Mothers and fathers contribute to the parenting task in unique ways

[CriticalThought]

I find this to be a purely religious idea.

I'm wondering if there is anything scientific to back it up.

Aside from men donating the sperm and women having the child, I'm not really sure what each can do in raising the child that the other cannot.

Perhaps someone could help me.

In what ways do mothers uniquely contribute to the parenting task?

In what ways do fathers uniquely contribute to the parenting task?

 

[Aderleth]

I find this to be a purely religious idea.

I'm wondering if there is anything scientific to back it up.

Aside from men donating the sperm and women having the child, I'm not really sure what each can do in raising the child that the other cannot.

Perhaps someone could help me.

In what ways do mothers uniquely contribute to the parenting task?

In what ways do fathers uniquely contribute to the parenting task?

It probably is a purely religious idea. I don't know of any scientific studies on this issue, but I do know that several studies of the children of same-sex parents have pretty conclusively demonstrated that the only statistically significant difference between such children and the children of "normal" families is that the former tend to be slightly more open minded and inclusive. In all other areas (test scores, mental disorders, etc) they're statistically identical. This would tend to suggest that the absence of one gender of parent has no meaningful impact on a child (as long as there are two parents - this does make a huge difference).

 

[DashingAmerican]

Women and men have different outlooks on life in general, so their inputs to their children will be different.

 

[CriticalThought]

It probably is a purely religious idea. I don't know of any scientific studies on this issue, but I do know that several studies of the children of same-sex parents have pretty conclusively demonstrated that the only statistically significant difference between such children and the children of "normal" families is that the former tend to be slightly more open minded and inclusive. In all other areas (test scores, mental disorders, etc) they're statistically identical. This would tend to suggest that the absence of one gender of parent has no meaningful impact on a child (as long as there are two parents - this does make a huge difference).

That is my opinion but I would like to see if there is a measurable factor that is not being considered.

Women and men have different outlooks on life in general, so their inputs to their children will be different.

Could you describe these different outlooks in more detail?

 

[smartin]

Women provide safety/security and nurturing.

Men provide taking chances/risk and the unknown.

For instance, the dad takes the child to the scary movie or on roller coasters and when the child returns, the mom provides the safe haven.
Can it be the other way around? Yes, but I believe some amount of these things help the child grow and add to their experiences.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

I find this to be a purely religious idea.

I'm wondering if there is anything scientific to back it up.

Aside from men donating the sperm and women having the child, I'm not really sure what each can do in raising the child that the other cannot.

Perhaps someone could help me.

In what ways do mothers uniquely contribute to the parenting task?

In what ways do fathers uniquely contribute to the parenting task?

It's not that 'he or she contributes differently because of their GENDER' - it's that they contribute differently because of their life EXPERIENCES.

My husband and I were raised in two different cultures, parts of our country, different decades. We went to school at different times - I was picked on, he was a bully. There are so many differences. Some can probably be related to gender, sure - not because *he's a male* but because *he experienced life differently in part because he is a male* and thus - I experienced different things due to being female.

Is it detrimental? No

But it is a fact.

 

[liblady]

I find this to be a purely religious idea.

I'm wondering if there is anything scientific to back it up.

Aside from men donating the sperm and women having the child, I'm not really sure what each can do in raising the child that the other cannot.

Perhaps someone could help me.

In what ways do mothers uniquely contribute to the parenting task?

In what ways do fathers uniquely contribute to the parenting task?

well, seriously, men and women ARE different, so each brings their own sensibilities to the task of raising a child. not task-wise, but at least emotionally.

 

[maquiscat]

Your gender does affect how you view things and experience things. I think there is too much emphasis on the stereotypical gender roles and this muddies the waters a lot. A man can be a loving and protecting househusband while the woman is the strong and daring breadwinner. But while their views will be different from the male breadwinner and housewife each will share some things with their gender equivalent. Any child who is exposed to role models of both genders will be typically more well rounded, assuming that they are not over burdens with "girls platy with dolls, boys play with guns" types of mentalities. Of course the opposite is just as bad with fema-nazis (not to be confused with run of the mill feminists) teaching girls not to do ANYTHING remotely stereotypically feminine.

 

[CriticalThought]

well, seriously, men and women ARE different, so each brings their own sensibilities to the task of raising a child. not task-wise, but at least emotionally.

How exactly are men and women different "emotionally"?

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

It's a construct, which either gender can break at will.

I was raised through the rockier part of puberty by my father alone. He was a Mr. Mom, and had to fill all rolls simultaneously, without another female around to get me through it. It was especially difficult because I had some (not serious) issues that needed taking care of early in puberty. And he probably did a better job of it than my mother would have.

I won't lie - it took some getting used to for me, and probably for him too. Both of us were subject to those social construct in society, even if it didn't apply in our household. But eventually I was as comfortable talking to him about just about anything as I would be with another woman. And my dad is certainly by no means an "effeminate" dude.

If a father can deal with a pubescent daughter as well as any woman, I think it's pretty much settled: parental "roles" are whatever the parents decide they are. There is no inherent limitation.

But man I feel sorry for him. :lol:

 

[Paschendale]

There really is nothing that a parent of one gender can teach that one of the other cannot. Men and women can both teach a child to empathize, the value of courage, how to read and keep a budget... Learning how to be a responsible adult is not something that is learned from one parent and not the other. It's learned by watching lots and lots of responsible adults. It's hardly like children are raised in a vacuum by their parents. A child will have dozens of adult role models, of both genders.

Women provide safety/security and nurturing.

Men provide taking chances/risk and the unknown.

For instance, the dad takes the child to the scary movie or on roller coasters and when the child returns, the mom provides the safe haven.

Congratulations on listing stereotypes that don't really exist in the real world. There is absolutely nothing to suggest that women do not like scary movies or roller coasters, or that children will need some kind of protection afterwords, or that the presence of a mother, rather than a father, will provide that.

The reason that two parents work better is not because of mystical masculine and feminine traits, but because it's a team effort.

 

[SheWolf]

I find this to be a purely religious idea.

I'm wondering if there is anything scientific to back it up.

Aside from men donating the sperm and women having the child, I'm not really sure what each can do in raising the child that the other cannot.

Perhaps someone could help me.

In what ways do mothers uniquely contribute to the parenting task?

In what ways do fathers uniquely contribute to the parenting task?

There aren't any facts backing it up... I'd call it all social engineering, you know, what the social conservatives say they are against and fear.

 

[DashingAmerican]

That is my opinion but I would like to see if there is a measurable factor that is not being considered.



Could you describe these different outlooks in more detail?

Sorry, was at work.

Now, before I start, these are all generalities. Sp?

Women provide a more sensitive understanding role. The teach you to be accepting and well worded and polite.
Men teach you that sometimes, when it's called for, you need to fight. The teach you about athleticism, that sometimes you need to be stern.


Personally, my mom taught me that if you don't follow the rules there are consequences, not to make promises you don't intend to keep, to watch what I say and do because I am my siblings role model and they will walk the way I walked.

My dad taught me that just because he can't always be there, he was in the Army and then he was a truck driver, that he doesn't love me any less, that if you don't respect yourself nobody else will either, how to treat a woman if you want to ever have one stay with you, that you need to have pride in who you are and where you're from, but to stay level headed.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

The problem is that I don't see those stereotypes reflected in reality often enough to even call them "generally" true. They're the "ideal" social construct that we're taught. But in reality, I don't see either men or women owning either of those roles distinctly.

Not only is that COMPLETELY false in my own life, but it's mostly false in the life of almost everyone I can think of. In nearly ever case of people I know well enough to know their parents or have a good understanding of what they were like, those qualities are mixed and matched between the parents.

It simply isn't true. It's certainly a nice, comfortable black-and-white narrative, but it's not true.

 

[DashingAmerican]

The problem is that I don't see those stereotypes reflected in reality often enough to even call them "generally" true. They're the "ideal" social construct that we're taught. But in reality, I don't see either men or women owning either of those roles distinctly.

Not only is that COMPLETELY false in my own life, but it's mostly false in the life of almost everyone I can think of. In nearly ever case of people I know well enough to know their parents or have a good understanding of what they were like, those qualities are mixed and matched between the parents.

It simply isn't true. It's certainly a nice, comfortable black-and-white narrative, but it's not true.

I guess it's difference in regions, because most families I know are like that.

 

[SmokeAndMirrors]

I guess it's difference in regions, because most families I know are like that.

Yeah, looking at your location I can buy that.

But the fact that it's so inconsistent and subject to the whims of simply geography proves my point. There is nothing inherent about it.

 

[DashingAmerican]

Yeah, looking at your location I can buy that.

But the fact that it's so inconsistent and subject to the whims of simply geography proves my point. There is nothing inherent about it.

I'm not really arguing that fact, but I don't think it's as bleak and non-existant as some people think.

 

[CriticalThought]

I'm not really arguing that fact, but I don't think it's as bleak and non-existant as some people think.

It sounds to me like it is tied to the religiosity of the region, or as I indicated at the beginning of this thread, it is a religious idea, not an idea that has a scientific basis. In other words, it is a product of culture not of biology.

I've lived in places where I have seen men perform the role you describe for women and women perform the role you described for men. I've also lived in places where it is as you described and places where it is not definable at all.

 

[maquiscat]

It sounds to me like it is tied to the religiosity of the region, or as I indicated at the beginning of this thread, it is a religious idea, not an idea that has a scientific basis. In other words, it is a product of culture not of biology.

I've lived in places where I have seen men perform the role you describe for women and women perform the role you described for men. I've also lived in places where it is as you described and places where it is not definable at all.

I think it's hard to separate whether or not the ideas have a real basis in religion as they are so old that they come from a time where it's hard to separate out what was religious based and what wasn't. And I am not even going to assume one of the big three religions. I've no doubt that even among the various "pagan" religions the roles of mother and father were rather well set. Even in the eastern countries there were definitive roles for males and females.

The other part of this argument that gets to me is that we're trying to point to concrete examples of what a male or female teaches us. It's almost as if we are assuming that the learning child is neither male or female. No matter what gender we are we learn things from people of the opposite gender. Skills are genderless. The ability and the level to which we can employ these skill can be trended to certain genders. Men have more upper body strength than women, but a given woman can have more upper body strength than a given man. Women do tend to be more nurturing than men but a given man can be more nurturing than a given woman.

But men and women are different, and not just physically. And as such it provides a different....something....to their views, lives and perspectives. As such a child get more by having both genders in their lives. Note I did not say gender roles. And by being in their lives I mean as a regular part of it, as a parent or parental figure. I won't even limit it to two "parents".

Looking back at the original statement:

Mothers and fathers contribute to the parenting task in unique ways

This is NOT an untrue statement and really has no religious background at all. If it had said only one mother and one father as the only way to raise a child, then yes, we might be able to apply religion to that.....maybe. A philosophical/social belief and a religious belief are not the same At best this is a limiting statement that is true in and of itself, but is also a part of a much broader truth. ANY two people, regardless of gender, raising a child, contributes to the parenting task in unique ways. Because we are ALL unique.

 

[liblady]

How exactly are men and women different "emotionally"?

we process things differently. men want to fix things, women want to talk. women tend to be more verbal. of course not every man or woman fits the stereotypes, but overall i think most do. women show their emotions, i think that's harder for men. what's wrong with acknowledging our differences?

 

[CriticalThought]

But men and women are different, and not just physically. And as such it provides a different....something....to their views, lives and perspectives.

Here is the problem. You are assuming something is different between men and women beyond the physical, but you aren't defining it. This makes it seem more like an assumption than a fact. Unless you can actually define the "something" that is different, that is unique to each gender, then you are simply making an unsubstantiated assumption.

As such a child get more by having both genders in their lives. Note I did not say gender roles. And by being in their lives I mean as a regular part of it, as a parent or parental figure. I won't even limit it to two "parents".

What is the "more" that the child gets? What particular benefit is the child getting that a child who has maybe two parents of the same sex is not getting?

 

[CriticalThought]

we process things differently. men want to fix things, women want to talk. women tend to be more verbal. of course not every man or woman fits the stereotypes, but overall i think most do. women show their emotions, i think that's harder for men. what's wrong with acknowledging our differences?

There is nothing wrong with acknowledging differences, what I am trying to do is discern whether the differences are innate or simply a cultural phenomenon resulting largely from religious expectations. I'm also trying to determine why these differences are so important in raising children.

There are those who argue that children have a right to be raised by parents of the opposite sex and that right is denied to them when they are raised by parents of the same sex since doing so denies them the unique contributions of a mother and a father. I would like to know exactly what those unique contributions are and why they cannot be provided by two parents of the same sex.

 

[liblady]

There is nothing wrong with acknowledging differences, what I am trying to do is discern whether the differences are innate or simply a cultural phenomenon resulting largely from religious expectations. I'm also trying to determine why these differences are so important in raising children.

There are those who argue that children have a right to be raised by parents of the opposite sex and that right is denied to them when they are raised by parents of the same sex since doing so denies them the unique contributions of a mother and a father. I would like to know exactly what those unique contributions are and why they cannot be provided by two parents of the same sex.

imo, children have no "right" to be raised by parents of the opposite sex. i DO think an ideal would be 2 parents......but i don't think it matters if it's 2 men or 2 women. leaving out the orientation issue, no 2 parents will provide the same experience for their child. all people are different. i think some differences between men and women ARE innate......our brains are different, after all. here is a good read.......

Discovery Health "Do men and women have different brains?"

 

[CriticalThought]

imo, children have no "right" to be raised by parents of the opposite sex. i DO think an ideal would be 2 parents......but i don't think it matters if it's 2 men or 2 women. leaving out the orientation issue, no 2 parents will provide the same experience for their child. all people are different. i think some differences between men and women ARE innate......our brains are different, after all. here is a good read.......

Discovery Health "Do men and women have different brains?"

I don't think you can argue that it is innate. Even that article and video cannot argue that male and female brains are different because people are born that way or whether they end up different simply because people grow up using their brains differently based upon their gender.

 

[liblady]

I don't think you can argue that it is innate. Even that article and video cannot argue that male and female brains are different because people are born that way or whether they end up different simply because people grow up using their brains differently based upon their gender.

i just did argue that, and so did you. there are studies that show that men's and women's brains are physically different, and we also use our brains differently.

Male brain vs. female brain I: Why do men try to figure out their relationships? Why do women talk to their cars? | Psychology Today