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The Mammogram Poem

BDBoop

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Anonymous

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line,)
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vice!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vice-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out.
 

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Ouch, my boobies are scared now.
 

BDBoop

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Mine both crawled into the same cup when I read that poem. I've only had one mammogram, and I'm scared to get another.

Ouch, my boobies are scared now.
 

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Mine both crawled into the same cup when I read that poem. I've only had one mammogram, and I'm scared to get another.

Lol, I've never had one, though I'm only 19 haha. Doesn't look forward to having to get one.
 

BDBoop

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I'm 52 so I really need to be having annual.

Lol, I've never had one, though I'm only 19 haha. Doesn't look forward to having to get one.
 

1069

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Never had one; after some research, I've decided not to get one until I'm fifty, which is in 15 years.
 

StandUpChuck

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My dearest friend died of BC. I get one every year.

It's not that bad, and it's over fairly quickly. Make sure you don't schedule your mammo during the time of the month when your baubies are most tender. If you can stand a little conversation, mammographers have great stories to tell. :giggle:
 

BDBoop

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I had a hysto at 35 so I don't think I have a time of the month anymore. Not sure. I still have one ovary.

My dearest friend died of BC. I get one every year.

It's not that bad, and it's over fairly quickly. Make sure you don't schedule your mammo during the time of the month when your baubies are most tender. If you can stand a little conversation, mammographers have great stories to tell. :giggle:
 

liblady

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I had a hysto at 35 so I don't think I have a time of the month anymore. Not sure. I still have one ovary.

you are probably still affected, though. i am.
 
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