Now is the time where you're going to decide what kind of parent you're going to be. It was easy when they were just cooing blobs. Now you're tested. First thing to remember: make sure you and the wife are on the same page. Never disagree in front of the child or you will have anarchy.
Yeah, it gets better. Then it will get worse, and then it will get better again. You have to decide what parental course of action you can live with because nothing you do today will change the behavior tomorrow. It will be a process.
I'm am not entirely anti-spanking. But I do feel it should be used for extreme issues. If you spank now for a little defiance, what will you do when he's really bad? Remove his entrails?
3 and 4 were the worst years for my son. I cried tears of defeated mom every day. Life was not suppose to be like that! But it's part of their development as kids and your development as parents. At this stage, when he's in touble a lot, remember to try to catch him doing things right. Make sure you tell him how proud you are of him when he makes a good choice. If all he hears is the bad stuff, the problem will continue for a loooooong time. If he believes himself to be a bad kid, he just might become one.
Good luck Crip. My boy is entering his pre-teen years, and I miss the little boy with all my heart .... even the difficult years. If I could wind back the clock and have my obnoxious 4 year old back, I would do it in a heartbeat. As much as I appreciate the "that's what she said" jokes now, I miss the innocent little boy who thought it was terribly naughty to call me a pee pee head. While those moments were unpleasant, they were more than erased when he buried his face into my neck when he heard thunder and wouldn't fall asleep until he got one of mom's magic kisses. <3