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About 4 years ago we came home to see an old, starved dead gray cat 10 feet from our front door - only turned out to not be dead. The old girl had been declawed - a death sentence to an outside cat - and clearly had been very abused for her reactions - and clearly by a woman. We fed her, she disappeared for a couple days and then came back. This went on for a couple months, as we slowly coaxed her inside to eat - but letting her out when she wanted.
We named her "KitKat" so her name sounded different from our other 3 rescue cats, but should have named her Ms. Grumpy. To merely reach for her and she'd hiss and swat - and would go nuts if one of the other cats got near her. I saw her make an amazing 10 yard open ground dash actually catching a squirrel but couldn't hold it with no front claws.
Then one day I heard a cat fight outside our door. A tomcat had her pinned against the wall, her screaming. I chased the Tom away shouting at it. When I returned, KitKat ran in the house, jumped up on the coach where I sit and stared at me - for hours. That was the end of her outdoor days. Slowly - across the next 3 years! she warmed up to me, though never could stand reaching over her head, being held, picked up or stood over - and would freak out at the word "no." She did come to tolerate my wife fairly well.
The vet couldn't figure how hold she is - just really old. A couple months ago the vet said her kidneys were shutting down. Got some prescriptions for her, including morphine.
Friday night it was clear her time had come. She stopped eating and drinking and was losing control of her back legs. In the last 2 years I've watched a dog and another cat die of old age - their body shutting down. It starts with their back legs - increasing losing body control - and then across hours or a couple days loses more body control and finally all body control. She's barely able to walk, having to half drag and half swing her back legs just to move a few feet. MOSTLY, I know she's in pain because she cries if I pick her up gently - meaning she hurts. She is so weak she's just limp if picking her up, and she's starved for not eating. When she stopped drinking we knew it over - though we have forced enough liquid into her to stay alive - plus morphine to ease her suffering.
In 45 minutes I'll be at the vet up the road to put her down. I said I would be present, but am deciding not to. This is going to be hard. I've held that old cat or her laying beside me thousands of hours - ever night. She laying beside me now. I am the one living creature - the only one - she trusted. That's almost like an honor - but it is a trust I put a great deal of time and patience into earning with her. I'll bury her beside my mini-pom I had from puppy to old age and this is reminding of that, though my pom died in my arms - peaceful. But she wasn't suffering and KitKat is.
This isn't easy to do - taking her to have her killed. But she has only a few days of pain and suffering in front her if I don't. So it has to be done. The grumpiest, least friendly pet I've ever had - but she won her way deeply into my heart and it seems I into her's - at least earning her trust.
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