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The first day of the rest of my lifegrateful

MaggieD

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Well, I am finally at peace. Wonderful thing!

Being a control freak, my philosophy has always been “Hope for the best. Plan for the worst.” Never a Pollyanna. Forever the realist. It has always worked for me and continues to work it’s magic on this new dawn of day.

My scan, as I fully expected, showed that my nodule had increased in size. That meant I had a decision to make. No more immunotherapy... it obviously stopped working. So either nothing or back to debilitating chemotherapy to hopefully stave off the inevitable for a while.

I had one question for the doc, a question I’d composed weeks ago. “Will going back to taking the chemo make my journey any easier?” His answer was, “No. it will make it worse.” Easy peasy decision. Hospice it is.

My doc has already made the referral at my request. I meet with them TODAY, wow! Speedy! This meeting is to learn about how it works, their goals, etc. I’ll be signing the admission forms next week, or as soon as I can.

This isn’t a sad post! I am almost relieved. And I feel blessed knowing that I will have a team of medical professionals whose only job is to keep me comfortable and lengthen my quality of life. I can’t ask for more than that. And that’s asking a lot. Happy clam am I.

My “business” is finished. I’ve had damned near two years of great life quality. And, honestly? My quality of life is STILL excellent. I’m a big weaker, but, other than that? I’m still going strong. Out for breakfast with a friend tomorrow, to a charity affair Saturday night... hair cut later today, I hope. Still driving. No pain meds needed. Completely comfortable.

Grateful I found out about Tom. Very blessed he is out of my life. Surrounded by a posse of friends who bring me more comfort and joy than Tom ever did or could have.

Im going to continue blogging my journey. Being the curious little ****er I’ve always been, this final journey is intriguing. And I think it is unfortunate we don’t know more about what’s what at this stage in our lives. How we need to take control... ask for what we want... refuse to take no as an answer. Perhaps some whose lives I’ve touched, virtually and in person, will learn some kernel of helpful info that will help them or a loved one in the future.

There will come a time when I’m off the computer. On Sue’s to-do list is a final post on DP to let you all know when I’ve shed my earthly bonds. That’s been on my list for months and months. I couldn’t bare not saying goodbye to all of you.

Be happy for me from now on. Knowledge is power. Before this is over? I’ll be very powerful indeed.
 

TheGoverness

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Maggie, I am so unbelievably glad you are at peace with your situation. That is what matters the most. It's great that your spirits are so high. This may be a bit of a side-track, but on the most recent TWD episode, there was a character that was marching to war, with the prospect of death inevitable. "And yet I still smile." he said. That's what you remind me of.

I'm so thankful for your posts, your advice, your humor, and everything you have done. And you will always be one of my favorite posters here. I am glad I was able to get to know you. You are a great person, and I wish you the best on your final journey.

Love you Mags. :kissy:
 

<alt>doxygen

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Maggie, that's a beautiful, powerful post, and you are a beautiful, powerful person.

I'm so glad you have processed all of this and are comfortable with where you are in the journey. Really, none of us truly knows what's next. Ever. Thinking and planning, hoping and praying is all we can do.

Praying for you Mags! Not sure if that does anything, coming as it is from an agnostic.

Hope we can continue to hear from you!:peace
 

polgara

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Ditto to all the great posts sent by others! You are much loved on here, Maggie, and you're proof that there is a reason for everyone whose lives you have touched. Thank you.
 

Trippy Trekker

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Whoa! You stayed true to you in this Blog OP! Feel some Love! I have a partial excuse for my teary eyes: my mother passed away Mother's Day 2016. She Loved to give Warm Psychic Readings with her Tarot Cards. She would have celebrated her 89th Birthday today.
Truthfully, reading your Blog had a strong affect on my emotions Mags. Our frequent disagreements on issues has never hindered our very real Cyber Friendship. Let us hope that friendship continues into the Vast Well of the Beyond. When you cross over, please send me a message. Meanwhile, at least for now, we still have Debate Politics. Grace, Honor, Humor, and Love! In the end for me, it comes down to how I served others. I sense that in you too. Yesterday was History, tomorrow a Mystery.... and Today is a Gift, that's why we call it The Present! All grins!
 

digsbe

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This is very beautiful and extremely empowering. All I can say is wow... although I am very happy for you I can't say you won't be sorely missed and I dread the day we read the "goodbye" post. I hope the rest of your journey is all you expect it to be!
 

Black Dog

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I don't know what to say. I am so grateful you are happy and at peace, and so very sad at the same time. It is a selfish sadness as you will be missed here. The last 7 years have been a wild ride and I will not be looking forward to it's end.

God bless you Maggie.
 

CanadaJohn

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Damn it, I don't care what you say I'm still selfishly angry and sad for me because you've been one of the very brightest lights here on DP and I've enjoy every one of your posts. I am happy though, in a way, that you've reconciled your inner strength with your apparent destiny. Very difficult to be a fighter all your life and then not having a battle you can win. I'm a wimp - I want to die in my sleep, without warning - so I'm in awe of your strength.

You're truly a terrific person Maggie and we've all benefitted greatly from having you cross our paths here, even in this small way. It must be devastating for those who really know you well. Take care and God bless.
 

bubbabgone

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" This isn&#8217;t a sad post! "
Maggie, you may not have intended it as a sad post but it was for those of us here who read it.
I know it was for me.
Maggie, you're the best.
 

Thom Paine

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You have been and continue to be an inspiration. Thank you, for being you; you are loved.
God speed, St. Maggie
 

MaggieD

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You all made me cry. Most people will never understand what we do here... but WE do, and that&#8217;s what counts. Hugs!!
 

haymarket

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Words are hard to come by. It appears that you are on the way to finding peace young lady ... find peace.

You brought a tear to my eye and a lump in my throat.


And I will get you for that kid .... so don't check out too soon until I pay you back.
 

MaggieD

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Haymarket, you just did. ;)
 

Your Star

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*hugs* Mags. You've been a staple here, and this place won't be the same without you. I'm glad you've found peace in this horrifying ordeal. That says a lot about your character as I'm sure most of us would not find said peace.

God Speed, and I hope you're around for as long as it's comfortable for you.

-YS
 

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Dear Maggie, ever since reading this, you have been on my mind...wondering what I can say to you and after days, I am still at a loss for words...except to say, what a strong woman you are...I don't know if I could handle your situation with such grace and ease...I am glad you're at peace with whatever lies ahead...(((Hugs)))...
 

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Nothing to add to what has already been said, other than...
here is a shoulder if you need one, and here are my arms if you need a hug.
God loves you, and may he give you continued peace.
You are loved.
 
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