My seeing reality for what it is does not contribute to America being dysfunctional, it contributes to my continued survival. Sorry if I don’t get all mushy about the true deep down human being in total assholes who would only use it to screw me over. I am not being mean to assholes, I am keeping them out of my life. They won’t change because they are certain at that they have no need to change. I am not contributing by not being an asshole, and seeing people for what they are doesn’t make me one.
If you want to prove your point, try having exchanges with the biggest assholes who post here. Come back to me after you have discovered their true underlying humanity and how they care deeply about not being an asshole and want to be decent people. If you can do that here, I will take your fanciful idea seriously.
The bad news is that this country was never united at all and it never will be because assholes don’t want that. They want to mouth empty platitudes like patriotism and unity while getting theirs and screwing others. That is the foundation of our country.
There is no point in engaging with the dysfunctional who have zero interest in civil discourse. People who try to make political discussions personal are not interested in the politics. All they want to do is find someone they think is to blame for 'ruining America' and dump on them. The correct thing to do about minds like that is to marginalize them. Disengage.
If all people interested in civility were to refuse to talk to the disgruntled then they would be left out of intellectual conversations all together.
The problem America has is that we have allowed extremists to invade the mainstream. Mostly in the Republican party, but not exclusively. Extremism belongs on the fringes of society. By simply engaging with them we have given them some credibility, as if they are worthy to be talked to. They are not.
As you have said, it is not possible to have a polite conversation with them. There are only two choices. Refuse to engage with them at all, or get sucked into their dysfunction. There is no way to fight in the gutter without getting dragged into the gutter.
Everyone here was once a child. Some have done a better job of maturing than others. If an immature child is unruly a parent is apt to initiate a 'time out' to give the child time to think about things. That's not possible here. Upon refusing to engage with an individual like that, they simply go find someone else to unload on. Cutting them off temporarily will only give them time to charge up on somebody else and be ready to give you both barrels if you ever try them again.
That is why the only rational recourse is to cut them off forever. Some are able to do that; others can't resist and have to keep going back for more. It is a mistake. It only results in pissing matches, negativity, and feeling badly.
Being able to 'take it' and 'give as good as one gets' are not badges of honor at all, really just indulging in dysfunction. That dysfunction carries over into real life, makes one edgy and unable to get along well with others of different views. Conversely, the ability to identify the moment the line of respect is crossed gives one the ability to tactfully change subjects or disengage IRL, for a more peaceful and rewarding life. The more people who do that, the better America becomes.
One of the changes in our society with the advent of social media has been people who do not know how to mesh well with others IRL. This is because they don't get enough actual face-to-face interaction with others as they are spending so much time on social media. Without eye contact there is a tendency to be more coarse on social media such as an online discussion forum. The trick to avoiding that is to be what may seem overly polite online. That's easier to do when it is pointed out that a record is kept of whatever is said, meaning that anything said can be quoted back to one years later. That should give cause to think twice about making immature posts.
People mature. If one does not wish to be ashamed of what one said years later it behooves to consider one's words carefully. In so doing, one establishes good habits which carry over into real life. A win/win for the individual and for society. And after all. We live in societies.
The question to ask is: "Do we want a better America?" If the answer is yes it is up to us to create that.