What to do once you're single again?

[TheBook]

Hey DP people, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and I just split up, and I'm kind of stuck wondering "what now?"

Any tips on coping with a breakup and getting back into the single life?

 

[lovetosing4678]

My boyfriend of a year and a half just broke up with me. I live with him. First step in moving on... moving out. Second step, make a list of things you dislike about your ex. DO NOT SEND IT TO HER. Remember what was wrong and why you broke up. Depending on how old you are and what you like to do, go out and party! Meet new people. Not necessarily people to date but just new people. Good Luck. I'm in the same boat as you. It sucks.

 

[tessaesque]

What has helped me in the past is to establish a new routine. Whether I occupy now-empty time with working out, video games, internet crap, going out, etc...I fill the activity void ASAP. Then, I focus on the positives of breaking up with the person...and if I have trouble there I force myself to find them (i.e. I'll never have to deal w/him peeing on the seat again, no more using my razor for her bikini area, etc). After all of that, I spend time with friends of the opposite sex, who I know aren't going to swoop in, but who will also remind me that not every person I date will be a douche-****.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I find that I absolutely love the increase in private time I get when I'm single. You're also a lot more free to do what you like without having to consult someone else first. It's less stress. I tend to lavish myself a bit post-break up.

I'm not really the partying type, so I don't "party out" my singleness. I really tend to make it about me, and having some good quiet time. Yes, I'm a very boring twenty-something.

Take time if you need it, but I have to disagree with trying to come up with reasons to dislike your ex. There's no reason it has to be like that. I'm friends with nearly all my ex's. In most cases, they're perfectly good people - we just weren't ultimately suited to each other romantically anymore. I tend to walk away for a couple weeks to a couple months after things have been finalized, and then sort of come back and try to have a conversation with them. If you really deal with closure initially, I find ex's can make really good friends. You know a lot about each other. But it is absolutely contingent on making the boundaries clear and both of you having a solid sense of closure.

Do something that's fun for you, whether you're a partier or a bit more solitary. Think about it as a chance to make some changes, focus on your own personal growth, etc.

 

[TheBook]

I find that I absolutely love the increase in private time I get when I'm single. You're also a lot more free to do what you like without having to consult someone else first. It's less stress. I tend to lavish myself a bit post-break up.

I'm not really the partying type, so I don't "party out" my singleness. I really tend to make it about me, and having some good quiet time. Yes, I'm a very boring twenty-something.

Take time if you need it, but I have to disagree with trying to come up with reasons to dislike your ex. There's no reason it has to be like that. I'm friends with nearly all my ex's. In most cases, they're perfectly good people - we just weren't ultimately suited to each other romantically anymore. I tend to walk away for a couple weeks to a couple months after things have been finalized, and then sort of come back and try to have a conversation with them. If you really deal with closure initially, I find ex's can make really good friends. You know a lot about each other. But it is absolutely contingent on making the boundaries clear and both of you having a solid sense of closure.

Do something that's fun for you, whether you're a partier or a bit more solitary. Think about it as a chance to make some changes, focus on your own personal growth, etc.

While I do think making that sort of list might feel a bit contrived, I don't know if I could be friends with an ex. I'm a somewhat jealous person who tends to over-analyze things, so I'm sure I'd end up making unfortunate comparisons in my head (why is the guy she's dating better than me?) even if they're entirely silly/irrational.

I will admit the free time may do me some good. I've been trying to find some time to lose the winter weight and put my gym membership to good use. Plus, when I quit smoking I won't have to worry about straining my relationship with my irritability.

 

[samsmart]

Hey DP people, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and I just split up, and I'm kind of stuck wondering "what now?"

Any tips on coping with a breakup and getting back into the single life?

Depending on how old you are, I would say don't date again any time soon.

Take some time off for yourself. Enjoy being single for a while. And don't hook up for **** buddy sex either.

Enjoy the you.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

Hey DP people, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and I just split up, and I'm kind of stuck wondering "what now?"

Any tips on coping with a breakup and getting back into the single life?

Enjoy solitude - meditate. Do everything you wanted to do in the last few years but couldn't because you were dating.

 

[scourge99]

Hey DP people, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and I just split up, and I'm kind of stuck wondering "what now?"

Any tips on coping with a breakup and getting back into the single life?

Stop stewing in your self-pity and get out and do something that takes up your time and focus. Learn/try a new hobby (mountain/road biking, weight lifting, running, bowling, softball/baseball, soccer, rock climbing, sky diving, fishing, reading...). Reconnect with old friends.

Time will heal your mental wounds. Friends and hobbies will distract you from the pain.

 

[StillBallin75]

Hey DP people, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and I just split up, and I'm kind of stuck wondering "what now?"

Any tips on coping with a breakup and getting back into the single life?

go buy a fleshlight

 

[Jetboogieman]

I had a similar breakup over a year ago now book.

Best piece of advice I can give you is... Do a lot of exercise, and stay away from booze.

 

[LuckyDan]

I don't know who said it first, but it's true: The only cure for one woman is another.

 

[Lord Tammerlain]

I had a similar breakup over a year ago now book.

Best piece of advice I can give you is... Do a lot of exercise, and stay away from booze.

I was going to say go to the booze


alcohol the cure for and the cause of all the worlds problems

 

[BDBoop]

Hey DP people, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and I just split up, and I'm kind of stuck wondering "what now?"

Any tips on coping with a breakup and getting back into the single life?

Enjoy your freedom. Don't go leaping into any new relationships. Enjoy the time you have with friends, and enjoy solitary endeavors as well (reading, gaming, - whatever).

 

[Jetboogieman]

I was going to say go to the booze


alcohol the cure for and the cause of all the worlds problems

Oh that was fun for awhile...

Back in the day one could have described me as one of the trailer park boys :2razz:

 

[StillBallin75]

I don't know who said it first, but it's true: The only cure for one woman is another.

So, women should be lesbians? :mrgreen:

 

[Goshin]

Hey DP people, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years and I just split up, and I'm kind of stuck wondering "what now?"

Any tips on coping with a breakup and getting back into the single life?

Do whatever the heck you want to do. That's the beauty of it.

 

[LuckyDan]

So, women should be lesbians? :mrgreen:

Had to read that twice.

You never had that saying?

Perhaps its better spoken than written, but it means the only way to get over one woman is to fall in love with a different woman.

 

[StillBallin75]

Had to read that twice.

You never had that saying?

Perhaps its better spoken than written, but it means the only way to get over one woman is to fall in love with a different woman.

I knew what you meant, Dan.

My joke was a play on words. Reread your post, then read mine again.

 

[LuckyDan]

I knew what you meant, Dan.

My joke was a play on words. Reread your post, then read mine again.

No, I got you. When I typed the saying it occurred to me it wasn't the most sparkling prose, but it's the way I've always heard it.

And I believe it's true. I would advise anyone, male or female, against pining after a lost love. Go out and find a new one.

 

[BDBoop]

No, I got you. When I typed the saying it occurred to me it wasn't the most sparkling prose, but it's the way I've always heard it.

And I believe it's true. I would advise anyone, male or female, against pining after a lost love. Go out and find a new one.

I react to the tendency of people who believe that they're not okay on their own. They don't give themselves permission to be happy, in and of themselves. They don't know how to be whole, or stand alone. If he is going to leap headlong into another relationship, I hope he tells whoever that they are likely to be transitional.

Also, if we don't take some time and find out how things went wrong, we are likely to repeat the same mistakes in the next relationship, down to picking the wrong person.

 

[StillBallin75]

No, I got you. When I typed the saying it occurred to me it wasn't the most sparkling prose, but it's the way I've always heard it.

And I believe it's true. I would advise anyone, male or female, against pining after a lost love. Go out and find a new one.

I think it's true, up to a degree. Most people, when the leave a relationship, need some "me-time," if you understand what I'm saying. They need some time to focus on and develop the self. Some people do it by focusing on a hobby, some people work out, some people take the pain and transfer it to focusing on work or school. I would agree with the saying up to a point, but it's not like the day we break up we can just go out and find someone else, and in many cases the pain is always there no matter what.

I would also agree with Boop that there is a lot of value to knowing how to stand alone. Obviously the average person in a relationship will be happier than the average single person, but some people figure out a way to manage just fine, and I think there is value in that.

 

[LuckyDan]

I react to the tendency of people who believe that they're not okay on their own. They don't give themselves permission to be happy, in and of themselves. They don't know how to be whole, or stand alone. If he is going to leap headlong into another relationship, I hope he tells whoever that they are likely to be transitional.

Also, if we don't take some time and find out how things went wrong, we are likely to repeat the same mistakes in the next relationship, down to picking the wrong person.

I assume we are okay on our own, including the poster asking for advice.

And who's to say the next will be transitional? I never heard in my bacherlorhood anyone say, "You now LD, you're a really fun guy, but I'm probably gonna dump you because I just got dumped myself two weeks ago, so...yeah. Don't get too interested in me."

Think about it. Most people meet their SOs at their workplace, or at school, or yes, even at a bar. Many long-term realtionships began in such places. This idea that there is only one person in the whole world for us is a delusion.

 

[BDBoop]

This idea that there is only one person in the whole world for us is a delusion.

Where is that line coming from? I don't recall seeing it anywhere in the thread.

 

[LuckyDan]

I think it's true, up to a degree. Most people, when the leave a relationship, need some "me-time," if you understand what I'm saying. They need some time to focus on and develop the self. Some people do it by focusing on a hobby, some people work out, some people take the pain and transfer it to focusing on work or school. I would agree with the saying up to a point, but it's not like the day we break up we can just go out and find someone else, and in many cases the pain is always there no matter what.

I would also agree with Boop that there is a lot of value to knowing how to stand alone. Obviously the average person in a relationship will be happier than the average single person, but some people figure out a way to manage just fine, and I think there is value in that.

That's all just dandy. Really. But laying around all woe is me! where did I go wrong? blows. I haven't been single in awhile and I don't plan ever to be so again, but if I were, for whatever reason, introspection would not be first on my mind. Assuming no financial hardship came with it, I would probably enjoy the newfound freedom for awhile, but to have fun, not analyze.

 

[LuckyDan]

Where is that line coming from? I don't recall seeing it anywhere in the thread.

I was riffing on your "wrong person" comment.

Also, if we don't take some time and find out how things went wrong, we are likely to repeat the same mistakes in the next relationship, down to picking the wrong person.