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Wedding Gift Amount Deemed Insufficient By Bad-Mannered Bride

RDS

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Ungrateful bride ought to live within her means.
Wow, talk about bad manners! On Friday, we received a truly horrifying email from one of our readers that would make etiquette guru Emily Post turn in her grave. The reader, Tanya, told us about a recent Facebook message she received from a bride after attending her wedding last month. In the message, the bride expressed her dissatisfaction with the $100 wedding gift she received from Tanya and her date. You can read the message for yourself below, but we must warn you: Your blood WILL boil.
Wedding Gift Amount Deemed Insufficient By Bad-Mannered Bride
 

Superfly

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When did it become expected for the guests to help foot the bill for the wedding? I read about another instance like this a month ago, basically the same thing, but the gift to the bride and groom was a nice gift basket. The bride reacted in the same way.
 

Sarcogito

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Don't want to pay for an expensive wedding? Don't have an expensive wedding. It ain't rocket science.
 

Fisher

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In my neck of the woods, it is traditional to give the bride a $100 bill if you dance with her, but beyond that, people still just register and let people choose what they can afford. I have been to several weddings where the people just asked for a donation to charity/civic organization in honor of their nuptials like some do for funerals in lieu of flowers. Anybody who expects the guests to pay for their pro rated cost of the wedding is just insane. We usually buy an item or 2 from the registry and give them a bottle of Dom Perignon on their wedding day, which they usually end up saving for their 1 year anniversary, and that is it.
 

Helix

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i really hate it when people do **** like this. i often worry that the gifts i give people won't be liked, and i would feel really bad if someone sent me a note like this. if i'm lucky enough to eventually get married, i don't GAF what gifts people give me. my main concern for the guests would be to make sure that they don't have to endure a long, boring wedding. also, the reception should have a bar that doesn't rip anyone off.
 

Buck Ewer

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I intensely dislike weddings and the whole concept that common people feel they must pretend to be royalty for a few hours and spend fabulous amounts of money they often do not have.
 

Sarcogito

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I intensely dislike weddings and the whole concept that common people feel they must pretend to be royalty for a few hours and spend fabulous amounts of money they often do not have.
I'm with you on that. I would guess most people don't enjoy going to weddings. We go out of a sense obligation. So, if someone musters up the time and energy to show up to your boring a$$ wedding, the least you can do is not complain about the gift they give you. :)
 

RabidAlpaca

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Wtf... $100 is a LOT of money for a gift. There is no person in my life that either spends that much on me, or I spend that much on them for gift giving. I feel bad for the groom, he's got quite a ****ty adventure ahead.
 

radcen

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...and didn't expect we had to cover that huge amount for reception as well.
Then why did you have such an expensive reception?



...when it comes to your wedding hopefully you'll know what I mean. I hope for the best as from what we receive is what we will give back.
I wouldn't even invite her.
 

CaptainCourtesy

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I'd have cancelled the check and sent her a bill for gas, clothing, and all other types of preparation. I mean, doesn't she know how much it costs to prepare to go to a wedding these days?
 

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It costs a fortune if you live far away, between plane tickets, or nearly $4 a gallon for gas, plus hotel stays, plus food, plus time off work, plus the gift?? I had a small wedding in my backyard on the river 13 years ago, and didn't even ask for gifts. We didn't need anything. We just wanted them there. It was fantastic - the entire thing, and everyone had a nice time.
 

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My wedding consisted of me and my wife running south to another state, bringing my crack head sister and her baby along, and getting married in a plaid button up shirt, dockers, and a pair of loafers.


BTW, Still married 10 years later.

Meanwhile a high school friend of mine dated a guy for her senior year and all of her college years and two years beyond that.....finally went to get married (which I attended the wedding), it was all fancy and ****...

Divorced a year later.


**** fancy weddings.
 

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I had 2 weddings, one in the US and one in Germany (same woman). Both were amazing, with catering, decorations, the works, and we pulled the first one off for about $1,000, and the second one for about $2,000, which was in an old catholic chapel on a mountain top, followed by catering, drinking and games at another location.

The second one was actually far far better than our friend's wedding that cost like $20,000+. There is absolutely no reason to spend 10's of thousands on a wedding.
 

digsbe

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Seems almost like a post "bridezilla" thing. To me $100 is a lot to gift someone and honestly it's rude to degrade anyone's gift. She wasn't owed anything in the first place and people chose to gift her and her husband out of their own free will and from their own heart.
 

Fiddytree

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The customary reply to such a woman should consist of no more than three words:

Go **** yourself.
 

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I had 2 weddings, one in the US and one in Germany (same woman). Both were amazing, with catering, decorations, the works, and we pulled the first one off for about $1,000, and the second one for about $2,000, which was in an old catholic chapel on a mountain top, followed by catering, drinking and games at another location.

The second one was actually far far better than our friend's wedding that cost like $20,000+. There is absolutely no reason to spend 10's of thousands on a wedding.
I think the only reason people go to that level is just to impress other people. Like you said, you can have a really nice wedding for far less. But this is the thing - it's a wedding, so people feel obligated to spend thousands, because others spend thousands, and if you don't spend thousands, your marriage won't last. :roll:

My husband is a photographer, and some of his photographer friends do weddings. They charge $5,000 or more - for a wedding. They laugh about it, saying they charge it because they know people will pay it. It's not that the work is any harder - in fact, it's much harder to photograph a squirming, crying toddler - but people won't pay $5,000 for a 3 hour session with a toddler. It's all a big scam.
 

SmokeAndMirrors

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And this is why I don't even attend weddings when I get a "bride/groom-zilla" vibe from them.

Some people are so horrifically entitled. These people want to throw some lavish wedding to pretend they're several classes higher than they really are, and they expect everyone they invite to go into debt paying for it. Screw them.

I go to weddings for people who want to share their day of love with other people they love. Not for people who think they're entitled to my rent money.
 

RabidAlpaca

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The customary reply to such a woman should consist of no more than three words:

Go **** yourself.
I don't know, I think "Eat a dick and die" would leave more of an impression.

I think the only reason people go to that level is just to impress other people. Like you said, you can have a really nice wedding for far less. But this is the thing - it's a wedding, so people feel obligated to spend thousands, because others spend thousands, and if you don't spend thousands, your marriage won't last. :roll:

My husband is a photographer, and some of his photographer friends do weddings. They charge $5,000 or more - for a wedding. They laugh about it, saying they charge it because they know people will pay it. It's not that the work is any harder - in fact, it's much harder to photograph a squirming, crying toddler - but people won't pay $5,000 for a 3 hour session with a toddler. It's all a big scam.
This is entirely correct. Go take $2,000 dollars and plan a party, not a wedding. You will be able to throw the most extravagant, ridiculously overdone party anyone has seen. You could ride in on a hot air balloon, landing in front of the building while acrobats slide down on ropes, like on the Count of Monte Cristo movie. Going to wedding stores, hiring planners, buying stupid dresses that cost more than my car, all of that is completely worthless. Why start a marriage in massive debt, or screw your parents' savings over?
 
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molten_dragon

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I'm not sure where some people seem to have gotten the idea that it is the responsibility of the wedding guests to foot the bill for a wedding. If you want your guests to pay for your wedding, just be up front about it and charge a cover fee. Quit with the passive aggressive "We all understand you're obligated to buy us a gift worth whatever we spent per plate for the reception, wink wink nudge nudge".

And who in their right ****ing mind spends $200 a plate at a damn wedding reception?! Who's catering the damn thing, Gordon Ramsay? I like to go out for a nice meal from time to time, but even at expensive places I've never spent $200 a plate, and that includes drinks. Either this lady had the best wedding food anyone has ever seen, or she got ripped off really badly, or her friends and family are all hardcore alcoholics.

If I got that e-mail I'd have fun messing with her. Write back "Hey, I just saw your e-mail. Look, this is kind of embarrassing, but I made a big mistake with your gift. I only meant to give you $10. The $100 was for a different wedding for someone I actually like. So if you could send me back $90 of that, that would be fantastic".
 
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RabidAlpaca

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I'm not sure where some people seem to have gotten the idea that it is the responsibility of the wedding guests to foot the bill for a wedding. If you want your guests to pay for your wedding, just be up front about it and charge a cover fee. Quit with the passive aggressive "We all understand you're obligated to buy us a gift worth whatever we spent per plate for the reception, wink wink nudge nudge".

And who in their right ****ing mind spends $200 a plate at a damn wedding reception?! Who's catering the damn thing, Gordon Ramsay? I like to go out for a nice meal from time to time, but even at expensive places I've never spent $200 a plate, and that includes drinks. Either this lady had the best wedding food anyone has ever seen, or she got ripped off really badly, or her friends and family are all hardcore alcoholics.
The most expensive restaurant I've ever been in was Ruth's Chris, and even then a single meal was only about $60. I think that's even far, far, far too much. For $200 a plate that **** better be encrusted with diamonds and there better be an exotic dancer spoon feeding it to me.
 

molten_dragon

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The most expensive restaurant I've ever been in was Ruth's Chris, and even then a single meal was only about $60. I think that's even far, far, far too much. For $200 a plate that **** better be encrusted with diamonds and there better be an exotic dancer spoon feeding it to me.
My wife and I ate at Morton's in Chicago once for our anniversary and that was about $300 for the two of us, but that was for an enormous like 40 oz porterhouse that we shared, sides, dessert, and about 3-4 drinks apiece. I don't mind paying a lot for a really good meal from time to time, but I have trouble imagining wedding food being good enough to justify that kind of money.
 

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radcen

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I think the only reason people go to that level is just to impress other people. Like you said, you can have a really nice wedding for far less. But this is the thing - it's a wedding, so people feel obligated to spend thousands, because others spend thousands, and if you don't spend thousands, your marriage won't last. :roll:

My husband is a photographer, and some of his photographer friends do weddings. They charge $5,000 or more - for a wedding. They laugh about it, saying they charge it because they know people will pay it. It's not that the work is any harder - in fact, it's much harder to photograph a squirming, crying toddler - but people won't pay $5,000 for a 3 hour session with a toddler. It's all a big scam.
I'm a photographer also, and I won't ever do a wedding. I've done kids and senior portraits, but have never... and will never... ever... shoot a wedding.

The shooting from one to another isn't really any more difficult, it's the process. Brides with entitlement attitudes like this, mothers-in-law thinking they can command you like they're General Patton, and so on. That's what makes weddings not worth it. (For me)
 

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I'm a photographer also, and I won't ever do a wedding. I've done kids and senior portraits, but have never... and will never... ever... shoot a wedding.

The shooting from one to another isn't really any more difficult, it's the process. Brides with entitlement attitudes like this, mothers-in-law thinking they can command you like they're General Patton, and so on. That's what makes weddings not worth it. (For me)
I think part of the problem is that brides and photographers don't spell out what they want. If I were a bride having a photographer, I'd be sure the contract spelled out what family photos and other staged shots I expected when and with whom PLUS expect that my photographer would take candids throughout the time I'd contracted him for. I think most problems with photographers/videographers come from unclear expectations. And THAT is the fault of the bride.
 
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