What do retired men do for interests, activities, make friends?

[JumpinJack]

Thanks, everyone, for your suggestions. I've gotten some great ideas. Since I'm the only one in the family who is close enough with him to say anything, and since I love him (he's been a great brother to me all my life - he's a stand-up guy with a heart of gold), I'm going to start making suggestions to the point of irritating him, in the hopes that he'll at least take some steps to get involved in some activities. Now I know some things that men do (besides golf!).

Also, the poster above who stated that the wives were probably responsible for their social activities....that was probably true. I hadn't thought of that. I can't take the place of a wife, but maybe he does need a little nudging, since that's what he's been used to. Thanks!

 

[radcen]

Thanks, everyone, for your suggestions. I've gotten some great ideas. Since I'm the only one in the family who is close enough with him to say anything, and since I love him (he's been a great brother to me all my life - he's a stand-up guy with a heart of gold), I'm going to start making suggestions to the point of irritating him, in the hopes that he'll at least take some steps to get involved in some activities. Now I know some things that men do (besides golf!).

Also, the poster above who stated that the wives were probably responsible for their social activities....that was probably true. I hadn't thought of that. I can't take the place of a wife, but maybe he does need a little nudging, since that's what he's been used to. Thanks!

Let us know any significant developments. I know I'd be interested.

 

[RAMOSS]

Yes. I've been with him when he does this. It's embarrassing. He talks to strangers and interrupts their meals....and continues talking. They try to be nice, but everyone is uncomfortable. Except him.

Maybe he can go volenteer in an old folks home. They WANT people to visit!

 

[Infinite Chaos]

Great thread, and I've realised there are a lot of people in my age bracket here in and around the retirement stage.

To the OP, one thing that may have helped was knowing what general career your brother was in - if he had spent a lifetime developing a skill maybe there are ways he could continue or practice that skill and pass it on to others. I wouldn't suggest jumping all in to teaching but if he had a particular skill he could think about community class and pass those skills on. You meet a constant stream of new faces in such a role.

 

[Mason66]

I have a retired, divorced brother who doesn't have any interests outside of his grandson and visiting family members, even extended ones. And eating out (he eats out for every meal....and talks to strangers for social interaction).

I and others in the family have told him that he needs to find some things that interest him, and make some adult friends (outside of kids in the family and adult family member). He says he has no interests.

What do men do to bring some passion and contentedness to their lives, and meet other men to hang with? He doesn't drink, so bars are out (and I don't think that would be a good idea, anyway).

Get an old car, fix it up and go to car shows.

It is a great hobby with wonderful people and it saves another real car.

 

[Winchester]

Thanks, everyone, for your suggestions. I've gotten some great ideas. Since I'm the only one in the family who is close enough with him to say anything, and since I love him (he's been a great brother to me all my life - he's a stand-up guy with a heart of gold), I'm going to start making suggestions to the point of irritating him, in the hopes that he'll at least take some steps to get involved in some activities. Now I know some things that men do (besides golf!).

Also, the poster above who stated that the wives were probably responsible for their social activities....that was probably true. I hadn't thought of that. I can't take the place of a wife, but maybe he does need a little nudging, since that's what he's been used to. Thanks!

After reading another thread... tell him he should take up bartending.

Edit nevermind you said he doesn't drink so bars are out... but I guess he doesn't have to drink to be a bartender.

 

[chungmee85]

It does not sound like he would like being a Sugar Daddy to some gold digger.

It is easier and more fun to just pay $40 a throw.

Now, THAT, I can tell him how to arrange, no matter where he lives.

I have a tried and proven formula.

Gold diggers and Sugar Babies want ALL your money.

A "tired and proven formula" for what, paying prostitutes for sexual favors?

 

[Cephus]

Get an old car, fix it up and go to car shows.

It is a great hobby with wonderful people and it saves another real car.

I want to do that someday. Not the car show thing, I have no interest in showing off, but to take an antique car and restore it, that would be great.

 

[Mason66]

I want to do that someday. Not the car show thing, I have no interest in showing off, but to take an antique car and restore it, that would be great.

It is not showing off.

it is being in a place with like minded people that can appreciate the hard work you put in to the car.

Car people are the best.

 

[beerftw]

To add to my post, concerning finding things in thrift stores and surplus outlets, I have found vintage (vacuum tube) stereo stuff, vintage well cared for cookware, video equipment, microscopes, gas chromatographs, and even medical equipment that actually cannot be sold without a license....so I donated it for a great tax break.I know a few people who do this for a living....

Functioning vintage electronics is actually good money. Alot of old stereos from the 50's-80's sell for alot on ebay and can sometimes be found dirt cheap at thriftstores. Hipsters love them, and alot of people buy them for superior sound quality, our sound tech is better today than it was then, but a decent stereo in the 80s or early 90s was over 1k, and a cheaper boombox 2-300 bucks. With price tags like that half assed sound quality was out of the option, while now extremely few companies go that length, as few people want to pay the cost.


Computers are another thing, some old computer junkies collect them, and the biggest market I have seen is computer shops buy mint ones to put on display. Them displaying an old 5150 still working was like telling their customers he we have experience.

Any other antiques in general electronic or not can sell, and when they are at a thrift store for pennies on the dollar, they can be profitable.

 

[Cephus]

It is not showing off.

it is being in a place with like minded people that can appreciate the hard work you put in to the car.

Car people are the best.

I wasn't being critical of them, just that showing what I do to others isn't what tends to drive me, that's all.

 

[RetiredNSmilin]

A "tired and proven formula" for what, paying prostitutes for sexual favors?

Yes. Exactly, ...and how to do it without getting ripped off in the process.

 

[Brochacholomigo]

I come here for a decent portion of my social activity. Is that a good or bad start?

 

[Fearandloathing]

I have a retired, divorced brother who doesn't have any interests outside of his grandson and visiting family members, even extended ones. And eating out (he eats out for every meal....and talks to strangers for social interaction).

I and others in the family have told him that he needs to find some things that interest him, and make some adult friends (outside of kids in the family and adult family member). He says he has no interests.

What do men do to bring some passion and contentedness to their lives, and meet other men to hang with? He doesn't drink, so bars are out (and I don't think that would be a good idea, anyway).

I was forced into retirement because of health reasons, so it came early and I had no plan. Depression and loneliness set in immediately.

I have rebounded with some help. I have always been a fisherman on holidays, now I can o it all year long. I have taken up drawing and painting and am in pottery sessions with 9 women. I have made a soap dish, tomorrow? The world! A coffee mug

 

[poweRob]

I have a retired, divorced brother who doesn't have any interests outside of his grandson and visiting family members, even extended ones. And eating out (he eats out for every meal....and talks to strangers for social interaction).

I and others in the family have told him that he needs to find some things that interest him, and make some adult friends (outside of kids in the family and adult family member). He says he has no interests.

What do men do to bring some passion and contentedness to their lives, and meet other men to hang with? He doesn't drink, so bars are out (and I don't think that would be a good idea, anyway).

Telescope and some NOVA shows.

 

[JumpinJack]

After reading another thread... tell him he should take up bartending.

Edit nevermind you said he doesn't drink so bars are out... but I guess he doesn't have to drink to be a bartender.

Well, he's not against drinking. It's just not his thing. He has an occasional beer or wine to be sociable. But I doubt he'd put up with a bar full of drunks very long. He's no goody two shoes, though. He was wild in his younger days (as was I...but we grew up).

 

[justabubba]

Well, he's not against drinking. It's just not his thing. He has an occasional beer or wine to be sociable. But I doubt he'd put up with a bar full of drunks very long. He's no goody two shoes, though. He was wild in his younger days (as was I...but we grew up).

i see your posts indicating that your brother is somewhat of a pest to some of his family members while in retirement

but what about him makes you believe he is unhappy in his daily routine?

 

[Moot]

I don't know how one can have no interests either. I never have a problem with boredom.

Depression will do that.

 

[Moot]

I have a retired, divorced brother who doesn't have any interests outside of his grandson and visiting family members, even extended ones. And eating out (he eats out for every meal....and talks to strangers for social interaction).

I and others in the family have told him that he needs to find some things that interest him, and make some adult friends (outside of kids in the family and adult family member). He says he has no interests.

What do men do to bring some passion and contentedness to their lives, and meet other men to hang with? He doesn't drink, so bars are out (and I don't think that would be a good idea, anyway).

He could join the Sierra club and go on short group walks, hikes and outings. They have chapters all over the country and it's a good way to meet people. But he doesn't have to be a member to go on the walks and outings.

I just pulled this one up from Austin to give you an idea...

Austin Group | Sierra Club

Local Outings | Sierra Club

 

[JumpinJack]

i see your posts indicating that your brother is somewhat of a pest to some of his family members while in retirement

but what about him makes you believe he is unhappy in his daily routine?

I explain that in my prior posts. He wasn't always this way. It's gotten gradually worse after his divorce several years ago. Being a pest and expecting to get your life's satisfactions from sitting in other people's houses as your main activity is not normal. Doting on one's grandson to the point that the boy starts getting out of activities with gramps is not normal. He is using the boy and others as substitutes for interests in life, for a partner. He prefers to be married and is lost without that. It is not normal to have no interests.....none....outside of traveling with a boy and sitting in other people's houses for hours, without invitation, talking about nothing much. He made impromptu plans to move to another state just because his grandson's parents moved there (he didn't ask them...he just bought some land near them). Then they moved back (as I warned him they might), and he's stuck w/the land.

He used to ride motorcycles and travel with a club. He used to travel with his wife (driving...never flying). He used to rebuild motorcycles and do projects around the house. He used to work a lot. He used to have a couple of close pals. None of that exists, anymore.

 

[JumpinJack]

i see your posts indicating that your brother is somewhat of a pest to some of his family members while in retirement

but what about him makes you believe he is unhappy in his daily routine?

I would also add that I know him pretty well. Without going into too much detail, let's just say that I know. I'm in his town for a while, while house hunting out of town, so I've gotten an even clearer picture.

 

[MaggieD]

I have a retired, divorced brother who doesn't have any interests outside of his grandson and visiting family members, even extended ones. And eating out (he eats out for every meal....and talks to strangers for social interaction).

I and others in the family have told him that he needs to find some things that interest him, and make some adult friends (outside of kids in the family and adult family member). He says he has no interests.

What do men do to bring some passion and contentedness to their lives, and meet other men to hang with? He doesn't drink, so bars are out (and I don't think that would be a good idea, anyway).

Golf league, pinochle/poker at the park district, many park district opportunities on the cheap including day trips, gun range, eating out with friends, eating out alone and MAKING friends, exercise classes, garden club/gardening, volunteering, church and church groups, Jr. College courses, Internet forums, wood carving classes, cut glass instruction, any variety of adult education courses.

There's hundreds of activities if one is so inclined.

 

[justabubba]

Golf league, pinochle/poker at the park district, many park district opportunities on the cheap including day trips, gun range, eating out with friends, eating out alone and MAKING friends, exercise classes, garden club/gardening, volunteering, church and church groups, Jr. College courses, Internet forums, wood carving classes, cut glass instruction, any variety of adult education courses.

There's hundreds of activities if one is so inclined.

what i emphasized is the point
nothing indicates this fellow is other than happy with his lot in life

 

[Infinite Chaos]

I explain that in my prior posts. He wasn't always this way. It's gotten gradually worse after his divorce several years ago. Being a pest and expecting to get your life's satisfactions from sitting in other people's houses as your main activity is not normal. Doting on one's grandson to the point that the boy starts getting out of activities with gramps is not normal. He is using the boy and others as substitutes for interests in life, for a partner. He prefers to be married and is lost without that. It is not normal to have no interests.....none....outside of traveling with a boy and sitting in other people's houses for hours, without invitation, talking about nothing much. He made impromptu plans to move to another state just because his grandson's parents moved there (he didn't ask them...he just bought some land near them). Then they moved back (as I warned him they might), and he's stuck w/the land.

He used to ride motorcycles and travel with a club. He used to travel with his wife (driving...never flying). He used to rebuild motorcycles and do projects around the house. He used to work a lot. He used to have a couple of close pals. None of that exists, anymore.

This is pretty illuminating. He's lost without some kind of companion and substitutes members of his extended family. The hobbies thing was done years ago so I don't see a new hobby taking his interest yet.

You also mentioned that he would swamp any new woman - however what about some kind of pet? I'm no dog lover but I do read they can be a hugely loyal and unjudging companion. Don't know any others that would take the same interest and allow him to travel around the US again but a dog in a car is a picture that generally makes me smile.

 

[Hawkeye10]

This is pretty illuminating. He's lost without some kind of companion and substitutes members of his extended family. The hobbies thing was done years ago so I don't see a new hobby taking his interest yet.

You also mentioned that he would swamp any new woman - however what about some kind of pet? I'm no dog lover but I do read they can be a hugely loyal and unjudging companion. Don't know any others that would take the same interest and allow him to travel around the US again but a dog in a car is a picture that generally makes me smile.

I could tell you some stories about retired dudes and their dogs. You are right on. Somehow I figure if the solution was that easy it would have been done by now.