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Student kills himself after gay sex footage put online

Some more background:

Tyler Clementi Turned To A Gay Message Forum For Help Before His Suicide - Kashmir Hill - The Not-So Private Parts - Forbes

He apparently found out about his roommate's spying prior to the second incident:

so the other night i had a guy over. I had talked to my roommate that afternoon and he had said it would be fine w/him. I checked his twitter today. he tweeted that I was using the room (which is obnoxious enough), AND that he went into somebody else’s room and remotely turned on his webcam and saw me making out with a guy. given the angle of the webcam I can be confident that that was all he could have seen.

so my question is what next?

I could just be more careful next time…make sure to turn the cam away…
buttt…
I’m kinda pissed at him (rightfully so I think, no?)
and idk…if I could…it would be nice to get him in trouble
but idk if I have enough to get him in trouble, i mean…he never saw anything pornographic…he never recorded anything…
I feel like the only thing the school might do is find me another roommate, probably with me moving out…and i’d probably just end up with somebody worse than him….I mean aside from being an asshole from time to time, he’s a pretty decent roommate…

the other thing is I that don’t wanna report him and then end up with nothing happening except him getting pissed at me….

the following morning:

so I wanted to have the guy over again.

I texted roomie around 7 asking for the room later tonight and he said it was fine.

when I got back to the room I instantly noticed he had turned the webcam toward my bed. And he had posted online again….saying….”anyone want a free show just video chat me tonight”…or something similar to that….

soooo after that…..

I ran to the nearest RA and set this thing in motion…..
we’ll see what happens……

I haven’t even seen my roommate since sunday when i was asking for the room the first time…and him doing it again just set me off….so talking to him just didn’t seem like an option….

meanwhile I turned off and unplugged his computer, went crazy looking for other hidden cams….and then had a great time.

The guy seems calm and collected here, but it was that night that he ended up jumping.
 
It is the reactions that display nothing but cold contempt served up without even the tiniest shred of human decency that make no sense.

Well - he had problems that, like most other suicides, were around long before the last straw, I'm sure.
 
Some more background:

Tyler Clementi Turned To A Gay Message Forum For Help Before His Suicide - Kashmir Hill - The Not-So Private Parts - Forbes

He apparently found out about his roommate's spying prior to the second incident:



the following morning:



The guy seems calm and collected here, but it was that night that he ended up jumping.

Yeah I seriously can't see this as the reason of his suicide. I mean heck they guy is even considering keeping him as a roommate after the first offence and then he is just pissed after the second. Not to mention he clearly states that nothing pornographic went out on the web, he gets rid of the camera and then he goes and has sex. As far as I can tell his roommate was just being a jerk, the kid set things in motion to get it taken care of. And he seems happy at the end of his post. I seriously can't see this as the reason for his suicide. And I can't see his roommates getting anything more then a fine and a slap on the wrist.
 
Moderator's Warning:
Folks, let's stay on topic here. The topic is not right-wing, conservatives, liberals, left-wing or each other.
 
Then you weren't clinically depressed or suicidal. I appreciate that you made it through suffering and feel stronger now, but don't presume that that same definition of survival and strength applies to all people. Some people break. Even in the developed world, the suicide rate is high. I believe in the U.S. it is the #5 cause of death.



That's probably true, but the fact that you boil suicide down to darwinism shows that you don't know very much about the factors involved. We can talk about darwinism because the result is known; the kid is dead, and he is therefore removed from natural selection. I don't see how that's relevant to the factors that caused him to die, including incredibly cruel behaviour on the part of the others, lack of community support, or lack of societal acceptance of gays causing shame and ostracization (I know that's a big word for you, it means: being outcasted).

You wouldn't be here if your ancestors did not have communities to support them. The issue of suicide is not just chalked up to which individuals have what it takes to survive, but also who has a stable community of support. Any human being who is removed from human support for a long time slips into depression and health problems. Most hermits and isolationists are mental cases. Gays typically have a higher suicide rate than straight people because they lack societal acceptance, safe forums of expression, and they face hate and violence. Even living in the most liberal part of Canada, I am still subjected to homophobia.

No man is an island, and not all men breed... but that doesn't mean men aren't worthy of protection, respect, and compassion.

I agree with that 100%, until it comes time to protect them from their own stupidity; which is impossible.
 
Yeah I seriously can't see this as the reason of his suicide. I mean heck they guy is even considering keeping him as a roommate after the first offence and then he is just pissed after the second. Not to mention he clearly states that nothing pornographic went out on the web, he gets rid of the camera and then he goes and has sex. As far as I can tell his roommate was just being a jerk, the kid set things in motion to get it taken care of. And he seems happy at the end of his post. I seriously can't see this as the reason for his suicide. And I can't see his roommates getting anything more then a fine and a slap on the wrist.

I think something else worked him up. Most likely it was something the RA or college said to him.

I agree with the article. He should have been removed from the room immediately. The college is liable.
 
I'll defend him to a point. I wouldn't go so far as to say I don't have sympathy for them, but after someone commits suicide I just see them as a waste of time. I can sympathize and even empathize with them. Depression runs in my family, currently half of my immediate family is on meds for it right now and I have bouts of depression and have often been so depressed that suicide started seeming like a legitimate answer. But in my eyes if you take that final leap and do the deed then you just wasted your life and you wasted a little bit of everyone else's life that was connected to you, cause now everyone has to pick up your broken pieces basically. So in that respect I don't have sympathy for them.

I see it differently. My best friend killed himself in February. I don't see his life as a waste. He was a great friend who helped me out in a lot of situations, but I would never see his time with me as a waste. Depression also runs deep in my family as well so like you I can sympathize and empathize with them. But I would never see it as a waste of a life.
 
I agree with that 100%, until it comes time to protect them from their own stupidity; which is impossible.

Now that I have "young adult" children, I'm a bit conflicted on this.
Half the time I believe that adolescence is a social construct and that people actually become adults around or shortly after puberty and deserve adult rights and responsibilities.
The other half the time, I wish there was some special oversight and protection for young adults until, oh, about age 24. I wish we could sort of phase them into adulthood- into adult rights, responsibilities, and consequences- less abruptly.
 
I think something else worked him up. Most likely it was something the RA or college said to him.

I agree with the article. He should have been removed from the room immediately. The college is liable.

This seems extremely dubious. He reported it to the RA in the early hours of 9/22. When asked to describe how the RA responded, he said this:

he seemed to take it seriously...
he asked me to email him a written paragraph about what exactly happened...
I emailed it to him, and to two people above him....

He killed himself less than 24 hours later and before any further spying incidents happened. Given the information we have available, I can't imagine how the school would be at fault for this or what it should have done differently.
 
Poor kid. He was obviously fragile to begin with. I read it wasn't bigotry at all that motivated the other two kids, they thought it was just a prank. What a world our kids are growing up in. They don't seem to realize how damaging it can be to play around with other people's privacy and think nothing of putting it out there for all the world to see.

I blame the same crappy parenting that is leading to the decline in the education system and tragic parents on shows like Supernanny or that I witnessed firsthand at parks when out pl;aying with my kids. Overall, in the USA at least, Parents Suck Dick.
 
This seems extremely dubious. He reported it to the RA in the early hours of 9/22. When asked to describe how the RA responded, he said this:



He killed himself less than 24 hours later and before any further spying incidents happened. Given the information we have available, I can't imagine how the school would be at fault for this or what it should have done differently.

Go back and read it again. He posted this on the 21st.

I ran to the nearest RA and set this thing in motion…..
we’ll see what happens……

If this is true, he should have been out of that room before the 22nd. It seems like the RA did not take is seriously and asked him to send him an e-mail before he took it any further.

Edit: According to the time stamp on the post: "September 22nd, 2010, 03:38 AM". That is when he posted it, not necessarily when he reported to the RA.
 
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I blame the same crappy parenting that is leading to the decline in the education system and tragic parents on shows like Supernanny or that I witnessed firsthand at parks when out pl;aying with my kids. Overall, in the USA at least, Parents Suck Dick.

Yeah, looking at the boy's history, it's obvious "crappy parenting" is to blame.
Someone ought to prosecute the parents of the dead kid. :roll:
 
I see it differently. My best friend killed himself in February. I don't see his life as a waste. He was a great friend who helped me out in a lot of situations, but I would never see his time with me as a waste. Depression also runs deep in my family as well so like you I can sympathize and empathize with them. But I would never see it as a waste of a life.

Okay not as a waste of life, but as a waste of potential then. People commit suicide and they throw it all away and leave everyone around them with the pieces. It destroys them and then it can also destroy those that knew them. It's just such a waste of potential, and I just can't stand that someone would do that.
 
Now that I have "young adult" children, I'm a bit conflicted on this.
Half the time I believe that adolescence is a social construct and that people actually become adults around or shortly after puberty and deserve adult rights and responsibilities.
The other half the time, I wish there was some special oversight and protection for young adults until, oh, about age 24. I wish we could sort of phase them into adulthood- into adult rights, responsibilities, and consequences- less abruptly.

Kids enter into adulthood shortly after puberty and should be treated as adults as far as being respected and being made responsible for their actions, so as to teach them how to respect others and deal with responsibility, but they shouldn't be given actual adult responsibilities until much later in life. I've always believed that if you want teenagers to act like adults you must treat them like adults, but you can't expect them to actually be adults until they have received years of training. That, "special oversight and protection", is called parenthood, i.e. training and takes place during the period between puberty and their graduation from high school.
 
This seems extremely dubious. He reported it to the RA in the early hours of 9/22. When asked to describe how the RA responded, he said this:



He killed himself less than 24 hours later and before any further spying incidents happened. Given the information we have available, I can't imagine how the school would be at fault for this or what it should have done differently.

What's an RA?
 
What's an RA?
Resident Administrator. He's a student that is more or less in charge of his floor. It's kinda like a squad leader in the military.
 
Go back and read it again. He posted this on the 21st.

That post is from September 22nd, 2010, 04:38 AM, which is the early hours of the 22nd like I said.

If this is true, he should have been out of that room before the 22nd.

What are you basing this on? From his own words, he says he spoke to the RA between the night of the 21st and the early morning of the 22nd. The RA asked him to give him a written account of the events to create a paper trail. The guy was dead by the night of the 22nd. I think it's unreasonable to assume that the school should have moved him immediately, particularly when the guy himself wasn't even sure if he wanted to move.


It seems like the RA did not take is seriously and asked him to send him an e-mail before he took it any further.

It's standard procedure to get things in writing to create a paper trail. Either way, he said that the RA took it seriously. I'll trust his characterization of the RA's actions over that of someone who wasn't involved.
 
I think something else worked him up. Most likely it was something the RA or college said to him.

I agree with the article. He should have been removed from the room immediately. The college is liable.

Why would the RA or College care though? I can't see the College saying/doing anything against him, especially not for anything so trivial as being gay. And if it was something else that pushed him over then it doesn't matter that his room mate was being a jerk and a perv so there is no sense in removing him immediately.
 
Okay not as a waste of life, but as a waste of potential then. People commit suicide and they throw it all away and leave everyone around them with the pieces. It destroys them and then it can also destroy those that knew them. It's just such a waste of potential, and I just can't stand that someone would do that.

If they had lived, they might never have done anything else of value.
We all die. A human life is relatively brief, in the grand scheme of things. Objectively speaking.
The value of a life is not determined by whether the individual in question kills himself at 20 or dies of rectal cancer at 66.
In a hundred years, not only will we all be dead but so will everyone who ever knew us personally, and what will it matter, anyway?
 
Why would the RA or College care though? I can't see the College saying/doing anything against him, especially not for anything so trivial as being gay. And if it was something else that pushed him over then it doesn't matter that his room mate was being a jerk and a perv so there is no sense in removing him immediately.
It all depends on what the college and/or RA knew or should have known. If they knew that the roommate was surreptitiously broadcasting sexual encounters without the consent of those involved (unless they were minors and thus unable to consent), they most likely have a fiduciary duty to intervene.
 
Resident Administrator. He's a student that is more or less in charge of his floor. It's kinda like a squad leader in the military.

I see. Do these RA's have any real training, or are they just there to keep the kids from getting out of hand?

I reckon if an RA is in charge of a single floor, there is someone in charge of the entire dorm?

Are these folks students, or working professionals?
 
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Okay not as a waste of life, but as a waste of potential then. People commit suicide and they throw it all away and leave everyone around them with the pieces. It destroys them and then it can also destroy those that knew them. It's just such a waste of potential, and I just can't stand that someone would do that.

I will agree with that. I will be happy if I never have to go through another suicide ever again. And I would agree that it is a waste of potential. I may disagree with why some people commit suicide, but I do understand why some, especially my friend, do it.
 
I see. Do these RA's have any real training, or are they just there to keep the kids from getting out of hand?

Depends. Our RAs have training in First Aid, how to handle kids that are stoned off whatever drugs they are on. Stuff like that to keep the floor and students safe.
 
I see. Do these RA's have any real training, or are they just there to keep the kids from getting out of hand?
Depends on the college, but at my alma mater they had some training. I'm not sure how in-depth it was.
 
I see. Do these RA's have any real training, or are they just there to keep the kids from getting out of hand?

I reckon if an RA is in charge of a single floor, there is someone in charge of the entire dorm?

Are these folks students, or working professionals?

I assume most RA's are trained. Where I go the RA's have to take special classes along with their normal classes.

They are usually if not always students, they do get paid for it though.
 
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