Nerves

[soccerboy22]

I have a question for those of you that get nervous when you are thinking about asking a girl out. How do you get over it? There is a girl in one of my classes that I like, and my friend says it looks like she likes me too. The problem is due to past relationships I have become more and more nervous about asking girls out. So, how do you that get nervous get over this fear?

 

[OscarB63]

I have a question for those of you that get nervous when you are thinking about asking a girl out. How do you get over it? There is a girl in one of my classes that I like, and my friend says it looks like she likes me too. The problem is due to past relationships I have become more and more nervous about asking girls out. So, how do you that get nervous get over this fear?

you don't...you just do it anyway. you don't get over the fear, you push through the fear and eventually the fear will subside.

if you ask her out and she says no, you don't get to go out with her
if you never ask her out, you don't get to go out with her

so you are no worse off by asking and getting turned down than you are by not asking.

 

[MKULTRABOY]

The real special ones you don't have to get nervous or ask out you just grow close and get a magic first kiss at some point.

So, how do you that get nervous get over this fear?

Drugs.

JK... I would recommend getting close or becoming friends loosely so that asking to go out is some sort of casual thing.

I've never had to 'ask a girl out' since I was in middle school and failed completely.

 

[Goshin]

I have a question for those of you that get nervous when you are thinking about asking a girl out. How do you get over it? There is a girl in one of my classes that I like, and my friend says it looks like she likes me too. The problem is due to past relationships I have become more and more nervous about asking girls out. So, how do you that get nervous get over this fear?

Are you nervous about the asking, or about the potential relationship that may come afterward?

 

[MaggieD]

You don't...you just do it anyway. you don't get over the fear, you push through the fear and eventually the fear will subside.

This answer bears repeating. And it works for nerves and 'discomfort' in every single area of your life. "You do it anyway."

Nice, Oscar.

 

[soccerboy22]

Are you nervous about the asking, or about the potential relationship that may come afterward?

Honestly, both. I feel that when first asking a girl out it is normal to feel nervous, but also given my history with girls, most of which is bad, I am nervous about the relationship too. I mean she pretty much forced me to sign up for two classes with her next semester, so if things were to go bad I would be forced to see her.

 

[MKULTRABOY]

So you are no worse off by asking and getting turned down than you are by not asking.

Cept... youd be a total...

 

[soccerboy22]

you don't...you just do it anyway. you don't get over the fear, you push through the fear and eventually the fear will subside.

if you ask her out and she says no, you don't get to go out with her
if you never ask her out, you don't get to go out with her

so you are no worse off by asking and getting turned down than you are by not asking.

This is what most of my friends have told me too. However I always find things like this are always easier to say than do.

 

[OscarB63]

Honestly, both. I feel that when first asking a girl out it is normal to feel nervous, but also given my history with girls, most of which is bad, I am nervous about the relationship too. I mean she pretty much forced me to sign up for two classes with her next semester, so if things were to go bad I would be forced to see her.

so, you have a couple of classes with her, plenty of opportunity for "study dates" that aren't really dates low pressure. Try not to worry so much about it and just be yourself. Get to know her better and let her get to know you better.

 

[OscarB63]

Cept... youd be a total...

better that than a complete and total mangina

 

[MKULTRABOY]

I dont know... popular mangina who gets laid...

loser who is a loser and doesnt get laid.... hrrm :lol:

Besides ur an old man, manginas are in.


Im just joshin ya soccerdood.

 

[soccerboy22]

So, I wanted to thank everyone for their advice, especially you Oscar. I went for a walk, to think not only about this situation, but school and my future in general (damn getting old sucks), and I think the reason this situation makes me more nervous because it just feels different.

 

[Orion]

My advice when asking someone out is to remember a couple of things.

One... just be yourself. Don't try to be someone you're not, and don't think about what other people might think. You like this person, and you are making a choice based on how you feel. So own it.

The second thing is... if it doesn't pan out, it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes the timing can be wrong, or sometimes you just aren't compatible. It doesn't mean you are flawed or wrong. A lot of the fear comes from fear of failure, but you need to transform this kind of thinking. If you don't succeed then it means you have the opportunity to look for someone better, who will be flattered that you are asking them out and who will follow through with you.

The stakes don't really change as you get older, and the same dynamics are at work. I will say though that being rejected to your face builds character and telling someone you like them takes guts. A surprising number of people never know romance because they are afraid to fail.

 

[WI Crippler]

Its like putting in golf. If you stroke it hard enough, it always has a chance to go in the hole. If you don't stroke it hard enough, you have a zero percent chance of getting it in the hole. My advice to you is to keep stroking as much as you can and eventually you'll get in the hole.

 

[soccerboy22]

I love the fact that there are so many dirty jokes in what you wrote Crippler. It is very fitting I feel to the topic.

 

[spud_meister]

Its like putting in golf. If you stroke it hard enough, it always has a chance to go in the hole. If you don't stroke it hard enough, you have a zero percent chance of getting it in the hole. My advice to you is to keep stroking as much as you can and eventually you'll get in the hole.

:lamo Best advice yet.

 

[marduc]

As Oscar said, just do it. Its fine (and even natural) to be nervous, but just start with casually asking her out, with no expectations. After class just nonchalantly say.. "hey lets go grab a bite to eat." like it is no big deal, and do not make it a pressure situation (for either you nor her), at this point it is just two people who like to hang out going and grabbing some food. Even if she says no to this, it was just a whim, not a "hey lets go have dinner on such and such scheduled time", and you can pick up a lot of cues from her reaction to the spontaneous "no biggie lets go do this" to determine the next move at a later date.

even if you are nervous - which is part of the territory usually, just keep in the forefront of your mind that its not a big deal, don't make asking her out an all or nothing "she wants me or she does not want me" situation. A few casual dates and things should start sorting themselves out as to whether things are going to pick up steam or not for you.

 

[CaptainCourtesy]

As one of the greatest philosophers of our age, Wayne Gretzky once said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

 

[Hoplite]

I have a question for those of you that get nervous when you are thinking about asking a girl out. How do you get over it? There is a girl in one of my classes that I like, and my friend says it looks like she likes me too. The problem is due to past relationships I have become more and more nervous about asking girls out. So, how do you that get nervous get over this fear?

Kamikazi. Dont think, just go at it total commitment to whatever you try. Dont be shy or coy, come out with every ounce of your personality you can possibly bring up. If she shoots you down, oh well, there's more where she came from. That's the awesome thing about women, they arent telepathic so even if you make a complete idiot out of yourself in front of one, there are thousands more who have no idea you did it.

Oh and dont show off. Showing off to impress women is stupid because people usually push themselves past what they can actually do to show off, then that behavior becomes expected as the norm. I had a guy in my high school gym class lift 300lbs to show off to a girl. She was really impressed until he tore a muscle in his arm and fell screaming on the ground.

 

[soccerboy22]

Well it appears that me being my goofy ass self was the best. Our class this morning was cancelled and we ended up talking for almost three hours. Depending on how her birthday weekend goes we may even go out to a bar Sunday to watch football. Yes, she is in fact a woman after my own heart.

 

[MKULTRABOY]

Remember, even if you laugh and blow a wad of snot out your nose. She'll still probably think its funny.

 

[soccerboy22]

I am going to beat you. And not the good kind like TGND does.

 

[MKULTRABOY]

 

[TheGirlNextDoor]

Anything that I approach in life that I get nervous about doing, I always ask myself, "What's the absolute worse case scenario?"

Works for dating as well. The worst she could say is no, right? But she may say yes. If she does, then go from there...

 

[samsmart]

I have a question for those of you that get nervous when you are thinking about asking a girl out. How do you get over it? There is a girl in one of my classes that I like, and my friend says it looks like she likes me too. The problem is due to past relationships I have become more and more nervous about asking girls out. So, how do you that get nervous get over this fear?

I used to have the same problem. Then I changed my goals.

My goals changed from trying to ask girls out to get a date to asking girls out to try to get rejected. I would purposefully hit on girls out of my league, and ask them out in a way that was overly cocky in an attempt to dismiss me right away.

And I got turned down a lot. However, it also taught me how to deal with rejection and get used to it. Once I got used to rejection by trying to get rejected, it helped me get used to not trying too hard when talking to girls and just be myself.

And a few times, girls even dug my approach and instead of rejecting me right away, they would go out with me for a few dates.

So I turned my predicament into a win-win situation.