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I believe this results from there being two schools of thought:
1. Ban the word.
2. Change the meaning of the word.
Even among blacks, individuals might ascribe to either school of thought. Those ascribing to the 'ban it' position would not be happy with anyone using it and I've known blacks that object to other blacks (and whites, even in context) using the word. And then there are those that feel only those oppressed in the word's use can change the word, thereby excluding whites from option 2 above.
Well we have the term 'Nigga' now, which has a entirely different meaning than the N Word even though it was derived from it.