Premarital sex

[George_Washington]

I was curious as to what the rest of you think of premarital sex. I know many folks have religious beliefs regarding waiting for marriage, but do/did all of you abide by those beliefs? And what about those that have no religious teachings regarding this?

In today's society, abstaining from sex before marriage just isn't as feasible as it once was. Men and women are putting off marriage, for the most part, until they're in their late 20's/early 30's. Can we reasonably expect them to abstain from sex until then? As a society, we frown upon teenage sex, yet we also find it quite odd when we find someone in their 20's/30's that is still a virgin (Does The 40 Year Old Virgin ring any bells there?). Why the double standard?

Also, what about people that choose not to get married? That's quite common these days. What about homosexuals, who CAN'T get married? Can we reasonably expect these groups to abstain from sex?

Personally, I think that the whole no premarital sex mentality, while noble in its intent, is an antiquated notion that just doesn't have any place in today's world. We can reasonably expect people to abstain until, say, the age of 18, but we can't hold them to a standard of waiting for marriage when so many are choosing to wait longer and longer before following that path, decide to avoid it altogether, or can't follow that path. Not to mention the fact that so many of us in today's generation didn't wait until marriage; there's no way we can really expect tomorrow's generations to wait when we couldn't even practice what we're trying to preach, can we?

I don't think there is anything morally wrong with having sex before marriage. But you just have to be careful about who you're getting involved with and make sure you use protection, unless you want to get her pregnant and then possibly be stuck with her the rest of your life...I sure as heck wouldn't want to have to pay child support if I couldn't financially afford it...

I can see what you mean, Stace. I don't care if people have sex, I just am of the position that people shouldn't have abortions. But of course that's a whole other debate and I realize I'm opening a whole can of worms here...lol

 

[Sir_Alec]

I don't think there is anything morally wrong with having sex before marriage. But you just have to be careful about who you're getting involved with and make sure you use protection, unless you want to get her pregnant and then possibly be stuck with her the rest of your life...I sure as heck wouldn't want to have to pay child support if I couldn't financially afford it...

I can see what you mean, Stace. I don't care if people have sex, I just am of the position that people shouldn't have abortions. But of course that's a whole other debate and I realize I'm opening a whole can of worms here...lol

Why worry about all of this stuff when you could just have a partner who is "unable" to have kids .

 

[vergiss]

I think it's perfectly fine, healthy and normal. Use common sense (don't have sex too young, use protection, don't have sex for immoral reasons eg: using a girl who actually cares for you), obviously, but otherwise I seriously don't see the big deal. It's fun and it's a wonderful expression of love.

 

[George_Washington]

Why worry about all of this stuff when you could just have a partner who is "unable" to have kids .

Are you hitting on me, Alec? I don't blame ya, I AM a pretty handsome guy. :rofl

 

[Sir_Alec]

Are you hitting on me, Alec? I don't blame ya, I AM a pretty handsome guy. :rofl

Hey, I tried :rofl

 

[Calm2Chaos]

Pre-marital sex is a must. How the hell can you go into a lifelong commitment without knowing if your sexually compatible. And please don't trot out that dumb *** love conquers all crap. Hell I think you should be required to live together also before marrage. If this was done there would be a whole lot less divorce in the world. You may love each other, but if certain needs are not being met then the tension is just going to turn things into a loveless roommate situation

 

[George_Washington]

Pre-marital sex is a must. How the hell can you go into a lifelong commitment without knowing if your sexually compatible. And please don't trot out that dumb *** love conquers all crap. Hell I think you should be required to live together also before marrage. If this was done there would be a whole lot less divorce in the world. You may love each other, but if certain needs are not being met then the tension is just going to turn things into a loveless roommate situation

Why is sexual compatibility something you just can't tell by looking at the person? I realize some people say that uglier people give better sex but in my experience, that isn't the case...

 

[Stace]

Pre-marital sex is a must. How the hell can you go into a lifelong commitment without knowing if your sexually compatible. And please don't trot out that dumb *** love conquers all crap. Hell I think you should be required to live together also before marrage. If this was done there would be a whole lot less divorce in the world. You may love each other, but if certain needs are not being met then the tension is just going to turn things into a loveless roommate situation

Actually, as someone already pointed out, divorce rates, I think, are higher among couples that cohabitated before marriage. But the rest of it, I agree with.

 

[Stace]

Why is sexual compatibility something you just can't tell by looking at the person? I realize some people say that uglier people give better sex but in my experience, that isn't the case...

1. Don't judge a book by its cover.

2. There are a LOT of things you can't tell merely by looking at a person.

3. I've been with guys that just seemed like they'd be awesome in bed, but they just didn't do it for me. Correlates with 1. and 2.

 

[aps]

I think that premarital sex is an abomination. Anyone who does it better not do it lightly and ask for forgiveness from God after doing it. God tells us several times in the Bible (my pastor once said how many times, but I forget) that premarital sex is wrong, and we as a society had best listen to that.

But why is it wrong? Just because the Bible says so? I'm not attacking you. I used to feel badly after having pre-marital sex (but not during ), and one day, I thought about why it is considered bad? Regardless, I am genuinely interested in your answer. And please don't just say that the Bible tells you so.

 

[aps]

Pre-marital sex is a must. How the hell can you go into a lifelong commitment without knowing if your sexually compatible. And please don't trot out that dumb *** love conquers all crap. Hell I think you should be required to live together also before marrage. If this was done there would be a whole lot less divorce in the world. You may love each other, but if certain needs are not being met then the tension is just going to turn things into a loveless roommate situation

LMAO! You're hilarious, Calm. I agree that you must know whether you are sexually compatible with your spouse; however, I disagree that you need to live together before marriage. My parents, my 3 siblings, and I all didn't live with our spouses before we were married and we're all still married! That was the something that we didn't share prior to marriage and it made it special after we got married. Going home every day and sleeping in the same bed was the best! Anyway, I think if you spend enough time with someone, you know whether you'll be able to live with them (unless one person totally changes, which can happen).

 

[aps]

Why is sexual compatibility something you just can't tell by looking at the person? I realize some people say that uglier people give better sex but in my experience, that isn't the case...

George, you are always coming up with the funniest statements. Where the heck did you hear that uglier people "give better sex"? And what is the rationale for that conclusion? LMAO

 

[aps]

1. Don't judge a book by its cover.

2. There are a LOT of things you can't tell merely by looking at a person.

3. I've been with guys that just seemed like they'd be awesome in bed, but they just didn't do it for me. Correlates with 1. and 2.

Stace, I am totally with you on this subject. Love your #3 comment! So true.

 

[George_Washington]

1. Don't judge a book by its cover.

2. There are a LOT of things you can't tell merely by looking at a person.

3. I've been with guys that just seemed like they'd be awesome in bed, but they just didn't do it for me. Correlates with 1. and 2.

Well, Stace I don't think you've really found the truth about a relationship (no dig on your marriage). I find that if I were to go after a woman that I didn't think was pretty, just because she was good in bed, wouldn't lead anywhere because I couldn't ever develop feelings for her as strongly as I could the other woman. Besides, sex isn't everything...sex can always be learned just like anything else. This may sound odd to you and some other people but I believe that love comes first. And to really love someone, you just have to think they're physically beautiful. They might not be pretty to someone else but as long as they are to you, that is what matters. This all may sound kind of, "superficial" to you but let me explain myself better. What I am talking about is actually on a deeper level than it may seem.

I think what really is a part of loving someone, is not only thinking they're beautiful and feeling their physical attributes represent spiritual things that you can relate them with. They just have a certain unique look that you find very special. To me, a woman possessing physical attributes that you're not only highly sexually attracted to but also speak to your heart spirtually, is far more important than if she is just technically good in bed. Because I think if you're with someone that you feel has these qualities, sex will be good with them no matter what.

 

[George_Washington]

George, you are always coming up with the funniest statements. Where the heck did you hear that uglier people "give better sex"? And what is the rationale for that conclusion? LMAO

Because there is a stigma attatched in our society that uglier people are better in bed, which isn't true. The situation is far more complicated than that. I don't think any woman ever complained about the great Frank Sinatra and he was certainly good looking.

But I appreciate you saying I am humorous though

 

[Stace]

Well, Stace I don't think you've really found the truth about a relationship (no dig on your marriage).

Just out of curiosity, George...how old are you?

Has ANYONE found out "the truth about a relationship"? Relationships take work, and they grow and expand over time. There is no one ultimate truth, because each relationship is completely different.

I find that if I were to go after a woman that I didn't think was pretty, just because she was good in bed, wouldn't lead anywhere because I couldn't ever develop feelings for her as strongly as I could the other woman.

Who said anything about looks besides you? See, the funny thing about physical beauty is.....it changes. Not only with time, but in some cases, with a little help from the medical world. And we all have different opinions on what we find attractive. And you know, if you spend enough time with a person, you may find your opinion changing on how you feel about their appearance. Beauty is sometimes only skin deep, George. And yet, at other times, you have to look beyond the surface features to find the beauty. But the beauty found inside a person is much more valuable than that found on the outside.

Besides, sex isn't everything...sex can always be learned just like anything else.

No one ever said that sex is everything. And you're only partially correct - SOME people can learn the art of good sex - according to you, anyway. What pleases you may not please the next person - may totally turn them off, in fact.

This may sound odd to you and some other people but I believe that love comes first.

Why would that sound odd? George, I started falling in love with my husband before I actually met him face to face, and I was completely in love with him before we ever slept together. But if we had not been compatible in bed, I can assure you that some of that spark would have been lost. I don't just settle in my relationships - it's got to be all or nothing.

And to really love someone, you just have to think they're physically beautiful. They might not be pretty to someone else but as long as they are to you, that is what matters. This all may sound kind of, "superficial" to you but let me explain myself better. What I am talking about is actually on a deeper level than it may seem.

Oh, this ought to be good....because that is superficial as hell.

I think what really is a part of loving someone, is not only thinking they're beautiful and feeling their physical attributes represent spiritual things that you can relate them with. They just have a certain unique look that you find very special. To me, a woman possessing physical attributes that you're not only highly sexually attracted to but also speak to your heart spirtually, is far more important than if she is just technically good in bed. Because I think if you're with someone that you feel has these qualities, sex will be good with them no matter what.

George, George, George.....you are obviously not understanding what we are saying. No one is saying that sex is the ultimate deciding factor in a relationship. No one is saying to have sex with someone you find physically unattractive just because they're good in bed. But there is a LOT more to a person than their looks and their sexual abilities, and there is a lot more than that involved in building a relationship. I think it's YOU that has some learning to do regarding matters of the heart, George, not me.

 

[George_Washington]

Oh, this ought to be good....because that is superficial as hell.

No it wasn't!

You made the assertion that looks don't have anything to do with one's prowess in bed. This is true but my point was that you shouldn't just go out with somebody you're not sexually attracted to just because you think they aren't good in bed is kind of like a cache 22. Having sex with someone you think is pretty will inevitably lead to good sex because their will be feelings behind it. And feelings are partly based on looks but not in the way you think I mean. Love is based on looks in the sense that the person you fall in love with, WILL be the most beautiful person on Earth to you. See what I'm saying? She might not be a perfect looking model type but each person has their own, unique version of what he finds to be beautiful. Therefore, in that sense, looks are associated with love. So that is what I meant by how you should have sex with someone you are physically attracted to. See?

And I think the reason why you felt you were compatible with your husband in bed was really more to do with your feelings for him not just he was a, "sex machine". lol

 

[Stace]

No it wasn't!

You made the assertion that looks don't have anything to do with one's prowess in bed. This is true but my point was that you shouldn't just go out with somebody you're not sexually attracted to just because you think they aren't good in bed is kind of like a cache 22.

George? Physical attraction and sexual attraction are two different things. You can be physically attracted, but not sexually attracted, and vice versa.

Having sex with someone you think is pretty will inevitably lead to good sex because their will be feelings behind it.

Not necessarily. If all you've got going there is that you think the person is attractive, there's no TRUE feelings there. That's just lust. Ever had a one night stand, George? Could be the best sex of your life, but the only feeling that would be attached would be lust.

I've never slept with anyone I personally didn't find physically attractive. And most of the time, the sex was completely NOT worth it.

And feelings are partly based on looks but not in the way you think I mean. Love is based on looks in the sense that the person you fall in love with, WILL be the most beautiful person on Earth to you. See what I'm saying?

Yes, I do. And I've espoused that sentiment many times. Maybe not on here anywhere, but trust me, it's passed my lips more than once. Goes along with the whole thing about how each person has their own likes and dislikes when it comes to the looks department. Also correlates with how you may not find someone physically attractive at first, but if you give yourself time to get to know them as a person, you may just find yourself thinking differently about their outward appearance.

She might not be a perfect looking model type but each person has their own, unique version of what he finds to be beautiful.

I already said that.

Therefore, in that sense, looks are associated with love.

Only in a very minor sense. I can find someone attractive, doesn't mean I love them. I could find someone very much NOT attractive, but love them to some sort of degree.

So that is what I meant by how you should have sex with someone you are physically attracted to. See?

Well, yeesh, again, no one said you should have sex with someone you weren't physically attracted to.

And I think the reason why you felt you were compatible with your husband in bed was really more to do with your feelings for him not just he was a, "sex machine". lol

Very good! You actually comprehended what I said. I got to know him as a person before we slept together. I'm not saying that it's necessary to do that before you have sex with anyone - because it certainly isn't - but it brings about a completely different level of sexual satisfaction. Sometimes, the emotional gratification is worth a whole heck of a lot more than the physical gratification.

 

[aps]

Because there is a stigma attatched in our society that uglier people are better in bed, which isn't true. The situation is far more complicated than that. I don't think any woman ever complained about the great Frank Sinatra and he was certainly good looking.

But I appreciate you saying I am humorous though

But I have never heard of this stigma. What about someone's looking being bad would cause people to state that they are better in bed? Is it because they are less vain? Is it because they are perceived as being less selfish? I just don't understand what looks have to do with someone being good/bad in bed. Less expectations?

 

[Real Korimyr #9]

What about someone's looking being bad would cause people to state that they are better in bed? Is it because they are less vain?

Q: Why do fat chicks give the best head?

A: Because they have to.

The stereotype is based on the idea that less attractive people have to work harder to keep a mate; all beautiful people have to do is be beautiful.

 

[aps]

Q: Why do fat chicks give the best head?

A: Because they have to.

The stereotype is based on the idea that less attractive people have to work harder to keep a mate; all beautiful people have to do is be beautiful.

Ah, okay, I can see that as part of the rationale; however, I am not sure that because someone "has" to do anything that it makes them good at it.

 

[Calm2Chaos]

Why is sexual compatibility something you just can't tell by looking at the person? I realize some people say that uglier people give better sex but in my experience, that isn't the case...

I can't tell your not a serial killer by looking at you, how the hell am I going to know about sexual capatability. We have moved a lot out of the Puritan days of old. Sex is a major part of a happy relationship. Probably one of the top three in my opinion.

 

[Calm2Chaos]

Actually, as someone already pointed out, divorce rates, I think, are higher among couples that cohabitated before marriage. But the rest of it, I agree with.

Divorce rates are higher all the way around. Living together is just a more common act today as opposed to 40 - 50 years ago. Hence the ratio increases

 

[Calm2Chaos]

Because there is a stigma attatched in our society that uglier people are better in bed, which isn't true. The situation is far more complicated than that. I don't think any woman ever complained about the great Frank Sinatra and he was certainly good looking.

But I appreciate you saying I am humorous though

I have never heard that ugly people are better in bed..LMAO. I have made jokes however about fat chicks. (They don't get it as often so they work harder....lol) BUt these are jokes, they are not some stigma or general belief in this country. Hell if that was the case ugly people would be nailing models left and right.

 

[Calm2Chaos]

Originally Posted by Axismaster
I think that premarital sex is an abomination. Anyone who does it better not do it lightly and ask for forgiveness from God after doing it. God tells us several times in the Bible (my pastor once said how many times, but I forget) that premarital sex is wrong, and we as a society had best listen to that.

Your funny.... :roll:

The bible says a lot of things. Are we to take everything in it's literal sense?