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Terrible two's are nothing compared to 4 year olds.

SheWolf

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So whomever coined the term "the terrible two's" for children obviously said this before their kid reached the age of 4. I don't know what switch got thrown but this phase of my son's development has been the most difficult for me to handle. someone out there with older kids tell me there is some respite between this age and teen years? I'm not talking about a little bit of issues every now and then. I'm talking about the constant willful stubborness that comes with every time I tell him "no". Does that go away?

Yeah, I agree... I was expecting my nieces to turn into demon children once they hit two, but they seemed to be fine at 2. 2 wasn't an issue, I think it started about 3 to 4 with them too.
 

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Might as well. I'd make him whistle the Star Spangled Banner while I beat his ass too, just for lulz. :lol:

That's mean... I can't beat a kid's ass, which is why I am not a parent. I can't handle taking my cat to vet. It's so much stress. My mom looked at me and said, "you shouldn't have kids," when we were at the vet. lol
 

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Based on my experience with other people's kids, I have found the age of about 4-6 to be the years when kids are at their most sadistic. They have also hit the age where they have discovered the joy of throwing fits, but are not old enough to temper those fits due to an understanding of the penalties they will receive yet.

I remember being really bad and selfish when I was about 6 or 7. I'd throw fits all the time to get my way, and if I didn't get my way, I'd just get really pissed. I even thought to myself, "I am being really bad." lol
 

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I read somewhere that young kids do things to test boundaries of parents. Once they start learning "no" and realize that parents react with different types of punishment... lax to none, light, mild, severe... they understand that saying "no" doesn't always mean the same thing. It's like a learning process for young kids. Some nos become yeses as they get older, some nos will always be nos.

Being a parent requires a lot of patience in any case... Good Luck, and I am glad I am not you. :mrgreen:
 

Alyssa

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That's cool; whatever works for you. Every child is different.

I'm not saying I don't agree with corporal punishment, but I usually don't in her case. My mom often used corporal punishment on me when she was angry. Her eyes would looked glazed over. It was rather scary for a child, so I am careful about that sort of thing.
 

SheWolf

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So whomever coined the term "the terrible two's" for children obviously said this before their kid reached the age of 4. I don't know what switch got thrown but this phase of my son's development has been the most difficult for me to handle. someone out there with older kids tell me there is some respite between this age and teen years? I'm not talking about a little bit of issues every now and then. I'm talking about the constant willful stubborness that comes with every time I tell him "no". Does that go away?

I am just curious if your kids are around a lot of other kids. They aren't old enough for school yet.

The reason I am asking is because my older niece was raised around mostly adults, and she was very mature as a child. She kind of acted like a little adult.

The second nice was born when a lot of her cousins were born, so she plays with kids all the time. We can all tell a big different. The little one is selfish, and says "mine" a lot, which the oldest one didn't. She picks up on those other kids bad habits and bad behavior too, and my sister has to break her out of it.

I know a lot of kids do that once they start school too... they'll start to say things and want to do things that their peers do. Sometimes they'll ask uncomfortable questions too like "what's a virgin?" when they are in first grade, true story. It's all because they start getting around other kids.
 

Caine

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So whomever coined the term "the terrible two's" for children obviously said this before their kid reached the age of 4. I don't know what switch got thrown but this phase of my son's development has been the most difficult for me to handle. someone out there with older kids tell me there is some respite between this age and teen years? I'm not talking about a little bit of issues every now and then. I'm talking about the constant willful stubborness that comes with every time I tell him "no". Does that go away?

Im going through the SAME **** with my son...

God help us...
 

Goshin

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I'm not saying I don't agree with corporal punishment, but I usually don't in her case. My mom often used corporal punishment on me when she was angry. Her eyes would looked glazed over. It was rather scary for a child, so I am careful about that sort of thing.



Exactly right; as you should be. Every parent should try, very hard, not to punish children in anger. Hey, we're human... but we should try to make discipline as objective and impartial as possible.

Many is the time that I sent my son to his room for a time, before I determined what his punishment for some wrongdoing would be... not so much for HIM to contemplate his errors, as for ME to calm down until I could think and act without undue emotional influence.

I think the mistake a lot of parents make is being subjective about punishment.... the "spank when I'm angry at you" parents, who punish when something inconveniences them. I've seen that and it rarely ends well, because it isn't a consistent standard and it teaches the wrong message.

Basically I reserved corporeal punishment for three offenses: safety issues (ie doing stupid things likely to cause harm to self or others), open defiance, or repeating a behavior after having been warned not to. When a misbehavior met those criteria, a spanking was given whether I felt like it or not. When a misbehavior did NOT meet those criteria, a warning or time-out or lecture was given. Consistent efforts produce consistent results.
 

molten_dragon

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I don't have kids of my own yet, but I'm enough older than my little sister to remember her at that age. She was much worse at 2 than at 4-5. It wasn't really her fault though.
 

Alyssa

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Exactly right; as you should be. Every parent should try, very hard, not to punish children in anger. Hey, we're human... but we should try to make discipline as objective and impartial as possible.

Many is the time that I sent my son to his room for a time, before I determined what his punishment for some wrongdoing would be... not so much for HIM to contemplate his errors, as for ME to calm down until I could think and act without undue emotional influence.

I think the mistake a lot of parents make is being subjective about punishment.... the "spank when I'm angry at you" parents, who punish when something inconveniences them. I've seen that and it rarely ends well, because it isn't a consistent standard and it teaches the wrong message.

Basically I reserved corporeal punishment for three offenses: safety issues (ie doing stupid things likely to cause harm to self or others), open defiance, or repeating a behavior after having been warned not to. When a misbehavior met those criteria, a spanking was given whether I felt like it or not. When a misbehavior did NOT meet those criteria, a warning or time-out or lecture was given. Consistent efforts produce consistent results.

That's the same for me. I would spank for open defiance, dishonesty, repeated offenses, and especially when she throws a fit in public. THAT I cannot stand. We go straight to the car. She knows the drill, and it's been a while since she's acted up in public. You're also right about the inconsistency part. My mom mostly used corporal punishment when she was in a pissed off mood, and the rest of the time, not at all. I never knew where the boundary was. I think consistency is the key, and so far-over all-my daughter behaves well.
 

StandUpChuck

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So whomever coined the term "the terrible two's" for children obviously said this before their kid reached the age of 4. I don't know what switch got thrown but this phase of my son's development has been the most difficult for me to handle. someone out there with older kids tell me there is some respite between this age and teen years? I'm not talking about a little bit of issues every now and then. I'm talking about the constant willful stubborness that comes with every time I tell him "no". Does that go away?

Now is the time where you're going to decide what kind of parent you're going to be. It was easy when they were just cooing blobs. Now you're tested. First thing to remember: make sure you and the wife are on the same page. Never disagree in front of the child or you will have anarchy.

Yeah, it gets better. Then it will get worse, and then it will get better again. You have to decide what parental course of action you can live with because nothing you do today will change the behavior tomorrow. It will be a process.

I'm am not entirely anti-spanking. But I do feel it should be used for extreme issues. If you spank now for a little defiance, what will you do when he's really bad? Remove his entrails?

3 and 4 were the worst years for my son. I cried tears of defeated mom every day. Life was not suppose to be like that! But it's part of their development as kids and your development as parents. At this stage, when he's in touble a lot, remember to try to catch him doing things right. Make sure you tell him how proud you are of him when he makes a good choice. If all he hears is the bad stuff, the problem will continue for a loooooong time. If he believes himself to be a bad kid, he just might become one.

Good luck Crip. My boy is entering his pre-teen years, and I miss the little boy with all my heart .... even the difficult years. If I could wind back the clock and have my obnoxious 4 year old back, I would do it in a heartbeat. As much as I appreciate the "that's what she said" jokes now, I miss the innocent little boy who thought it was terribly naughty to call me a pee pee head. While those moments were unpleasant, they were more than erased when he buried his face into my neck when he heard thunder and wouldn't fall asleep until he got one of mom's magic kisses. <3
 

Alyssa

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Now is the time where you're going to decide what kind of parent you're going to be. It was easy when they were just cooing blobs. Now you're tested. First thing to remember: make sure you and the wife are on the same page. Never disagree in front of the child or you will have anarchy.

Yeah, it gets better. Then it will get worse, and then it will get better again. You have to decide what parental course of action you can live with because nothing you do today will change the behavior tomorrow. It will be a process.

I'm am not entirely anti-spanking. But I do feel it should be used for extreme issues. If you spank now for a little defiance, what will you do when he's really bad? Remove his entrails?

3 and 4 were the worst years for my son. I cried tears of defeated mom every day. Life was not suppose to be like that! But it's part of their development as kids and your development as parents. At this stage, when he's in touble a lot, remember to try to catch him doing things right. Make sure you tell him how proud you are of him when he makes a good choice. If all he hears is the bad stuff, the problem will continue for a loooooong time. If he believes himself to be a bad kid, he just might become one.

Good luck Crip. My boy is entering his pre-teen years, and I miss the little boy with all my heart .... even the difficult years. If I could wind back the clock and have my obnoxious 4 year old back, I would do it in a heartbeat. As much as I appreciate the "that's what she said" jokes now, I miss the innocent little boy who thought it was terribly naughty to call me a pee pee head. While those moments were unpleasant, they were more than erased when he buried his face into my neck when he heard thunder and wouldn't fall asleep until he got one of mom's magic kisses. <3

I especially agree with the part about parents not disagreeing in front of the child. That is key, or otherwise children can use that to manipulate their parents. It doesn't take them long to learn the art of lying and manipulation. It comes naturally.
 
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