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The Bear

reefedjib

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An atheist was walking through the woods.

'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!'
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.

He tripped & fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out:
'Oh my God!'

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?'

'Am I to count you as a believer?'

The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'

'Very well', said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
 

ashley.hunt60

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Funny. I have another religious bear joke. A Priest, Rabbi, and an Imam(Muslim leader) get together and make a beat. Whoever can convert a bear to their respective religion first wins. They all go out into the forest looking for a bear.

One week passes and they meet again. The Priest explains that he baptized the bear, the Imam says that his bear seems very receptive to his Qur'an. They both turn to the Rabbi, who is covered in cuts and bruises. The rabbi mutters that his bear didn't like the circumcision.
 

Geo Patric

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a sheep pursued by a pair of lions prayed as it ran - "Oh GOD! please save me from these beasts!". The lions closed the gap in an instant, and knocked the sheep from it feet. As it rolled on the ground, the sheep praised and pled in prayer - "Oh God, thou art great and terrible and awesome in thy glory.... PLEASE save me from these ravenous lions!". The first lion took the sheep's throat in its jaws while the second ripped its belly open. The sheep's died pleading for salvation.

As they calmly devoured the sheep, the first lion said to the second. "Well, that wasn't too difficult, aside from the all the damned whining". The second replied, "yeah, it IS annoying, but... I always wonder why they are asking US to save them".

geo.
 

ashley.hunt60

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A devote Christian lives next door to an open atheist. The atheist has everything; a great, well respected job, a beautiful wife, and a couple of respectful children. The devote Christian on the over hand was close to getting fired from his minimum-wage job, his wife had grown old and fat, and his child were wild and disrespectful towards him. Still, the Christian kept his faith strong. He prayed every day and night, confident that god will make his life better. One day, he left his house to go to work. He help his head up high, sure that god was with him, as he crossed the street. Without warning, a bus hits him and kills him instantly.

He wakes up to find himself standing before god. Rage fills the Christian. "Why didn't you help me! I prayed every day and night, never letting my faith weaken, yet you punish me and favor an atheist. Why!"

God calmly replays back, "Exactly, he doesn't come whining to me with all of his problems."
 
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