- Joined
- Sep 30, 2005
- Messages
- 10,453
- Reaction score
- 3,844
- Location
- Louisville, KY
- Gender
- Male
- Political Leaning
- Slightly Conservative
Disclaimer: The term NeoCon, in this context does not refer to a conservative mindset, nor does it imply these traits represent the republican party.
1. Make stuff up and don't give sources
Need data to back up what you say? No problem. Just make stuff up like this:
"2 million people in developing countries have died due to terrorism."
Actually, say "Over 50 million men, women and children have succumed to the fear brought terrorism worldwide." That is much more dramatic.
If some Liberal asks for a source for the claim just say "everyone knows that".
2. Don't respond to arguments you might not win
Some darn Liberal make a really good post with a logical argument and cited sources?
Simple! Just don't respond!
Instead: bump threads made by your fellow NeoCons with spin icons and quoting pyramids.
That silly article on what Bush said will be buried in no time!
3. Make a completely new page on wikipedia.com, then make a post citing your page as
a source.
Don't worry about the wikipedia admins. Those guys are busy keeping all the other NeoCons from edited historical pages. It will take them a week to see that someone made up a page about an event that never happened, and by that time your original post on the forums will be safely under the radar.
4. Blame Towelheads
Violence in the middle east? Blame the Towelheads.
Stock market lose points today? It was the Towelheaded Terrorists.
Car break down? Those Towelhead mechanics must have sabotaged it.
Got fired for smoking pot? The Towelheads forced you to.
Tripped and fell on the sidewalk? Muslim black magic.
Disability check come a week late? It was that Pakistani mailman's fault.
Can't get laid? The Turks made you ugly and unpopular.
5. Quote other NeoCons to make arguments
Want to attack the Clinton administration but can't make your own argument? No problem!
Just find something Coulter wrote or an op-ed from Fox News.
This way you can spam the boards with an endless supply of ideas you didn't think of.
"New Post"
"Control-C"
"Control-V"
"Send"
6. Never make a real argument
Attempting to make real arguments based on facts can lead to disaster. Liberals might occasionally take 5 minutes to check your sources and see you made stuff up.
If you forget and attempt to honestly debate someone (and start losing), frantically start replying to other posts and other people. Make it look like you have more important things to do than prove what you said.
7. Call Clinton a Rapist
Calling Clinton a Rapist is a great one liner. You can put that sentence in a text file on your desktop then have it ready to copy and paste every time you open up the forums. It saves time and precious energy that would otherwise be spent on Praying, or finding a male prostitute.
There is a slight chance someone might take the time to reference history books and dispute your claim (Sex apparently was tantamount to high treason in 1492). If this happens simply use the previously mentioned quote spamming technique.
8. Make yourself a victim
Trying to make an argument about gun control? Say you are suffering from PTSD from Vietnam, was in the Navy, and personally know the thoughts of Cheney.
Global warming? Your petunias in the yard (used for therapy of course) never bloomed due to the incoming Ice Age.
Israel? Your mother was raped and killed by Palestinian soldiers.
Abortion? Your sister was raped by satan and Gave birth to the anti-christ.
People will be afraid to call you on your bull if you might actually have some emotional stake in an argument. Be careful with details though: you could get proven to be a fake. If someone asks just say "it's too painful to talk about".
************************************
Follow these rules and soon you will have a post count of over 8000 without having to actually debate anyone, making you the winner of the internet.
1. Make stuff up and don't give sources
Need data to back up what you say? No problem. Just make stuff up like this:
"2 million people in developing countries have died due to terrorism."
Actually, say "Over 50 million men, women and children have succumed to the fear brought terrorism worldwide." That is much more dramatic.
If some Liberal asks for a source for the claim just say "everyone knows that".
2. Don't respond to arguments you might not win
Some darn Liberal make a really good post with a logical argument and cited sources?
Simple! Just don't respond!
Instead: bump threads made by your fellow NeoCons with spin icons and quoting pyramids.
That silly article on what Bush said will be buried in no time!
3. Make a completely new page on wikipedia.com, then make a post citing your page as
a source.
Don't worry about the wikipedia admins. Those guys are busy keeping all the other NeoCons from edited historical pages. It will take them a week to see that someone made up a page about an event that never happened, and by that time your original post on the forums will be safely under the radar.
4. Blame Towelheads
Violence in the middle east? Blame the Towelheads.
Stock market lose points today? It was the Towelheaded Terrorists.
Car break down? Those Towelhead mechanics must have sabotaged it.
Got fired for smoking pot? The Towelheads forced you to.
Tripped and fell on the sidewalk? Muslim black magic.
Disability check come a week late? It was that Pakistani mailman's fault.
Can't get laid? The Turks made you ugly and unpopular.
5. Quote other NeoCons to make arguments
Want to attack the Clinton administration but can't make your own argument? No problem!
Just find something Coulter wrote or an op-ed from Fox News.
This way you can spam the boards with an endless supply of ideas you didn't think of.
"New Post"
"Control-C"
"Control-V"
"Send"
6. Never make a real argument
Attempting to make real arguments based on facts can lead to disaster. Liberals might occasionally take 5 minutes to check your sources and see you made stuff up.
If you forget and attempt to honestly debate someone (and start losing), frantically start replying to other posts and other people. Make it look like you have more important things to do than prove what you said.
7. Call Clinton a Rapist
Calling Clinton a Rapist is a great one liner. You can put that sentence in a text file on your desktop then have it ready to copy and paste every time you open up the forums. It saves time and precious energy that would otherwise be spent on Praying, or finding a male prostitute.
There is a slight chance someone might take the time to reference history books and dispute your claim (Sex apparently was tantamount to high treason in 1492). If this happens simply use the previously mentioned quote spamming technique.
8. Make yourself a victim
Trying to make an argument about gun control? Say you are suffering from PTSD from Vietnam, was in the Navy, and personally know the thoughts of Cheney.
Global warming? Your petunias in the yard (used for therapy of course) never bloomed due to the incoming Ice Age.
Israel? Your mother was raped and killed by Palestinian soldiers.
Abortion? Your sister was raped by satan and Gave birth to the anti-christ.
People will be afraid to call you on your bull if you might actually have some emotional stake in an argument. Be careful with details though: you could get proven to be a fake. If someone asks just say "it's too painful to talk about".
************************************
Follow these rules and soon you will have a post count of over 8000 without having to actually debate anyone, making you the winner of the internet.
