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What is love?

Good4Nothin

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If you're in a new relationship, when does it seem normal to say "I love you" ? Does saying it imply there is a commitment? If the relationship has already turned physical, does that mean love is being felt? Or not necessarily.

Just wondering because I was in one relationship for many years, which ended because of death. I never did much dating in my life, and I don't know how things normally go. I met someone a month or two ago, and we have been together a lot, but we don't say "I love you." I think maybe it's because he was hurt by his ex wife, and might be afraid of getting hurt again.

I feel like if he doesn't say it, then I shouldn't, even though I like saying it, especially during intimacy. I realize people mean all kinds of different things by the word "love." He is showing me love by wanting to be together a lot. Just not saying those words. I am not really hung up on it, just a little curious.
 
If you're in a new relationship, when does it seem normal to say "I love you" ? Does saying it imply there is a commitment? If the relationship has already turned physical, does that mean love is being felt? Or not necessarily.

Just wondering because I was in one relationship for many years, which ended because of death. I never did much dating in my life, and I don't know how things normally go. I met someone a month or two ago, and we have been together a lot, but we don't say "I love you." I think maybe it's because he was hurt by his ex wife, and might be afraid of getting hurt again.

I feel like if he doesn't say it, then I shouldn't, even though I like saying it, especially during intimacy. I realize people mean all kinds of different things by the word "love." He is showing me love by wanting to be together a lot. Just not saying those words. I am not really hung up on it, just a little curious.
The words come easy, sometimes too easy. The hard part is actually being loving. That tales work.

How do we know who we love? I guess we find that out when we hit rough patches and manage to work through them together. But, even then, it's a work in progress.
 
If you're in a new relationship, when does it seem normal to say "I love you" ? Does saying it imply there is a commitment? If the relationship has already turned physical, does that mean love is being felt? Or not necessarily.

Just wondering because I was in one relationship for many years, which ended because of death. I never did much dating in my life, and I don't know how things normally go. I met someone a month or two ago, and we have been together a lot, but we don't say "I love you." I think maybe it's because he was hurt by his ex wife, and might be afraid of getting hurt again.

I feel like if he doesn't say it, then I shouldn't, even though I like saying it, especially during intimacy. I realize people mean all kinds of different things by the word "love." He is showing me love by wanting to be together a lot. Just not saying those words. I am not really hung up on it, just a little curious.
My guess? If you don't know that you're in love you probably aren't. Not yet. And if you're not sure you shouldn't say so. The word means big things to some people.
But if you are sure, say so.
 
My guess? If you don't know that you're in love you probably aren't. Not yet. And if you're not sure you shouldn't say so. The word means big things to some people.
But if you are sure, say so.

It's hard to really say. I know I feel love for him, but I'm not sure what the word means to me. Maybe a combination of respect, admiration, and physical attraction? But he doesn't say it to me, so I don't know if that means he doesn't love me? He says I am his girlfriend, and he isn't seeing anyone else.
 
If you're in a new relationship, when does it seem normal to say "I love you" ? Does saying it imply there is a commitment? If the relationship has already turned physical, does that mean love is being felt? Or not necessarily.

Just wondering because I was in one relationship for many years, which ended because of death. I never did much dating in my life, and I don't know how things normally go. I met someone a month or two ago, and we have been together a lot, but we don't say "I love you." I think maybe it's because he was hurt by his ex wife, and might be afraid of getting hurt again.

I feel like if he doesn't say it, then I shouldn't, even though I like saying it, especially during intimacy. I realize people mean all kinds of different things by the word "love." He is showing me love by wanting to be together a lot. Just not saying those words. I am not really hung up on it, just a little curious.

Sorry for your loss.

I don't think there's a right time to first say "I love you." I think that when that time is right, you'll know.
 
Sorry for your loss.

I don't think there's a right time to first say "I love you." I think that when that time is right, you'll know.

Thank you. I guess I just have to wait until he says it first. I think he knows I love him. Or maybe he never will say it. He was pretty traumatized by ex wife.
 
Thank you. I guess I just have to wait until he says it first. I think he knows I love him. Or maybe he never will say it. He was pretty traumatized by ex wife.

I feel if someone doesn't know I love them by my actions, then nothing I say will convince them. I do say it but rarely, so it has more impact. Maybe, he's like me in that sense. You could ask him if you're not sure.

Love to me means giving and caring without measure or expectation. I've loved many people but have had only two people who felt the same. I was very lucky.
 
I feel if someone doesn't know I love them by my actions, then nothing I say will convince them. I do say it but rarely, so it has more impact. Maybe, he's like me in that sense. You could ask him if you're not sure.

Love to me means giving and caring without measure or expectation. I've loved many people but have had only two people who felt the same. I was very lucky.

Thanks. He has been acting loving to me, so I guess I am not too worried about the actual words. I was used to saying it all the time in my previous relationship.
 
My advise is do not use the words "I love you" unless you truly wholehearted mean it after having a long talk with yourself confirming it.. It is fine to say 'I love spending time with you" etc.
 
If you're in a new relationship, when does it seem normal to say "I love you" ? Does saying it imply there is a commitment? If the relationship has already turned physical, does that mean love is being felt? Or not necessarily.

Just wondering because I was in one relationship for many years, which ended because of death. I never did much dating in my life, and I don't know how things normally go. I met someone a month or two ago, and we have been together a lot, but we don't say "I love you." I think maybe it's because he was hurt by his ex wife, and might be afraid of getting hurt again.

I feel like if he doesn't say it, then I shouldn't, even though I like saying it, especially during intimacy. I realize people mean all kinds of different things by the word "love." He is showing me love by wanting to be together a lot. Just not saying those words. I am not really hung up on it, just a little curious.
 
My advise is do not use the words "I love you" unless you truly wholehearted mean it after having a long talk with yourself confirming it.. It is fine to say 'I love spending time with you" etc.

I agree. Saying "I love you," in the context of a romance, implies a lifelong commitment, and that could be scary for him. And at this early stage, we don't know what it will eventually turn into. Maybe we'll just be friends with affection.

I know I don't want to live with him, and we're both too old to have kids and all that. I want to keep my separate life.

Depending on how you define love, I could say we definitely love each other. But that doesn't mean we're "in love" in any traditional sense.

And I have said a lot of things like "I love that picture of you" or "I love how you sang that song," etc.
 
Former Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall once said, "I don't know how to define pornography, but I know it when I see it." I feel the same about love. Deep down inside you know it when you see it. You know it when you don't.
 
Former Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall once said, "I don't know how to define pornography, but I know it when I see it." I feel the same about love. Deep down inside you know it when you see it. You know it when you don't.

I don't know about that. Maybe a strict Muslim would think a woman showing an ankle is pornography. And that's how it might be with love -- we all define it in many different ways. For one person it could be a physical attraction to certain features, and for another it might be feelings of trust and safety. And so on. It can mean so many many different things, for different people. And for the same person at different times.

In this current situation with this person, I feel different ways about him depending on the context. One moment I might think he is funny, another moment I might think he is boring, another moment I might feel physically attracted. It all depends on what is going on at any moment.

At this point, it seems like we have both decided on having at least a close friendship, with physical intimacy. And there seems to be a lot of trust involved. I don't think either of us expects to be abandoned by the other.

So does that all add up to "love?" I don't know. I don't think we have as much passion as when we were younger. Does that mean it isn't really romance? I think maybe it's a different kind of love than we might have had before.

But I guess I don't really know.
 
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