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What to do once you're single again?

I just realized that I'm looking at it from the perspective of the one who was dumped. So of course if you ended it, you're likely to go hit the ground running for the next significant other. Or not so significant.

I come from a family of loyalty and fidelity (except idiot head of household). The women in my family commit hard, fast and forever. So now that I've been badly burned, I have no desire to extend a trusting hand again. But that's just me. The thread starter is young, and hopefully will continue to date, have fun, and maybe meet somebody special.
 
BDBoop said:
I just realized that I'm looking at it from the perspective of the one who was dumped. So of course if you ended it, you're likely to go hit the ground running for the next significant other. Or not so significant.

I come from a family of loyalty and fidelity (except idiot head of household). The women in my family commit hard, fast and forever. So now that I've been badly burned, I have no desire to extend a trusting hand again. But that's just me. The thread starter is young, and hopefully will continue to date, have fun, and maybe meet somebody special.
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And so was I when I quoted Anonymous that "The only cure for one woman is another." I was head over heels, got dumped, then figured out that even if I could prove to her somehow that I loved her more than she will ever be loved again, it would not matter to her. Nor should it have. She didn't feel the same.

So I jumped back in. It worked.
 
Do you perceive a difference between being dumped from a relationship vs from a marriage?
 
LuckyDan said:
Yes, but the right people aren't as difficult to find as many seem to think.
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Oh, I find them all the time. I'm just not in a place to pursue anything.
 
BDBoop said:
Do you perceive a difference between being dumped from a relationship vs from a marriage?
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That's a good question. Yes, I do.

I also consider losing a spouse due to death a very different matter, but the OP mentions a relationship of less than three years and did not mention marriage. I assume he is a bachelor and am replying from the perspective of my own bachelerhood. Times have changed since then, but people have not.
 
LuckyDan said:
That's a good question. Yes, I do.

I also consider losing a spouse due to death a very different matter, but the OP mentions a relationship of less than three years and did not mention marriage. I assume he is a bachelor and am replying from the perspective of my own bachelerhood. Times have changed since then, but people have not.
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How long was the 'head over heels' relationship, if you don't mind my asking?
 
BDBoop said:
How long was the 'head over heels' relationship, if you don't mind my asking?
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There were a few, I'm sorry to report, but the one I had in mind? 6-8 months? Not long.
 
LuckyDan said:
There were a few, I'm sorry to report, but the one I had in mind? 6-8 months? Not long.
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My "first love" relationship was seven months. I still try to Google or Facebook him every so often. :)
 
BDBoop said:
My "first love" relationship was seven months. I still try to Google or Facebook him every so often. :)
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Some flames are almost impossible to extinguish, aren't they?

She wasn't "first love," tho, just the first in a long while that I felt that deeply about. I'd given up on ever feeling like that, in fact.

I know a little about what became of her since then, at least over the following few years, which I'd learned from a mutual friend, but I've not been curious since.
 
My wife of 30 years announced she wanted a divorce about a month ago, and I was devastated. If you think it is bad when you are young and have been in a relationship for a couple of years, just imagine what it must be like when your boyish good looks are a thing of the past and you haven't dated in three decades.
 
LuckyDan said:
That's all just dandy. Really. But laying around all woe is me! where did I go wrong? blows. I haven't been single in awhile and I don't plan ever to be so again, but if I were, for whatever reason, introspection would not be first on my mind. Assuming no financial hardship came with it, I would probably enjoy the newfound freedom for awhile, but to have fun, not analyze.
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100% Agree, man.
 
Gardener said:
My wife of 30 years announced she wanted a divorce about a month ago, and I was devastated. If you think it is bad when you are young and have been in a relationship for a couple of years, just imagine what it must be like when your boyish good looks are a thing of the past and you haven't dated in three decades.
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Was it completely out of left field, or did you know there were issues? Had she asked you to attend counseling with her, or vice versa?
 
BDBoop said:
Was it completely out of left field, or did you know there were issues? Had she asked you to attend counseling with her, or vice versa?
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I had little inkling, really. Perhaps I should have, but I believed that the "friend" she met when he was only 20 and she was 35 was only a friend. Now that he is 35, she wants to move him in.

Life sucks sometimes.
 
Gardener said:
I had little inkling, really. Perhaps I should have, but I believed that the "friend" she met when he was only 20 and she was 35 was only a friend. Now that he is 35, she wants to move him in.

Life sucks sometimes.
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Tomorrow is my 16th wedding anniversary. However, he's been living with her since August 1, 2008. And I was blindsided. She was his partner in Second Life because idiot me thought he was trustworthy. My bad.
 
BDBoop said:
Tomorrow is my 16th wedding anniversary. However, he's been living with her since August 1, 2008. And I was blindsided. She was his partner in Second Life because idiot me thought he was trustworthy. My bad.
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There isn't really anything quite like the sense of betrayal, is there?

I spent 30 years intentionally distancing myself from women so as to not even run the risk of any sort of emotional attachment, and looks like it was all for naught.
 
Gardener said:
There isn't really anything quite like the sense of betrayal, is there?

I spent 30 years intentionally distancing myself from women so as to not even run the risk of any sort of emotional attachment, and looks like it was all for naught.
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Nothing like it. It was so severe that everybody who knew us was in shock. I'm back in my full set of armor. Nobody has to slap me upside the head twice with a clue-by-four.
 
TheBook said:
Hey DP people, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and I just split up, and I'm kind of stuck wondering "what now?"

Any tips on coping with a breakup and getting back into the single life?
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Buy a motorcycle.
 
Ikari said:
Buy a motorcycle.
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this

and don't look back


if possible, "date" her sister and "friends"
get back on that horse
 
Glad this thread turned back around...

Get a new hobby!
 
TheBook said:
Hey DP people, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and I just split up, and I'm kind of stuck wondering "what now?"

Any tips on coping with a breakup and getting back into the single life?
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In my case, I refocused on my career. I hope I learned some lessons from that relationship, and I'm basically taking all the "if I only knew then what I know now" regrets and applying them as though I'm living though the "then" of my next future relationship.

Hopefully next time things will turn out for the better.
 
BDBoop said:
Tomorrow is my 16th wedding anniversary. However, he's been living with her since August 1, 2008. And I was blindsided. She was his partner in Second Life because idiot me thought he was trustworthy. My bad.
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That is tres ****ed up.
 
Damn, it's just a lonely hearts club here at DP isn't it?
 
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