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Musician Jokes, Anyone?

danarhea

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Q: How can you tell if a drummer is at your door?

A: The knocking speeds up halfway through.
 

cnredd

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I saw a Cherokee with a clarinet...

Then I saw a Seminole with a bass drum...

Finally, I saw a Saginaw with a saxaphone...

I thought to myself..."There goes a band of Indians"...

(Hey...I'm not getting paid for this)...
 

Hoot

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Here's a musician joke I made up.....


Why was the bass player late for the gig?

Because YOU forgot to pick him up!!!!
 

danarhea

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Hoot said:
Here's a musician joke I made up.....


Why was the bass player late for the gig?

Because YOU forgot to pick him up!!!!
There is another version of that joke, but if I post it here, I would be banned. LOL. So I will post this one instead.

Q. What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?

A. A drummer.
 

danarhea

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Heres a good one. Did you hear about the 2 piece band? It consisted of a bass player and a drummer. They practiced for a few days, then got their first gig. They started playing the club around 9PM and by 9:15, the place had emptied out. The drummer said to the bass player "What went wrong, do you think it was the sound?" The bass player replied "I dont know, why dont you go out front and do a sound check." The drummer stopped playing, put down his sticks, jumped off the stage, and went around front. After listening closely for a couple of minutes, the drummer got back on stage, walked over to the bass player, and said "Too much bass".
 

mad_rapsody

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How is an orgasm like a drum solo?
You can tell it's coming but there's no way to stop it.
 

Sir_Alec

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Kid: Mommy, When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!
Mother: Now Johnny, you can't do both
 

danarhea

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q. Why do bagpipers walk while they are playing.

a. They are trying to get away from the noise.
 
H

hipsterdufus

danarhea said:
Q: How can you tell if a drummer is at your door?

A: The knocking speeds up halfway through.
Q There's a knock at the door, how do you know it's a female singer?

A She can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

Q How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
A Put a chart in front of him.
 
H

hipsterdufus

danarhea said:
q. Why do bagpipers walk while they are playing.

a. They are trying to get away from the noise.
Q. What's the deifinition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipes but chooses not to.
 

Captain America

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Q. What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ?
A. Who cares - neither one's a guitar
 

Hoot

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I've been a guitarist for over 40 years, and a ukulele player for about a year and 1/2, so here's my ukulele joke......

What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a ukulele player?





A tatoo!
 

Captain America

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A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club.. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music .. shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great .. everybody loves you .. I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play ?? ...
The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner .. and the trombone player says "Sure .. we'd love to .. Is it OK if we leave our stuff here ??"
 
H

hipsterdufus

Captain America said:
A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club.. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music .. shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great .. everybody loves you .. I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play ?? ...
The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner .. and the trombone player says "Sure .. we'd love to .. Is it OK if we leave our stuff here ??"

A classic!

What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?




Vibrato
 

danarhea

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hipsterdufus said:
A classic!

What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?




Vibrato
Depends on who is playing the sax. :)

q. Why do some sax players set their instruments on a stand during breaks instead of just leaving them lying around where they can be knocked over?

a. They prefer safe sax, of course.
 

Captain America

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danarhea said:
Depends on who is playing the sax. :)

q. Why do some sax players set their instruments on a stand during breaks instead of just leaving them lying around where they can be knocked over?

a. They prefer safe sax, of course.
I mixed a 3 pc. band last weekend called Harlon Jefferson and the sax player knocked his sax off his stand and it was damaged beyond use. I wish I had a nickel for every woodwind I have seen hit the floor.

Q. What's the definition of an optimist?
A. A rock musician with a mortgage.
 

danarhea

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Captain America said:
I mixed a 3 pc. band last weekend called Harlon Jefferson and the sax player knocked his sax off his stand and it was damaged beyond use. I wish I had a nickel for every woodwind I have seen hit the floor.

Q. What's the definition of an optimist?
A. A rock musician with a mortgage.
Thats a good one. Heres a better one.

Did you hear about the Aggie musician? He got into jazz for the money. :)
 

Captain America

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danarhea said:
Thats a good one. Heres a better one.

Did you hear about the Aggie musician? He got into jazz for the money. :)
You might have to explain to the board what an Aggie joke is Dana.

Good one. :rofl
 

danarhea

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Captain America said:
You might have to explain to the board what an Aggie joke is Dana.

Good one. :rofl
If there are any Michiganders in here, there is a simple explanation. Aggies are Texas' Polacks. Instead of Hamtramck, we have a place called College Station. No, there are no trains there, although a few Aggies have missed their college educations waiting for them to arrive. :)

Actually, Texas A&M (Home of all things Aggie), has a couple of the foremost agricultural and engineering programs in the country. However, they still cant get the hang of growing chickens. Last year, they tried planting the baby chicks feet down, and they all died. This year, they tried planting the baby chicks head down, and they all died again. Right now, the whole program is on hold until they get the results of the lab report they ordered. :)
 
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Captain America

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They can't build a bonfire either....:3oops:


Q. What do you call an Aggie graduate?








A. Boss. :mrgreen:



Go Longhorns!
 

danarhea

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Captain America said:
They can't build a bonfire either....:3oops:


Q. What do you call an Aggie graduate?








A. Boss. :mrgreen:



Go Longhorns!
Yea, A&M banned the bonfires after that tragic collapse. 2 years later, students began doing them again, unsanctioned by the school, off campus. Traditions die hard there, even those that kill them.

Best Aggie joke I ever saw really happened. Saw a picture of it. During a time out at an Aggie-Longhorn basketball game, the Aggie mascot dog, Reville, ran out onto the court and took a crap right at center court. LMAO.
 
H

hipsterdufus

Captain America said:
I mixed a 3 pc. band last weekend called Harlon Jefferson and the sax player knocked his sax off his stand and it was damaged beyond use. I wish I had a nickel for every woodwind I have seen hit the floor.

Q. What's the definition of an optimist?
A. A rock musician with a mortgage.
Tell your buddy that the same thing happened to me once, and it turned out to be a godsend. I ended up finding a repairman who put my vintage Selmer Mark VI sax back in better shape than it ever was!
 

Hoot

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I played a gig last Fri/Sat night on the landing in St. Louis...a place called Sundeckers. One of the nosiest bars I have ever been in!

At one point, these girls were doing shots and just screaming at the top of their lungs! We were on break and while I was in the bathroom, some guy asked me..."What's all the screaming about out there?"

I said..."Oh some girl is out there taking her clothes off." LOL

He said.."Really?"

I replied..."yeah, and you better hurry...I think it's your date!" LOL
 
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