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So I went to lunch...

Yesterday was a lunch date with Tom's sister and his brother's girlfriend of fifty years. I was looking forward to it because it was make-or-break. Either they were friends/family or they weren't. And I desperately needed to know that.

I waited for Claudia to bring up the huge anniversary BBQ they had this past Saturday, and, after one Lemon Drop Martini, I brought it up myself.

Told them how hurt I was when I realized (from that group text) that they hadn't told many in the family about Tom and I. And that I was crushed that, when Claudia called me earlier in the week to set up our lunch date, that she hadn't said something like, "Maggie, I hope you're still coming to our celebration. Tom and his new girlfriend will be there, but you know you're always welcome."

Told them that, as they knew, I was on a very difficult journey, and all I wanted and prayed for was peace of mind. And that the second thing I had said to Tom when I found out he was cheating was, "Oh, my God. Do you realize what else you've done to me? You've cost me "my family" - his family.

They (and I) were very emotional. They both said that, first of all, Claudia had made it clear to Tom that Marta was not invited, but assumed he'd come and welcomed him. She loves him very much, of course.

He still doesn't have a car. Said he had no way to get there. I think he expected his sister to then invite Marta. She did not. I assume he isn't getting one because he thinks Marta will expect him to leave and get his own place. He's probably told her, and insinuated to his family, that he can't afford one. He has at least $50K in cash aside from at least $100K in IRAs and 401Ks and receives $2800 a month pension.

Claudia asked their brother Phil to see if Tom wanted him to pick him up. Phil told Ev that he wasn't going to ask him that. So he didn't show up.

I told the girls that all I could picture, because they hadn't told most of the family, was that he'd show up with Marta, and I would just disappear. And that I was heart-broken.

The week before the party (last week) was very difficult for me. The doctor tells me I've got acute anxiety disorder. It's all that damned self-talk and ruminating that's driven me half crazy. I think it's the combination of my diagnosis, the shock of Tom leaving me and the thought of his family welcoming his new girlfriend into their homes. It was breaking my heart.

They both told me that they had already decided that Marta was not welcome in their homes. That she never would be. This because I frankly and honestly told them just how everything went down... things she had said to me personally and Tom's own words which I knew were echoing hers.

Claudia said her husband had a talk with her before the party and said, "I know it's our party... But if Tom shows up, I'm leaving. What he did to Maggie is unforgiveable."

I cried. They cried. And the waiter wondered what the hell was going on. We laughed, too, so don't think this convo took up the whole lunch. Far from it. They are my friends.

Claudia said, "You know I love Tom, but I hate what he's done. Know that you are invited to our family gatherings. I was wrong to answer for you... to think you wouldn't want to be there. Tom will probably be there, but she will absolutely not." She reminded me of a fest over Labor Day we all used to go to, said she was going to have a big family gathering in mid-Sept and our usual mid-December Christmas celebration, etc., all included me.

We cried. We laughed. We hugged. My brain has been quieted. I am at peace. I know I'll still have hard days... my LIFE is going to be hard. But knowing that his family really understands the enormity of what their brother has done is comforting. And keeping them in my life in an honest and forthright way is comforting.

As for Tom? I'm over my love for him. If there's a little corner of my heart that still cares? It's not for today's Tom. It's for the man I thought he was. That man is dead.

Thought I'd keep you up to date. Thanks for listening.

Maggie, I'm so happy for you. That post was an incredibly heartwarming read.

I didn't get married until my 40's and went through more than a few breakups that involved mutual friends 'virtual' adopted family, etc. prior to that. Tom's family has adopted you!:peace:)
I'm so relieved and so happy for you, Maggie.

And please allow me to be petty for you: Hahaha, Marta, you homewrecking, grasping, morally bankrupt whore who KNEW better. :mrgreen:
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