Pregnant Teens

[Sykes]

I saw this very interesting discussion on a step-parenting thread, and thought it would do well here. The scenario that was laid out had to do with custodial parent vs non-custodial parent, but would apply to any parents of a young teen.

Please don't join in with "MY child would never do such a thing." **** happens.

Billy and Suzy got pregnant when they were fifteen, and had a baby at sixteen. They divorced at twenty, and have joint custody.

Fast forward. Billy married Andrea, and Suzy married Tom. Their daughter is Olivia, and she is now fourteen.

Olivia tells Billy she is sexually active. Billy tells Olivia she needs to tell Suzy, and she should start birth control immediately. He also calls Suzy and tells her the same. Suzy and Tom are Christian parents, and refuse. Olivia gets pregnant.

Suzy and Tom want Olivia to give birth and give the baby up for adoption. Billy hopes she'll abort, but tells her he will discuss all her options with her, and support her however he can. Suzy tells Billy that if Olivia keeps the baby, he will not only have to pay child support for her, but also for the upcoming baby.

If this were your teenager, what would you do? Would you let her make her own decision? Try to control her decision? Tell her you didn't sign up for another baby, and if she refuses to either adopt out or abort, you're removing her from your home?

Use your imagination.

 

[AliHajiSheik]

Please post an org chart.

 

[iliveonramen]

Ehhh...at the end of the day it's your daughter and your grandchild. Whatever the decision is get Olivia on birthcontrol as soon as possible even if you have to fight Suzy and Tom every step of the way.

 

[Sykes]

Please post an org chart.

What would you do if it was YOUR teen.

 

[Sykes]

Ehhh...at the end of the day it's your daughter and your grandchild. Whatever the decision is get Olivia on birthcontrol as soon as possible even if you have to fight Suzy and Tom every step of the way.

Too late, Olivia is already pregnant, and again: What would you do.

 

[iliveonramen]

Too late, Olivia is already pregnant, and again: What would you do.

I would help take care of my daughter and granddaughter. I know it's too late for birthcontrol now but I'd get her on it right after she's done giving birth (if that's the decision). At least you would get to save money on expensive potential college tuition.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

Well - what did Olivia want?

I wouldn't do what my parents did: disconnect and give up. This is the exact opposite of what should be done. If you remotely give a rats ass about that unborn child and your child you'll not shove them away as if they're suddenly infected.

That's what my parents did - they gave me two choices: 1) Finish school by going to a home for unwed mothers and give the child up for adoption. 2) Drop out of school, get married, have the kid.

Gee :roll: That was helpful. Since I couldn't bring myself to 1) Go to a catholic school OR 2) remove my child from my life completely - that left me with option 2) I dropped out of school (yes, that was so smart of my parents :sarcasm: and I married him - we had another kid together before we divorced at age 20.

I would never - ever - **** my kid over like my parents did me. Drop out of school? What kind of a ****ty parents want their kid to drop out of high school? When your child is so stupid that they go off and get knocked up, they are not going to be able to support their selves.

Having kids doesn't make you grow up over night.

What my parents did was childish - they took their frustrations out on me and didn't care what happened after that. Of course, i didn't care either - apparently - because i got knocked up. But that's how things are supposed to be for teens, reckless and self centered: I was the most immature of the three girls in the family, what did they expect? Normal teens do stupid, thoughtless things.

So - I would never do that - ever. It would be stressful, sure, but over my dead body is my kid gonna live dependent on others and on the dime of the government when I know that, with proper schooling and support, they can make it in life.

Birth control - I don't care what my husband says (let's pretend he and I didn't see eye to eye on this for a moment) - I'd take my daughter and get her on the pill or whatever anyway.

 

[Sykes]

I would help take care of my daughter and granddaughter. I know it's too late for birthcontrol now but I'd get her on it right after she's done giving birth (if that's the decision). At least you would get to save money on expensive potential college tuition.

That's what my grandma and grandpa said.

My little ones are literally little ones, so I can't put myself in those shoes, except to say I support a woman's right to choose, so I would be Billy in this equation, even if said 'woman' was only fourteen.

 

[Sykes]

Well - what did Olivia want?

I wouldn't do what my parents did: disconnect and give up. This is the exact opposite of what should be done. If you remotely give a rats ass about that unborn child and your child you'll not shove them away as if they're suddenly infected.

That's what my parents did - they gave me two choices: 1) Finish school by going to a home for unwed mothers and give the child up for adoption. 2) Drop out of school, get married, have the kid.

Gee :roll: That was helpful. Since I couldn't bring myself to 1) Go to a catholic school OR 2) remove my child from my life completely - that left me with option 2) I dropped out of school (yes, that was so smart of my parents :sarcasm: and I married him - we had another kid together before we divorced at age 20.

I would never - ever - **** my kid over like my parents did me. Drop out of school? What kind of a ****ty parents want their kid to drop out of high school? When your child is so stupid that they go off and get knocked up, they are not going to be able to support their selves.

Having kids doesn't make you grow up over night.

What my parents did was childish - they took their frustrations out on me and didn't care what happened after that. I would never do that - ever. It would be stressful, sure, but over my dead body is my kid gonna live dependent on others and on the dime of the government when I know that, with proper schooling and support, they can make it in life.

Birth control - I don't care what my husband says (let's pretend he and I didn't see eye to eye on this for a moment) - I'd take my daughter and get her on the pill or whatever anyway.

As it's based on a true story, Olivia wanted to keep the baby. In the original discussion, I was amazed at how many women wanted to kick her to the curb, because "they didn't sign up for this."

 

[Aunt Spiker]

As it's based on a true story, Olivia wanted to keep the baby. In the original discussion, I was amazed at how many women wanted to kick her to the curb, because "they didn't sign up for this."

I don't know - if a teen says they're sexually active and the parent says 'nope - no birth control, stop having sex' - and they expect the teen, who probably doesn't listen to much advice from them anyway, take that advice for no reason at all? I don't think they can say "not my problem" and have me believe it.

Why didn't Billy take Olivia for BC? What - women only at the clinic? :roll:

 

[Sykes]

I don't know - if a teen says they're sexually active and the parent says 'nope - no birth control, stop having sex' - and they expect the teen, who probably doesn't listen to much advice from them anyway, take that advice for no reason at all? I don't think they can say that and have me believe it.

If they cared enough then they would have done it.

Why didn't Billy take Olivia for BC? What - women only at the clinic? :roll:

That's what I was wondering! I think he dropped the ball on that one. Take her for the shot, then no worries on refilled prescriptions or remembering to take the pill.

But then the other thing I was wondering, since I've never been through it: Do both parents have to agree, if they have joint legal custody? I don't know. I doubt it. I think a fourteen year-old can just come in off the street and ask for BC.

 

[AngryOldGuy]

Stop and think for just one second
it is all Billy's fault.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

That's what I was wondering! I think he dropped the ball on that one. Take her for the shot, then no worries on refilled prescriptions or remembering to take the pill.

But then the other thing I was wondering, since I've never been through it: Do both parents have to agree, if they have joint legal custody? I don't know. I doubt it. I think a fourteen year-old can just come in off the street and ask for BC.

Females - 14 and older - can go to a clinic alone and get birth control. Pediatrics | Paediatrics | Pediatric Education | Paediatric Education – PediatricEducation.org » Blog Archive » What are the Laws Regarding Teenage Contraception?
They can go with a friend.
Or just one parent.

Parents are not, by law, required to be asked permission - to avoid situations like the OP.

Teens, though, often just don't know this stuff. Heck, even most parents don't know this stuff. This is because we have tense and brief discussions with our kids, and most people don't often talk about it.

My parents gave me 'the talk' when I was 7. :roll: Seeing how often they let me go out with guys and didn't think about it or say anything further, it obviously wasn't a concern for them. I guess the thought I was a lesbian even then (my mom asked me if I was after child #3 was born and my 2nd marriage (to my current husband) hit a rough patch.)

Yeah - lol - no, Mom, not a lesbian. I just failed to see how a minister's daughter can say 'hey mom, dad, i'm having sex.' They're like two crispy chips without any flavor.

:lamoeven WHEN I ran away for a night and was gone for 24 hours - they never touched the subject. But oh, they grounded me. :lamo They gave me more advice on how to use a power saw and the importance of tossing fem napkins in the trash and not flushing them down the toilet. THOSE things were more important, it seems.

 

[Sykes]

Stop and think for just one second
it is all Billy's fault.

Well, obviously that's Suzy's thinking, since she somehow thought child support would or should be carried to the next generation. I still haven't explored the possibility that is a true thing anywhere in the United States.

 

[Sykes]

Females - 14 and older - can go to a clinic alone and get birth control. Pediatrics | Paediatrics | Pediatric Education | Paediatric Education – PediatricEducation.org » Blog Archive » What are the Laws Regarding Teenage Contraception?
They can go with a friend.
Or just one parent.

Parents are not, by law, required to be asked permission - to avoid situations like the OP.

Teens, though, often just don't know this stuff. Heck, even most parents don't know this stuff. This is because we have tense and brief discussions with our kids, and most people don't often talk about it.

My parents gave me 'the talk' when I was 7. :roll: Seeing how often they let me go out with guys and didn't think about it or say anything further, it obviously wasn't a concern for them. I guess the thought I was a lesbian even then (my mom asked me if I was after child #3 was born and my 2nd marriage (to my current husband) hit a rough patch.)

Yeah - lol - no, Mom, not a lesbian. I just failed to see how a minister's daughter can say 'hey mom, dad, i'm having sex.' They're like two crispy chips without any flavor.

:lamoeven WHEN I ran away for a night and was gone for 24 hours - they never touched the subject. But oh, they grounded me. :lamo They gave me more advice on how to use a power saw and the importance of tossing fem napkins in the trash and not flushing them down the toilet. THOSE things were more important, it seems.

Do you have any brothers?

I love my grandparents, they are amazing people. But they treat me better than they treat my mom. It's like she was a means to an end - a boy child. She only let them keep me for a couple of years, and then she couldn't take it anymore. They had never legally adopted me, so she just came and took me back. There's a lot of pain around that whole situation, but still a lot of love between all of us.

 

[AngryOldGuy]

I have to admit these people screwed up their lives so what else can they expect.
I'm not sure if I have this straight
Billy knocked up the teen aged girls mom in highschool
Billy made that mistake
then Billy couldn't keep his marriage together strike two
and now Billy thinks his kid should abort HIS grandchild ?
I'd say this is typical behavior from this guy
and all the females that are around this lousy piece of trash well what do you think?

 

[Aunt Spiker]

Well, obviously that's Suzy's thinking, since she somehow thought child support would or should be carried to the next generation. I still haven't explored the possibility that is a true thing anywhere in the United States.

Yeah - what the hell is up with that. Whose the father of Olivia's kid and what the heck is he doing? He's suffering from Cunningham Syndrome. When he's found, he pays support. GRANDAD does not have to. :roll:

Do you have any brothers?

I love my grandparents, they are amazing people. But they treat me better than they treat my mom. It's like she was a means to an end - a boy child. She only let them keep me for a couple of years, and then she couldn't take it anymore. They had never legally adopted me, so she just came and took me back. There's a lot of pain around that whole situation, but still a lot of love between all of us.

Um - you're their grandchild. Of course they treat you better. LOL - you're hastle free. You **** up, they hand you back to mom. It's a law - didn't you know that?

I have no brothers - but 3 sons.

They will not 1) get married and 2) move out or 3) drop out of school if they have a kid. I'll be happy to help everyone out - I'll push for the girl to stay in school, too. Hell, I'll even adopt the little spitwad if that'll solve issues.

Do the wrong thing - and the negative effects can last for generations.

...and if that happens - there's no favoritism. That little cupcake gets the same raw, laws-down deal that my kids did.

 

[Sykes]

I have to admit these people screwed up their lives so what else can they expect.
I'm not sure if I have this straight
Billy knocked up the teen aged girls mom in highschool
Billy made that mistake
then Billy couldn't keep his marriage together strike two
and now Billy thinks his kid should abort HIS grandchild ?
I'd say this is typical behavior from this guy
and all the females that are around this lousy piece of trash well what do you think?

Did you live Billy's life? Really, put yourself in his shoes. He was a KID. Got a girl pregnant at fifteen, divorced at twenty. I know you're angry old guy. I'm in my mid-30's. I remember what an idiot I was as a teen. I was lucky nobody came up pregnant, if there were no rubbers, I went stupid.

I figure he must be a pretty good dad if his young teen will tell him she's sexually active.

 

[soot]

Use your imagination.

Offer both my daughter and the unborn baby as a blood sacrifice to Cthulhu.

 

[Sykes]

Yeah - what the hell is up with that. Whose the father of Olivia's kid and what the heck is he doing? He's suffering from Cunningham Syndrome. When he's found, he pays support. GRANDAD does not have to. :roll:



Um - you're their grandchild. Of course they treat you better. LOL - you're hastle free. You **** up, they hand you back to mom. It's a law - didn't you know that?

I have no brothers - but 3 sons.

They will not 1) get married and 2) move out or 3) drop out of school if they have a kid. I'll be happy to help everyone out - I'll push for the girl to stay in school, too. Hell, I'll even adopt the little spitwad if that'll solve issues.

Do the wrong thing - and the negative effects can last for generations.

Well, no - because we're all adults now. But I was their child for a time.

As I said in my last post - I didn't learn from my mom's mistakes. I wanted to learn, I intended to. It's just luck of the draw that I didn't wind up powerless in a situation where a fellow classmate was trying to decide what road she'd take (or her parents decide for her, more like).

 

[Sykes]

Offer both my daughter and the unborn baby as a blood sacrifice to Cthulhu.

You don't have kids, so this is a rhetorical answer? I think I just read that you're 43. Essentially, I'm asking people to pretend that they are the thirty year-old parent of a fourteen year-old pregnant offspring.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

Did you live Billy's life? Really, put yourself in his shoes. He was a KID. Got a girl pregnant at fifteen, divorced at twenty. I know you're angry old guy. I'm in my mid-30's. I remember what an idiot I was as a teen. I was lucky nobody came up pregnant, if there were no rubbers, I went stupid.

I figure he must be a pretty good dad if his young teen will tell him she's sexually active.

Yes - this 2nd part, absolutely. If my kids told me 'I'm having sex' I'd be thrilled with the fact that they trusted me enough to tell me! I would NOT water down the significance of that. I have a horrid relationship with my parents. They're intolerant, ignorant, and judgmental. I do not ever want to be like them. If my kids are that open with me, it means I'm a better parent.

They'd be on BC immediately - It takes just 1 time - 5 minutes, if even that long - for someone to go from not-pregnant to pregnant.

 

[Sykes]

Yes - this 2nd part, absolutely. If my kids told me 'I'm having sex' I'd be thrilled with the fact that they trusted me enough to tell me! I would NOT water down the significance of that. I have a horrid relationship with my parents. They're intolerant, ignorant, and judgmental. I do not ever want to be like them. If my kids are that open with me, it means I'm a better parent.

They'd be on BC immediately - It takes just 1 time - 5 minutes, if even that long - for someone to go from not-pregnant to pregnant.

I've been through a pregnancy scare. I literally looked like this for a week straight.

O.O

My mom had to ask me everything twice. She thought I was on drugs.

Believe me, I considered it. I'm getting nauseous just thinking about that week.

 

[AngryOldGuy]

needlessly quote in its entirety directly below ↓

 

[Sykes]

No of course I didn't live Billy's life I'm not a screwed up piece of excrement, you want to make excuses for him go ahead, it changes nothing.
My kid told me everything (ok not everything but he did tell me the rest years later does that count?)
Hell his friends told me stuff cuz they couldn't tell their own parents. Of course the daughter was bound to get knocked up, with parents like that what the hell else would you expect? Oh and the trying to slide the 'Christian parents' in there noice touch.

Okay, well.

Have a nice day.