The secret to happiness. (1 Viewer)

[Barnabas Collins]

http://www.biopsychiatry.com/happiness/

While our modern western society teaches that materialism is the secret to happiness (buy this or buy that, get this much money, have this career) it seems people are more depressed than ever. What do people think about the suggestions in this article or its basic observations?

 

[Real Korimyr #9]

Personally, I think the article is spot-on. Not sure I have anything else to say about it.

 

[anie]

I believe that they’re right in this article. People aren’t created to feel happiness from buying stuff; we were created for feeling real happiness from being with our family and friends, the ones we love. Material things can’t replace a human being.
I do believe that for a while, material things can create happiness. I.e. an “average Joe” who win a great amount of money at the lottery, looses a lot of stress when he don’t have to worry about bills or money problems, which can be related to being happier. Even though after a while he will turn back to his “old me” and become as unhappy as before.

And just as Naia, the kid with Down’s syndrome, I think being happily unknowing is better than unhappily knowing. Like in the story Mice and Men, Lennie is the one who is happy because he’s doesn’t realize how bad their situation is. Meanwhile George, the man with the biggest intelligence, is the one who is unhappy.

 

[CaptainCourtesy]

Interesting. Martin Seligman (prominently mentioned in the article) is kind of the mentor for my current boss/director of the practice that I work out of. I have Authentic Happiness sitting right on my desk and have gone to many inservices about positive psychology. The article got it right when it discusses the sources of happiness.

A personal story:

A couple of years ago I was doing a family therapy session with a 17-year-old girl and her parents. Her parents asked her why she wasn't happy. The girl responded by saying that, amongst many things, she felt like her parents didn't give her what she needed. Her mother, defensively, responded with, 'what do you mean? We give you everything. You have all the clothes you want, a car, live in a beautiful house, and get money whenever you ask. What more could you want?' The girl, calmly, responded with, 'I know and I appreciate all those things. But what I need is for you to listen to me and to show that you love meby saying it or hugging me once in a while.' Sadly, I'm not sure if her parents really got it, at the time. Just one of those things, though, that pointed out to me what the true nature of happiness is.

 

[AlexB]

I cannot do anything else than agree with the article. Happiness is so much more than just having a lot of money to spend. Of course having good job is helping you a bit on “the way to happiness”, but it does not automatically mean you will be happy. And even poor child in Africa can be happy! I think dreams are important to be happy, because they give you a reason to fulfil them, a goal for your life. You also need to have a hard time every now and then, because if you would be “constantly happy” you wouldn’t appreciate what you have. The poet Anicius Manlius Severinus Boëthius described fortune as a spinning wheel, sometimes you are on the top and sometimes at the bottom of it.

But happiness is, as said in the article, not only something you can have for yourself. As the saying goes “Shared joy is a double joy” and that is, in my opinion, true. Because the happiest times of your life are together with other people, friends, partners or your family.

Some people might not have understand it, but living standard and quality of life are two different things. Just because you are rich does not mean you are happy. Dreams and people you love and are loved by makes you happy. My Civics B teacher showed me an index of these two, and a lot of “poor” countries were on the top of the quality of life index. That proves you can be happy, even though your standard of living is low.

 

[1069]

Very good article.
This bit in particular jumped out at me:
"Life satisfaction occurs most often when people are engaged in absorbing activities that cause them to forget themselves, lose track of time and stop worrying."

So often, I hear parents saying to kids (and especially to sullen adolescents), "How can you be miserable when you're ____?"
"____" could be anything from "at Disney World" to "at the beach" to "on your way to a huge turkey dinner at grandma's house".

I think the key here is, different activities engage different individuals.
As parents, it is our job to introduce our children to a wide spectrum of positive activities, and hope they take a liking to some of them.
But in order to truly engage in an activity, one must choose the activity for oneself, not have it thrust upon one, no matter how much conventional wisdom insists that said activity is fun and exciting.
In the final analysis, each of us need to find our own activities in which to lose ourselves. The same activities don't work for everyone.
Boredom is like a poison in the blood.

 

[Jerry]

The Secret of Happiness ?

While our modern western society teaches that materialism is the secret to happiness (buy this or buy that, get this much money, have this career) it seems people are more depressed than ever. What do people think about the suggestions in this article or its basic observations?

His Holiness the Doli Lama teaches us to shed our "comparative mind"; to not compare ourselves to others nor compare them to us.

It's nice to see modern science finally starting to catch up with what religion has known for thousands of years.

 

[rathi]

Psychology is one of the weaker branches of science. Its predictive power is limited in most applications, and it cannot hope to control for all of the variables in the phenomena that it attempts to explain. Happiness is a elusive term that is very difficult to objectively define. This whole argument certainly can draw some vague correlations, but nothing beyond that. This whole thing is a bit circumspect from its core, which is looking for evidence to support a social claim against materialism.

 

[Patrickt]

While I agreed with many points in the article, I believe happiness is more personalized. What makes one person happy may not make another person happy. That said, I don't think "stuff" makes people happy.

I haven't figured out why but a lot of people thoroughly enjoy being miserable and reject anything that threatens their misery.

 

[Jasmine]

After you've read this article you see that happiness isn't just about having everything "perfect". Your life is not only ment to be happy just because you have a healthy child. You can have a child who is suffering with some type of disease and you'll probably be taken alot more extra care about your child and so on...but that shouldn't affect your relationship with your child in some kind of bad way. Even if your child is sick, you're actuallt happy anyways because still you can live happily together just like you would've done with a healthy child. So even though you live with many/some difficulties you are still enjoying your life. It's how you live your life that matters, your family and friends. They play a big roll in this part, lets say a rich boy could get almost whatever he'd like to have but take his parents for an exception, then you really wouldn't call his life that great hah?? But maybe a boy from a "normal" family doesn't have the same apportunity as the rich one, but he has something much better, his parents are always there for him no matter what. And that's so much better than having lots of money. So you see, money doesn't always matter at all, so instead think about other things that can make your life better for you. The article even meantioned that gratidute helps you to feel happy, and that's true. If you don't have anything to feel gradefull for, maybe you would just live misserbaly for the rest of your life??

 

[Lena]

I don't think that people are more depressed than ever, but if they were, it would be because of all the material things they want. They concentrate on what they want and how they're going to get it, to a degree that makes them forget about being happy. I wouldn't want to preach any clichés about how love is the only real happiness, since material things will always be something everyone want's, and if it makes you happier, then great!

 

[Oggie]

Usually I don't say this, but in general I totally agree with all the theorys in the article.

Not that I am depressed at all, but I've noticed that a lot of people actually are. Specially teenagers. I think the avarage teenager was happier 15 or more years ago compared to now, and I do believe the growing materialism is the reason.

What kind of people are the happiest? I have a friends of all types. Those who are really good looking, those who are as ugly as you can get, those who are pretty poor, those who are extremly rich. From my own experiences, I can draw the conclution; hapiness does not (at least for teenagers) have to do with how you look and how much money you got. Niether performence in school and your temporary grades has a big infuelnce on your genaral happiness, even though I think graduating could give a person a lot of happiness. A gradution is an indication of that you've done something in your life, and you can be happy about it for the rest of your life.

Money and good looks is something you get use to very fast compared to having a family and friends, and having good people around you in general. People living with the fear of not performing and allways reach for being better/as good as other people have easier to get depressed.

I think relaxed people with not too high expectations and caring people surrounding them are the happiest. They have the most longlasting happiness!

 

[Teh masterer]

K, you cant lose what you dont have right? If you were to be forced to live in the 1600s you may think its horrible due to the lack of television etc. This is because you have watched television and you have the knowledge of that it exists and therefore you can lack it. What differs us from animals? We can create stuff and we can find happiness from it. Why deny this? Stuff does give happiness deal with it. Just because some lazy low income family and some fourth grade whatever welder feel they need to find an excuse to lie and deny to themselves so that they can be happy for no apparent reason does not mean "the secret of happiness" has been found. Sure i could be really happy that im alive, but only after ive been on the brink of death. Im used to taking my life for granted. And so will anyone eventually, even the ones who have been on the Virge of death. You attain something new, you get used to it, you want something else. Human nature. Go away hippy's.


"From my own experiences, I can draw the conclution; hapiness does not (at least for teenagers) have to do with how you look and how much money you got."

You can be happy without money and looks, but having these things will undoubtedly increase your happiness and provide ease for alot of things.

 

[CaptainCourtesy]

K, you cant lose what you dont have right? If you were to be forced to live in the 1600s you may think its horrible due to the lack of television etc. This is because you have watched television and you have the knowledge of that it exists and therefore you can lack it. What differs us from animals? We can create stuff and we can find happiness from it. Why deny this? Stuff does give happiness deal with it. Just because some lazy low income family and some fourth grade whatever welder feel they need to find an excuse to lie and deny to themselves so that they can be happy for no apparent reason does not mean "the secret of happiness" has been found. Sure i could be really happy that im alive, but only after ive been on the brink of death. Im used to taking my life for granted. And so will anyone eventually, even the ones who have been on the Virge of death. You attain something new, you get used to it, you want something else. Human nature. Go away hippy's.


"From my own experiences, I can draw the conclution; hapiness does not (at least for teenagers) have to do with how you look and how much money you got."

You can be happy without money and looks, but having these things will undoubtedly increase your happiness and provide ease for alot of things.

I think you're missing the point here. The article doesn't claim that material objects have no place in creating happiness; it discusses how material objects are not the main factor; other things have much more importance. The fact that one who has many possesions might not be happy, whereas one who has few might be illustrates this.

 

[Justagurl]

I think you're missing the point here. The article doesn't claim that material objects have no place in creating happiness; it discusses how material objects are not the main factor; other things have much more importance. The fact that one who has many possesions might not be happy, whereas one who has few might be illustrates this.

I totally agree ! Money can adversely or positively effect one's happiness in a number of ways.

Dr Richard Tunney, Psychology Lecturer at The University of Nottingham, said: “The old saying 'money can't buy you happiness' may not be true, but traditional family values, a comfortable home and financial security are clearly key elements to a happy life.

Link

 

[fina.]

The Secret of Happiness ?

While our modern western society teaches that materialism is the secret to happiness (buy this or buy that, get this much money, have this career) it seems people are more depressed than ever. What do people think about the suggestions in this article or its basic observations?

I agree that yes this article is probably right, and it is a basic observation. Many of us feel that we rather have family than money, some of us don't. Everyone knows that in todays society having and buying is a big thing, but i believe that this changes depending on where at in your life you are, even thou as our society develops people are going to let go of the "having" as much as possible later and later in their lives and never learn to be satisfied, sadly. Yet can money really buy you happiness?
Yes, they can, or it depends on in what perspective.
For example money could get you your life back if you were extreamly sick but didn't have enough money to get medicine. Also who knows in the future you might be able to buy your own family...it is already happend.
I think that in the future this article will be seen differently because we can already look at the materialism development and think about how its going to look like in the future if it keeps on developing like this.

 

[Oggie]

K, you cant lose what you dont have right? If you were to be forced to live in the 1600s you may think its horrible due to the lack of television etc. This is because you have watched television and you have the knowledge of that it exists and therefore you can lack it. What differs us from animals? We can create stuff and we can find happiness from it. Why deny this? Stuff does give happiness deal with it. Just because some lazy low income family and some fourth grade whatever welder feel they need to find an excuse to lie and deny to themselves so that they can be happy for no apparent reason does not mean "the secret of happiness" has been found. Sure i could be really happy that im alive, but only after ive been on the brink of death. Im used to taking my life for granted. And so will anyone eventually, even the ones who have been on the Virge of death. You attain something new, you get used to it, you want something else. Human nature. Go away hippy's.


"From my own experiences, I can draw the conclution; hapiness does not (at least for teenagers) have to do with how you look and how much money you got."

You can be happy without money and looks, but having these things will undoubtedly increase your happiness and provide ease for alot of things.

Hey Masterer.

"You can be happy without money and looks, but having these things will undoubtedly increase your happiness and provide ease for alot of things."

You're not totally right there. Of course if you're very poor and bad looking, and you're for example in a school where everyone is beautiful and rich, it will affect you in a bad way. But if you compare like..two cities or villages; one where the people have a really good economic situation, and one where everyones is kinda poor (with that I don't mean like..starving). Then I doubt that the avarage person in the rich city must be happier then in the poor one. Or what do you think Masterer? You see what I mean?

Adios!

 

[Oggie]

K, you cant lose what you dont have right? If you were to be forced to live in the 1600s you may think its horrible due to the lack of television etc. This is because you have watched television and you have the knowledge of that it exists and therefore you can lack it. What differs us from animals? We can create stuff and we can find happiness from it. Why deny this? Stuff does give happiness deal with it. Just because some lazy low income family and some fourth grade whatever welder feel they need to find an excuse to lie and deny to themselves so that they can be happy for no apparent reason does not mean "the secret of happiness" has been found. Sure i could be really happy that im alive, but only after ive been on the brink of death. Im used to taking my life for granted. And so will anyone eventually, even the ones who have been on the Virge of death. You attain something new, you get used to it, you want something else. Human nature. Go away hippy's.


"From my own experiences, I can draw the conclution; hapiness does not (at least for teenagers) have to do with how you look and how much money you got."

You can be happy without money and looks, but having these things will undoubtedly increase your happiness and provide ease for alot of things.

By the way Masterer, partly I really like the theory you presented about "you can't loose what you've never had" n' stuff.

 

[1069]

I think a large part of happiness is the right to self-determination, which is why teenagers are often so surly, and is also why slaves aren't typically "happy" (no matter how well they are treated by their masters), why blacks weren't happy in the Jim Crow South, why people tend not to be "happy" under colonial rule.
It explains why women were ultimately not happy being housewives back in the McCarthy era no matter how many kitchen appliances they owned, or how nice a ranch house they occupied, or how nice a suburb they lived in. This discontent caused them to revolt and led to women's lib and the feminist movement of the 60s.
Some women are now happy being housewives, the very fate they grandmothers rebelled against back in the 40s and 50s. This is because women now have the right and the opportunity to work outside the home if they want to. If they choose not to, they are making a choice. Nobody is forcing them not to work.
Self-determination.

I think besides self-determination, another, lesser factor of "being happy" is being accepted as you are, and not having to live a lie because society at large has deemed you unacceptable.
I can't imagine that in-the-closet gays are "happy" very much of the time.
And those who come out of the closet are forced to accept open discrimination, to resign themselves to a life outside the mainstream, a life on the fringes of society.
I say this is a "lesser factor" because it doesn't effect all of us, but it does effect those of us whom society has- for one reason or another- deemed unacceptable, beyond the pale, either because of our actions or because of circumstances beyond our control.
I believe this is ultimately also a self-determination issue, however. When society deems one unacceptable and discriminates against one, then one lacks- to some extent- the right to self-determination.
When one is forbidden by law to marry the person one loves and raise one's children together, I would imagine happiness is an elusive concept.

 

[CoffeeSaint]

I think the interesting points in this article are more about the attitudes they correlate to happiness: gratitude and a willingness to forgive. I'm not sure I'd term them that way myself, but this is the element that spoke to me. I think this sort of open minded acceptance, the optimism about people and the life that is required for one to be willing to forgive, is very much a key to happiness.

I don't quite agree with the "social over material" emphasis. I am an extremely private person in life -- very nearly a hermit. I don't have any friends, and I don't want them. I have my wife and my pets, and that's it; other people tend to annoy me as much as they amuse me. I prefer solitude. Because of that, my happiness comes more from self-actualization; when I feel I have improved myself, or I have accomplished something I can be proud of, I am happy. That feeling can sometimes come from material possessions, though not merely from the ownership of them. When I complete home improvement projects, for instance, I feel good about myself, and that makes me happy; obviously I couldn't do those things if I didn't have the material means.

So: of course my case doesn't disprove what the article says; a satisfying social life certainly is more important than materialism. But the implication that the road to happiness is to surround one's self with family and friends is not entirely true. I think finding happiness in yourself is also a key to a happy life.

 

[Celebros]

The Secret of Happiness ?

While our modern western society teaches that materialism is the secret to happiness (buy this or buy that, get this much money, have this career) it seems people are more depressed than ever. What do people think about the suggestions in this article or its basic observations?

It is a shame that we are so materialized in the 21'st century. Children wanting more and more toys. Teenagers wanting more and more technical gadgets. Adults wanting more and more . . . money? I guess in what age we are we all want more stuff, and better stuff than the Joneses.

In my family this year we're not going to give each other many presents, mostly because all of the children, A.K.A me and my two brothers, have passed the "toy-stage". Now we want more expensive stuff. Like designer jeans or expensive china. My parents are soon going to retire so they don't want any more kitchen supplies. I guess what we all want is to spend some quality time with each other, just relax and enjoy Christmas.

Like in the article with Naia:
"That was a few years ago. Now Naia is a 4-year-old people magnet with a great sense of humour, the first Down syndrome child to be "mainstreamed" at the preschool for University of Virginia staff. (Greg teaches in the business school.) She walked late, talked late and is potty-training late - just as her parents expected. "And so what?" Tierney asks. "She's brought us a huge amount of joy because she's such a happy child."
She is not the perfect child but she has a wonderful personality. She makes people laugh and, maybe not at such a young age, but doesn't take herself so seriously. It's refreshing, and also a little bit strange, if all the habitants of the world would have Down syndrome we all would be happier. Maybe if we had Down syndrome there wouldn't be war?

Celebros.

 

[1069]

It's refreshing, and also a little bit strange, if all the habitants of the world would have Down syndrome we all would be happier.

As a close relative of someone with Down Syndrome, I'll tell you right now that it's a fallacy, a common misconception, that people with Down Syndrome are invariably happy and good-natured.
They have all the usual moods, they get pissed off sometimes just like everyone else.
They enjoy material things as much as anyone.

Maybe if we had Down syndrome there wouldn't be war?

Well. Perhaps if we all had Down Syndome, there wouldn't be much of anything.

Your point...?

 

[HumbertHumbert]

"Materialism is toxic for happiness," says University of Illinois psychologist Ed Diener.

Really? Too much materialism might be toxic for happiness but I'd say the same about too little materialism. Happiness, I suppose, is equal to balance.
Everyone is different and everyone feels happy from different things.
This article seems to be preaching about how if you live your life the right way, being a good person and giving to charity blah blah - then you automatically will be happy. And, god forbid, if you're not, then clearly there's something wrong with you! I don't agree with it at all.
Everyone has such different needs, emotionally & psychically, and an article like that does nothing but fool the people who are searching for true happiness. If you don't do those things that they suggest; if you don't love the whole world, if you hate your neighbours dog and so on, are you a bad and unhappy person? Not neccessarely.
Everyone has the right to choose their own way to being happy, whether it is considered bad or not, and no one has the right to stop a person from doing that.

In my opinion, true happiness does not come from having the latest Ipod but neither does it come from giving 5$ to the children of Africa; it comes from the feeling of being fulfilled, I think, as a person. To feel that way you need love, stability, success..all those things that humans at heart usually really desire.

 

[Lilli]

I don't think that materialism itself and the stuff that we buy that make people unhappy. I believe it's the search for something better. The fact that we always want a new pair of jeans, the newest phone, that mp3 player that our friend has and so on. And when you've got that you want something else, something even newer or more expensive. We always want something that is better than what we allready have, or than someone else has. We never get satisfied. I believe that we in someway think that all these things will change who we are. Maybe make you a better person. Or just a lot cooler. People want to improve their life and change something so they go out and search for the right product that can help them to create a image. But unfortunately this is not the answer. When that new phone didn't make you feel like a better person, it didn't give you more respect and no one thought you were super cool just because you had the newest phone, except maybe you. So when will we realize that it's not the things that define who we are? And when will we understand that if you want to improve or change your life you have to search deeper inside yourself?

I saw a really good commercial on TV, I think it was for somekind of credit card. There was a man saying something like "You're not the jeans you're wearing, you're not the car you're driving...." and so on. It hit me that it was probably the first time that I thought a commercial made a good point.

To finish maybe I should say that I'm probably the most materialistic girl ever. But it's a good thought right?:2razz: :roll:

 

[Eda]

I also agree with this article as many have done before me. Of course you're much happier if you have friends and family who loves you. But I don't think material things is such an important factor for being happy. Money do help a lot in life but a poor family can be even happier then a rich family. One thing which make you happy is to know what is important in life, to know what to focus and spend time on. I have noticed that people that have experienced something horrible, like a close friend who dies, find it easier to know what is important. I think this is a shame. Do you must go through something horrible to be happy?
What life really is about is to be happy and enjoy it. The sooner you realize what make you happy, the longer you'll enjoy life.