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The orgasm gap

Phys251

Purge evil with Justice
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From a few years ago, still an issue today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/.../the-orgasm-gap-simple-truth-sexual-solutions

In one study examining about 800 college students, a 52% orgasm gap was found. That is, 39 percent of women and 91 percent of men said that they usually or always experienced orgasm in partnered sex.

When having sex with a familiar partner, women said they have an orgasm 63% of the time; men said 85% of the time.

Lesbian vs. Straight Sex: There is an orgasm gap between women who identify as lesbian versus straight. Lesbian women have significantly more orgasms than straight women. (For men, orgasm rate doesn’t vary with sexual orientation).

Women Alone vs. With a Partner: Women have more orgasms when they masturbate than when they are with a partner. (In the study with 800 college women, 39% of women said they always orgasm during masturbation while 6% said they always orgasm during sex with a partner).

What's going on here? Why aren't straight women able to get off as well with a partner as lesbian women are, or especially by themselves?
 
Actually, I suspect it's a factor of sensitivity. I remember times when I could last a long time.
..and other times, not so long. (Excuse the pun)
There's also what your partner feels. Could be wrong but aren't woman much more emotional during sex. (That's what the manual says)
 
Actually, I suspect it's a factor of sensitivity. I remember times when I could last a long time.
..and other times, not so long. (Excuse the pun)
There's also what your partner feels. Could be wrong but aren't woman much more emotional during sex. (That's what the manual says)

How come this isn't as much of a problem with lesbian women as with straight women?
 
From a few years ago, still an issue today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/.../the-orgasm-gap-simple-truth-sexual-solutions

What's going on here? Why aren't straight women able to get off as well with a partner as lesbian women are, or especially by themselves?
Interesting study. But I must say that I'm astounded that only 39% orgasm during masturbation. Why isn't that number above the 90% group? Why bother masturbating at all if you're not likely to achieve orgasm? One would think that more women by now would be able to comfortably get themselves off whenever they choose. And with so many popular tools to help, it's even more surprising.
 
How come this isn't as much of a problem with lesbian women as with straight women?
I would assume that, because they have a common frame of reference, women require less trail and error to bring another woman to orgasm than a man would. Men have to learn through trial and error what works and what is uncomfortable for women.
 
How come this isn't as much of a problem with lesbian women as with straight women?
Can't really cite anything to back this up, but generally speaking LGBTQ people are much more open and exploratory when it comes to sexual matters. My personal theory is that lesbians are more willing to explore their sexuality to find what gets them off the straight women who on average have a more negative, narrower, and stigmatized view of female sexuality.
 
I could imagine that a person making the jump from a closeted arrangement to living as openly gay would find that uplifting all by itself.

Also, folks are more or less preoccupied with sex regardless of their orientation, and it seems likely that someone living openly as gay would have a stronger sex drive on average.

Finally, men and women are alien to each other. We experience the world pretty differently, we can barely communicate with each other, and the social pressures are daunting. In many times and places, the notion of a woman enjoying sex, or even wanting to, is pretty shocking all by itself.
 
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Finally, men and women are alien to each other. We experience the world pretty differently, we can barely communicate with each other, and the social pressures are daunting. In many times and places, the notion of a woman enjoying sex, or even wanting to, is pretty shocking all by itself.
What kind of alien females are you hanging out with? Xenomorphs perhaps? This is could not be further from my experience.
 
What kind of alien females are you hanging out with? Xenomorphs perhaps? This is could not be further from my experience.

They are biologically and psychologically distinct from men. Sort of like how humans and apes are 99% the same, but that 1% makes all the difference.

There's nothing preventing ample similarities, but there's no bridging the actual gaps.
 
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From a few years ago, still an issue today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/.../the-orgasm-gap-simple-truth-sexual-solutions

What's going on here? Why aren't straight women able to get off as well with a partner as lesbian women are, or especially by themselves?
I suspect that it is at least partly due to men never being taught that they should please their partner. Too often of being "wham bam thank you ma'am", and women not being clear that such is unacceptable. Naturally masturbating is going to achieve the most success, as you are working with complete and instant feedback. And lesbians will do better on average because they can more easily translate their experience of their own bodies to how other women react. They also don't typically have that attitude of "as long as I get off", that many untrained/uneducated (specifically in sex) men do. And finally, as much progress has been made elsewhere, women, as a whole, are not standing up and demanding their share as well, but continue to "make do".
 
I blame men that do not know what in the hell they are doing.
In my experience, what needs to done can vary greatly between partners. Techniques that work with and are very satisfying for one person won't work with another at all or may even be a complete turn off. Time and learning is often required.
 
Interesting study. But I must say that I'm astounded that only 39% orgasm during masturbation. Why isn't that number above the 90% group? Why bother masturbating at all if you're not likely to achieve orgasm? One would think that more women by now would be able to comfortably get themselves off whenever they choose. And with so many popular tools to help, it's even more surprising.
That was a qualification of always. The question is how many were successful 90% of the time, or other numbers.
 
It is more of an American problem than anything else.
We've allowed our minds to be filled to overflowing with ridiculous expectations and pathetic social norms.
First off, most porn, certainly the commercially produced kind, is more like WWE Wrestling than actual sex, and when people get their expectations fine tuned by porn, it tends to mess things up a bit, or more than a bit.

Second, American women consume an incredible amount of messaging that makes them feel bad about themselves.

If you think The Big Lie is criminal level disinfo, turn around for a moment and pick up Cosmo Magazine.
Yeah, not joking...any of these publications are overflowing with conflicting and confusing messages and gobs of disinformation.
And they've been doing it for decades.

At its core, the drive for sexual satisfaction is supposed to be about expressing affection or, if you're lucky...LOVE.
But too many women find themselves daunted by what they think is "expected" of them, and too many men think they're in some
contest to see how many women they can score with, mostly to impress their other male friends.

If you observe couples who enjoy a warm and fulfilling relationship you notice one thing.
They both engage in a kind of ongoing "love chatter".
It can be silly or serious or something in between but it's a mutually accepted type of communication fine tuned on more levels than the typical interpersonal communication. They speak to each other with a different tone of voice, they make familiar gestures, exchange warm pleasantries, or even just tease each other with humor. But whatever it is, sometimes it's easy to spot.

Whether it's pat phrases that only the couple understands or role playing games that they find entertaining, or just little sweet nothings throughout the day, that "love chatter" sustains the warmth and trust between them.

And those are likely the couples who do have satisfying sexual relations.
 
How come this isn't as much of a problem with lesbian women as with straight women?
I don't know but maybe it's practice, practice, practice. It's also possible that I've being going-about-it the wrong way. In a weird way, I would like to be a woman
for a few days, just to understand the female psyche. Not the sex act. Not kidding, it would be an eye opener.
 
They are biologically and psychologically distinct from men. Sort of like how humans and apes are 99% the same, but that 1% makes all the difference.

There's nothing preventing ample similarities, but there's no bridging the actual gaps.
Damn dude, maybe this is like a generational thing?

The idea that men and women are so different they can’t relate or understand each other to the extent you describe is just completely foreign to me. In college mine and most other friend groups were pretty mixed sex. Many dorms allowed coed living and even had coed bathrooms and shower rooms. Everyone just hung out with each other and mostly just treating everyone like normal human people. I can’t say I’ve ever had a female friend I felt I couldn’t relate to or understand, and I never felt they couldn’t understand me.
 
Damn dude, maybe this is like a generational thing?

The idea that men and women are so different they can’t relate or understand each other to the extent you describe is just completely foreign to me. In college mine and most other friend groups were pretty mixed sex. Many dorms allowed coed living and even had coed bathrooms and shower rooms. Everyone just hung out with each other and mostly just treating everyone like normal human people. I can’t say I’ve ever had a female friend I felt I couldn’t relate to or understand, and I never felt they couldn’t understand me.
Yeah that concept is weird to me too. I have plenty of female friends and we all get along just fine.
 
Damn dude, maybe this is like a generational thing?

The idea that men and women are so different they can’t relate or understand each other to the extent you describe is just completely foreign to me. In college mine and most other friend groups were pretty mixed sex. Many dorms allowed coed living and even had coed bathrooms and shower rooms. Everyone just hung out with each other and mostly just treating everyone like normal human people. I can’t say I’ve ever had a female friend I felt I couldn’t relate to or understand, and I never felt they couldn’t understand me.

Yeah that concept is weird to me too. I have plenty of female friends and we all get along just fine.

It could be a perspective thing, and certainly I'm referring to an "older" way of thinking, but my point is not about getting along with women or enjoying their company, it's about the fundamental differences that transcend all that, for which we have no frame of reference.

Can we not agree there are actual differences between men and women?
 
In one study examining about 800 college students, a 52% orgasm gap was found. That is, 39 percent of women and 91 percent of men said that they usually or always experienced orgasm in partnered sex.

When having sex with a familiar partner, women said they have an orgasm 63% of the time; men said 85% of the time.

So men orgasm 6% more often when not having sex with a familiar partner? We really are pigs.

BTW, every woman I've slept with assured me they orgasm every time. I believe this is true (cough, cough, ahem.)

Ladies, if you don't tell us when we're screwing up (pardon the pun) we can't fix it.
 
It could be a perspective thing, and certainly I'm referring to an "older" way of thinking, but my point is not about getting along with women or enjoying their company, it's about the fundamental differences that transcend all that, for which we have no frame of reference.

Can we not agree there are actual differences between men and women?
Yeah sure, there are differences. But you said this:
Finally, men and women are alien to each other. We experience the world pretty differently, we can barely communicate with each other, and the social pressures are daunting. In many times and places, the notion of a woman enjoying sex, or even wanting to, is pretty shocking all by itself.
"Alien to each other", "the notion of women enjoying sex is shocking", "we can barely communicate with each other".

This does not describe my interactions with women at all. Most of my female friends in college were pretty open about their sexual lives. One even just left her vibrator lying around in her room half the time because she just didn't care. They would talk about how their sex was. Nobody every didn't talk about "girl stuff" or "guy stuff" just because girls or guys happened to be present. The communication issue sounds more like projecting than anything. For the most part, my friend group we all hang out and do the same activities. There wasn't a "girls" and "guys" friend group. It was just one friend group and we all did whatever the group was doing. Watching movies, getting trashed and playing drinking games, shooting each other with nerf guns, breaking into school buildings at night, doing face masks, playing board/video games, studying, whatever.
 
Yeah sure, there are differences. But you said this:

"Alien to each other", "the notion of women enjoying sex is shocking", "we can barely communicate with each other".

This does not describe my interactions with women at all. Most of my female friends in college were pretty open about their sexual lives. One even just left her vibrator lying around in her room half the time because she just didn't care. They would talk about how their sex was. Nobody every didn't talk about "girl stuff" or "guy stuff" just because girls or guys happened to be present. The communication issue sounds more like projecting than anything. For the most part, my friend group we all hang out and do the same activities. There wasn't a "girls" and "guys" friend group. It was just one friend group and we all did whatever the group was doing. Watching movies, getting trashed and playing drinking games, shooting each other with nerf guns, breaking into school buildings at night, doing face masks, playing board/video games, studying, whatever.

Having announced this three times, is there some correct response I'm supposed to give?
 
Having announced this three times, is there some correct response I'm supposed to give?
Well I was kinda getting at what exactly you think makes men and women so different they have trouble communicating with each other? Like what difference are you perceiving that's causing that schism to you?
 
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