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What should a wife do when her husband impregnates another woman?

SDET

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Among my in-laws, there's a son that is the result of impregnating another woman. As a teen he spent time crying outside his father's door pleading "please acknowledge me, I'm your son". His wife plainly gave the ultimatum: Him or me. He buckled to the ultimatum. When my wife and I were in South America, I crossed the French border to meet her aunt. My wife had no interest in going with me. A family provocateur in the Brazilian side of their family put me up to it. I was asked my most to them on the Brazilian side why I wanted to visit such trashy people. When I got to Cayenne, I was received with a big barbecue and was treated with total courtesy. I was told the out of wedlock child went to stay with the French side of the family rather than be totally rejected. My position is that I would be happy to get to know him. I was told that such a thing would just result in me being taken advantage of. I wonder if he would have grown up to be a better person if not treated better by his father.
 

americanwoman

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Among my in-laws, there's a son that is the result of impregnating another woman. As a teen he spent time crying outside his father's door pleading "please acknowledge me, I'm your son". His wife plainly gave the ultimatum: Him or me. He buckled to the ultimatum. When my wife and I were in South America, I crossed the French border to meet her aunt. My wife had no interest in going with me. A family provocateur in the Brazilian side of their family put me up to it. I was asked my most to them on the Brazilian side why I wanted to visit such trashy people. When I got to Cayenne, I was received with a big barbecue and was treated with total courtesy. I was told the out of wedlock child went to stay with the French side of the family rather than be totally rejected. My position is that I would be happy to get to know him. I was told that such a thing would just result in me being taken advantage of. I wonder if he would have grown up to be a better person if not treated better by his father.

Not really knowing the full story, I feel like the father is mostly to blame for not taking responsibility, accepting his own son, and then not standing up to his wife. If the wife then could not accept the child and the situation, she is free to leave. I know if my husband impregnated someone else, I would leave but I would never treat the child any different than anyone else. Not only is it not their fault but it would be my daughter's sibling. I have lived through something similar, my dad impregnated another woman, and it's painful and hard to work out but somehow we have made it through.
 

Superfly

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I agree with AW. It's not the child's fault that the man is such a feckless coward that he won't stand up to the wife, and be a father to that child. Just because he's not married to the mother doesn't make him any less that child's father.
 

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I would never stay with a woman who forced me to choose between her and my child.
 

roughdraft274

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Not really knowing the full story, I feel like the father is mostly to blame for not taking responsibility, accepting his own son, and then not standing up to his wife. If the wife then could not accept the child and the situation, she is free to leave. I know if my husband impregnated someone else, I would leave but I would never treat the child any different than anyone else. Not only is it not their fault but it would be my daughter's sibling. I have lived through something similar, my dad impregnated another woman, and it's painful and hard to work out but somehow we have made it through.

Exactly. The woman has all the right in the world to stay or leave, but to say he must be a ****ty deadbeat father to get her to stay is out of bounds.

Of course, that's secondary to the fact that he's out there swinging dick at women other than his wife thus all of this are the results from 2 bad decisions that lie on his shoulders. To cheat and then to not take responsibility for his son.
 

SDET

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My wife's aunt is quite the character. Her aunt has been widowed six times over. At age 15 she started hanging around the Kourou, Guiana Space Center and began dating retired scientists and married a retiree. When one died, rinse wash and repeat. There are several husbands children that are not happy with her. However, she earned it. She made the last years of these lives quite happy and honored them with a good funeral. I have convinced my wife that they are nice people and she may be interested in a visit next time we go to South America. Her aunt told me that she owns a villa in European France that we are welcome to use.
 

Bucky

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Among my in-laws, there's a son that is the result of impregnating another woman. As a teen he spent time crying outside his father's door pleading "please acknowledge me, I'm your son". His wife plainly gave the ultimatum: Him or me. He buckled to the ultimatum. When my wife and I were in South America, I crossed the French border to meet her aunt. My wife had no interest in going with me. A family provocateur in the Brazilian side of their family put me up to it. I was asked my most to them on the Brazilian side why I wanted to visit such trashy people. When I got to Cayenne, I was received with a big barbecue and was treated with total courtesy. I was told the out of wedlock child went to stay with the French side of the family rather than be totally rejected. My position is that I would be happy to get to know him. I was told that such a thing would just result in me being taken advantage of. I wonder if he would have grown up to be a better person if not treated better by his father.

She should be supportive of her husband and the women that has become impregneted. The woman will need support and the child will need to be welcomed in a loving environment.
 

Amelia

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I would never stay with a woman who forced me to choose between her and my child.

And the woman should have too much self-respect to stay with a man who would have a child outside their marriage.

Kinda sucks when men are pigs, a lifestyle promoted by the person who started this thread. There are heaping helpings of hurt for all of the man's victims.



The wife should gather up her children and her self-respect and start a life where she and the children aren't indoctrinated to believe that all they deserve is to be treated like crap. Then leave it to the scum to try to make things right with his other son.
 

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And the woman should have too much self-respect to stay with a man who would have a child outside their marriage.

Kinda sucks when men are pigs, a lifestyle promoted by the person who started this thread. There are heaping helpings of hurt for all of the man's victims.



The wife should gather up her children and her self-respect and start a life where she and the children aren't indoctrinated to believe that all they deserve is to be treated like crap. Then leave it to the scum to try to make things right with his other son.

I couldn’t tell from the OP if the child was conceived when the father was already married to someone else. Or if the kid was conceived, the guy later got married, and then years later the teenage kid comes knocking. If that is the case then there was no adultery. If the father knocked someone up while married to another woman then I agree with much of what you wrote. I still think he should be able to see his other kids unless he is abusive to them.
 

SDET

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I couldn’t tell from the OP if the child was conceived when the father was already married to someone else. Or if the kid was conceived, the guy later got married, and then years later the teenage kid comes knocking. If that is the case then there was no adultery. If the father knocked someone up while married to another woman then I agree with much of what you wrote. I still think he should be able to see his other kids unless he is abusive to them.

It was the adultery scenario. From knowing those involved, he could have called her bluff and gotten away with it.
 

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Among my in-laws, there's a son that is the result of impregnating another woman. As a teen he spent time crying outside his father's door pleading "please acknowledge me, I'm your son". His wife plainly gave the ultimatum: Him or me. He buckled to the ultimatum. When my wife and I were in South America, I crossed the French border to meet her aunt. My wife had no interest in going with me. A family provocateur in the Brazilian side of their family put me up to it. I was asked my most to them on the Brazilian side why I wanted to visit such trashy people. When I got to Cayenne, I was received with a big barbecue and was treated with total courtesy. I was told the out of wedlock child went to stay with the French side of the family rather than be totally rejected. My position is that I would be happy to get to know him. I was told that such a thing would just result in me being taken advantage of. I wonder if he would have grown up to be a better person if not treated better by his father.

France is in Europe...
 

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Not all of it. Look up Cayenne on a map.

Cayenne is the capital city of French Guiana, an overseas region and department of France located in South America.
 

SDET

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Cayenne is the capital city of French Guiana, an overseas region and department of France located in South America.

Telling someone in Cayenne they are not French is a good way to start a fight there. The ATM machines spit out Euros and French Guiana sends representatives to Paris in France's Congress. The citizens pride themselves on speaking proper French, not some bastardized Creole. French Guiana *IS* in France.
 

Bodhisattva

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Telling someone in Cayenne they are not French is a good way to start a fight there. The ATM machines spit out Euros and French Guiana sends representatives to Paris in France's Congress. The citizens pride themselves on speaking proper French, not some bastardized Creole. French Guiana *IS* in France.

It is like Puerto Rico is t othe USA.
 

jet57

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Among my in-laws, there's a son that is the result of impregnating another woman. As a teen he spent time crying outside his father's door pleading "please acknowledge me, I'm your son". His wife plainly gave the ultimatum: Him or me. He buckled to the ultimatum. When my wife and I were in South America, I crossed the French border to meet her aunt. My wife had no interest in going with me. A family provocateur in the Brazilian side of their family put me up to it. I was asked my most to them on the Brazilian side why I wanted to visit such trashy people. When I got to Cayenne, I was received with a big barbecue and was treated with total courtesy. I was told the out of wedlock child went to stay with the French side of the family rather than be totally rejected. My position is that I would be happy to get to know him. I was told that such a thing would just result in me being taken advantage of. I wonder if he would have grown up to be a better person if not treated better by his father.

What should a wife do when her husband impregnates another woman?

Divorce.
 

SDET

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The people in question are still together almost 40 years after the incident. What is lamentable is the offspring in question grew up as a listless and unwanted person.
 

jet57

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The people in question are still together almost 40 years after the incident. What is lamentable is the offspring in question grew up as a listless and unwanted person.

And that's what happens hen both sides can't commit. Children "feel" animosity: they can pick it up in the most subtle of circumstances. When children have no leadership, because no one's even interested enough to try, they become dependent on hope: it's like an addiction. Whoever is around the boy today needs to let him know that and help to reintroduce him to life - by taking an interest.
 

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That's a sad story.
 

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Some women are able to forgive infidelity and some can't. I would divorce...however...I would not judge another for her choice to stay. As for the child being denied his father...that is all on the father not the wife. Far too many deadbeat dads use their woman as an excuse to shrug off parental resposibility.
 

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1. Whenever possible, I would try to save the marriage. I understand if the woman just can't do it, and she's fully within her rights and being right if she decides she can't - I wouldn't criticize that decision, only mourn that things turned out that way. The same is true if a woman becomes pregnant by another man. If the marriage can be saved, then that can become a wonderful story of grace in pain. If not, then that's tragic, but in both cases the damage was done by the individual who cheated, not the person who cannot stay in a marriage bed the other has already trashed.

2. The father doesn't get to duck out of his parental responsibilities for any reason, any more than a woman gets to duck out of her parental responsibilities. The needs of the children outweigh the preferences of the adults. If that is hard on an adult... well, then that is hard on the adult. The rest of us should help both them and the kid with our support where appropriate, and good, and possible.

3. If the woman (or, in reverse, man) can save the marriage, but cannot emotionally raise the child, and the child goes to the other parent for that reason, the spouse should not, therefore, try to keep that person from being a parent to the child, though they are completely within their rights to place strict and restricting limits on interaction with the other parent of the child.
 
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