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The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype[W:49]

Aunt Spiker

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What is a stay at home mother? (sahm for short).
If I were to believe other people’s opinions on this matter, a stay at home mother would be:

1. Not judgmental of others.
2. A pleasant and tolerable person who cares for everyone like smoking or drinking.
3. She likely doesn’t curse or engage in other activity deemed to be questionable.
4. Perhaps she would engage in leisurely pursuits like swimming with the children and walks in the park on a daily basis.
5. She also might be involved in mommy-toddler groups and hang out with other sahms en mass.
6. She is most likely a high school graduate, though not a college graduate, as she probably chose to forgo higher education in lieu of family.
7. Happily married.
8. Healthy and well cared for.

Why do I conclude this? Because I am a stay at home mom who hears and reads these stereotypes on a routine basis.

What, Stay at Home Mothers cannot be politically informed, well educated, opinionated, well informed? Why not? None of the above save for #7 comes close to summing up who I am. The above list is the stereotype, and it's bull****.

MEN: Quit stereotyping stay at home mothers.

Of course I should amend this to say "Men and Women" - but the women rarely do this. I’ve yet to meet a woman who judges me for my choice to the degree that I've been chaffed by men. I've read some articles online from women who negate this, and every now and then La Graza voices an opinion in some little known speech, but I’ve butted heads with a lot of men who don’t realize I AM a Stay at Home Mother. I don't fulfill their stereotype, so they assume I can't possibly be one.

Now, I do judge myself quite harshly because my choice to be a Stay at Home Mother has had very serious side effects – I am living this reality, not just jumping to conclusions about how the lifestyle really is. I see how people stereotype Stay at Home Mothers, and it bothers me that they think I'm like that, or should be like that, when clearly I'm not.

I don't fit the behavioral stereotype, and that seems to cause all sorts of problems.

As a result - when I debate something, people see my responses, see my views on religion, politics, gender norms, sexuality, my cursing habit and my mouthy views - I mention one iota of fact about Stay at Home Mothers being stuck in their decision, most likely to not be happy - anything, just bringing up a factual reality - and BAM - the male in the debate ASSUMES I am a WORKING MOTHER who OPPOSES Stay at Home Moms.

Doing all these things does not mean I loath Stay at Home Mothers. When I speak of it negatively it is because I'm dealing with the harsh reality of what this choice can do to a family, a spouse, and yourself. It's not all peaches and cream. I say it's a luxury few people can rarely afford and that's the truth. Anyone who says otherwise is full of ****.


My Stay at Home Mom reality:
I’m educated, I have a 4.0 in college, though, because I am a mother and a military wife, I’ve yet to graduate. I’m an aspiring author, it’s a leisure pursuit but I do have a murder mystery in the works that I intend on publish one day. I am a do-it-yourselfer, as how my husband’s often deployed, I’ve had to take on all of our home renovations without help. I’ve also had to take on vehicle maintenance and lawn-care. In fact, everything I didn’t do ten years ago, I do now. I could go on, all of this is very much NOT Stay at Home approved.

Do people really think I'm going to alter my life and who I am because they believe that, to be a SAHM, I must embrace all of the above? I didn't realize this choice would come with such narrow minded rigidity from others.

I consider being a Mother to be:

1. A never ending job in which you are guaranteed to never get enough sleep. - Whether you work or not doesn’t affect this.

2. It’s a struggle to balance the need of your spouse and family with the needs of yourself. Often, your needs and wants take a back seat. Maybe, at the end of the day, you have some time to yourself even though we know that really means “I have time to take a shower, and I will have ten minutes of down time.” - It doesn’t matter whether you work or not.

3. IT means having to do things you don’t want to do. I don’t want to build cabinets and rip up sub-flooring. I don’t want to crawl under the house to repair plumbing in the middle of winter. I don’t want to climb in the attic to fix a short in the electrical during the summer. I don't want to have to put aside my continuing education, but I do. I don't want to have to get up at 6 am and stay up 'til 12, but I do. – It doesn’t matter that I’m employed or not.

Please – everyone – GUYS IN PARTICULAR – stop stereotyping Stay at Home Mothers. In fact, just stop stereotyping women in general based on employment status. How's that?

Stay at Home Mothers are permitted to:
1. Be informed of our natural born and government granted rights, and debate them as we see fit.
2. Find employment when we see it is fit.
3. Have an opinion and voice it as we desire.
4. We don’t have to be happy a happy Stay at Home Mother if we are not happy with our decision to be one.
5. We can be educated, high school and above, if we so choose.
6. We can curse if we want.
7. We can enjoy things like porn, and write silly little love stories when we’re lonely, and read stupid books like Twilight.


All in all, we’re normal people with normal needs and interests, just like everyone else. – Being a Stay at Home Mom doesn’t change the fact that we’re just people. It doesn't erode our brains to where we're unthinking idiots with drool trailing down our chins.

My name is Aunt Spiker, I am a Stay at Home Mother, and I approve this message.
 
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Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

7. We can enjoy things like porn, and write silly little love stories when we’re lonely, and read stupid books like Twilight.

You made me go from liking you, you feeling pity for you, and then to hating you in one sentence.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

You made me go from liking you, you feeling pity for you, and then to hating you in one sentence.

Well, I don't care if you like me.
Don't need pity.
Don't give a **** if you hate me.

Seems like you think I'll value your opinion of me and alter anything about me just to please you.

Guess that means you're wrong and just wasted ten minutes of your life reading my post.

I see how this overall topic would be too difficult for you to discuss, so you're forgiven.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

You have all my respect because I could never do it. I love children and not really all that fond of working, but it's just something I can't do. Although I wouldn't mind watching Rachel Ray everyday. Yeah everyone finds her annoying, but I think she's adorable.



And btw I myself loved this line:

Aunt Spiker said:
7. We can enjoy things like porn, and write silly little love stories when we’re lonely, and read stupid books like Twilight.

:2razz: working moms do that too!
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

Well, I don't care if you like me.
Don't need pity.
Don't give a **** if you hate me.

Seems like you think I'll value your opinion of me and alter anything about me just to please you.

Guess that means you're wrong and just wasted ten minutes of your life reading my post.

I see how this overall topic would be too difficult for you to discuss, so you're forgiven.

That was supposed to be humorous.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

What is a stay at home mother? (sahm for short).
If I were to believe other people’s opinions on this matter, a stay at home mother would be:

1. Not judgmental of others.
2. A pleasant and tolerable person who cares for everyone like smoking or drinking.
3. She likely doesn’t curse or engage in other activity deemed to be questionable.
4. Perhaps she would engage in leisurely pursuits like swimming with the children and walks in the park on a daily basis.
5. She also might be involved in mommy-toddler groups and hang out with other sahms en mass.
6. She is most likely a high school graduate, though not a college graduate, as she probably chose to forgo higher education in lieu of family.
7. Happily married.
8. Healthy and well cared for.

Why do I conclude this? Because I am a stay at home mom who hears and reads these stereotypes on a routine basis.

Hmm.....

You must watch different movies than I do because my perception of the SAHM has, since some time in the late 70's, been:

1. Smokin' hot and likes to wander around in bikini's when the pool boy comes over.
2. Hangs out with other SAHM's and when I say "hangs out" I mean it!
3. Isn't much of a cook but is amazingly creative with spatulas and hand mixers.
4. Takes long, leisurely bubble baths and makes sure she's really, really clean.
5. Sends her son out for cigarettes but entertains his friend while he's away.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

That was supposed to be humorous.

I was born with a chip on my shoulder - there's nothing I can do about it. :)

But I sense some seriousness there - most people claim to abhor Twilight though they've never read it.

I've at least read it - and I admit it.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

I was born with a chip on my shoulder - there's nothing I can do about it. :)

But I sense some seriousness there - most people claim to abhor Twilight though they've never read it.

I've at least read it - and I admit it.

I've never read it, but I've seen the first movie (hated it) and heard about the books from my sister (she was reading them before the movie was talked about). I just don't think I would care for them. I prefer strong female leads that are around my age, although I don't mind some male leads (lately I've been reading the Dresden Files). And I prefer long-term series to books that are destined to only have a few and end.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

But I sense some seriousness there - most people claim to abhor Twilight though they've never read it.


I've managed through 1 and 3.
 
The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

If you're part of a group, community or even hold a position but engage in constructive criticism of that then people will doubt you.

I suppose no example would be more apt here than a liberal or conservative criticising liberals or conservatives respectively and then having their credentials questioned.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

I've never read it, but I've seen the first movie (hated it) and heard about the books from my sister (she was reading them before the movie was talked about). I just don't think I would care for them. I prefer strong female leads that are around my age, although I don't mind some male leads (lately I've been reading the Dresden Files). And I prefer long-term series to books that are destined to only have a few and end.

It is very hard to find well written stories that are from the male perspective / have male MC's - that aren't stereotypical male. I prefer it above all, but what I think constitutes as a good book seems to violate the laws of publishing. I'm still looking for something to thoroughly wrap myself in that doesn't center around war and twisted personalities.

In the meantime, I'm reading a variety of stories from different genres though I've only been drawn into them so-so. When I started to edit, I became a tough nut to crack. I'm always wanting to whip out the red pen and edit the stupid thing to hell and back.

I've managed through 1 and 3.

LOL - now that I understand. I don't like the grammatically butchered conversational style 1st person that's becoming more popular these days - so her writing style irritated me. I did like her characters, though - save for Bella. I couldn't stand her.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

If you're part of a group, community or even hold a position but engage in constructive criticism of that then people will doubt you.

I suppose no example would be more apt here than a liberal or conservative criticising liberals or conservatives respectively and then having their credentials questioned.

What exactly are you referring to? I think I packed my OP too full, that could apply to several thing sand I don't want to jump to conclusions here.

Do you mean that as in: "I'm discounting what you say because you're a stay at home mom / working mom?"
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

My Stay at Home Mom reality:
I’m educated, I have a 4.0 in college, though, because I am a mother and a military wife, I’ve yet to graduate. I’m an aspiring author, it’s a leisure pursuit but I do have a murder mystery in the works that I intend on publish one day. I am a do-it-yourselfer, as how my husband’s often deployed, I’ve had to take on all of our home renovations without help. I’ve also had to take on vehicle maintenance and lawn-care. In fact, everything I didn’t do ten years ago, I do now. I could go on, all of this is very much NOT Stay at Home approved.

Military SAHM's are by far superior (on average) to the average SAHM, mostly because they have to take on the additional responsibilities that the working spouse would normally do (assuming a marriage where the couple try to work together overall). That is not to degrade, dismiss or otherwise sterotype a civilian SAHM. It is simple fact that non-military couple don't usually have to have so much fall upon the one spouse.

BTW, SAHD's are just as badly stereotyped as SAHM's, in different ways, and both deserve a round of applause for what they sacrifice for their families.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

Military SAHM's are by far superior (on average) to the average SAHM, mostly because they have to take on the additional responsibilities that the working spouse would normally do (assuming a marriage where the couple try to work together overall). That is not to degrade, dismiss or otherwise sterotype a civilian SAHM. It is simple fact that non-military couple don't usually have to have so much fall upon the one spouse.

BTW, SAHD's are just as badly stereotyped as SAHM's, in different ways, and both deserve a round of applause for what they sacrifice for their families.

That's true, actually, I think the stereotype for dad's is a little worse - they're seen as inferior males.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

None of these things can't be accomplished by working moms or even stay at home dads (they do exist), who themselves are often inspirations. What irks me is when someone like Romney's wife, who *never worked a day in her life* is defended by their opponent as "having the hardest job ever." No...that would be the presidency. Having to babysit the senate, i can't imagine.

But look, you choose to have kids, fine. You do what you want. But let's not pretend it doesn't entail being a financially dependent adult. Further, she's going to have quite a difficult time entering the work force in 20 years if it comes to that. My aunt is in this position and totally screwed when child support runs out in a year.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

What exactly are you referring to? I think I packed my OP too full, that could apply to several thing sand I don't want to jump to conclusions here.

Do you mean that as in: "I'm discounting what you say because you're a stay at home mom / working mom?"

No. I mean if you're part of something and don't portray it as all peaches and roses people question if you are what you claim you are. I'm not specifically talking about you, or me, or SAHM, people get uncomfortable with divergence from group think.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

No. I mean if you're part of something and don't portray it as all peaches and roses people question if you are what you claim you are. I'm not specifically talking about you, or me, or SAHM, people get uncomfortable with divergence from group think.

Yes, this - this is where it all starts. I don't pretend it's the greatest thing since sliced bread, so some people conclude I'm not doing it.

Hell, I don't like going to college but I'm still doing it - and complaining about my course load never makes someone question whether I'm a college student or not.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

This is a great thread Auntie, but I disagree on two things.

1. The only common trait among stay at home moms is that they are women who have children and they stay at home.

2. And I absolutely disagree that they are judged more harshly by men than working women.
I remember during pick-up time at school, the working moms were like a closed group, really kind of condescending, who looked down on the homeworkers.
The dads were much more receptive and respectful.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

This is a great thread Auntie, but I disagree on two things.

1. The only common trait among stay at home moms is that they are women who have children and they stay at home.

2. And I absolutely disagree that they are judged more harshly by men than working women.
I remember during pick-up time at school, the working moms were like a closed group, really kind of condescending, who looked down on the homeworkers.
The dads were much more receptive and respectful.

I think this goes two ways.

There's the type of working woman who think SAHM's are inherently "disempowered" and chained to the stove, but there's ALSO the type of SAHM who thinks working moms are "bad mothers" who ignore their children.

I don't think one side of this can really be blamed more than the other. They both have people in their group who partake in tearing other women down.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

I love housewives. They were my prey for quite a while in my 20s.

There's just something about a woman who stays home and deals with all the kids and domestics while the neglectful husband goes off to ignore her for 10-12 hours. For me, it's like fishing with dynamite.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

I love housewives. They were my prey for quite a while in my 20s.

There's just something about a woman who stays home and deals with all the kids and domestics while the neglectful husband goes off to ignore her for 10-12 hours. For me, it's like fishing with dynamite.

**** off Gipper.

I'm actually tired of you invading every single ****ing thread with some sexist joke or snark about titties and ass.

Go to lushstories and ham it up over there where that **** is not only welcomed, but encouraged - I swear to god.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

**** off Gipper.

I'm actually tired of you invading every single ****ing thread with some sexist joke or snark about titties and ass.

Go to lushstories and ham it up over there where that **** is not only welcomed, but encouraged - I swear to god.

th
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

None of these things can't be accomplished by working moms or even stay at home dads (they do exist), who themselves are often inspirations. What irks me is when someone like Romney's wife, who *never worked a day in her life* is defended by their opponent as "having the hardest job ever." No...that would be the presidency. Having to babysit the senate, i can't imagine.

But look, you choose to have kids, fine. You do what you want. But let's not pretend it doesn't entail being a financially dependent adult. Further, she's going to have quite a difficult time entering the work force in 20 years if it comes to that. My aunt is in this position and totally screwed when child support runs out in a year.

Eh. It's not really that big a deal. My mother spent twenty years out of the workforce to stay home. It took her a couple of years to break back in (especially in this economy), but she eventually managed to do it.

It just required that she go to back to school to acquire some new skills.
 
Re: The Stay at Home Mom Stereotype

Eh. It's not really that big a deal. My mother spent twenty years out of the workforce to stay home. It took her a couple of years to break back in (especially in this economy), but she eventually managed to do it.

It just required that she go to back to school to acquire some new skills.

Now now, don't upset her. Just walk away and try back in 3-5 days.
 
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