Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

[GarzaUK]

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

09. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

08. You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

07. Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

06. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

05. You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

04. You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

03. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

02. You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

01. You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/printthread.php?t=228666

 

[ddoyle00]

Wow, someone took the time to compile all the crazy **** Christians do and condese the best ones into a Top Ten.

If you had long hair and ****, I would be hitting on you. Also, you would have to smell better. Well no, I dated a German once, she was pretty ripe.

 

[The Real McCoy]

You also have to believe in an all loving, all merciful God who casts doubters into a sea of fiery torment for eternity.

 

[jamesrage]

08. You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

Not all fundalmentalist beleave in a trinity,some beleave Christ is the literal son of God.

04. You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

Not all fundalmentalist beleave in Hell in the snese of firery brinstone

03. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

Not all fundalmentlist beleave in speaking in tonges.

02. You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

Most fundamentalist know that God is not a vending machine.

 

[FinnMacCool]

Not all fundalmentalist beleave in a trinity,some beleave Christ is the literal son of God.




Quote:



Not all fundalmentalist beleave in Hell in the snese of firery brinstone





Not all fundalmentlist beleave in speaking in tonges.





Most fundamentalist know that God is not a vending machine

I think thats why this is in "Lighter Side".

 

[jamesrage]

Originally Posted by galenrox
I agree.
The fundamentalists who come on television preaching that "God hates fags" or whatever make a bad name for real fundamental christians, who realize that the main message of the bible is love and generousity.

Televangilist are charlatons.They are not fundamentalist.

Matthew 6
1"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

2"So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 3But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

5"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.
6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

 

[hipsterdufus]

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
-- George Carlin (attributed: source unknown)

I've begun worshipping the Sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the Sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate.
-- George Carlin, Brain Droppings

Here's another question I've been pondering -- what is all this **** about angels? Have you heard this? Three out of four people belive in angels. Are you ****ing stupid? Has everybody lost their mind? You know what I think it is? I think it's a massive, collective, psychotic chemical flashback for all the drugs smoked, swallowed, shot, and obsorbed rectally by all Americans from 1960 to 1990. Thirty years of street drugs will get you some ****ing angels, my friend!
-- George Carlin (attributed: source unknown)

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
-- George Carlin (attributed: source unknown)

I credit that eight years of grammar school with nourishing me in a direction where I could trust myself and trust my instincts. They gave me the tools to reject my faith. They taught me to question and think for myself and to believe in my instincts to such an extent that I just said, "This is a wonderful fairy tale they have going here, but it's not for me."
-- George Carlin, in the New York Times, August 20, 1995

http://www.positiveatheism.org/hist/quotes/carlin.htm

 

[George_Washington]

I'm sorry but George Carlin is a complete foul mouthed and moronic loser. His comedic talent consists of him just standing up there and rattling off curse words.

WOW, REAL HARD TO DO!

That's also why his completely unfunny and boring sitcom in the 90's was canceled after like half a season. Nowadays he has to get political and shock the masses in order to make a living because he's failed as a comic. The man has been kicked out of practically every organization and job he's ever been involved in. If this is someone you want to, "look up to" than you obviously are not aware of what a good person is made out of.

 

[mixedmedia]

I'm sorry but George Carlin is a complete foul mouthed and moronic loser. His comedic talent consists of him just standing up there and rattling off curse words.

WOW, REAL HARD TO DO!

That's also why his completely unfunny and boring sitcom in the 90's was canceled after like half a season. Nowadays he has to get political and shock the masses in order to make a living because he's failed as a comic. The man has been kicked out of practically every organization and job he's ever been involved in. If this is someone you want to, "look up to" than you obviously are not aware of what a good person is made out of.

I don't know who you are talking about, but it's not George Carlin. He has always been political. And his comedy consists of far more than just rattling off curse words. In fact, you are the first person, republican or democrat, I have ever heard say such things about him.

 

[George_Washington]

I don't know who you are talking about, but it's not George Carlin. He has always been political. And his comedy consists of far more than just rattling off curse words. In fact, you are the first person, republican or democrat, I have ever heard say such things about him.

His original act back in the 70's was just saying the curse words that were usually censored on main stream TV, remember? From what I've seen, he swears profusely and at least nowadays he bashes Christianity constantly. He's just intolerant. There is a vast difference between just being political and bashing and descriminating against a certain group of people. If he were to say half the things he says about Christians and rephrase them to be about African Americans, he would be black balled from everything.

And I really don't think a good comedian has to swear every other word to be funny.

His latest book was banned from Barnes and Noble by the viscious and hateful content about Christians that it contained.

 

[mixedmedia]

His original act back in the 70's was just saying the curse words that were usually censored on main stream TV, remember? From what I've seen, he swears profusely and at least nowadays he bashes Christianity constantly. He's just intolerant. There is a vast difference between just being political and bashing and descriminating against a certain group of people. If he were to say half the things he says about Christians and rephrase them to be about African Americans, he would be black balled from everything.

And I really don't think a good comedian has to swear every other word to be funny.

His latest book was banned from Barnes and Noble by the viscious and hateful content about Christians that it contained.

That was not his "original" act. He got his start in the 60s on late night television. His one piece on curse words that you can't say on television got him a lot of attention because it was hilarious. It is far from "the one thing" he has built his career on.

No a good comedian doesn't have to swear a lot, but many of them do. Many people do period.

He was raised a Catholic and has come to his own personal conclusions about religion. As is his right. If you don't like him, then don't listen. He has every bit as much right to say what he thinks as anybody else. Boy, I am realizing now just how true the "joke" premise of this thread is.

You mean this book?

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/bookSearch/isbnInquiry.asp?r=1&isbn=1401301347

I remember now, you're talking about WalMart, dude. The same place that banned The Daily Show book America. A company that bans laughter but has no problem whatsoever selling Manhunt to our teenagers.

 

[George_Washington]

That was not his "original" act. He got his start in the 60s on late night television. His one piece on curse words that you can't say on television got him a lot of attention because it was hilarious. It is far from "the one thing" he has built his career on.

No a good comedian doesn't have to swear a lot, but many of them do. Many people do period.

He was raised a Catholic and has come to his own personal conclusions about religion. As is his right. If you don't like him, then don't listen. He has every bit as much right to say what he thinks as anybody else. Boy, I am realizing now just how true the "joke" premise of this thread is.

You mean this book?

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/bookSearch/isbnInquiry.asp?r=1&isbn=1401301347

I remember now, you're talking about WalMart, dude. The same place that banned The Daily Show book America. A company that bans laughter but has no problem whatsoever selling Manhunt to our teenagers.

Maybe Barnes and Nobles carries it now but I remember hearing about how they weren't stocking it when it first came out. Perhaps they changed their minds.

 

[Iriemon]

Not all fundalmentalist beleave in a trinity,some beleave Christ is the literal son of God.

Not all fundalmentalist beleave in Hell in the snese of firery brinstone

Not all fundalmentlist beleave in speaking in tonges.

Most fundamentalist know that God is not a vending machine.

Then they are not fundamentalists.