The Secret Life of Jimmyjack

wackestmc · Apr 25, 2006

We can all agree that throughout time, there's been a large insect that seems to have burrowed itself into Jimmyjack's anus.

After hours of scientific research, snooping, hiring P.I.'s, and rounding up several photographers, we seem to have limitted the possiblities down to two suspects:

A strangely grotesque and dangerous insect covered in sharp spines. The lead scientist seems to have a theory on the connection between the pain of the spines slowly moving through Jimmyjack's rectum and his insistent bitching.
OR
A right wing televangelist. The televangelist is beleived to have been taking over Jimmyjack's brain and filling his mind with some sort of chemical forcing him to rant incoherently, dodge the issue, then muster up the courage to stop masturbating to internet porn and finally cry himself to sleep.

While news of his detainment is still unsure, the scientists beleive that there is hope for this fool is they can only hold him down long enough to remove the insect without Jimmyjack calling them "queers."

Any news I uncover will surely be reported...

wackestmc · Apr 25, 2006

NEWS UPDATE!

Jimmyjack was finally detained after being pulled out a church confessional, found wallowing in alcohol, filth, and closet preist love.

While any pictorials of the immense operation currently ongoing Jimmyjack's condition are far too graphic to expose here, they have sent us an illustration of the technique they are using.

The doctor said that the outpatient's post-op condition maybe unsure, they cannot tell whether or not the removal of the insect will reverse the constant psychological damage caused by the trauma.

ngdawg · Apr 25, 2006

wackestmc said:
NEWS UPDATE!

Jimmyjack was finally detained after being pulled out a church confessional, found wallowing in alcohol, filth, and closet preist love.

While any pictorials of the immense operation currently ongoing Jimmyjack's condition are far too graphic to expose here, they have sent us an illustration of the technique they are using.

The doctor said that the outpatient's post-op condition maybe unsure, they cannot tell whether or not the removal of the insect will reverse the constant psychological damage caused by the trauma.

So along with the insect and some residual fecal matter, how much brain matter ended up being extracted as well?

wackestmc · Apr 25, 2006

ngdawg said:
So along with the insect and some residual fecal matter, how much brain matter ended up being extracted as well?

Surprisingly, none. I asked the doctor about it and he said that the absolute lack of any resulted in this phenomena.

ngdawg · Apr 25, 2006

wackestmc said:
Surprisingly, none. I asked the doctor about it and he said that the absolute lack of any resulted in this phenomena.

So, we can conclude from this that he is, indeed a moronic a$$hole?:mrgreen:

I'd go to hell for that if I believed in hell

wackestmc · Apr 26, 2006

Exactly.

Folks, we have an update.

Though the insect/televangelist has been removed, it seems that the entire process only bittered his psychological state!

Doctors recommend that he is beyond help, and that he is now a health problem to open society;

"His rampant droning and dodginess is enough to make even the most reasonable man consider either animalistic genocide, or slow painful suicide. We beleive Jimmyjack to be what is now considered a classified epidemic. We beleive the only hope for humanity is his demise."
-Doctor Spootnitz

BE WARNED! IF YOU SCOUT THE jIMMYJACK EPIDEMIC HITTING ANY THREADS AROUND YOU, EXERCISE EXTREME CAUTION! WARN THE CORRECT AUTHORITIES.

wackestmc · Apr 26, 2006

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a report.
As predicted in post #6, Jimmyjack has been detained for five days by proper authorities for mental evaluation and therapy applied there within.

They have prepared a room for him comlpete with anal outmoint for proper healing so Jimmyjack's behavior won't reflect his sore anus, a Bible excluding all predeterminated black marks through the texts, and tissues for his sobbing eyes.

Local authorities suspect wackestmc to be the prime cause of Jimmyjack's capture. when press questioned wackestmc on this, his only reply was;

"Sometimes being a badass ganja-smoking pirate just kicks too much ***."

Further deliberations will be released after the five day mandatory sentence.

cnredd · Apr 26, 2006

wackestmc said:
Local authorities suspect wackestmc to be the prime cause of Jimmyjack's capture. when press questioned wackestmc on this, his only reply was;

"Sometimes being a badass ganja-smoking pirate just kicks too much ***."

Are you taking credit for my work?!?!?!...

Enola/Alone · Apr 26, 2006

Has the patient been screened for "de dreaded homoshekualitee" yet? If so, I awit the results with baited breath.

wackestmc · Apr 26, 2006

Cnred, of course I wouldn't take credit for ya. Besides which, where do you think I got my ganja and eye patches!? You of course!

And yes, after furthing testing, we find one Jimmyjack, to be a comlpete and utter homosexual...hm, very, unnatural I guess you'd say?

cnredd · Apr 26, 2006

wackestmc said:
Cnred, of course I wouldn't take credit for ya. Besides which, where do you think I got my ganja and eye patches!? You of course!

And yes, after furthing testing, we find one Jimmyjack, to be a comlpete and utter homosexual...hm, very, unnatural I guess you'd say?

When did "cnredd" become "Cnred"?...:doh

ngdawg · Apr 26, 2006

cnredd said:
When did "cnredd" become "Cnred"?...:doh

Damn...looks like someone cut your 'd' off, dude...

wackestmc · Apr 26, 2006

ngdawg said:
Damn...looks like someone cut your 'd' off, dude...

I'm a wonderful speller.

I'll tappe the D back on by the way! I promise!:2wave:

ngdawg · Apr 26, 2006

wackestmc said:
I'm a wonderful speller.

I'll tappe the D back on by the way! I promise!:2wave:

Would you like me to take that extra P off your hands?:lamo

BodiSatva · Apr 26, 2006

.....lol.....

wackestmc · Apr 27, 2006

ngdawg said:
Would you like me to take that extra P off your hands?:lamo

Thanke ewe kindely.

I'm on a friggin' roll!

wackestmc · Apr 27, 2006

WE HAVE A NEWS BREAKTHROUGH.

Jimmyjack, while detained and facing his sentence, has been using his obligatory communication rights to control the boards as to see they will never be from bullshit.

Jimmyjack quickly confided in known allie, one Jamesrage. Jimmyjack is reported to have said;

"James! They've figured out my truths! Go to plan B!"

Jamesrage, however, is not so tactful in his moves. When questioned by the press, Jamesrage retorted;

"Well, Jimmy called me up and said that the board was going to be free of horseshit for a while, and I really can't stand true debates...especially when people challenge the only true source of citation; God. So, I plan on using essentially the same tactics Jimmy used; you know, dodging the issue, making assumptions and claims as to tarnish others intent and point, and basically filling every ear possible with complete horseshit."

I asked the doctors if they intended to capture Jamesrage as well for the same scrutiny Jimmy's facing; the doctor only told me that instead of bothering in this case, the local authorities have simply posted a dead or alive wanted ad, the reward being a clue or two about how to actually debate. I inquired the police on this, who stated;

"Yes, it's true. We're on an all out hunt for Jamesrage; anyone who comes across him is encouraged to kill with lethal force, particularly slowly and painfully, i.e., homosexual rape."

The warrant's out there, I suggest we get on it.

ngdawg · Apr 27, 2006

wackestmc said:
WE HAVE A NEWS BREAKTHROUGH.

Jimmyjack, while detained and facing his sentence, has been using his obligatory communication rights to control the boards as to see they will never be from bullshit.

Jimmyjack quickly confided in known allie, one Jamesrage. Jimmyjack is reported to have said;

"James! They've figured out my truths! Go to plan B!"

Jamesrage, however, is not so tactful in his moves. When questioned by the press, Jamesrage retorted;

"Well, Jimmy called me up and said that the board was going to be free of horseshit for a while, and I really can't stand true debates...especially when people challenge the only true source of citation; God. So, I plan on using essentially the same tactics Jimmy used; you know, dodging the issue, making assumptions and claims as to tarnish others intent and point, and basically filling every ear possible with complete horseshit."

I asked the doctors if they intended to capture Jamesrage as well for the same scrutiny Jimmy's facing; the doctor only told me that instead of bothering in this case, the local authorities have simply posted a dead or alive wanted ad, the reward being a clue or two about how to actually debate. I inquired the police on this, who stated;

"Yes, it's true. We're on an all out hunt for Jamesrage; anyone who comes across him is encouraged to kill with lethal force, particularly slowly and painfully, i.e., homosexual rape."

The warrant's out there, I suggest we get on it.

In other words, someone is going to phuck his brains out? Cool...
/me gets her camera ready:mrgreen:

wackestmc · Apr 27, 2006

ngdawg said:
In other words, someone is going to phuck his brains out? Cool...
/me gets her camera ready:mrgreen:

CAMERAS AREN'T NATURAL!

ngdawg · Apr 27, 2006

wackestmc said:
CAMERAS AREN'T NATURAL!

Cameras are on earth, correct? And earth is natural, therefore cameras are natural, therefore taking a picture of JR getting his brains phucked is natural.
Ok...that scared even me....:shock:

wackestmc · Apr 27, 2006

ngdawg said:
Cameras are on earth, correct? And earth is natural, therefore cameras are natural, therefore taking a picture of JR getting his brains phucked is natural.
Ok...that scared even me....:shock:

Yeeeeaaaah, guess you're right, I suppose, though my two thousand year old book-of-all-things-evident doesn't say so.

I'd PAY for those pictures.

talloulou · Apr 27, 2006

Anyone know what exactly Jimmyjack was banned for? I love good smack but somehow when the person you're smacking doesn't smack back and isn't even in fact playing it's kinda sad. To borrow a phrase from Korimyr....is it really that fun to club baby seals?

ngdawg · Apr 27, 2006

It's not obvious?
He's a

Simon W. Moon · Apr 27, 2006

talloulou said:
Anyone know what exactly Jimmyjack was banned for?

I'm not sure yet which incident in particular put him over the edge into suspension. I do see a little better than half a dozen public warnings in the past month or so.

Simon W. Moon · Apr 27, 2006

He was suspended for accruing multiple offenses. He just racked up enough them in a short enough period that he went into suspension.
He only has few days left on his suspension. You won't have to miss him for long.

The Secret Life of Jimmyjack

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