What do retired men do for interests, activities, make friends?

[foadi]

most of the guys i hang out with in thailand are retired single guys. seems to be a popular option. they seem extremely happy. you don't need to drink to enjoy the nightlife either. i don't drink.

 

[Cephus]

I don't know how one can have no interests either. I never have a problem with boredom.

Same here, I have more interests than I have time to actually pursue them.

 

[CanadaJohn]

I have a retired, divorced brother who doesn't have any interests outside of his grandson and visiting family members, even extended ones. And eating out (he eats out for every meal....and talks to strangers for social interaction).

I and others in the family have told him that he needs to find some things that interest him, and make some adult friends (outside of kids in the family and adult family member). He says he has no interests.

What do men do to bring some passion and contentedness to their lives, and meet other men to hang with? He doesn't drink, so bars are out (and I don't think that would be a good idea, anyway).

Clearly, I don't know your brother or his life circumstances or his temperament, etc., so I can't advise, but I have to wonder why you feel he's not contented with his life as it is? For me, when I retired, I had no particular plans or goals other than to stop doing what I had been doing for decades and just relax and enjoy having zero commitments, zero expectations, zero responsibilities, and zero need to satisfy anyone else other than myself. So far, after almost 6 years of retirement, I still wake up breathing every morning and I have my little routines but mostly I just do whatever strikes my fancy that particular day. But then, I've always been a person who's quite happy keeping my own company. Independence of life and thought is terrific - don't assume he needs others to fulfil his contentedness.

 

[Hawkeye10]

I have a retired, divorced brother who doesn't have any interests outside of his grandson and visiting family members, even extended ones. And eating out (he eats out for every meal....and talks to strangers for social interaction).

I and others in the family have told him that he needs to find some things that interest him, and make some adult friends (outside of kids in the family and adult family member). He says he has no interests.

What do men do to bring some passion and contentedness to their lives, and meet other men to hang with? He doesn't drink, so bars are out (and I don't think that would be a good idea, anyway).

Drinking, sex, eating and making great food, smoking dope, gardening, arguing, reading, watching a ton of movies and TV shows that I have missed over the years because I was busy, walking the dog, visiting areas of the state that I have missed over the years because I was too busy, hosting fabulous parties, I am seriously considering getting deeply involved in the homeowners association which has always been a wreck but no one has tried to get it working in a few years so maybe it is time.....not in this order.

 

[Hawkeye10]

Clearly, I don't know your brother or his life circumstances or his temperament, etc., so I can't advise, but I have to wonder why you feel he's not contented with his life as it is? For me, when I retired, I had no particular plans or goals other than to stop doing what I had been doing for decades and just relax and enjoy having zero commitments, zero expectations, zero responsibilities, and zero need to satisfy anyone else other than myself. So far, after almost 6 years of retirement, I still wake up breathing every morning and I have my little routines but mostly I just do whatever strikes my fancy that particular day. But then, I've always been a person who's quite happy keeping my own company. Independence of life and thought is terrific - don't assume he needs others to fulfil his contentedness.

Ya, but eating out alone every night and trying to turn it into a social occasion is a bad sign.

 

[justabubba]

Ya, but eating out alone every night and trying to turn it into a social occasion is a bad sign.

how so, if that is what makes him happy?

and to me, your wanting to be active in the HOA seems to be a very bleak sign

 

[Hawkeye10]

Same here, I have more interests than I have time to actually pursue them.

Ya, people in my life say to me on a regular basis " aren't you bored?", but no way, I have been retired for almost a year, I think I have during all that time been bored less than 6 hours.

 

[Hawkeye10]

how so, if that is what makes him happy?

and to me, your wanting to be active in the HOA seems to be a very bleak sign

Other people dont normally go out to eat with the intent to socialize with people the next table over, he is almost certainly being a boor. The HOA is not so much about socializing as it is attempting to do good work, it is public service, it is trying to make the world a better place.I also have had a lifelong affinity for lost causes. :lol:

 

[CanadaJohn]

Ya, but eating out alone every night and trying to turn it into a social occasion is a bad sign.

That's fair - I seldom eat out - I like cooking for myself and friends far more than being waited on and frequently disappointed with the results.

I have to say, however, that I didn't put those two things together from what JJ was saying in her OP - I just thought she meant that he eats out all the time and when he wants social interaction he talks to strangers. I go for coffee at McD's every morning and there's a regular crowd there I've come to know - basically, they're strangers, but I have conversations with many of them and we all know each other's names although to say we're all friends would be a stretch. I just presumed that's the kind of social interaction with strangers she was referring to, and I see nothing at all wrong with that. To be honest, a lot of deeper friendships can be too damn dramatic for my liking - women love the drama of friendships, but most men don't.

 

[CanadaJohn]

how so, if that is what makes him happy?

and to me, your wanting to be active in the HOA seems to be a very bleak sign

Thanks for the belly laugh!!

 

[justabubba]

Other people dont normally go out to eat with the intent to socialize with people the next table over, he is almost certainly being a boor.

he may well be
but he may also be happy in his current retirement routine

The HOA is not so much about socializing as it is attempting to do good work, it is public service, it is trying to make the world a better place.

or it could be an instance to exercise authority
people who seek HOA positions also tend to be people who want to exercise authority over others
maybe you will be the exception

 

[RetiredUSN]

I have a retired, divorced brother who doesn't have any interests outside of his grandson and visiting family members, even extended ones. And eating out (he eats out for every meal....and talks to strangers for social interaction).

I and others in the family have told him that he needs to find some things that interest him, and make some adult friends (outside of kids in the family and adult family member). He says he has no interests.

What do men do to bring some passion and contentedness to their lives, and meet other men to hang with? He doesn't drink, so bars are out (and I don't think that would be a good idea, anyway).

Leave him alone, unless he is driving the family crazy. If he is driving the family crazy, then you (all) need to tell him in a honest and sincere way.

 

[Hawkeye10]

I can tell you right now, it is a hard uphill battle.

Most men at or near retirement age are not very sociable and prefer to stay at home, and only get on-line for social situations.

The reason for this is that we have become a nation of lone wolves and seem to have lost our social skills.

In Arizona I tried to start a MEETUP group that only had one meeting, then everyone lost interest.

Even in the survivalist / prepper arena everyone prefers to be a lone wolf and not socialize at all.

I am making an attempt at a local Amateur Radio club, but am finding most of them also prefer to be lone wolves.

I think no one gives a rat's ass about being in any kind of social group anymore. I have no idea why.

Even the local churches do not do visitations anymore.

There is a lot of truth to this, as this society breaks down we have become much less interested in sticking our necks out and taking part in society. You might have noticed that people tend to come way from Trump rallies with a sense that they just participated in a very nostalgic event, which was a refreshing change. I suspect that you also know that Starbucks has made a mint setting up shops where people feel like they are socializing but where they dont unusually feel compelled to actually talk to anyone, because that would actually be more socializing than they are interested in doing. People want the illusion, the feelings, without actually doing the work. Increasingly I think that most people dont even know how to socialize anymore, they never learned if they are young, and they have forgotten if they are older.

 

[Hawkeye10]

or it could be an instance to exercise authority
people who seek HOA positions also tend to be people who want to exercise authority over others
maybe you will be the exception

We have sure seen that. The other reason why it never works is that any calls to spend any money on anything that absolutely is not required rises a rebellion, and those who engineered the spending of the money get deposed, no matter how good their intentions or projects.

Which is why this HOA is the ultimate lost cause.

Thus the appeal to me.

 

[Hawkeye10]

That's fair - I seldom eat out - I like cooking for myself and friends far more than being waited on and frequently disappointed with the results.

I have to say, however, that I didn't put those two things together from what JJ was saying in her OP - I just thought she meant that he eats out all the time and when he wants social interaction he talks to strangers. I go for coffee at McD's every morning and there's a regular crowd there I've come to know - basically, they're strangers, but I have conversations with many of them and we all know each other's names although to say we're all friends would be a stretch. I just presumed that's the kind of social interaction with strangers she was referring to, and I see nothing at all wrong with that. To be honest, a lot of deeper friendships can be too damn dramatic for my liking - women love the drama of friendships, but most men don't.

Ya ok, so long as this socializing is confined to talking to the help, or the person in the next barstool. I must confess that I have gone to a particular place at a particular time because I know that a particular waitress or bartender will be working, because I like talking to them, maybe flirting with them.

 

[radcen]

I have a retired, divorced brother who doesn't have any interests outside of his grandson and visiting family members, even extended ones. And eating out (he eats out for every meal....and talks to strangers for social interaction).

I and others in the family have told him that he needs to find some things that interest him, and make some adult friends (outside of kids in the family and adult family member). He says he has no interests.

What do men do to bring some passion and contentedness to their lives, and meet other men to hang with? He doesn't drink, so bars are out (and I don't think that would be a good idea, anyway).

If he likes chatting and socializing, have him visit a local Toastmasters club. It's a social atmosphere with a purpose. Even if he doesn't have a fear of public speaking, it sounds like he might enjoy putting speeches together and being part of the organization.

https://www.toastmasters.org/Find-a-Club

 

[UtahBill]

Speaking for just me.....wife and I travel a lot, usually cruising with friends, but that is not what you are asking about. We are different enough to have very different interests. Most of what passes for entertainment on TV is junk, so I watch a lot of PBS, History, Science type videos on ROKU in the evenings. My night driving is limited due to double vision that gets worse as the day progresses.For videos and internet watching, I am building a "console" that will let me sit in front of my computer with a couple TV monitors available on either side to watch at the same time. Wife's TV interests are so different that a lot of the time we watch in separate rooms.Daytimes, I haunt thrift stores and surplus outlets for bargains, sell them on eBay for money that I really don't need. Grandkids benefit from this, I give them a lotof my profits. My working career exposed me to a lot of technology and I sometimes see some of it for sale at ridiculously low prices. Those sell well on eBay.I also make solar cookers, not that there is a big market for them....I just like seeing what throwaway goods can be used to make the 2 basic types of solar cookers.If I see a way to re-purpose things, I am into that as well. Right now I am making sturdy suspenders that don't make use of elastic material which end up sagging right along with my pants when I stuff a pistol in my pocket. Sturdy 1.5" non-stretch webbing and plastic clips do a good job and have no metal to set off airportsecurity equipment. They are not one size fits all, for sure. They have to be made to fit with limited adjustment slack.I used to dabble in old cars, but at age 70 and with Parkinson's, that got too difficult.As for friends, I have met several interesting oldsters who have similar interests. I met them in the places I visit the most, thrift stores, junk yards, etc.We keep in touch with email and also get together for breakfast occasionally to share stories.

 

[UtahBill]

To add to my post, concerning finding things in thrift stores and surplus outlets, I have found vintage (vacuum tube) stereo stuff, vintage well cared for cookware, video equipment, microscopes, gas chromatographs, and even medical equipment that actually cannot be sold without a license....so I donated it for a great tax break.I know a few people who do this for a living....

 

[JumpinJack]

I agree everyone needs hobbies but are you sure he needs new friends? He may just be an introvert. And there is nothing wrong with that. Some people just plain enjoy themselves more alone. Now, i know nothing about him and if he actually feels lonely that is a whole other matter. Just keep in mind there are different personality types.

As for hobbies, I personally enjoy reading, playing the ukulele (poorly), SCUBA diving, sky diving, going to the gun range, solving cryptograms, flying small quad copters (drones), hiking, and photography. None of those things are too social but then I am an introvert.

He's not an introvert. He doesn't spend time alone much...he's one of those men who finds it hard to be alone. He prefers being married, but I doubt he'll find someone to marry again. He's been married three times, and he's hard to put up with (idiosyncrasies & such). Instead, he's spending waaaaay too long hanging out at relatives' houses. He just drops by and stays. And stays. He gets upset when his grandson can't go on vacation or go somewhere with him (I think he uses the boy as a substitute for a friend or wife). He has no interests. How can someone have no interests?

I just thought I'd go on a campaign to get him irritated enough with me for repeated suggestions to do something, so that maybe he'd acually do something. Everyone in the family feels this way. He sleeps at home, odd hours, then eats all his meals out...interacting with strangers far too much and too long (substitute for companionship). Then goes to a family member's house and hangs out for hours. Then does the same thing the next day, only at a different family member's house. Then he takes vacations several times a year and takes his grandson...who doesn't want to go, anymore. The boy is older, now.

So I guess he likes to travel. But he won't fly (one of his "things"). So he drives distances. So I guess a travel group is out, since they usu. fly.

 

[JumpinJack]

Clearly, I don't know your brother or his life circumstances or his temperament, etc., so I can't advise, but I have to wonder why you feel he's not contented with his life as it is? For me, when I retired, I had no particular plans or goals other than to stop doing what I had been doing for decades and just relax and enjoy having zero commitments, zero expectations, zero responsibilities, and zero need to satisfy anyone else other than myself. So far, after almost 6 years of retirement, I still wake up breathing every morning and I have my little routines but mostly I just do whatever strikes my fancy that particular day. But then, I've always been a person who's quite happy keeping my own company. Independence of life and thought is terrific - don't assume he needs others to fulfil his contentedness.

We are pretty close. He's not happy. He's become an irritant to relatives. He's gotten very needy with the relatives...taking personal offense if not included in, say, a kid's birthday party. Seriously. I explained to him that none of the aunts & uncles were invited...it was a kid's party. I reminded him that we didn't have aunts & uncles at our birthday parties. He is just a bit clingy with family members, which I think is because he has nothing to do. I know him pretty well.

He's the kind of person who is happiest being married. But since his divorce, he just seems a bit lost. He's gotten too old to attract the babes he once attracted, but I know he tried. He's focused way too much on his grandson, to the point that the boy has had to put a stop to all the visits and trips they take together. My brother seems (IMO) to be using the boy as a substitute for an adult companion. He talks to strangers in restaurants to the point where everyone is uncomfortable, except him. He's very needy. He wasn't always this way. He's bored & lonely.

His grandson's family moved for a while to a neighboring state. My brother bought land up there and made plans to sell his house & move there to be with them. I told him not to do that...young people move around. No telling where they'd end up. Sure enough, they moved back home, and now my brother is stuck with land he can't get rid of. He's acting in an extreme way.

So I didn't really have much knowledge on what men do for social interaction, which is why I asked. He'll turn down every suggestion. But I'm hoping a couple of suggestions stay in his head, and something sparks an interest. He's inexperienced at being alone.

 

[JumpinJack]

Other people dont normally go out to eat with the intent to socialize with people the next table over, he is almost certainly being a boor. The HOA is not so much about socializing as it is attempting to do good work, it is public service, it is trying to make the world a better place.I also have had a lifelong affinity for lost causes. :lol:

Yes. I've been with him when he does this. It's embarrassing. He talks to strangers and interrupts their meals....and continues talking. They try to be nice, but everyone is uncomfortable. Except him.

 

[Hawkeye10]

Yes. I've been with him when he does this. It's embarrassing. He talks to strangers and interrupts their meals....and continues talking. They try to be nice, but everyone is uncomfortable. Except him.

OMG, I have seen this. Something needs to be done.

 

[CanadaJohn]

We are pretty close. He's not happy. He's become an irritant to relatives. He's gotten very needy with the relatives...taking personal offense if not included in, say, a kid's birthday party. Seriously. I explained to him that none of the aunts & uncles were invited...it was a kid's party. I reminded him that we didn't have aunts & uncles at our birthday parties. He is just a bit clingy with family members, which I think is because he has nothing to do. I know him pretty well.

He's the kind of person who is happiest being married. But since his divorce, he just seems a bit lost. He's gotten too old to attract the babes he once attracted, but I know he tried. He's focused way too much on his grandson, to the point that the boy has had to put a stop to all the visits and trips they take together. My brother seems (IMO) to be using the boy as a substitute for an adult companion. He talks to strangers in restaurants to the point where everyone is uncomfortable, except him. He's very needy. He wasn't always this way. He's bored & lonely.

His grandson's family moved for a while to a neighboring state. My brother bought land up there and made plans to sell his house & move there to be with them. I told him not to do that...young people move around. No telling where they'd end up. Sure enough, they moved back home, and now my brother is stuck with land he can't get rid of. He's acting in an extreme way.

So I didn't really have much knowledge on what men do for social interaction, which is why I asked. He'll turn down every suggestion. But I'm hoping a couple of suggestions stay in his head, and something sparks an interest. He's inexperienced at being alone.

My condolences - that's not an easy situation to deal with. Sounds like when he's married his wife is in charge of everything, including the social calendar, and without a wife he has no experience or skill in doing it for himself. Lots of men are like that, unfortunately - I'm not, so it's hard for me to imagine living that way. I know here, in Toronto, we have extensive municipal programs involving sports, games, hobbies, social interaction by age, etc. and they have a large catalogue of activities you can look at and pick and choose what you might like to try at very minimal cost. If he lives in Dallas, like you, it's likely there's a similar type system there so check it out and see if you can get him interested that way.

Good luck whatever road you choose.

 

[Rogue Valley]

fresh-air activity - cultivate plants and flowers etc
DIY home upgrades
walking/bike riding
rewarding volunteer work, such as at a children's hospital
p/t job, local library etc.
learn a musical instrument
mentoring/coaching young people
collectables

 

[radcen]

fresh-air activity - cultivate plants and flowers etc
DIY home upgrades
walking/bike riding
rewarding volunteer work, such as at a children's hospital
p/t job, local library etc.
learn a musical instrument
mentoring/coaching young people
collectables

Most of these are solitary activities, though, and it seems he is craving social interaction.