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Need a little advice -

Superfly

Salty, defiant, and completely non-compliant.
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Hey, y'all. Could use some advice.

Let me preface this by saying this is regarding my family, so please - if you can't say anything nice, just don't bother.

I have a house down near Birmingham, paid for, free and clear. When my husband was still alive, we bought it with every intention of fixing it up. He passed away before we were able to get any work done. All of a sudden, I was cash-strapped with no money to fix the house up, and I didn't know how to fix it up on my own.

When I started working in Louisiana, it stood, for the most part, empty. I had planned on putting it on the market, but my adult daughter's lease was up, and she needed somewhere to go that would take herself, her family, and her pets.

I told her that she could live in my house, as long as they fixed it up and did some minor repairs that needed to be done, and they said that that would be no problem. I also told them that I wouldn't hammer them with rent, as long as they paid my homeowner's insurance bill every month. They said that that would be no problem as well.

That were supposed to live there only long enough to make the repairs on their house, so they could move in there, and my house would be empty. Their house is in a bad neighborhood, and the electrician who is rewiring it doesn't want to rewire the house, because people will break into the house and steal the wiring out of the walls (for a 2nd time). So no work is currently being done, and no work is being done on my house, either (they haven't really done any repairs to it).

They missed this month's rent payment and can't pay it until like the 19th. If I waited that long, my homeowner's would expire, so I'm having to pay for it myself out of an already strapped check, and then just hope that eventually they will pay me back.

They've been in my house for a year. I had a solid cash offer on my house, if they could close in 3 weeks. I have to have a minimum of a 60 day close, though, because it will take that long for my daughter to get her house ready. So I had to turn down that offer.

I am so angry and frustrated. They shouldn't have been there that long, but that's beside the point. My daughter hasn't been working, mostly because she doesn't want to, but also she's been having trouble with her son acting out, and she can't leave him alone. He's threatened suicide (not sure if he's serious, but you have to take any threat seriously), and my son-in-law just suffered a stress-related heart attack last week.

I'm so torn. I don't know what to do. I am having to work just to be able to pay rent on my house, just because I can't sell my house and pay for another one. I'm literally paying rent on a house, even though I have a house that's paid in full. They don't have a lot of money, and have too many dogs to be able to rent a regular house while their house is being worked on.

I don't know what to do. I am in such a bad spot and I can't kick them out, but I need to be able to sell my house, so I can buy a house here, and pay my car off. If I do that, I will be saving $1,800 a month, and won't even really have to work. I can go back to the way I was before, where I didn't have to work, and had much more free time.

I feel like I'm being selfish, but I've given them a year and nothing is moving forward at all. I'm broke as **** and can't afford to keep paying all these bills by myself when I shouldn't even have to.
 
Hey, y'all. Could use some advice.

Let me preface this by saying this is regarding my family, so please - if you can't say anything nice, just don't bother.

I have a house down near Birmingham, paid for, free and clear. When my husband was still alive, we bought it with every intention of fixing it up. He passed away before we were able to get any work done. All of a sudden, I was cash-strapped with no money to fix the house up, and I didn't know how to fix it up on my own.

When I started working in Louisiana, it stood, for the most part, empty. I had planned on putting it on the market, but my adult daughter's lease was up, and she needed somewhere to go that would take herself, her family, and her pets.

I told her that she could live in my house, as long as they fixed it up and did some minor repairs that needed to be done, and they said that that would be no problem. I also told them that I wouldn't hammer them with rent, as long as they paid my homeowner's insurance bill every month. They said that that would be no problem as well.

That were supposed to live there only long enough to make the repairs on their house, so they could move in there, and my house would be empty. Their house is in a bad neighborhood, and the electrician who is rewiring it doesn't want to rewire the house, because people will break into the house and steal the wiring out of the walls (for a 2nd time). So no work is currently being done, and no work is being done on my house, either (they haven't really done any repairs to it).

They missed this month's rent payment and can't pay it until like the 19th. If I waited that long, my homeowner's would expire, so I'm having to pay for it myself out of an already strapped check, and then just hope that eventually they will pay me back.

They've been in my house for a year. I had a solid cash offer on my house, if they could close in 3 weeks. I have to have a minimum of a 60 day close, though, because it will take that long for my daughter to get her house ready. So I had to turn down that offer.

I am so angry and frustrated. They shouldn't have been there that long, but that's beside the point. My daughter hasn't been working, mostly because she doesn't want to, but also she's been having trouble with her son acting out, and she can't leave him alone. He's threatened suicide (not sure if he's serious, but you have to take any threat seriously), and my son-in-law just suffered a stress-related heart attack last week.

I'm so torn. I don't know what to do. I am having to work just to be able to pay rent on my house, just because I can't sell my house and pay for another one. I'm literally paying rent on a house, even though I have a house that's paid in full. They don't have a lot of money, and have too many dogs to be able to rent a regular house while their house is being worked on.

I don't know what to do. I am in such a bad spot and I can't kick them out, but I need to be able to sell my house, so I can buy a house here, and pay my car off. If I do that, I will be saving $1,800 a month, and won't even really have to work. I can go back to the way I was before, where I didn't have to work, and had much more free time.

I feel like I'm being selfish, but I've given them a year and nothing is moving forward at all. I'm broke as **** and can't afford to keep paying all these bills by myself when I shouldn't even have to.

Have you honestly and openly discussed the exact spot you are in with your daughter? That you have given them plenty of time in the house, you had an agreement, and by them breaking it, it's putting you in that bad spot?

If you have and you feel like you are just getting the run around and they don't really care then why should you? (Although I get it easier said than done). If you haven't, maybe say something.

If nothing else, you can invite them to live with you. -- just kidding. :D
 
Have you honestly and openly discussed the exact spot you are in with your daughter? That you have given them plenty of time in the house, you had an agreement, and by them breaking it, it's putting you in that bad spot?

If you have and you feel like you are just getting the run around and they don't really care then why should you? (Although I get it easier said than done). If you haven't, maybe say something.

If nothing else, you can invite them to live with you. -- just kidding. :D

Oh **** no. I deliberately had my landlord put into my lease that no one could live there but me, because I knew my kids would try to move in with me. *sigh*

And yes, I have discussed it with them, and all I get is, "We are doing the best that we can."
 
There is no valid reason that neither of them are working, much less not making any of the promised repairs. They are simply counting on you working to support them. IMHO, it is not the least bit ‘selfish’ for you to sell that house ASAP since expecting them to work enough to pay a minimal rent was a very small ask on your part.
 
Oh **** no. I deliberately had my landlord put into my lease that no one could live there but me, because I knew my kids would try to move in with me. *sigh*

And yes, I have discussed it with them, and all I get is, "We are doing the best that we can."

If that's all you are getting and it's not the best they can do, then I would say to do what's best for you and sell the house.
 
There is no valid reason that neither of them are working, much less not making any of the promised repairs. They are simply counting on you working to support them. IMHO, it is not the least bit ‘selfish’ for you to sell that house ASAP since expecting them to work enough to pay a minimal rent was a very small ask on your part.

Well son-in-law was working until he had a heart attack. He can't go back to work until his dr clears him, and his next drs appt is the 19th.

She doesn't want to work, and this issue with her son has only reared its head in the last year or so. I feel like that's partially an excuse on her part to not work.

But T, I don't know - 3 kids, 6 ****ing dogs, and a sick husband, plus - I didn't even mention this. My other two daughters live there and one's boyfriend lives there. I have 8 people, 6 dogs, and 3 cats living in my house, and they are basically doing ****-all to help me out.
 
If that's all you are getting and it's not the best they can do, then I would say to do what's best for you and sell the house.

Well I'm trying, but I feel like they are part of the reason why I'm not getting a lot of bites. I mean - 6 ****ing dogs, you know? The house needs work, but I guarantee that it would sell easier if they were in their own place, and mine was empty.

I'm literally selling a 4,000 sf Victorian house for $75,000, in a seller's market. That thing should have flown off the books the first week, but it's just not, and I think we both know why.
 
Hey, y'all. Could use some advice.

Let me preface this by saying this is regarding my family, so please - if you can't say anything nice, just don't bother.

I have a house down near Birmingham, paid for, free and clear. When my husband was still alive, we bought it with every intention of fixing it up. He passed away before we were able to get any work done. All of a sudden, I was cash-strapped with no money to fix the house up, and I didn't know how to fix it up on my own.

When I started working in Louisiana, it stood, for the most part, empty. I had planned on putting it on the market, but my adult daughter's lease was up, and she needed somewhere to go that would take herself, her family, and her pets.

I told her that she could live in my house, as long as they fixed it up and did some minor repairs that needed to be done, and they said that that would be no problem. I also told them that I wouldn't hammer them with rent, as long as they paid my homeowner's insurance bill every month. They said that that would be no problem as well.

That were supposed to live there only long enough to make the repairs on their house, so they could move in there, and my house would be empty. Their house is in a bad neighborhood, and the electrician who is rewiring it doesn't want to rewire the house, because people will break into the house and steal the wiring out of the walls (for a 2nd time). So no work is currently being done, and no work is being done on my house, either (they haven't really done any repairs to it).

They missed this month's rent payment and can't pay it until like the 19th. If I waited that long, my homeowner's would expire, so I'm having to pay for it myself out of an already strapped check, and then just hope that eventually they will pay me back.

They've been in my house for a year. I had a solid cash offer on my house, if they could close in 3 weeks. I have to have a minimum of a 60 day close, though, because it will take that long for my daughter to get her house ready. So I had to turn down that offer.

I am so angry and frustrated. They shouldn't have been there that long, but that's beside the point. My daughter hasn't been working, mostly because she doesn't want to, but also she's been having trouble with her son acting out, and she can't leave him alone. He's threatened suicide (not sure if he's serious, but you have to take any threat seriously), and my son-in-law just suffered a stress-related heart attack last week.

I'm so torn. I don't know what to do. I am having to work just to be able to pay rent on my house, just because I can't sell my house and pay for another one. I'm literally paying rent on a house, even though I have a house that's paid in full. They don't have a lot of money, and have too many dogs to be able to rent a regular house while their house is being worked on.

I don't know what to do. I am in such a bad spot and I can't kick them out, but I need to be able to sell my house, so I can buy a house here, and pay my car off. If I do that, I will be saving $1,800 a month, and won't even really have to work. I can go back to the way I was before, where I didn't have to work, and had much more free time.

I feel like I'm being selfish, but I've given them a year and nothing is moving forward at all. I'm broke as **** and can't afford to keep paying all these bills by myself when I shouldn't even have to.
A common mistake for parents is loving your children so much that you deprive yourself. As hard as it may be, and I don't know if I could do it, I think you need to tell them you have a solid offer on the house and you are looking to sell it. It seems to me that you are the one that is shouldering all of the downside. I don't mean to be cruel, but if dogs prevent them from renting a house, perhaps it's time for the dogs to go. Sad, but there will always be pets that are available for adoption in the future.
 
Well son-in-law was working until he had a heart attack. He can't go back to work until his dr clears him, and his next drs appt is the 19th.

She doesn't want to work, and this issue with her son has only reared its head in the last year or so. I feel like that's partially an excuse on her part to not work.

But T, I don't know - 3 kids, 6 ****ing dogs, and a sick husband, plus - I didn't even mention this. My other two daughters live there and one's boyfriend lives there. I have 8 people, 6 dogs, and 3 cats living in my house, and they are basically doing ****-all to help me out.
In my humble opinion, time for a clean sweep. I know they are your family but they don't get to treat you like this unless you allow it. Why should you carry the burden for eight people?
 
Well son-in-law was working until he had a heart attack. He can't go back to work until his dr clears him, and his next drs appt is the 19th.

She doesn't want to work, and this issue with her son has only reared its head in the last year or so. I feel like that's partially an excuse on her part to not work.

But T, I don't know - 3 kids, 6 ****ing dogs, and a sick husband, plus - I didn't even mention this. My other two daughters live there and one's boyfriend lives there. I have 8 people, 6 dogs, and 3 cats living in my house, and they are basically doing ****-all to help me out.

Even more reason to sell ASAP. Rest assured that a house full of freeloaders (especially with pets) is not going to raise the value of your house and it’s costing you out of pocket simply to let those folks loaf in your house.
 
Well I'm trying, but I feel like they are part of the reason why I'm not getting a lot of bites. I mean - 6 ****ing dogs, you know? The house needs work, but I guarantee that it would sell easier if they were in their own place, and mine was empty.

I'm literally selling a 4,000 sf Victorian house for $75,000, in a seller's market. That thing should have flown off the books the first week, but it's just not, and I think we both know why.

The longer those folks stay in that house the less it’s going to be worth and the more you must spend to make that happen.

If the house is not in good enough shape to pass a HUD/FHA inspection (likely not with any exposed wiring) you might have to accept a “we buy ugly houses” offer, but at least you will stop losing more money as time goes by.
 
time for the kids to put on on big boy and girl pants, and start acting like ADULTS

i hate to say this, but people will take advantage as long as YOU allow them to

and right now, you are allowing them to make YOUR life miserable

every person, and every family has issues....you have done your part to HELP.....time for them to stand up or fall down

but dont let them take you down with them......STOP THE MADNESS
 
Hey, y'all. Could use some advice.

Let me preface this by saying this is regarding my family, so please - if you can't say anything nice, just don't bother.

I have a house down near Birmingham, paid for, free and clear. When my husband was still alive, we bought it with every intention of fixing it up. He passed away before we were able to get any work done. All of a sudden, I was cash-strapped with no money to fix the house up, and I didn't know how to fix it up on my own.

When I started working in Louisiana, it stood, for the most part, empty. I had planned on putting it on the market, but my adult daughter's lease was up, and she needed somewhere to go that would take herself, her family, and her pets.

I told her that she could live in my house, as long as they fixed it up and did some minor repairs that needed to be done, and they said that that would be no problem. I also told them that I wouldn't hammer them with rent, as long as they paid my homeowner's insurance bill every month. They said that that would be no problem as well.

That were supposed to live there only long enough to make the repairs on their house, so they could move in there, and my house would be empty. Their house is in a bad neighborhood, and the electrician who is rewiring it doesn't want to rewire the house, because people will break into the house and steal the wiring out of the walls (for a 2nd time). So no work is currently being done, and no work is being done on my house, either (they haven't really done any repairs to it).

They missed this month's rent payment and can't pay it until like the 19th. If I waited that long, my homeowner's would expire, so I'm having to pay for it myself out of an already strapped check, and then just hope that eventually they will pay me back.

They've been in my house for a year. I had a solid cash offer on my house, if they could close in 3 weeks. I have to have a minimum of a 60 day close, though, because it will take that long for my daughter to get her house ready. So I had to turn down that offer.

I am so angry and frustrated. They shouldn't have been there that long, but that's beside the point. My daughter hasn't been working, mostly because she doesn't want to, but also she's been having trouble with her son acting out, and she can't leave him alone. He's threatened suicide (not sure if he's serious, but you have to take any threat seriously), and my son-in-law just suffered a stress-related heart attack last week.

I'm so torn. I don't know what to do. I am having to work just to be able to pay rent on my house, just because I can't sell my house and pay for another one. I'm literally paying rent on a house, even though I have a house that's paid in full. They don't have a lot of money, and have too many dogs to be able to rent a regular house while their house is being worked on.

I don't know what to do. I am in such a bad spot and I can't kick them out, but I need to be able to sell my house, so I can buy a house here, and pay my car off. If I do that, I will be saving $1,800 a month, and won't even really have to work. I can go back to the way I was before, where I didn't have to work, and had much more free time.

I feel like I'm being selfish, but I've given them a year and nothing is moving forward at all. I'm broke as **** and can't afford to keep paying all these bills by myself when I shouldn't even have to.
Your kids are in need of some tough love. Are you up to giving it to them?
 
A common mistake for parents is loving your children so much that you deprive yourself. As hard as it may be, and I don't know if I could do it, I think you need to tell them you have a solid offer on the house and you are looking to sell it. It seems to me that you are the one that is shouldering all of the downside. I don't mean to be cruel, but if dogs prevent them from renting a house, perhaps it's time for the dogs to go. Sad, but there will always be pets that are available for adoption in the future.

They would be homeless before they got rid of their dogs. Of this, I am positive.
 
In my humble opinion, time for a clean sweep. I know they are your family but they don't get to treat you like this unless you allow it. Why should you carry the burden for eight people?

I shouldn't. The only reason I was cutting them slack at all is because they have kids, and now the son-in-law has health issues. If he was healthy and they had no kids, this wouldn't even be an issue.
 
Even more reason to sell ASAP. Rest assured that a house full of freeloaders (especially with pets) is not going to raise the value of your house and it’s costing you out of pocket simply to let those folks loaf in your house.

I know, and I love how you emphasize the YOUR part. So true.
 
If you didnt need the money I would have given them more time, but from your OP its obvious that you are hard up too, so I agree with the others in this thread: its time for them to grow up and assume their adult responsibilities. Sell the house.
 
The longer those folks stay in that house the less it’s going to be worth and the more you must spend to make that happen.

If the house is not in good enough shape to pass a HUD/FHA inspection (likely not with any exposed wiring) you might have to accept a “we buy ugly houses” offer, but at least you will stop losing more money as time goes by.

It's a cash sale only, because it won't pass inspection. Like I said, we bought it as a fixer-upper. The wiring is about half finished, the plumbing is about half finished, etc. The offers I'm getting are full cash offers.
 
time for the kids to put on on big boy and girl pants, and start acting like ADULTS

i hate to say this, but people will take advantage as long as YOU allow them to

and right now, you are allowing them to make YOUR life miserable

every person, and every family has issues....you have done your part to HELP.....time for them to stand up or fall down

but dont let them take you down with them......STOP THE MADNESS

I know. You're right. I just feel guilty.
 
Your kids are in need of some tough love. Are you up to giving it to them?

I don't .... I don't know. I guess I'll have to, or continue putting myself in a financial bind just to make their lives easier.
 
Don't want to be mean but you have to think of your self right now! Tell them it's time to go. If they don't evict them and sell that place fast. You have been more than fair. This will drag on forever if you don't end it. Good luck!
 
If you didnt need the money I would have given them more time, but from your OP its obvious that you are hard up too, so I agree with the others in this thread: its time for them to grow up and assume their adult responsibilities. Sell the house.

I am. When hubs died, about 90% of my income went with him. I'm not destitute, but I'm not rolling in clover, either.
 
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Don't want to be mean but you have to think of your self right now! Tell them it's time to go. If they don't evict them and sell that place fast. You have been more than fair. This will drag on forever if you don't end it. Good luck!

Thank you. I know that's what I need to do - just hard to do that to your kids/grandkids.
 
I know. You're right. I just feel guilty.
expected....you love them, and want to do the right thing

dear....you have DONE THE RIGHT THING

whats the old saying about leading a horse to water

Hardest decision i EVER made was kicking my son out of the house....and making him stand on his own damn feet

You can only ENABLE them so long....and the time has come
 
know. You're right. I just feel guilty.
My advice in situations like this is to allow yourself one day to wallow in your guilt -- cry scream cuss eat your favorite comfort food for breakfast even it's brownies and wine -- and then take a deep breath, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself and you deserve a good life. Then serve an eviction notice to the family and let them sort themselves out.
 
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