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Relationships with family members and their gf/bf

Gray_Fox_86

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I don't know if this is the right forum or if I will get good responses but I need to get a few things off my chest. I have a falling relationship with all my family members, especially my brother. I think it is because of his gf who happens to be Russian. I don't care too much for Russians' but she really gets to me and I really hate her guts and his too. But I think that it is her who is making him into a jerk.

My brother tends to talk down on me and tell me things that can just get your blood to boil and then he says "I can tell you these things because I am living," or "whatever I tell you should be making you stronger". And whenever I defend myself I typically get the calm down you are such a jerk for getting this way. Yet they don't see that it is them who get me angry instead they think it its because I should be grateful to be felt like crap. I feel like crap and I don't have any relationships with people. I have connections isssue and my relationship with my gf ended because I had connections issue.

My brothers gf thinks she is part of the family or some odd crap like that that she talks down to me and tells me things she should not and when I defend myself I get chewed out by my other family members or my brother. I get chewed out a lot by my family, and school was like that as well. I still haven't forgotten how I was treated in school.

I wasn't too treated good in high school or middle school by the kids and I can't remember too much of pleasant memories with my family members back then when we all were together. I feel that my family won't understand why when I leave I will not be coming back to see them. But at the sametime I feel that I shouldn't leave them but why stay if they talk down to me always? Life is hard and it was never an easy thing I realized that at an early age. I should have left when the opportunity was there but I thought I was doing my mother a favor by staying but apparently not. She told me I just started to help her out with the rental units but that is a lie because I have always helped out since I was in middle school.

You know its gotten to a point where I just get a gripping feeling in the back of my shoulders when my brother and his gf are here. When they are here everyone acts differently.
If I left for good you'd guys believe it would be understandable? I am turning 24 and I had the chance to leave at 19 when I graduated from high school but I didn't because of my idiotness. And I had the opportunity to leave last year too but there is no blame but myself for not taking the opportunities.
 

alms

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Grayfox,

You should be your own man and not worry so much about your brother and his girlfriend. Also, why in the world do you hate Russians? Seems like their treatment of you would be justified if you're harboring bigoted sentiments towards his girlfriend.
 

Gray_Fox_86

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Grayfox,

You should be your own man and not worry so much about your brother and his girlfriend. Also, why in the world do you hate Russians? Seems like their treatment of you would be justified if you're harboring bigoted sentiments towards his girlfriend.
Hate Russians? I don't hate Russians:p. I just am saying that if my bro's gf is anything like what most Russians are like I'd then hate them. I don't hate Russians, I swear.
 

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I'm also acquainted with a Russian woman of whom I'm not fond.
It never occurred to me that all Russians are like her, though.
I'm sure they're all individuals, just like us.
 

Goshin

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If one man calls you a donkey, ignore him.

If twelve people call you a donkey, buy yourself a saddle or quit braying like one.


My point is that apparently nobody gets along with you... and that tends to suggest that the problem is you, not them.

Perhaps some self-examination is in order.

I'm not saying this simply to piss you off; I'm saying that in 40-some years of life I've found this to be true, that most people who are in that everybody-is-on-my-ass-all-the-time position is there because of his own actions and attitude. If you yourself don't change, then everywhere you go and everyone you meet, its going to be the same because the problem lies within yourself.
 
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samsmart

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If you're not happy there, then get the **** out of there as soon as you can. Life's too short.
 

Gray_Fox_86

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If one man calls you a donkey, ignore him.

If twelve people call you a donkey, buy yourself a saddle or quit braying like one.


My point is that apparently nobody gets along with you... and that tends to suggest that the problem is you, not them.

Perhaps some self-examination is in order.

I'm not saying this simply to piss you off; I'm saying that in 40-some years of life I've found this to be true, that most people who are in that everybody-is-on-my-ass-all-the-time position is there because of his own actions and attitude. If you yourself don't change, then everywhere you go and everyone you meet, its going to be the same because the problem lies within yourself.
You have said some good advice but I think that it really is my brother who is the root of the problem. I have no problem getting along with my family members so long as my brother is not here. And trust me my brother and sister are both jerks I see it by the way they treat me. It probably has something to do with me being the little brother so they feel like they can berate me. But the way I see things is that both are getting to understand that the world is hard place to live in. I realized that when I was young due to the isolating I felt in school and my family did not really pay much attention to me except for my mother who continued to mother me but even then it was a half-assed job. But my parents prefer my older siblings and my siblings prefer one another or at least use to. With the way things are going all the siblings are separating and not connecting with one another. I guess distance did that to my brother and my sister. I never was too close to either one of them and still am not. I just hate dealing with them because they feel that they are so experienced in life and that what they go through is unique. They have much arrogance I don't like it. I think one of the major reasons that my brother is dating his gf is that she has managed to make him feel like king he needs to watch out and keep his eyes open but I don't say that to him. Because you know why? Its not my life and I am not living his. Its why I don't feel good telling anyone deep or personal things since I feel that each one decides how their live is going to be. I just feel that if you are going to try and sound wise that you at least don't need to do it with such an arrogant and hurtful attitude. I don't bother telling them the way I feel because I know they won't change and that they feel that I am their inferior so the truth is best left unsaid.
 

Gray_Fox_86

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If you're not happy there, then get the **** out of there as soon as you can. Life's too short.
I will. I have something to do that I hope the opportunity is still there. But if it isn't then fcuk I fcuked up bad.
 

Goshin

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You have said some good advice but I think that it really is my brother who is the root of the problem. I have no problem getting along with my family members so long as my brother is not here. And trust me my brother and sister are both jerks I see it by the way they treat me. It probably has something to do with me being the little brother so they feel like they can berate me. But the way I see things is that both are getting to understand that the world is hard place to live in. I realized that when I was young due to the isolating I felt in school and my family did not really pay much attention to me except for my mother who continued to mother me but even then it was a half-assed job. But my parents prefer my older siblings and my siblings prefer one another or at least use to. With the way things are going all the siblings are separating and not connecting with one another. I guess distance did that to my brother and my sister. I never was too close to either one of them and still am not. I just hate dealing with them because they feel that they are so experienced in life and that what they go through is unique. They have much arrogance I don't like it. I think one of the major reasons that my brother is dating his gf is that she has managed to make him feel like king he needs to watch out and keep his eyes open but I don't say that to him. Because you know why? Its not my life and I am not living his. Its why I don't feel good telling anyone deep or personal things since I feel that each one decides how their live is going to be. I just feel that if you are going to try and sound wise that you at least don't need to do it with such an arrogant and hurtful attitude. I don't bother telling them the way I feel because I know they won't change and that they feel that I am their inferior so the truth is best left unsaid.

Well, I don't know your family so it's hard for me to say anything definite. If I'm understanding you right the family isn't exactly close and tight, so maybe there are other issues and maybe it isn't exclusively your fault.

Sam is probably right; best thing you can do is get out there and start living your life, find people you'd chose to be with and make your place in the world.

Just one other piece of advice: when you leave, try to leave as much emotional baggage behind as possible.
 

Harry Guerrilla

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You have said some good advice but I think that it really is my brother who is the root of the problem. I have no problem getting along with my family members so long as my brother is not here. And trust me my brother and sister are both jerks I see it by the way they treat me. It probably has something to do with me being the little brother so they feel like they can berate me. But the way I see things is that both are getting to understand that the world is hard place to live in. I realized that when I was young due to the isolating I felt in school and my family did not really pay much attention to me except for my mother who continued to mother me but even then it was a half-assed job. But my parents prefer my older siblings and my siblings prefer one another or at least use to. With the way things are going all the siblings are separating and not connecting with one another. I guess distance did that to my brother and my sister. I never was too close to either one of them and still am not. I just hate dealing with them because they feel that they are so experienced in life and that what they go through is unique. They have much arrogance I don't like it. I think one of the major reasons that my brother is dating his gf is that she has managed to make him feel like king he needs to watch out and keep his eyes open but I don't say that to him. Because you know why? Its not my life and I am not living his. Its why I don't feel good telling anyone deep or personal things since I feel that each one decides how their live is going to be. I just feel that if you are going to try and sound wise that you at least don't need to do it with such an arrogant and hurtful attitude. I don't bother telling them the way I feel because I know they won't change and that they feel that I am their inferior so the truth is best left unsaid.
Sam's right, time to get the hell out.

My family is similar to yours except my sisters get all the coddling and I'm the one who was supposed to have no problems.
I had enough of their drama and told them to buzz off.

It has been the most peaceful twoish years, with the exception that I don't get to see my grandfather anymore.
The only family member I see is my niece.
 

Orion

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The only thing I can add is that you have the power to choose and to take action. If you're not happy there then no one is forcing you be there. Get a job, save some money, and leave.

In my late teens I spent a lot of time at home analyzing my family and trying to make things better. My family wasn't super dysfunctional but it was definitely holding me back. Finally a day came when the idea clicked in my mind that I didn't have to stay there expending mental energy on those people. I could leave and go virtually anywhere in the world, and that's exactly what I did.

My relationship with my family is much better now. I've had time to do a lot of growing up, gain my own adult experiences, form my best long-term friendships (which I chose), and now when I return home I can greet my family as a stable and centered adult who is meeting them with my own views and opinions.

I don't really know the specifics of your family dynamics, but if your brother talks down to you a lot and doesn't give you a fair chance to offer up your own views, then he's a jerk. Dialogue works two ways and if he isn't respecting where you're at then you're not going to want to learn from his infinite-wisdom attitude. Maybe later on you will, if you leave and begin to appreciate him more.
 
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TacticalEvilDan

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If one man calls you a donkey, ignore him.

If twelve people call you a donkey, buy yourself a saddle or quit braying like one.


My point is that apparently nobody gets along with you... and that tends to suggest that the problem is you, not them.

Perhaps some self-examination is in order.

Dear Goshin:

STFU, you anti-semitic terrorist sympathizer you.

Sincerely,
Israel
 

Goshin

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Dear Goshin:

STFU, you anti-semitic terrorist sympathizer you.

Sincerely,
Israel

Snort. :mrgreen:

Yeah, its a Jewish proverb, but I ain't Jewish, you silly tard-rider.
 

Kali

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Sometimes you just gotta cut toxic people out of your life and sadly? Sometimes this includes family. Easier said than done though:(
 

Gipper

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Russian women, and Slavic women in general, are hot as all hell.

According to the Law of Hot Chicks, the better looking a woman is, the bitchier she is. Just be thankful he's nailing a hottie and keep distance.
 

Gray_Fox_86

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Russian women, and Slavic women in general, are hot as all hell.

According to the Law of Hot Chicks, the better looking a woman is, the bitchier she is. Just be thankful he's nailing a hottie and keep distance.
lmao.
She is not hot. Not anywhere near it. And if you knew Russian women and culture you'd understand they are very manipulative and just downright toxic. Many not all. My bro's gf is a toxic and manipulative women and she is not hot so you are wrong.
 

Gipper

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I'm not arguing the "toxic and manipulative" part. I'm just saying that I have yet to find a Russian woman under 40 who isn't at least an 8 on a 1-10 scale.

Post her pic. I'll tell you if she's worth the bitchiness and annoyance.
 

Aunt Spiker

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I don't know if this is the right forum or if I will get good responses but I need to get a few things off my chest. I have a falling relationship with all my family members, especially my brother. I think it is because of his gf who happens to be Russian. I don't care too much for Russians' but she really gets to me and I really hate her guts and his too. But I think that it is her who is making him into a jerk.

My brother tends to talk down on me and tell me things that can just get your blood to boil and then he says "I can tell you these things because I am living," or "whatever I tell you should be making you stronger". And whenever I defend myself I typically get the calm down you are such a jerk for getting this way. Yet they don't see that it is them who get me angry instead they think it its because I should be grateful to be felt like crap. I feel like crap and I don't have any relationships with people. I have connections isssue and my relationship with my gf ended because I had connections issue.

My brothers gf thinks she is part of the family or some odd crap like that that she talks down to me and tells me things she should not and when I defend myself I get chewed out by my other family members or my brother. I get chewed out a lot by my family, and school was like that as well. I still haven't forgotten how I was treated in school.

I wasn't too treated good in high school or middle school by the kids and I can't remember too much of pleasant memories with my family members back then when we all were together. I feel that my family won't understand why when I leave I will not be coming back to see them. But at the sametime I feel that I shouldn't leave them but why stay if they talk down to me always? Life is hard and it was never an easy thing I realized that at an early age. I should have left when the opportunity was there but I thought I was doing my mother a favor by staying but apparently not. She told me I just started to help her out with the rental units but that is a lie because I have always helped out since I was in middle school.

You know its gotten to a point where I just get a gripping feeling in the back of my shoulders when my brother and his gf are here. When they are here everyone acts differently.
If I left for good you'd guys believe it would be understandable? I am turning 24 and I had the chance to leave at 19 when I graduated from high school but I didn't because of my idiotness. And I had the opportunity to leave last year too but there is no blame but myself for not taking the opportunities.
Sounds like my husband's situation with his family.
Most people in his family are former or current drug addicts - if they weren't rich they'd be white trash. Patience, caring, understanding and self control doesn't exist in his family, everyone stays with their grandmother and lives off of her fortune - no one except for my husband is independent.

When he was 18 he joined the military, decided he couldn't stand to live near his family with their issues - it was just bringing him down. He's gone back to visit maybe 5 times in the last 30 years and every time he swears it was too soon.

Sometimes there's just nothing *you* can do when everyone else has problems, too. The best thing for an unstable family atmosphere is to leave it behind and make your own solid life.
 

Gray_Fox_86

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I'm not arguing the "toxic and manipulative" part. I'm just saying that I have yet to find a Russian woman under 40 who isn't at least an 8 on a 1-10 scale.

Post her pic. I'll tell you if she's worth the bitchiness and annoyance.
No cause I can tell you that your standards are low that you will find anything an 8-10 as long as it is slavic.
 

liblady

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yes, but don't sever all ties. you never know what the future might bring.
 

Aunt Spiker

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No cause I can tell you that your standards are low that you will find anything an 8-10 as long as it is slavic.
I bet, though, she senses your sexist prejudice - afterall, you hate her just because she's Russian.

You can't point fingers at everyone else and then fail to pick yourself over just as thoroughly. My husband, for example, can be quite the ass - so his whole family situation is a full circle.
 

Gray_Fox_86

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I bet, though, she senses your sexist prejudice - afterall, you hate her just because she's Russian.

You can't point fingers at everyone else and then fail to pick yourself over just as thoroughly. My husband, for example, can be quite the ass - so his whole family situation is a full circle.
No, I don't hate her for being just Russian. I hate her because she is very cruel and says mean things. She is out of line for being my brother's gf and that is it. She is nothing else, I don't consider who special or her on a level to talk down on me because her relationship is with my brother and not me. If she can't be nice then she shouldn't say anything at all because I don't care for her.

I am my own worse critic, I can promise you that. But I don't go out looking for fights like my family members and then when one tries to defend themselve I don't say calm down. Because I can at least understand that if I start a fight that someone will eventually say something back.

Also while your husband may be an ass at times it does not make him a terrible person cause at least he is not a moocher or a drug addict. Every now and then everyone needs to vent/rant.
 

MyOwnDrum

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I've have some experience with Slavic women. They are domineering. The Slavic people are blunt by American standards. They have different standards of courtesy, and by our culture's standards don't know when to hold their opinions. They will tell you truthful answers to things that Americans will politely lie about, such as what they think of your cooking, or things like that.

The women are overbearing and act autocratic at times. I think the Russians, in particular, feel like they have something to prove, perhaps because of insecurity in the face of the more successful American upstarts. So they fall back on boasting about their rich cultural history. But the rest of Europe also has a rich cultural history, and the poorer Slavic nations are at the bottom of the totem pole, so I think they have insecurities.
 
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