but I'm still sorry.

My daughter's father still (its been almost 4 years now) thinks it's a phase and asks her when she's gonna meet a nice guy, makes her keep it a secret around his family (as if I needed a reminder as to why our marriage only lasted 4 years) They can't really discuss it. She handles it with her usual sense of humor and her I'm not gonna take that **** style. I hope you and your parents have mended things and you can spend comfortable time together.

It's very kind of you to take that boy in, he is a lucky kid and I hope he does well.
 
Meaningless disparagement.



Rice's decision to be silent about denying that his presentation makes homosexuality a birth defect is obvious.

Again, you can take the LCD approach to grasping reality if you want, but playing dumb will not score you any debate points.



Absolutely false!!!

A blatant and deliberate misrepresentation of reality!!!

Neither Rice nor any member of his team ever said that!!!




Your projection here is simply that.

Here you deliberately post a knowingly false statement just so you can conclude this disparaging remark.

Typical of ideologues.



:roll:

All to excuse your unjustified disparagement ..

.. Because you just can't handle the obvious reality that homosexuality is a birth defect.

As I have said before, you are not qualified to state what is and is not a birth defect. Nowhere in Rice's study does he state it is a defect, and treating the absence of that as confirmation of it is verging on the level of sick and twisted thinking. Einstein did not state in his theory of relativity that a spaghetti monster is not ruling the universe, so I guess using your logic, I can assume a spaghetti monster is pulling all the strings.

Rice stated that epi-marks provide an evolutionary advantage for the parents of homosexuals. In other words, they protect fathers of homosexuals from underexposure to testosterone and mothers of homosexuals from overexposure to testosterone while they are in gestation. That is typical variation in sexuality.

You probably ought to actually READ the studies you are citing rather than talking out of your ass and parroting political pundits.

I will tell you if you ever come to my house and try to claim I have a "birth defect" because I am in a relationship with another man that you will probably not leave with all your teeth. If you can't understand how it is insulting to talk to people in this way then maybe you have Aspergers or some other sort of mental health condition that prohibits you from understanding simple social conventions.
 
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I can't tell you how many kids I took in over the years because their parents threw them out for one reason or another. It just broke my heart. Sexual orientation is a particularity tough reason for that to happen because it is such a fundamental part of what you are, you know what I mean...it's not like you've got an attitude problem or something. I don't understand how a parent doesn't just crumble at the sight of their child's tears, no matter what their age. I'm so sorry you and people you love experienced that. It's one of those moments when the child has to be the adult and accept the reality that their parents are imperfect humans and it just side swipes you. It sounds like you handled it in a profoundly generous way, understanding and forgiving them when in fact, that's what you were hoping for from them. That takes a very big person and it changes that relationship forever. You are an adult now and it sounds like you have shouldered it well, like I said before, but I'm still sorry.

My daughter's father still (its been almost 4 years now) thinks it's a phase and asks her when she's gonna meet a nice guy, makes her keep it a secret around his family (as if I needed a reminder as to why our marriage only lasted 4 years) They can't really discuss it. She handles it with her usual sense of humor and her I'm not gonna take that **** style. I hope you and your parents have mended things and you can spend comfortable time together.

It's very kind of you to take that boy in, he is a lucky kid and I hope he does well.

Thanks that's kind of you. We have mended the fences, my mom knows my lover was kicked out of his home 11 years ago, and has not seen guys family since. She actually told him that she would be his mom. It was a touching gesture.

Our boy seems to be doing okay for right now, considering what he has lost. But i don't think you ever heal from that. My folks adore him, it's kind of hard not to. What amazes me about being a parent is how much I have learned and grown. That boy has the biggest heart i have ever seen. Every body that knows him loves him.
 
As I have said before, you are not qualified to state what is and is not a birth defect. Nowhere in Rice's study does he state it is a defect, and treating the absence of that as confirmation of it is verging on the level of sick and twisted thinking. Einstein did not state in his theory of relativity that a spaghetti monster is not ruling the universe, so I guess using your logic, I can assume a spaghetti monster is pulling all the strings.

Rice stated that epi-marks provide an evolutionary advantage for the parents of homosexuals. In other words, they protect fathers of homosexuals from underexposure to testosterone and mothers of homosexuals from overexposure to testosterone while they are in gestation. That is typical variation in sexuality.

You probably ought to actually READ the studies you are citing rather than talking out of your ass and parroting political pundits.

I will tell you if you ever come to my house and try to claim I have a "birth defect" because I am in a relationship with another man that you will probably not leave with all your teeth. If you can't understand how it is insulting to talk to people in this way then maybe you have Aspergers or some other sort of mental health condition that prohibits you from understanding simple social conventions.

No he only miss quotes and misrepresents peoples works to suit his own ends. Exactly why he shouldn't be taken seriously. He already has concluded something prior to it actually being proven.

If he had proof, all discussion would be over. He has nothing. Everybody knows that. He had failed to convince a single person. Of he was in the medical profession he would be called a quack.

No sense in arguing with him anymore, he is committed to his delusion. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
 
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