HOST - Today, we have 56 pilots in studio, 17 on the phone, and 3 that are grocery shopping with a live feed. But first, Major General Admiral French Lieutenant Specky Speckleton
Mister Speckleton. You once played Nintendo's Top Gun game when you were 14...Could you please mention the words "ping" and "communications box" in your comments?
SPECKY - Sure ping! I theorize the plane did one of seventeen things...four of which have to deal directly with the communications box. Also, I'd like to point out "the Malaysian government" and "passengers".
HOST - Fantastic...Just fantastic.
Now we go to 87-year pilot Fluffy McFluffer. Care to say something gravely and aviatic-like?
FLUFFY - Absolutely. I hope this plane isn't found anytime soon so I can be back on the show thirty-seven more times to say "cockpit". I also think the plane landed in either a remote area of the sea or the land or blew up over either a remote area of the sea or the land.
HOST - Thanks for that wonderful insight, Fluffy. Here's a Starbucks coupon.
We go LIVE now to the brother-in-law of the cousin of a construction worker whose little sister once rode those little airplanes in front of the KMart for a quarter. Little Suzie Creamcheese? Tell us about your encounter with the television set when you first heard a plane was missing.
SUZIE - I was devastated, disappointed, and some other four-syllable words. Fireplaces, jalapenos, and xylophonist.
HOST - Thanks Suzie. Now go back to the green room where your gin-swilling uncle just hurt his shin on the coffee table.
We have to go to a commercial, but when we come back, we'll talk about the paint used on airplanes, how they keep your small cup of your favorite beverage chilled (Think "cubes"), and then we'll show maps of India in fourteen different colors, yet the water areas will always be blue. Don't go nowhere!
Cut to fade away with the song "Leaving On A Jet Plane"
