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I've been doing a lot of online genealogy lately, and when I knew the person, I've been adding a personal bio that tries to paint a picture, such as I know it, of what the person was like. Always with love.
I'm to the uncle I was closest to, who I loved and deeply respected. The problem I'm struggling with is that he was gay. In those days, in our neck of the woods, anyway, these things were NOT discussed. You would never have guessed to meet him, and he certainly never came out of the closet, although when he had a 'friend,' it being a tiny town, I'm sure everyone knew, but it was never brought up. Of course, family knew he was gay, but like everyone else, it was quietly tolerated without ever being talked about. Sort of a 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' scenario. He was discreet. He taught in the far end of the state from home, perhaps partly for that reason, coming home on school vacations. Where he taught, he was just a bachelor boarding with a decent family for many, many years, and I'm guessing no one there knew a thing about it. If word had gotten out in those days about his predilection, he would have been fired immediately, ending a highly respected career.
But damn it, in the end he was lonely. No partner, no kids, and this great big secret, this big piece of who he was, buried under a lifetime of hiding.
Do I continue to keep the secret or do I be honest and gently include it? I come from a big family and there are probably some who knew him, respected and admired him who don't want to hear it mentioned, or others, like some of his old students, who might be shocked and think less of him. My intentions aren't to add it for scandal value, but in giving it to a genealogy forum, I'm sending it out to the world.
My own values say include it. It pisses me off to be part of the coverup, especially since genealogy is a message in a bottle to the future, introducing the young to those who came before. But I don't know how others might see it. And I have no idea what he would say. He died before the Gay Liberation movement began.
I'd really like some input here.
I'm to the uncle I was closest to, who I loved and deeply respected. The problem I'm struggling with is that he was gay. In those days, in our neck of the woods, anyway, these things were NOT discussed. You would never have guessed to meet him, and he certainly never came out of the closet, although when he had a 'friend,' it being a tiny town, I'm sure everyone knew, but it was never brought up. Of course, family knew he was gay, but like everyone else, it was quietly tolerated without ever being talked about. Sort of a 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' scenario. He was discreet. He taught in the far end of the state from home, perhaps partly for that reason, coming home on school vacations. Where he taught, he was just a bachelor boarding with a decent family for many, many years, and I'm guessing no one there knew a thing about it. If word had gotten out in those days about his predilection, he would have been fired immediately, ending a highly respected career.
But damn it, in the end he was lonely. No partner, no kids, and this great big secret, this big piece of who he was, buried under a lifetime of hiding.
Do I continue to keep the secret or do I be honest and gently include it? I come from a big family and there are probably some who knew him, respected and admired him who don't want to hear it mentioned, or others, like some of his old students, who might be shocked and think less of him. My intentions aren't to add it for scandal value, but in giving it to a genealogy forum, I'm sending it out to the world.
My own values say include it. It pisses me off to be part of the coverup, especially since genealogy is a message in a bottle to the future, introducing the young to those who came before. But I don't know how others might see it. And I have no idea what he would say. He died before the Gay Liberation movement began.
I'd really like some input here.