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My roommate has become an angry feminist

Kandahar

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My best friend / roommate (a dude) has embraced wholly embraced feminism in the last few months. Not just the literal "I think men and women should be equal" type of feminism, which I think just about everyone believes. I'm talking about the stereotypical, bra-burning, head-shaving, angry lesbian type of feminism. You know, the kind of feminism that makes most feminists run away from that label, lest they be grouped in with these zealots.

He has actually started using the phrase "The Patriarchy" in conversation un-ironically, and curses at me when I order a Miller Lite in a bar because their commercials are supposedly anti-women. When I explained to him that the so-called pay discrepancy between men and women is largely due to different career choices rather than sexism among hiring managers, he started calling me out whenever our mutual friends are over and telling them what "detestable political opinions" I hold.

Now I consider myself pretty progressive, and pretty sympathetic to women's issues in general. But God this is annoying. I don't understand what would drive someone to this toxic ideology. My roommate didn't act like this until a couple months ago...and I know for a fact he isn't just doing it to get into some chick's pants. His girlfriend is a hardcore Ayn Rand-style libertarian who doesn't care about this at all.

How can I cure my friend of this brainwashing?
 
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tacomancer

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Explain very clearly that his posturing will not get him any vagina time.
 
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MaggieD

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Get him interested in a cause someone actually cares about.
 

Gardener

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How can I cure my friend of this brainwashing?

I'm not sure. How long have you been friends?

Without knowing your herstory, I just can't say.
 

Gardener

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Kandahar

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I'm not sure. How long have you been friends?

Without knowing your herstory, I just can't say.
About 8 years, ever since college. But I never heard him mention feminism until about 6 months ago.

He's also a liberal who recently decided that liberals suck because they're hypocrites. (About what exactly, I'm not sure.)
He's also an atheist who recently decided that atheists suck because they're intolerant assholes. (Although he never seems to have this same criticism against religious people.)

These are all recent conclusions he's reached within the last year. It sounds like a massive inferiority complex to me, although I've never heard of someone being so intolerant of their own beliefs before.
 
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Aunt Spiker

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Sabotage is the only answer.

When he brings her home - make certain to have plenty of sexulization-of-women posters on the wall in his room. Because, face it, it's not going to work - if it's just BS and he's doing it to impress her she'll figure it out and that will be the end of it.

*or*
Keep a roster of all his verbal offenses and throw it in his face when she dumps his ass.
 

tacomancer

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I would, except I don't have much room to talk in this regard. Sadly, he gets laid far more than me.
Maybe you should start doing it.
 

Gardener

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About 8 years, ever since college. But I never heard him mention feminism until about 6 months ago.

He's also a liberal who recently decided that liberals suck because they're hypocrites. (About what exactly, I'm not sure.)
He's also an atheist who recently decided that atheists suck because they're intolerant assholes. (Although he never seems to have this same criticism against religious people.)

These are all recent conclusions he's reached within the last year. It sounds like a massive inferiority complex to me, although I've never heard of someone being so intolerant of their own beliefs before.
Kandahar, Kandahar, Kandahar -- you missed it!

But in any case, I'd say he sounds a little old to be searching for a personality. Usually kids do this at about half his age, but maybe he suffered some trauma when he was a teenager and never got around to it.
 

Gardener

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I would, except I don't have much room to talk in this regard. Sadly, he gets laid far more than me.
So, does his girlfriend ever show up at the house holding a riding crop in one hand and a friendly red ball gag in the other?

Sounds to me like he's been a bad, bad boy.
 

lizzie

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Spoken in the most bland therapeutic self-help idiocy tone I can muster: You can't cure him- he must cure himself.;)
 

tacomancer

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@Kandahar - I know! Make him spend a week with Jerry, maybe those two will balance each other back out.

There are only two cures for liberalism - a job or a bullet.
I have a job. Does this mean I need a bullet?
 

Gipper

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You're not to that stage of liberalism yet. I'll let you know when you are.
 

tacomancer

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You're not to that stage of liberalism yet. I'll let you know when you are.
Actually I am probably less liberal than I used to be, but at the same time more confident in my liberalism. So if anything, I am stabilizing, even though I do tend to be conservative about some issues.
 

Mell

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Now I consider myself pretty progressive, and pretty sympathetic to women's issues in general. But God this is annoying. I don't understand what would drive someone to this toxic ideology. My roommate didn't act like this until a couple months ago...and I know for a fact he isn't just doing it to get into some chick's pants. His girlfriend is a hardcore Ayn Rand-style libertarian who doesn't care about this at all.

How can I cure my friend of this brainwashing?
I dont think your friend is brainwashed. I think, he has maybe just come into contact with shocking information and has exploded in anger. I think, that happens to anyone who takes an indept look at the womens situation and history.

For a while, when I was finding out more about it, I could not stop being angry. It pretty much took over my head, so I felt blind rage when I was reading about some stuff. My boyfriends friend(female) says the same happened with her. Neither of us donned the outfit of feminism and did any bra burning, but I think the feelings we went through would likely have been the same as those who did.

Your friend will likely calm down after a while, though I cant say how long that while will be. The way he is behaving now will probably be replaced with weary, knowledgable patience with people.

So, what do you do in the meantime? Dont try to argue against the information he has, because he knows it is true, and dont try to argue against his feelings. Trust that he will calm down and that the level of rage he feels is temporary. Maybe use this as an opportunity to pick his brain and find out a bit more about it, while he is in the process of digging up the information.
 

Mell

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Spoken in the most bland therapeutic self-help idiocy tone I can muster: You can't cure him- he must cure himself.;)
'Cure' is a weird word to use about feminism. They are not sick.
 

digsbe

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Your friend needs the black and white truth that he is a mouth foaming bigoted male hater. If his convictions are regarding "intolerant" atheist people and males towards women, just expose his hypocrisy via his public outbursts and intolerance towards your political opinions. He seems to be becoming the very thing that he hates. If truth, logic, and exposure don't fix things, and if all else fails, let him live his life as a slave to femnazism. He will see the light one day when he is tired of acting upon his male guilt, it might take a while though.
 

Mell

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Get him interested in a cause someone actually cares about.
It is a cause many care about. There are feminist political groups in every country. Even countries with dire womens rights situations have underground feminist movements. The UN have just formed a major branch, to work on world empowerment of women.
 
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