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The Nice Guy Syndrome

ataraxia said:
This makes a lot of sense. It also helps explain the initial charm and charisma of so many male sociopaths and narcissists to women: it’s that attitude of confidence that can trigger so many of those subconscious mechanisms of attraction you talk about.

As someone else explained in a few posts further up, it’s a very delicate balance that women find attractive, consciously:

“ Women want a man who is in control but not controlling.

who is affectionate but not needy…”, etc…

The problem is, though, that those powerful underlying, subconscious mechanisms of attraction, unfortunately, are not very sophisticated in making those subtle but important distinctions, and often end up misreading rudeness as assertiveness, or recklessness as courage, or coldness as rugged individualism, etc… only to find out too late what they are really stuck with is some cold narcissist/psychopath.
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This is often true, especially with young women. And young men (and old men with the maturity of young men) do exactly the same thing. Our subconscious mechanisms of attraction are equally unsophisticated, and most men look little further than a woman's figure when choosing the ideal mate, even when they pretend they don't.
 
lwf said:
This is often true, especially with young women. And young men (and old men with the maturity of young men) do exactly the same thing. Our subconscious mechanisms of attraction are equally unsophisticated, and most men look little further than a woman's figure when choosing the ideal mate, even when they pretend they don't.
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So true. Im the first to admit the thought of sex is so seductive when you meet a sexy guy. I always try to think that if sex is the first thing a man wants me for then a relationship or something more probably isnt going to work out. People are weak though and thats why we often learn the hard way.
 
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From what I can gather, it's too messy to take too seriously. There are a number of people that are nice, but not nice. Then others who are nice. Then others still, nice who are depressed or become cynical. Then we have people who are taking these phenomenon and projecting to an entire group of people, and then people take offense to that. Then those who are offended by those generalities (guys) also project generalities onto the people generalizing (women, but also other guys)....and on and on it goes.

People's commentary about it is probably more illuminating about that individual person than the topic itself.
 
Fiddytree said:
From what I can gather, it's too messy to take too seriously. There are a number of people that are nice, but not nice. Then others who are nice. Then others still, nice who are depressed or become cynical. Then we have people who are taking these phenomenon and projecting to an entire group of people, and then people take offense to that. Then those who are offended by those generalities (guys) also project generalities onto the people generalizing (women, but also other guys)....and on and on it goes.

People's commentary about it is probably more illuminating about that individual person than the topic itself.
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Yes!! Love and attraction have a million variables. You are wise!
 
Wan said:
Hello. Questions for the ladies on this board: have you ever met a "Nice Guy"? If so, how did you deal with him and more importantly, why did you feel the way you did towards him?

Questions for the guys: do you think you are, or used to be, a nice guy? And do you feel that being nice is truly a handicap or has it actually increased your chances at having a successful relationship?

I am a woman and I have not met too many nice guys. I did friendzone a few people but because I had so few friends to begin with, I cannot say with any degree of authority on this matter.

Let's share our thoughts.
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Is being a nice guy a syndrome now?
 
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