Lately, I've been reading, "The Myth of Male Power" by author and former board director of NYC's chapter of NOW, Warren Farrell.
In the book, Farrell makes some of the following points about male-female power dynamics at home and in the workplace:
Men work more (and yes, get paid more) than women, but women live a more balanced life that incorporates family, friendships, and a career.
Women today are empowered to make a choice of how they want to balance their life. They can work full-time. They can work part-time. They can work not at all and stay home to raise the family, or some combination thereof.
Men are expected to seek one path in life: money. According to Farrell, they have three choices in life: "Work full-time. Work full-time. Work full-time."
I do not want to take away anything from the women's movement, or what the women's movement has accomplished for women. More choice. The author feels the same way, and argues that men have yet to go through a critically needed transformation movement that revolutionizes men's role in relationships and society. I agree.
Men are trained from a young age and beyond, by parents, siblings, friends, colleagues/supervisors, and strangers, to be warriors. Men are needed to fight a nation's war and therefore must be bred to be strong physically and mentally. Little boys pick on each other. Teenagers punch or wrestle each other. Young men compete academically and professionally, to be the most talented doers and productive hands (think engineering, carpentry, technology). Attempts to test and train the male's strength to protect and ability to provide.
Feminists may argue that men are the ones who create war in the first place. Yet they forget that the most basic purpose of war is survival, and a democratic nation cannot wage a war without the support of both sexes. When wars are fought, men are dying not to save their own life, but to save the lives of their mothers, sisters, wives, and daughters back home.
Alcoholism, drug addiction, and suicide are the methods men use to cope with their pain. In stark contrast, women rely on the support of their families and friends to remind them that they are important in life. They feel appreciated, needed, wanted, loved. Women are more likely to feel rewarded by their life decisions and career paths. They often choose nursing, teaching, and other selfless careers. Careers that provide fulfillment whereas war and the cutthroat corporate culture do not. Interestingly, it appears to me in my day-to-day interactions with women in the male-dominated profession of corporate IT, that they are not generally happy. Women who serve as successful leaders in male dominated corporate jobs are often notorious for being extremely rigid and unfriendly (perhaps thinking they need to overcompensate?). Men have dealt with the daily grind of this emotion-less, "cutthroat," hazardous and competitive working culture for thousands of years. It does a number on a man's health, happiness, and the overall well-being of his family. Sure, we get paid more. But we also get fired more, starve more, sleep out on the cold streets and kill ourselves far more often than women (killing ourselves literally or through our own work).
When society pressures men to be physically aggressive (war, athletics, etc.) or mentally aggressive (academia, work), the last thing we wish to do is to come home and dump all of our emotional stress on our loved ones. How much of a "protector" would we be if we showed vulnerability and an inability to handle the stresses of daily life? Instead, we bottle up these emotions and frequently fall into a vegetative state while we consume our next serving of television's flavorful assortment of brain candy (escapism). Unfortunately for our spouses, their work doesn't end at close of business, and subsequently they feel under-appreciated and ignored after we fail to listen, shirk our responsibilities for the home, and refuse to open up.
In short, we are, as Warren Farrell put it, the "disposable sex" trained from an early age to sacrifice ourselves- sacrifice our bodies in war and in sport, sacrifice our feelings to show strength, and ultimately sacrifice our lives to protect society from criminals, fires, terrorists, foreign enemies, and any entity intent on inflicting harm on our families. Women may complain that they do too much to help others while sacrificing their own needs, but the truth is, the many paths women choose to take in family planning, education, and career development are usually far more rewarding than the few paths men are expected to take. In essence, women generally tend to live longer, happier lives than men because of the different choices men and women make. Remember that more money doesn't always buy happiness, especially when you have to sacrifice a piece of yourself to get it.
One side note: In the traditional dichotomy of the husband bread-winner and wife homemaker nuclear family, after the mother has raised the children, she then tends to explore educational and career options that provide her with a new life and almost a new identity. As the man progresses up the business ladder and spends upwards of 40 years living the same life and experiences, he then becomes prone to the notorious "male mid-life crisis" and realizes upon his retirement that he is an empty nester who did not benefit enough from spending more time with his children.
The women's movement was a stand-up to proclaim there are serious women's issues that need to be addressed and resolved. The men's movement is a stand up to proclaim there are serious men's issues that need to be addressed and resolved, but unfortunately this latter movement is marginalized and viewed as controversial. Many liken the "masculinist movement" to the "white rights movement." The major difference is that men and women exhibit personality traits directly tied to their biology, whereas the "white rights movement" and all other race rights movement are based on power struggles formed from social constructs. To empower these race movements would be to further divide people into specific groups based solely on superficial physical characteristics. Men and women (unlike blacks vs. whites) must live together under the same roof, and must develop solutions to connect physically and emotionally in order to keep the human species alive. Therefore, all of us must listen to the other side, and promote support groups that raise awareness of all of these important issues. We must come together to formulate solutions based on empirical evidence rather than harp on who's at fault.
In the end, the women's movement is more powerful politically because women are far more unified under this front. Men are either apathetic or fearful of reaction if they were to provide credence to the "men's movement," despite the refusal of many to confront the glaring emotional and social issues facing our men and boys.
To tie it all together, men are trained to strengthen in order to protect, and chase money in order to secure their families. Women are trained to nurture and love and now, thanks to a progressive society, empower themselves through choice. A life based on strength and money do not usually produce happiness. However nurturing and caring for others, expressing feelings, and maximizing one's life choices does promotes a happier life. Men represent money and women represent happiness. Both need love from one another. :kissy:
In the book, Farrell makes some of the following points about male-female power dynamics at home and in the workplace:
Men work more (and yes, get paid more) than women, but women live a more balanced life that incorporates family, friendships, and a career.
Women today are empowered to make a choice of how they want to balance their life. They can work full-time. They can work part-time. They can work not at all and stay home to raise the family, or some combination thereof.
Men are expected to seek one path in life: money. According to Farrell, they have three choices in life: "Work full-time. Work full-time. Work full-time."
I do not want to take away anything from the women's movement, or what the women's movement has accomplished for women. More choice. The author feels the same way, and argues that men have yet to go through a critically needed transformation movement that revolutionizes men's role in relationships and society. I agree.
Men are trained from a young age and beyond, by parents, siblings, friends, colleagues/supervisors, and strangers, to be warriors. Men are needed to fight a nation's war and therefore must be bred to be strong physically and mentally. Little boys pick on each other. Teenagers punch or wrestle each other. Young men compete academically and professionally, to be the most talented doers and productive hands (think engineering, carpentry, technology). Attempts to test and train the male's strength to protect and ability to provide.
Feminists may argue that men are the ones who create war in the first place. Yet they forget that the most basic purpose of war is survival, and a democratic nation cannot wage a war without the support of both sexes. When wars are fought, men are dying not to save their own life, but to save the lives of their mothers, sisters, wives, and daughters back home.
Alcoholism, drug addiction, and suicide are the methods men use to cope with their pain. In stark contrast, women rely on the support of their families and friends to remind them that they are important in life. They feel appreciated, needed, wanted, loved. Women are more likely to feel rewarded by their life decisions and career paths. They often choose nursing, teaching, and other selfless careers. Careers that provide fulfillment whereas war and the cutthroat corporate culture do not. Interestingly, it appears to me in my day-to-day interactions with women in the male-dominated profession of corporate IT, that they are not generally happy. Women who serve as successful leaders in male dominated corporate jobs are often notorious for being extremely rigid and unfriendly (perhaps thinking they need to overcompensate?). Men have dealt with the daily grind of this emotion-less, "cutthroat," hazardous and competitive working culture for thousands of years. It does a number on a man's health, happiness, and the overall well-being of his family. Sure, we get paid more. But we also get fired more, starve more, sleep out on the cold streets and kill ourselves far more often than women (killing ourselves literally or through our own work).
When society pressures men to be physically aggressive (war, athletics, etc.) or mentally aggressive (academia, work), the last thing we wish to do is to come home and dump all of our emotional stress on our loved ones. How much of a "protector" would we be if we showed vulnerability and an inability to handle the stresses of daily life? Instead, we bottle up these emotions and frequently fall into a vegetative state while we consume our next serving of television's flavorful assortment of brain candy (escapism). Unfortunately for our spouses, their work doesn't end at close of business, and subsequently they feel under-appreciated and ignored after we fail to listen, shirk our responsibilities for the home, and refuse to open up.
In short, we are, as Warren Farrell put it, the "disposable sex" trained from an early age to sacrifice ourselves- sacrifice our bodies in war and in sport, sacrifice our feelings to show strength, and ultimately sacrifice our lives to protect society from criminals, fires, terrorists, foreign enemies, and any entity intent on inflicting harm on our families. Women may complain that they do too much to help others while sacrificing their own needs, but the truth is, the many paths women choose to take in family planning, education, and career development are usually far more rewarding than the few paths men are expected to take. In essence, women generally tend to live longer, happier lives than men because of the different choices men and women make. Remember that more money doesn't always buy happiness, especially when you have to sacrifice a piece of yourself to get it.
One side note: In the traditional dichotomy of the husband bread-winner and wife homemaker nuclear family, after the mother has raised the children, she then tends to explore educational and career options that provide her with a new life and almost a new identity. As the man progresses up the business ladder and spends upwards of 40 years living the same life and experiences, he then becomes prone to the notorious "male mid-life crisis" and realizes upon his retirement that he is an empty nester who did not benefit enough from spending more time with his children.
The women's movement was a stand-up to proclaim there are serious women's issues that need to be addressed and resolved. The men's movement is a stand up to proclaim there are serious men's issues that need to be addressed and resolved, but unfortunately this latter movement is marginalized and viewed as controversial. Many liken the "masculinist movement" to the "white rights movement." The major difference is that men and women exhibit personality traits directly tied to their biology, whereas the "white rights movement" and all other race rights movement are based on power struggles formed from social constructs. To empower these race movements would be to further divide people into specific groups based solely on superficial physical characteristics. Men and women (unlike blacks vs. whites) must live together under the same roof, and must develop solutions to connect physically and emotionally in order to keep the human species alive. Therefore, all of us must listen to the other side, and promote support groups that raise awareness of all of these important issues. We must come together to formulate solutions based on empirical evidence rather than harp on who's at fault.
In the end, the women's movement is more powerful politically because women are far more unified under this front. Men are either apathetic or fearful of reaction if they were to provide credence to the "men's movement," despite the refusal of many to confront the glaring emotional and social issues facing our men and boys.
To tie it all together, men are trained to strengthen in order to protect, and chase money in order to secure their families. Women are trained to nurture and love and now, thanks to a progressive society, empower themselves through choice. A life based on strength and money do not usually produce happiness. However nurturing and caring for others, expressing feelings, and maximizing one's life choices does promotes a happier life. Men represent money and women represent happiness. Both need love from one another. :kissy: