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Parents that let their kids sleep between them every night in bed.

Mellie said:
We're having this discussion on another forum and I thought I'd ask it here.

Do you/Would you let your kids sleep between you and your spouse every night?
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We did when they were young and they grew out of by two in both cases (one didn't like it)
 
Can I ask the dads (mega & mac) - whose idea was co-sleeping, and did the other parent express any misgivings? Did you research, or did it just sort of happen?
 
MaggieD said:
It would be patently unsafe to sleep with a new-born baby in bed with one or two adults. It's more than bonding...there's something strange going on.
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Why is that strange? In many cultures, including in Taiwan and other Asian cultures, it is the norm even until the kid is four or five years old...
 
Mellie said:
What I was thinking talking to her is that her and her hubby don't have sex all that often at all. She wouldn't comment on that only to say it was none of my business. I can't see a husband being okay with not being able to have sex with his wife in their own bed at night.
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I agree with this one as well, and that's what I told single mom. She isn't really dating right now, and that's fine, but what will happen when she does start dating? At some point, she may want to get remarried, etc., and then part of the disruption, in addition to incorporating another person into her family, is going to involve kicking her kids out of her room, when they've already learned that it is part of their space. That's going to be fun.

The families I know where the parents sleep with the children have zero sex lives. That can't be healthy for a marriage.
 
ludahai said:
Why is that strange? In many cultures, including in Taiwan and other Asian cultures, it is the norm even until the kid is four or five years old...
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It's custom in many cultures to force women to wear burka's, too. I'm not sure that's a valid argument. I think it's strange because it's not in OUR culture and it's serving some emotional need of the mother, not the child. If the child is young enough, it's not safe to sleep between two parents. It is also a very effective way to keep distant from one's spouse. Parents with young children have enough trouble finding private time together (even if it's just pillow talk) without negotiating ankle biters.
 
I don't believe that to be a valid statement. Some babies cry every time they leave their mother's airspace. It's never a permanent thing, sometimes it's as easy as 'just had shots, skin is now hypersensitive, and sheets hurt'. Tiara slept right up my middle in a recliner whenever that happened, or she was sick. It's not such a leap from that to cosleeping.

Really hope the dads will weigh in.

MaggieD said:
I think it's strange because it's not in OUR culture and it's serving some emotional need of the mother, not the child.
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BDBoop said:
I don't believe that to be a valid statement. Some babies cry every time they leave their mother's airspace. It's never a permanent thing, sometimes it's as easy as 'just had shots, skin is now hypersensitive, and sheets hurt'. Tiara slept right up my middle in a recliner whenever that happened, or she was sick. It's not such a leap from that to cosleeping.

Really hope the dads will weigh in.
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I'm not talking about the occasional "I don't feel good, mommy," or "I had a nightmare, mommy." I'm talking about 7-night-a-week cosleeping, as it's apparently called. Husbands and wives needs their own space. If a wife is keeping a 5-year-old in bed with her and her husband 7 nights a week, that's absurd, IMO. It's one of those "politically incorrect" things to criticize in the husband's eyes. But it shouldn't be.
 
Aaaaaaaaaaaand that's what I said. "It's not such a leap from that to cosleeping."

Mac said his three year-old was in with them until recently. So I hope he can address some of your thoughts on this.

MaggieD said:
I'm not talking about the occasional "I don't feel good, mommy," or "I had a nightmare, mommy." I'm talking about 7-night-a-week cosleeping, as it's apparently called. Husbands and wives needs their own space. If a wife is keeping a 5-year-old in bed with her and her husband 7 nights a week, that's absurd, IMO. It's one of those "politically incorrect" things to criticize in the husband's eyes. But it shouldn't be.
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BDBoop said:
Aaaaaaaaaaaand that's what I said. "It's not such a leap from that to cosleeping."

Mac said his three year-old was in with them until recently. So I hope he can address some of your thoughts on this.
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Aaaaaaand, I don't agree with you. ;-) I'm not sure I can even put a finger on why, frankly.
 
It's nothing I'd do, but I haven't done that much research on it.

Things just sort of unfolded that way with Tiara and I. There was even a time I let her sleep in the carseat next to my bed with my arm hanging off so I was in actual physical contact with her (and I could put her nuk back). This was in the days before the pacifier ribbons, so I rigged one up myself and shortly had her trained to follow the ribbon and get it back in her own mouth. This was during infancy.

A lot of why new moms are so tired is all the leaping out of bed in the middle of the night. If that can be avoided, both mom and baby will be more rested.
 
BDBoop said:
It's nothing I'd do, but I haven't done that much research on it.

Things just sort of unfolded that way with Tiara and I. There was even a time I let her sleep in the carseat next to my bed with my arm hanging off so I was in actual physical contact with her (and I could put her nuk back). This was in the days before the pacifier ribbons, so I rigged one up myself and shortly had her trained to follow the ribbon and get it back in her own mouth. This was during infancy.

A lot of why new moms are so tired is all the leaping out of bed in the middle of the night. If that can be avoided, both mom and baby will be more rested.
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Yeah, I can understand that aspect of it. Especially if mom's breastfeeding (or just FEEDING) three/four times a night. But is it really SAFE for two adults to sleep in the same bed with a small baby? I think I just read something in our local paper about a father accidentally smothering his infant in the early morning after 'mom' had gotten up. Granted this is probably far/few between, but it does beg the question.

After a child's gotten past the baby stage, though, convenience doesn't have anything to do with it. In fact, if a youngster is in the bed-wetting stage, it's downright INconvenient. So then I wonder what the motivation is....
 
MaggieD said:
It's custom in many cultures to force women to wear burka's, too. I'm not sure that's a valid argument. I think it's strange because it's not in OUR culture and it's serving some emotional need of the mother, not the child. If the child is young enough, it's not safe to sleep between two parents. It is also a very effective way to keep distant from one's spouse. Parents with young children have enough trouble finding private time together (even if it's just pillow talk) without negotiating ankle biters.
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You are comparing the closeness of parents with their children to burkhas? That is an odd comparison.
 
MaggieD said:
Yeah, I can understand that aspect of it. Especially if mom's breastfeeding (or just FEEDING) three/four times a night. But is it really SAFE for two adults to sleep in the same bed with a small baby? I think I just read something in our local paper about a father accidentally smothering his infant in the early morning after 'mom' had gotten up. Granted this is probably far/few between, but it does beg the question.

After a child's gotten past the baby stage, though, convenience doesn't have anything to do with it. In fact, if a youngster is in the bed-wetting stage, it's downright INconvenient. So then I wonder what the motivation is....
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Ever heard of crib deaths? And why did 'mom' have to be in quotes? Just because someone does things you don't agree with doesn't mean you have to be so condescending about it.
 
I slept in the bed with my parents most nights until I was around 5 I believe. I turned out normal.
 
ludahai said:
You are comparing the closeness of parents with their children to burkhas? That is an odd comparison.
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Just comparing customs -- showing that because it's custom in one country neither confirms or denies its suitability in another.

ludahai said:
Ever heard of crib deaths? And why did 'mom' have to be in quotes? Just because someone does things you don't agree with doesn't mean you have to be so condescending about it.
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I put mom in quotes because I thought "the mom" (not in quotes) was awkward. Please try not to read anything into the post based on a word in quotes, Ludahai. No condescension meant. How does sleeping with a child prevent crib death?
 
My sister has always slept with her kids in her bed, from the time they were infants. The oldest, now a teen, hasn't slept in her bed for many years, but the 6 and 8 year old still do.
 
I figure this is another "live and let live" subject, like breastfeeding. Personal to the family, and really not up for a public vote.


rivrrat said:
My sister has always slept with her kids in her bed, from the time they were infants. The oldest, now a teen, hasn't slept in her bed for many years, but the 6 and 8 year old still do.
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My sister uses attachment parenting with her 1 year old, which includes co-sleeping. She rejects the "cry it out" method and so do I.
 
As do I. Nothing to be gained, and everybody is unhappy.

Orion said:
My sister uses attachment parenting with her 1 year old, which includes co-sleeping. She rejects the "cry it out" method and so do I.
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BDBoop said:
As do I. Nothing to be gained, and everybody is unhappy.
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I disagree. I think that children need to learn to self-sooth in order to develop good sleeping habits. WHen my kids cried, I would pat their backs and sing to them, but not pick them up. And definitely not take them to bed with me (except for the 6 months that they each breastfed). During those times, I was too damn tired to get up and put them back to bed.
 
I am not sure but can see how it could totally kill a couples sex life pretty fast. They have to learn to sleep on their own at some point and my thought is they should start learning that as soon as they are home in their bassinets or cribs.
 
This is another one of those circumstances where parents are judged for no reason. It's a MYOB moment IMO. If the parents and kid(s) like it, and no one's being hurt, who really cares? Why do minds have to drift toward the disgusting and/or judgemental?

Not a co-sleeper here, but that wasn't for lack of want. As soon as my son was able to master his hands, he decided it was too much fun to pinch my nose and put his fingers in my ears all night.

Co-sleeping in perfectly safe unless one parent has an issue with very deep sleeping or if drugs or alcohol is involved.
 
Orion said:
My sister uses attachment parenting with her 1 year old, which includes co-sleeping. She rejects the "cry it out" method and so do I.
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I cannot stomach the CIO approach to sleep training. It's cruel.
 
I hear ya, except on the feeding front. She stopped nursing at 7 weeks because the bottle was easier, and switched to a cuppy at 7 months for the same reason. Also started walking at 8 months. Oh, THAT was fun. You know how fast they can move when they're that close to the ground??

StandUpChuck said:
Not a co-sleeper here, but that wasn't for lack of want. As soon as my son was able to master his hands, he decided it was too much fun to pinch my nose and put his fingers in my ears all night.
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BDBoop said:
No, but she's 29 and my husband and I live in two different counties, anyway.

Sorry. Personally I wouldn't, but there are many who do and for some reason that makes sense to them. I don't think it hurts the kids any - I don't know how it would affect a marriage.
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Well, it might keep the parents from having anymore children, but babies go to sleep very quickly and can be relocated from that delicate position.
 
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