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The Muliebrides

"The Ladies of Rhodes ... Haue made their petition to Cupid,
to plague you aboue all other, As one preiuditiall to their muliebritie."

—Thomas Kyd, Soliman and Perseda, 1592


I

The belle of the ball in Manassas
Was sweeter than blackstrap molasses—
A soft winsome drawl
Bewitched one and all—
Joe stallions, Joe colts and Jack asses.


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II

A waitress I met in Kentucky
Was blue-plate and bluegrass and plucky.
She served double-dip
and got a big tip—
And when she got off I got lucky.


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III

Two beat existentialist chicks
Had a cosmic commitment to kicks—
"Hare! Hare!" they cried
and then "Om" satisfied—
in the groove for their next bag of tricks.


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IV

I once knew a girl from Detroit
Whose assets I tried to exploit—
But she was too wary,
too often contrary—
in the end she proved much too adroit.


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V

There once was a girl in Saint-Lô
Who didn't know how to say No—
Her distinct expertise
lay in aiming to please—
and she expertly aimed high and low.


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VI

A woman from old Takasaki
Warmed up on but three cups of saké—
Her koto cave purled,
Her kimono unfurled,
"Kampai!" said her tart nori-maki.


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VII

I once knew a woman from Rome
who had set her heart on a gnome—
Rather pithy and short,
of a warm, fuzzy sort:
to wit, that "there's no place like home."


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VIII

Oh, Sleni of the great Lummi Nation,
"Dream Beaver" by clan filiation—
She squatted ajar
and strummed her guitar—
From her breech-clout poured great lumination.


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IX

An abstinent woman from Cork,
was reluctant to spoon or to fork.
But gently abetted
her appetite whetted
and soon after was willing to spork!


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X

Although it is hard to believe,
there once was a woman called Eve—
First mother of all,
First cause of Man's Fall—
She invented maternity leave!


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Other Volumes in this Series
https://www.debatepolitics.com/blog_callback.php?b=1502
https://www.debatepolitics.com/blog_callback.php?b=1500
https://www.debatepolitics.com/blog_callback.php?b=1496
 
NB

Limerick VII turns on the double meaning of the word gnome.

The title of the volume is pronounced The Moo-lee-EH-brid-ease and was fashioned on The Hebrides.
 
The Muliebrides
PWjOqMqm.jpg

by Angel Trismegistus
 
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