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Stuff Bush says

T

The Real McCoy

Post your ideas for humorous things Bush could say such as:

"This year, we're having steak cuz I don't want any turkeys with their avian flu on my familiy's table." ~Bush at Thanksgiving

or..

"Hey thanks for being so nice, 'specially cuz we nuked ya back in dubya dubya 2" ~Bush on his visit to Japan


This shouldn't turn into another regular Bush bashing thread, just humorous pokes at the prez. And please, nothing childish like "I'm dumb" ~Bush.
 

aps

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During the 2004 campaign, a kid asked him if he didn't like brocolli like his father. He gave a hilarious answer. He said that he didn't hate it like his father, but if he wanted to get technical, he liked the top part better than the bottom part. I thought he was quite cute in his response.

See, you repubs? I can compliment the b a s t a r d? ;)
 

Thorgasm

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"90% of being president is half mental" -Speaking at Cooperstown
 

Billo_Really

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Now look, I don't hate Bush. [Why did that sound like Al Gore] Anyway, I don't hate Bush, but here's his top 50 quotes!


50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." —at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

49. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." —Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

47. "We both use Colgate toothpaste." —after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md., Feb. 23, 2001

46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004 (Watch video)

45. "I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003

44. "I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." —as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War

43. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." —Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

42. "The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." —Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003

41. "I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004

40. "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." —discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson, as quoted by Robertson

39. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 (Watch video)

38. "Haven't we already given money to rich people? Why are we going to do it again?" —to economic advisers discussing a second round of tax cuts, as quoted by former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neil, Washington, D.C., Nov. 26, 2002

37. "We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." —Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002

36. "After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!" —Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004 (Watch video)

35. "Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

34. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." —as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

33. "I got to know Ken Lay when he was head of the — what they call the Governor's Business Council in Texas. He was a supporter of Ann Richards in my run in 1994. And she had named him the head of the Governor's Business Council. And I decided to leave him in place, just for the sake of continuity. And that's when I first got to know Ken and worked with Ken." —attempting to distance himself from his biggest political patron, Enron Chairman Ken Lay, whom he nicknamed "Kenny Boy," Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2002

32. "It is white." —after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like, July 19, 2001

31. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." —at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001

30. "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." —Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001

29. "I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army." —during a Dec. 2002 Oval Office meeting with Rep. Tom Lantos, as reported by the New York Times

28. "You forgot Poland." —to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland's contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004

27. "I'm the master of low expectations." —aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003

26. "I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things." —aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003
 

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continued...

25. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right." —Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001

24. "We need to counter the shockwave of the evildoer by having individual rate cuts accelerated and by thinking about tax rebates." —Washington, D.C. Oct. 4, 2001

23. "People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

22. "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet….I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." —President George W. Bush, after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004

21. "The really rich people figure out how to dodge taxes anyway." —explaining why high taxes on the rich are a failed strategy, Annandale, Va., Aug. 9, 2004

20. "My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire." —radio address, Feb. 24, 2001

19. "You know, when I was one time campaigning in Chicago, a reporter said, 'Would you ever have a deficit?' I said, 'I can't imagine it, but there would be one if we had a war, or a national emergency, or a recession.' Never did I dream we'd get the trifecta." —Houston, Texas, June 14, 2002 (There is no evidence Bush ever made any such statement, despite recounting the trifecta line repeatedly in 2002. A search by the Washington Post revealed that the three caveats were brought up before the 2000 campaign — by Al Gore.)

18. "See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction." —Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003

17. "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." —State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false

16. "In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard." —repeating the phrases "hard work," "working hard," "hard choices," and other "hard"-based verbiage 22 times in his first debate with Sen. John Kerry

15. "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001

14. "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." —Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

13. "But all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me." —summing up his first year in office, three months after the 9/11 attacks, Washington, D.C., Dec. 20, 2001

12. "I try to go for longer runs, but it's tough around here at the White House on the outdoor track. It's sad that I can't run longer. It's one of the saddest things about the presidency." —interview with "Runners World," Aug. 2002

11. "Can we win? I don't think you can win it." —after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, "Today" show interview, Aug. 30, 2004

10. "I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." —Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002

9. "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." —to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004

8. "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." —speaking underneath a "Mission Accomplished" banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003

7. “We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories … And we'll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them." —Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003

6. "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!" —President George W. Bush, joking about his administration's failure to find WMDs in Iraq as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents' Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004

5. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." —Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000

4. "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002 (Watch video)

3. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (Watch video)

2. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 (Watch video)

1. "My answer is bring them on." —on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushdumbquotes.htm
 

Stace

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Ah, I do love those Bushisms.

A couple of my favorites:

*"Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —George W. Bush, Florence, South Carolina, Jan. 11, 2000

*"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law."
—Tucson, Ariz., Nov. 28, 2005

*GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb—I haven't told this to many people. But he's the governor of—I shouldn't call him my little brother--my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas.

JIM LEHRER: Florida.

GOV. BUSH: Florida. The state of the Florida.—The NewsHour With Jim Lehrer, April 27, 2000
 
T

The Real McCoy

This wasn't supposed to be a thread for things Bush HAS said but for things he COULD say... but whatever.. the stuff he's already said is funny enough.
 

Billo_Really

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Originally posted by The Real McCoy:
This wasn't supposed to be a thread for things Bush HAS said but for things he COULD say... but whatever.. the stuff he's already said is funny enough.
OK, here's some things he COULD say (I think he SHOULD say):

  • I'm sorry! I will make every effort to make it up to you, my fellow Americans.
  • Attention Americans in Iraq, pack your bags, were outta there.
  • I just fired Chaney and Rumsfield.
  • I just signed the treaty for the International Criminal Court and expect to be the first one convicted.
  • I just gave the Pentagon one week to cut their defense spending in half.
  • I've introduced a bill that would prevent neo-conservatives from holding any public office at the federal level.
  • Attention Americans in Afganistan, pack your bags, were outta there.
  • We found Bin Laden and he will be arraigned on Tuesday.
  • I have become a neo-liberal and invited Michael Moore over for beer and pizza.
  • I'm writing a book about my Presidency. It's called, "George Bush: An American Mullah"
 
T

The Real McCoy

Billo_Really said:
OK, here's some things he COULD say (I think he SHOULD say):

  • I'm sorry! I will make every effort to make it up to you, my fellow Americans.
  • Attention Americans in Iraq, pack your bags, were outta there.
  • I just fired Chaney and Rumsfield.
  • I just signed the treaty for the International Criminal Court and expect to be the first one convicted.
  • I just gave the Pentagon one week to cut their defense spending in half.
  • I've introduced a bill that would prevent neo-conservatives from holding any public office at the federal level.
  • Attention Americans in Afganistan, pack your bags, were outta there.
  • We found Bin Laden and he will be arraigned on Tuesday.
  • I have become a neo-liberal and invited Michael Moore over for beer and pizza.
  • I'm writing a book about my Presidency. It's called, "George Bush: An American Mullah"
:sigh: Another thread goes down the drain at the hands of mindless partisan mentality. :roll:
 

Thorgasm

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Pres. Bush-- Don't misunderestimate the power of this thread.
 

Billo_Really

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Originally posted by The Real McCoy:
Another thread goes down the drain at the hands of mindless partisan mentality.
They always say the third times the charm:

Hi, I'm George Bush, and I finally have some good news to tell my fellow Americans, I just save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to...
 

Stace

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Billo_Really said:
They always say the third times the charm:

Hi, I'm George Bush, and I finally have some good news to tell my fellow Americans, I just save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to...
lol....I don't know about him, but I saved a bunch of money on MY car insurance by switching to Progressive.....

About $400 a month, actually.
 
T

The Real McCoy

Stace said:
lol....I don't know about him, but I saved a bunch of money on MY car insurance by switching to Progressive.....

About $400 a month, actually.
:shock: You SAVED $400/month?!
 

Stace

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The Real McCoy said:
:shock: You SAVED $400/month?!
Sadly, yes. Went from paying not quite $700 a month to not quite $300 a month.

Heck, I just knocked almost $50 off of it every month by moving from Fayetteville, NC, to Charlotte, NC....go figure that one out!
 
T

The Real McCoy

Stace said:
Sadly, yes. Went from paying not quite $700 a month to not quite $300 a month.

Heck, I just knocked almost $50 off of it every month by moving from Fayetteville, NC, to Charlotte, NC....go figure that one out!
Holy jeez.. what company had you paying almost $700 a month?
 

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Stace said:
Sadly, yes. Went from paying not quite $700 a month to not quite $300 a month.

Heck, I just knocked almost $50 off of it every month by moving from Fayetteville, NC, to Charlotte, NC....go figure that one out!
Maybe because of Fayetteville's crime reputation. When I lived in the Triangle, we used to affectionately refer to Fayetteville as Fayettenam. :rofl
 

Stace

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The Real McCoy said:
Holy jeez.. what company had you paying almost $700 a month?
That would be USAA. Mainly because my husband had his license revoked or suspended or some crap in high school, because he wasn't passing more than 70% of his classes....some NC law. Then again, he was only taking 3 classes at the time...and barely attending one, and therefore failing it...yeah, that'll drop the ol' average. But that wasn't supposed to count against him for insurance costs, especially since it had been over three years since it had happened when they were charging us so much, but when we did switch, that's when we found out that's why USAA was charging us so much.
 

Stace

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jallman said:
Maybe because of Fayetteville's crime reputation. When I lived in the Triangle, we used to affectionately refer to Fayetteville as Fayettenam. :rofl
Well, we called it Fayettenam not because of the crime, but because of us military folks being there....you know....FayetteNAM....VietNAM....uh.....never mind.

Though we also had Bragghdad. :mrgreen:

Charlotte isn't exactly the golden child when it comes to crime, but we just barely live inside the city limits, and we live on the rich side at that (not like WE'RE rich, we rent a townhouse)....the houses in our neighborhood have to be worth at least $250,000....heck, there's a neighborhood about 10 minutes from my place where new homes go from $750,000 to $1.5 million!!!

Anyway, our particular area isn't TOO bad in the crime arena, especially when you do all of those nifty things with population and percentages and stuff :2razz:
 

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Stace said:
Well, we called it Fayettenam not because of the crime, but because of us military folks being there....you know....FayetteNAM....VietNAM....uh.....never mind.

Though we also had Bragghdad. :mrgreen:

Charlotte isn't exactly the golden child when it comes to crime, but we just barely live inside the city limits, and we live on the rich side at that (not like WE'RE rich, we rent a townhouse)....the houses in our neighborhood have to be worth at least $250,000....heck, there's a neighborhood about 10 minutes from my place where new homes go from $750,000 to $1.5 million!!!

Anyway, our particular area isn't TOO bad in the crime arena, especially when you do all of those nifty things with population and percentages and stuff :2razz:
Ah, so true about the demographics. Charlotte is still a nice place over all, the pink cathedral is just a bit tacky and an eyesore.
 

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jallman said:
Ah, so true about the demographics. Charlotte is still a nice place over all, the pink cathedral is just a bit tacky and an eyesore.
Pink cathedral? Haven't seen that yet, but, I've only been here for a month and a half.....

I still can't get past how huge the Cavalry is......
 
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