The Old DP'er Blues

[grip]

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there's a new strain out there.

It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

 

[Rexedgar]

I find the last line the most accurate. Old people aren’t grumpy, they have just seen all manner of bullshit and don’t have much time left to call it all out.



Many younger people say “if I could go back……….**** that, once is enough. Plus if you go back and change one thing, what says you haven’t affected the entire trajectory of your remaining time….


”betcha you can’t move one piece!”

 

[MaryP]

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there's a new strain out there.

It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

Some real winners in there. Thanks for sharing the smiles.

 

[Gaius46]

Amen.

 

[Emily L]

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there's a new strain out there.

It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

Grip, come clean, now. Are you really Mark Twain?


( )

 

[Ug make hammer]

When I was 20, I hoped I would die before I got old. Now I'm old, and no longer give a damn if I live or not. Being old sucks just as much as I expected.

Money isn't worth what it used to be. But so what? I still get a thrill busting a fifty.

 

[Nomad4Ever]

When I was 20, I hoped I would die before I got old. Now I'm old, and no longer give a damn if I live or not. Being old sucks just as much as I expected.

Damn I’m 24 and hope I die before I get old and expect being old to suck.

 

[Ug make hammer]

Damn I’m 24 and hope I die before I get old and expect being old to suck.

"Hope I die before I get old" -- The Who
"I hope I get old before I die" -- They Might Be Giants

 

[Gaius46]

Damn I’m 24 and hope I die before I get old and expect being old to suck.

I'm 61 at the end of May. Being old really doesn't suck all that much, though I don't consider myself all that old. Sure shit hurts that that you didn't even know you had but if you take care of yourself and get used to the idea that you can't get by on 4 hours sleep anymore it really isn't all that bad.

What mostly sucks in reality, for me at least, is that I often find myself learning something new and thinking "damn I wish I knew that 30 years ago" and thinking everyone under age 30 is complete moron - I KNOW that isn't true but it's how my person lack of patience and grouchiness is manifesting itself.

 

[Lutherf]

Damn I’m 24 and hope I die before I get old and expect being old to suck.

In a lot of ways it's like being a kid again. When you were three your mother knew every restroom in town because the second you spotted one you had to mark your territory. In old age you'll know them all again because it just might be a good idea to hit the urinal before that drive home. As a kid you were fascinated by technology adn just imagined how they packed all those tiny people into your radio. As you age you become fascinated with technology and wonder if all those youngsters are in the process of getting sucked into their iPhones. As a child you can't read because you don't know the words. As you age you can't read because you can't see the words. I think of getting older as a renewing of my youth but it's getting a bit concerning that all these aches and pains just might be God trying to cram me back in the womb.

 

[Rexedgar]

When I was 20, I hoped I would die before I got old. Now I'm old, and no longer give a damn if I live or not. Being old sucks just as much as I expected.

Money isn't worth what it used to be. But so what? I still get a thrill busting a fifty.

I’m old enough to remember when if you could keep from breaking a fin, you were good. Break it and the rest flowed out quickly….



if you need to look up “fin” you ain’t old……

 

[Ug make hammer]

I think of getting older as a renewing of my youth but it's getting a bit concerning that all these aches and pains just might be God trying to cram me back in the womb.

Well at least I don't have to worry about that. Born by Caesarean you see.

So what God has in store for me is to die hanging from my heels, tripping, and with everyone laughing at me. Um.

 

[Ug make hammer]

I’m old enough to remember when if you could keep from breaking a fin, you were good. Break it and the rest flowed out quickly….



if you need to look up “fin” you ain’t old……

In kid money I guess that mattered. My parents weren't poor, but they were mean with "pocket money".

 

[Rexedgar]

Well at least I don't have to worry about that. Born by Caesarean you see.

So what God has in store for me is to die hanging from my heels, tripping, and with everyone laughing at me. Um.

Wouldn’t that make you invincible, McDuff?

 

[Ug make hammer]

Wouldn’t that make you invincible, McDuff?

I read that play in high school. Don't believe a word ye weird sisters tell you, was what I got from it.

 

[Goshin]

Damn I’m 24 and hope I die before I get old and expect being old to suck.

I thought that when I was 24. The thing is, "old" keeps getting pushed back. When you're 30 old is 50. When you're 50 old is 70. My Uncle Louis lived to be 88 and went out dancing every week until the month he died.

It's not as bad as you think. There are compensations too.

 

[Ug make hammer]

I thought that when I was 24. The thing is, "old" keeps getting pushed back. When you're 30 old is 50. When you're 50 old is 70. My Uncle Louis lived to be 88 and went out dancing every week until the month he died.

Old person dancing though. Cling onto your partner and try not to fall over.

It's not as bad as you think. There are compensations too.

Giving less of a **** about small things, like personal insults, for instance.

Sleeping a lot. I really like sleeping

 

[Goshin]

Old person dancing though. Cling onto your partner and try not to fall over.

Oh nay nay. Uncle Louis was a fabulous dancer, ballroom, county, whatever he was up for it. Put many people half his age to shame, dance all night and wear out five partners.

 

[lwf]

 

[AJG]

I'm 61 at the end of May. Being old really doesn't suck all that much, though I don't consider myself all that old. Sure shit hurts that that you didn't even know you had but if you take care of yourself and get used to the idea that you can't get by on 4 hours sleep anymore it really isn't all that bad.

What mostly sucks in reality, for me at least, is that I often find myself learning something new and thinking "damn I wish I knew that 30 years ago" and thinking everyone under age 30 is complete moron - I KNOW that isn't true but it's how my person lack of patience and grouchiness is manifesting itself.

I spend a lot of my free time teaching high school students in an after school program, and although there's plenty of stuff they don't know (that comes with time) I've learned they have wisdom and a certain perspective on things that people in older generations often don't have. However, I'm constantly looking back at my younger self (I'm talking a few years ago not 30) and think "damn I was such a stupid moron back then". I don't think young people are stupid, but they're certainly not the best versions of themselves and there's almost always a lot of room for growth at any age, not just kids.

 

[Rexedgar]

I think it was Mark Twain that said, “I left home at 17 and returned at 21; it was amazing what my parents had learned in four short years!”