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Postscript

So a few months ago, Tom's sister had a restaurant party for about 40 people celebrating their 50th anniversary. Of course, Tom and I were there. At that time, she told us about the big summer party she planned for tomorrow.

Though I've had lunch with her several times since, she never mentioned the party to me again. These kinds of milestones are hard to weather. I considered his family my own after 18 years so leading up to tomorrow has been a bit difficult.

But I was doing better than ever.

Until I got a Facebook message from her son, Tom's nephew, saying he was sorry to be missing the party and he'd miss us very much... which told me that his sister Claudia and my friend, I thought, hadn't told the family.

I was heartbroken.

I decided to send private Facebook messages to Claudia's other son and daighter and a niece I had a relationship with letting them know. I just sent it.

[FONT=.SFUIDisplay]Seeing that Kevin and Gracie didn't know, I wanted to let you know, in case you didn't, that Tom and I are no longer together. I gave him several chances to no avail. I think of you as family and will miss you very much. Life isn't always fair...[/FONT][FONT=.AppleColorEmojiUI]❤️[/FONT]
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Sorry, don't know why that's printing so big. I've already sent it. Hope I did the right thing.

Thanks for letting me vent.
 
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Forgot to say that I texted his sister late this afternoon and told her very nicely that I hoped that wouldn't happen again, that she'd told the family, because it was very hurtful. I never heard back from her.

We have a lunch date for Tuesday. Not sure what I'm going to do about that.
 
Mags, if you want to try to maintain relationships with members of his family, which I'm not sure is the best idea to be honest, you probably want to refrain from saying bad or blaming things against him no matter how much he deserves it. Even if they agree with you, they'll probably feel disloyal saying so or even being around it.
 
Good advice x Factor. Thank you very much.
 
Sounds as if lunch may be "fraught." Hope not. Just play it by ear (and then report back here, of course!).
 
Good morning Maggie - of course you did the right thing because it was right for you. When we get older, we gain the privilege of avoiding the politically correct and simply going for the honest and blunt. And especially with your health issues, catering to the feelings of others is simply not relevant.

As for Tom's family members, you "divorced" Tom, not them, but it's up to them to determine how they react to and treat you as long as you've informed them that you still care to have a relationship with them. Their dynamic with Tom is not yours and so they have to determine if a relationship with you retains sufficient value for them to continue in the face of what might be Tom's reaction.

Finally, as for Tom's sister not telling her children about you and Tom, I can understand her position and would simply say that if it were me in the same situation I'd believe it was up to Tom to tell his family members, not me, and you should blame him and not jeopardize your friendship with her as a result.
 
Excellent advice. Thank you for your understanding. I reached out to his sister and she reached out yesterday. After lunch tomorrow I'll know what I want to do re a relationship with them.

They were my only family except for a cousin. It's difficult not to be able to say goodbye. My vision is that, yesterday, he just showed up with his sorry excuse of a girlfriend like ai never even existed. It has been difficult.

Frankly, and I don't know if ANYONE can understand this, this broken relationship has been harder than knowing I'm dying. By far. Betrayal is one of the hardest things we deal with as human beings. It is not our enemies that do this to us. It's most often the people we love the most...
 
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