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Vermont Company Jesus Toaster: Buy before Black Friday 2010


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Sep 16, 2010
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In your heart.
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We previously told you a few details about the Jesus Toaster, but now it has been reported that the unusual contraption is set to become one of the hottest consumer products during the holiday season.

If you didn’t already know, the Jesus toaster will print a symbol of the man himself on each slice of bread placed inside the toaster. The question is though, do you find this to be a ‘useful’ product, or just a gimmick which is totally unnecessary? The toaster only went on sale last week, but you can expect the $39.95 product to get even cheaper during the Black Friday period, which means that the Jesus Toaster could sell out pretty quickly.

:giggle: Only in America.

:giggle: Only in America.

I would urge folks NOT to buy this unless your house is completely free of any other deity and demigod utensils. I purchased one to complete the Mythological Divinity kitchen set, figuring it would fit perfectly in-between my Muhammed coffeepot and Flying Spaghetti Monster pasta maker. What a disaster! First off, using both the Jesus Toaster and the Muhammed coffepot in the morning causes two groups of protesters to show up to your house. For a week, my front yard was filled with folks chanting "death to infidels who dare to crisp their bread to a golden brown!", and the other yelling about how my kitchen was always a Christian kitchen, and there is no need for false appliances. I wanted some nice toasted garlic bread with my pasta, but plugging the Flying Spagghetti Monster pasta maker in the same outlet as the Jesus toaster causes a short somewhere. I thought the bread was fine, and according to the temperature gauge, so did the toaster; however, the toast ended up crucifiying itself to save the soul of my pasta. It was really weird. It fares marginally better if placed next to the Judaism automated carrot slicer (which I bought for the obvious double entendre), but sometimes the image doesn't appear on my toast like I want. I'm really thinking about taking this product back and maybe waiting for the Mayan Hunahpu and Xbalanque version to be released in 2012.
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