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What I would do if i were president

nattybumpo

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What I would do if I were president

I would fire one nuclear missile into the sun every hour until we have none left. Good riddance to bad rubbish. I would Pardon every person serving jail time for pot. Go ahead, smoke yourself stupid, what do I care? Its none of my business. I would recall all our troops from abroad. Empiricism is expensive. What the hell are our troops still doing in France? Do we need an American military base guarding Germany? Are we afraid they are going to reanimate Hitlers frozen corpse or something equally ridiculous? WW2 is OVER. So take that film documentary camera and shove it up you’re (expletive deleted)!
I would use my power as president to recruit former military personnel and equipment into creating a camp for the homeless, using the bureau of land management to give federal land grants to Project Wendigo, creating a series of wind tunnels by excavating the western mountain ranges with manual labor. Anyone who wanted to work could grab a shovel and start digging, no one would be turned away and everyone who spent an honest days work would be provided with a roof over their head and food from the national surplus.
You know what the best part about a wind tunnel is? Free energy. There are caves where the wind never stops howling. So why not put up a few wind turbines and make the tree huggers happy? If congress doesn’t like it, I’m sure there are some venture capitalist out there who would love to get in on the largest energy project in history.
Speaking of congress, I would like to introduce you to a new concept I call a micro-bill. Congress would quickly become familiar with it, as any bill introduced in the house that is over a hundred pages long would simply be vetoed. So if your bill is worth a damn, it will either be a hundred pages or less, or it will have support from a two thirds majority. I would also prompt senators to draft legislation to replace the outmoded “addendum” system with modularly designed bills and laws. Learn a thing or two from computer programmers, you don’t have to know what’s in a black box to make it work.
You know what else? I’m sick of paying for Do-nothing battleships that are completely useless in the modern theater of conventional warfare. I’m sick of carrier groups sponsoring airshows so they can blast “highway to the dangerzone” while doing a loop-de-loop in those flying scrap-piles they call f-16’s. We have a whole host of **** lying on the shelves, and while we continue to delude ourselves into believing we are the worlds most pre-imminent military superpower, China is gearing up for a war of conquest.
Let me get something straight. China is a DICTATORSHIP. These backwards primitives have abandoned all pretense of democracy, they are throwbacks to a darker era, one in which one man could force his will upon the people. Progress in China is when one lucky kid gets to go to a real school while the rest of his village are stuck on communal farms, processing rice patties for their decadent city-states while they starve. F*&% China.
As president, I would not have the authority to fund any of my endeavors through the US treasury. That’s congresses job. But I do have the power to form international treaties, and by god, I would sell off our outdated, outmoded and overstocked military inventory so fast your head would spin. To whom you ask? How bout Taiwan for starters!
I would encourage special administrative regions like Hong Kong and Singapore to break away from mainland China and form their own government. I would stop pandering to the united nations security council like a whiny little bitch and grow some balls… Taiwan is the true and rightful authority, they are the only democracy China has ever known, and they deserve the support of the western democracies. I would call on the UK and France to come out from hiding and support the right of the Taiwanese people to rule themselves!
Most of all, I would reassert america’s might as a military power, by doing the two things we are best at, making weapons and selling them. The M-16 is a piece of junk, if you saw some of the high tech rifles coming out of NATO you might s*&^ your pants. We can strip it down into a carbine and outsource its manufacture, start mass producing caseless ammunition, (which weighs half as much and can fit twice as many bullets in a clip) sell the old rifles off by the ton, no more favoritism, anybody who wants weapons can buy them, for the same low low price. (Except for China, the godless bunch of W*^%$’s) Fill up the skies with f-22 Lightning’s and suborbital scram-jets, and hey, we spent how much money on producingthe B-2 bomber? And how many do we have in stock? 4? 5? We should be producing them by the hundreds.
And I’ll tell you another thing. No more free rides! Fire these ****ing gorillas working on assembly lines, they are nothing but union thugs extorting America for god knows how much money, forcing us to “buy American” when everyone knows the rest of the world is eating america’s auto industry alive. I may not be able to change labor policy, but I’ll tell you what I can do. I can take the money I make selling all of our outmoded military hardware and buy some top of the line patents for robotic manufacturing plants, then make them a matter of public record, so we can see why Japan has been kicking our ass for the past twenty years. You know what, why stop there? If they won’t sell us the plans, lets just take the ****ing patents and tell everyone the copyright has expired, anybody who wants a copy can have one. I want those ****ing robotic arms you see in car commercials working somewhere outside a lab in UCI. Take the technology and put it to use!
Its time for these working class smoes to get on welfare like everyone else, so they can take advantage of our college system and get an education in something other than scratching their overfed asses. Maybe if we had some engineers working in aerospace who could put together a model airplane, we wouldn’t have reconnaissance drones the size of a ****ing buick that cost half a million dollars to manufacture.
Last but not least, lets put some hot coals to NASA’s ass. They haven’t produced diddly squat since tang. I want a ****ing base on the moon by 2020, or we’re pulling the damn plug. These jackasses are getting beat by cable networks, they launch private satellites out of cape kenneddy more often than NASA sends their rainbow coalition up there to fix the POS civilian research satellites, which is a ****ing miracle considering how often those things breakdown.
So in conclusion, vote for Kevin Puszert. I may be a smuck. But at least I’m an honest smuck.
 

Deuce

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1 - An ICBM is not capable of actually reaching the sun.
2 - A non-trivial percentage of rockets explode on the way up.
3 - Empiricism does not mean what you think it means
4 - The European bases were built to protect the west from the USSR, not a resurgence of Hitler's Germany
5 - Wind tunnels do not work that way.
6 - The reason bills are hundreds or thousands of pages long is that if you make them shorter, some jerkoff always finds a loophole
7 - It's pretty much impossible to get a 2/3 majority for anything substantive
8 - The last US battleship was decommissioned in 1991.
9 - Our air force can mop the floor with any nation on the planet, including China.
10 - China possesses nuclear weapons
11 - We have to borrow money from China to pay for those F-22's you're jerking off over
12 - Nobody has been "forced to buy American." That's why we had to bail out the auto industry in the first place
13 - Japan is a close ally and a major trading partner, stealing their intellectual property is going to hurt us just as much as it hurts them
14 - You can't fit a hellfire missile on a model airplane. Nor enough fuel to orbit for 24 hours straight
15 - You're an idiot. Nobody would vote for you.
 
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samsmart

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Issues:

1 - An ICBM is not capable of actually reaching the sun.
2 - A non-trivial percentage of rockets explode on the way up.
3 - Empiricism does not mean what you think it means
4 - The European bases were built to protect the west from the USSR, not a resurgence of Hitler's Germany
5 - Wind tunnels do not work that way.
6 - The reason bills are hundreds or thousands of pages long is that if you make them shorter, some jerkoff always finds a loophole
7 - It's pretty much impossible to get a 2/3 majority for anything substantive
8 - The last US battleship was decommissioned in 1991.
9 - Our air force can mop the floor with any nation on the planet, including China.
10 - China possesses nuclear weapons
11 - We have to borrow money from China to pay for those F-22's you're jerking off over
12 - Nobody has been "forced to buy American." That's why we had to bail out the auto industry in the first place
13 - Japan is a close ally and a major trading partner, stealing their intellectual property is going to hurt us just as much as it hurts them
14 - You can't fit a hellfire missile on a model airplane. Nor enough fuel to orbit for 24 hours straight
15 - You're an idiot. Nobody would vote for you.

Thank you for indirectly summarizing the OP so I don't have to read it.
 

dontworrybehappy

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Thank you for indirectly summarizing the OP so I don't have to read it.

He didn't indirectly summarize the OP, he stated his responses to each of the points made in it.
 

samsmart

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He didn't indirectly summarize the OP, he stated his responses to each of the points made in it.

From those responses, I could extrapolate the OP. That's how he indirectly summarized the OP. At least to me.
 
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obvious Child

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1 - An ICBM is not capable of actually reaching the sun.

Wait. That doesn't seem right. Why couldn't we just have the ICBM's trajectory intersect with the sun? Sure it will run out of fuel way before it gets there, but the momentum should cause it to carry all the way through, assuming some stellar body doesn't change its course. Furthermore, the closer it gets to the sun, the more the Sun's gravity pulls upon it. I don't see why an ICBM couldn't, with sufficent time reach the sun. I'm no physicist, but my basic understanding of physics suggest that an ICBM could reach the sun.
 

Deuce

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Wait. That doesn't seem right. Why couldn't we just have the ICBM's trajectory intersect with the sun? Sure it will run out of fuel way before it gets there, but the momentum should cause it to carry all the way through, assuming some stellar body doesn't change its course. Furthermore, the closer it gets to the sun, the more the Sun's gravity pulls upon it. I don't see why an ICBM couldn't, with sufficent time reach the sun. I'm no physicist, but my basic understanding of physics suggest that an ICBM could reach the sun.

Your current velocity around the sun is about 30 kilometers per second, at a 90 degree angle to the sun. You'd have to reduce that to nearly 0 in order to actually get to the sun. It's not just a matter of pointing in the right direction. It's actually a lot easier to just leave the solar system entirely.

ICBMs lack the fuel capacity to make such a change in velocity.
 
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obvious Child

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Your current velocity around the sun is about 30 kilometers per second, at a 90 degree angle to the sun. You'd have to reduce that to nearly 0 in order to actually get to the sun. It's not just a matter of pointing in the right direction. It's actually a lot easier to just leave the solar system entirely.

But what's stopping the plan from merely getting the ICBM to the point where the sun's gravity does the rest of the work? We don't need the ICBM to make it there on its own. I feel that all we need to do is get it to the point where the Sun's gravitational pull is stronger then the Earth's and everything should take care of itself. Why does the ICBM need to reduce to 0 velocity if shot at an angle?
 
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