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Mom again.

Mom came home yesterday. I was as thoroughly prepared as I could be. Had her oxygen generator delivered, a full-electric hospital bed, bought a baby monitor.

I'm not sure about the baby monitor. It was my cousin's idea. I've got it set up in mom's bedroom for overnight (control in our bedroom) and another camera in the living room for when I'm in another part of the house during the day. The control is battery operated or plug-in, depending on where one uses it the most. I set it up last night, and had an hallucination or nightmare, not sure which. I woke up, looked at the monitor, thought I saw mom sit up and flail around in bed and hit the floor running. "OMGOMGOMG" with Tom following me down the hallway. (I thought she was trying to get over the bedrails.) When I opened her door, she was fast asleep. Jesus. Lord. Took my breath away. Stress does NASTY things. If I can get used to it, it's just another layer of protection against a fall.

I found a podiatrist to come to the house...Medicare foots the bill. (Ha!) Have a primary care physician who comes to the house. Today I found an adult daycare center about seven miles from the house. Fairly reasonable. Licensed and church sponsored. They have organized activities all day long; either a 4-hour or 8-hour stay once a week minimum for either $33 or $62. Sounds reasonable to me for respite care. And I think mom'll enjoy the social aspect.

She sundowns...saw that last night and tonight. As the sun begins to set, she gets loopy and doesn't always make sense. But, in general? She's MUCH more lucid here at home than she was at the nursing home.

An RN, occupational and physician therapist will come...twice a week each for an undetermined length of time. I figure maybe 6-8 weeks. Hopefully she can get stable on her diuretics and stronger on her feet. She's weak as a kitten. An accident waiting to happen. Even helping her from her transport chair to the bed requires concentration and patience. But I really do think she'll get better in that department.

I'm expecting her to crash on her diuretics. She's on some powerful meds. I spoke with the nutritionist at the nursing home yesterday, and they keep daily sodium at 2,000 milligrams a day. I knew salt was limited, but thought it was limited much more than that. I don't count milligrams. That'd be impossible. So I don't use any processed foods (except canned tomatoes occasionally) and don't use any added salt. Oh, low-salt bacon as a treat. No canned foods AT all. No fast foods. No restaurant foods. I don't mind the cooking. Me? I can't taste salt anyhow. And Tom just adds what he'd like at the table.

Long story short in that department, she's getting much less than 2,000 milligrams, and that's what her diuretics are balanced on. (Such a balance as it is.) The next week to ten days will see some changes in her meds. At least that long.

One thing my discussion about Medicaid did was instill in me that her money is meant to be spent on her care. That was hard to wrap my arms around. I don't know if anyone else can understand....several people do who've cared for their elderly parents who are friends. Mom would faint dead away if she knew what things were costing; but honestly? She neither knows or cares.

For instance, instead of my struggling to take her for tests, doctor appointments, etc., I'm going to use a medi-car. They're not cheap, but she has the money. She likes "social things," so respite care will give her that at the adult daycare center. That kind of thing.

I'm going to use my time wisely and make sure Tom and I get fun time. Before she went into the hospital three months ago, I had a companion service come in from time to time. I intend to make that somewhat regular. It's about $25 an hour for the equivalent of "sit and talk to mom and make sure she doesn't get up." I know I could get someone to sit with her much cheaper than that, but I worry about using uninsured people to work for me. Most people don't know it, but, for instance, if one has a cleaning lady and she gets hurt at your home? Your insurance won't pay. Period. I can't live like that...so a professional service it is.

I'll ask Tom to be responsible for her as little as possible, but won't hesitate to ask him so I can run out to do this or that. He doesn't mind even a little bit, but it only seems fair.

John is coming tomorrow to see mom. Truth be told, he probably has some paperwork for me to look at; bet a hundred dollars. I'll spend a few minutes doing that, and then go out to the store to do some shopping. Save Tom a trip. (He really does most of our shopping, so it's not like he minds. But I want to show him that I don't expect to add to his load much.)

"She saved all her life for a rainy day. It's pouring outside." Yes, Yes, it is.
 
It seems your game plan is coming together. After seeing similar situations with friends, my, personally inexperienced, observation is the caretaker's attitude is extremely important. Those who carefully guarded their normal daily lifestyle, even though somewhat limited, seem to do best; they seemed to have more happiness, peace, and love in undertaking the responsibility.

Such grace during stressful loving times is not commonly seen these days. You exhibit it well and it inspires.

Blessings to you and yours'

Thom Paine
 
You're doing good work Maggie - God bless you and keep strong. And for God's sake, get your sleep and forget about the baby monitor - if the poor woman dies in her sleep, it was meant to be. You can't be thinking you heard something and rushing in to see what's happening - I'll bet if someone was monitoring your sleep, they'd hear all kinds of stuff that made them run to help. I learned this lesson over time - my mother was bedridden for about 6 years at the end and if I had been trying to keep track of her 24/7 I'd have been the one to die first!!
 
Cj -- How right you are!!! OMG, never again. Last night I shut it down. First peaceful night's sleep in ten days. Whew! Mom must talk in her sleep. I had a suspicion, but I wasn't sure. I am now. And she talks softly. When Tom went to bed last night, I woke up; got up; and, being 15 feet from her, even with the door closed, I could hear her talking up a storm. Couldn't understand a word she was saying, though, and went back to bed.

When my cousin suggested it, it sounded like a great idea. But you're right. Exactly right. If mom dies in her sleep, it was meant to be. Lordy.

Thanks, CJ

Oh!! Since blogs don't let us know when someone comments, I just saw this: 7/2/14. Wish I'd have seen it the day you wrote it -- over a week ago.

Smart man, CJ!
 
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