Married Couples Who Are Swingers

[missypea]

The only vows that should matter to others is that these couples remain remain until they die. Who cares if they can handle having sex with other people? It is brutally clear that this alleged vow means nothing to them. I don't see why it should mean anything to swingers when they seem to be happier than traditional couples. The idea of forsaking other people does not innately imply sex. A couple who has been married 52 years probably does not see sex the same way you do. I don't see why this is so difficult for many people to understand.

I think the bolded part is a crock.

 

[Hoplite]

I think the bolded part is a crock.

Actually it isnt. Most long-term swinger couples are pretty happy.

Thing about swinging is that it isnt for emotion, it's for sex. What generally happens is you have two people whose sex drive is incredibly high, higher than could be expected of one person as well as a healthy dose of curiosity. If its a relationship dynamic they are both happy with and they can both keep things in perspective, there's no reason not to be happy.

 

[missypea]

I think the bolded part is a crock.

Actually it isnt. Most long-term swinger couples are pretty happy.

Actually it is a crock. Do you have some facts to back up your opinion that swingers are happier than traditional couples.....links, stats?

 

[WI Crippler]

All I know is that if my wife and I ever do decide to swing, it won't be with a couple that has been married 50 years. Gross....

 

[Aunt Spiker]

I agree with those who feel "to each their own"
If it works for a couple, they both are ok with it and still get along great, that's awesome.

But if one person believes in an open marriage, and the other doesn't, then problems will be had. . . obviously.

Just because I, personally, don't agree with it as a component in my marriage doesn't mean someone else can't include it in their marriage and be a solid couple. Everyone's different and you can't expect everyone to feel or think the same exact way you do about everything.

 

[Tucker Case]

All I know is that if my wife and I ever do decide to swing, it won't be with a couple that has been married 50 years. Gross....

If my wife decided she wanted us to become swingers, I'd find a couple where there was a younger woman and her old-ass, half in the grave sugar-daddy. :mrgreen:

 

[Panache]

Actually it is a crock. Do you have some facts to back up your opinion that swingers are happier than traditional couples.....links, stats?

Today's Alternative Marriage Styles: The Case of Swingers. EJHS 2000

 

[Panache]

In my opinion, swinging and polyamoury just make sense. No sane people decide to never listen to anything other than their favorite song for the rest of their life. No sane people decide to eat nothing except for their favorite food for the rest of their life. So why is there this expectation that people shouldn't want to have sex with anyone but their favorite partner for the rest of their life?

I have heard it asked why anyone would go out for a hamburger when they have steak at home. Try this. Eat steak at home every meal of every day for a year and then tell me what you think of the idea of going out for a hamburger. No matter how good the steak is, the hamburger is going to start sounding like a nice change of pace after a while.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

In my opinion, swinging and polyamoury just make sense. No sane people decide to never listen to anything other than their favorite song for the rest of their life. No sane people decide to eat nothing except for their favorite food for the rest of their life. So why is there this expectation that people shouldn't want to have sex with anyone but their favorite partner for the rest of their life?

I have heard it asked why anyone would go out for a hamburger when they have steak at home. Try this. Eat steak at home every meal of every day for a year and then tell me what you think of the idea of going out for a hamburger. No matter how good the steak is, the hamburger is going to start sounding like a nice change of pace after a while.

Just because some people want to be in a "just us two" relationship doesn't mean they're insane.

What works for one couple just might not work for another.

 

[Panache]

Just because some people want to be in a "just us two" relationship doesn't mean they're insane.

What works for one couple just might not work for another.

Of course not. And if there was a social expectation for people to pick one food and be satisfied with that one food for the rest of their life, then people who never ate anything other than potato salad wouldn't be insane either. Speaking as an outlier looking down on the normal distribution however, they both seem equally silly.

 

[Justice44]

The vast majority of people who know me know I am polyamorous. My family doesn't, I dont feel its something they could handle well.

Dropping something like that on friends is always a good way to tell who your real friends are. Many of my friends were very supportive and encouraging, they understood that however rough it was for them to hear it, it was even rougher on my end.

Very good point.

Some didnt find that same attitude, some got very angry and I did lose a few friends over it. But I figured if they were going to get that bent out of shape over me trying to be who I am, then they aren't someone I want as a friend.

I agree. I just do not get why this is a deal breaker in friendship. Why did they take it so personal? I think this may be because of the negative stereotypes towards swingers? Do you think the negative stereotypes toward swingers is worse than the negative stereotypes toward gays?

 

[Justice44]

I disagree. I could give two bleeps about following sexual abstinence outside of marriage for its own sake. If the couple is happy and fulfilled, that is all that matters. I think sexual fidelity for all people is a bunch of junk.

 

[Justice44]

Just because some people want to be in a "just us two" relationship doesn't mean they're insane.

What works for one couple just might not work for another.

I agree. People who practice monogamy are as sane as people who have one best friend for life. However, what i find mind blowing is the arrogance that people should follow sexual fidelity regardless if a couple(as a unit) enjoy having sex with other people. If I were a swinging couple in that situation and someone tried to convince me of this, I would laugh my a** off. There would be no point in me following it. This type of loyalty to an axiom makes no sense to me. I could care less if some one wants to call that moral relativism. I will proudly accept the label.

 

[Justice44]

In my opinion, swinging and polyamoury just make sense. No sane people decide to never listen to anything other than their favorite song for the rest of their life. No sane people decide to eat nothing except for their favorite food for the rest of their life. So why is there this expectation that people shouldn't want to have sex with anyone but their favorite partner for the rest of their life?

I have heard it asked why anyone would go out for a hamburger when they have steak at home. Try this. Eat steak at home every meal of every day for a year and then tell me what you think of the idea of going out for a hamburger. No matter how good the steak is, the hamburger is going to start sounding like a nice change of pace after a while.

I understand your point, but some people simply do not want to have sex with other people outside of their relationship. Polyamory and swinging make sense to people who have the desire to have sex and serious relationships with other people. I say live let live.

I see married couples who practice swinging and polyamory in the same way I see gay married couples.

 

[Justice44]

If my wife decided she wanted us to become swingers, I'd find a couple where there was a younger woman and her old-ass, half in the grave sugar-daddy. :mrgreen:

Dude, your not stating the point. The point is that a couple who practices swinging for over 50 years could be as happy as a couple who is monogamous for over 50 years. What is point of upholding the moral expectation of sexual fidelity for the swinging couple? I contend that it is absolutely pointless.

 

[Hoplite]

Actually it is a crock. Do you have some facts to back up your opinion that swingers are happier than traditional couples.....links, stats?

You'll note I never claimed that swingers are happier than traditional couples.

And sadly thats actually a difficult thing to find because swinging is not widely accepted and as such there is a distinct lack of study on the subject on the broader societal level. This is partially because that information is not important to anyone and also because there are many people who are swingers who dont admit to engaging in such activities to anyone outside the community for fear of what other people might say.

Swingers - a knol by Scott Purcell

In my opinion, swinging and polyamoury just make sense. No sane people decide to never listen to anything other than their favorite song for the rest of their life. No sane people decide to eat nothing except for their favorite food for the rest of their life. So why is there this expectation that people shouldn't want to have sex with anyone but their favorite partner for the rest of their life?

Having seen things from both perspectives, I think its a matter of opening up. I have a budding theory that we are all polyamorous and all bisexual, it's just a matter of clearing away what has been imprinted on you by those around you and exposing who you really are. That is an exceptionally difficult thing to do because we are hardwired for conformity and we live in a society with a very set way in which an individual is supposed to act in terms of love and sex.

I agree. I just do not get why this is a deal breaker in friendship. Why did they take it so personal? I think this may be because of the negative stereotypes towards swingers? Do you think the negative stereotypes toward swingers is worse than the negative stereotypes toward gays?

Some people are more comfortable with the idea than others. It's like people whose friends come out as gay; if their friends are comfortable with someone being gay, they'll likely be accepting and tolerant. However if their friends have issues with homosexuality, they will likely not be as accepting.

Honestly I think the stereotype against swingers is worse than gays because swingers have almost NO positive portrayals in modern society so even educated people who dismiss a lot of the stereotyping about gays may believe the stereotypes about swingers because we have a popular culture that likes to portray swingers a certain way (which is usually negative) and there is little opportunity to (knowingly) interact with couples who swing that there really isn't an opportunity to break a lot of the myths.

Being gay or bisexual is probably the most widely accepted way to live, depending on your gender, of all the "alternative lifestyles" out there.

 

[missypea]

You'll note I never claimed that swingers are happier than traditional couples.

Actually you did; Post 27

Like I said earlier, I don't care if people are swingers or not but if you are going to state (or back up a claim) that swingers are happier than couples in traditional relationships then I want links of where you're getting your information.


eace

 

[Hoplite]

Actually you did; Post 27

Like I said earlier, I don't care if people are swingers or not but if you are going to state (or back up a claim) that swingers are happier than couples in traditional relationships then I want links of where you're getting your information.

No, actually I didn't

I said "Most long-term swinger couples are pretty happy"

I never claimed that swingers were happier than couples in long term relationships.

 

[Jetboogieman]

Personally I wouldn't do stuff like this... but if people wanna do what they want that's their right, long as they don't hurt nobody.

 

[Tucker Case]

Dude, your not stating the point. The point is that a couple who practices swinging for over 50 years could be as happy as a couple who is monogamous for over 50 years. What is point of upholding the moral expectation of sexual fidelity for the swinging couple? I contend that it is absolutely pointless.

I don't hold any moral expectations for the swinging couple. Not everyone is going to be happy in a monogamous relationship, and not everyone's going to be happy in a "swinger" relationship. Whatever works for the couple is what is best.

But regardless of which route is chosen, both people have to be on board. If one person would be happier swining, and the other would be happier in monogamy, the relationship is doomed from the start.

 

[Panache]

I understand your point, but some people simply do not want to have sex with other people outside of their relationship.

Sure, and some people simply don't want to every eat anything other than potato salad. My point is that the vast majority of people appreciate variety. The majority of people who attempt to exercise monogamy fail in the attempt for this very reason, and I am fairly convinced that the majority of those who succeed in being monogamous only do so by resisting temptation. Among those who are monogamous without resisting temptation, I imagine a good chunk would have either cheated or resisted the temptation to do so if they had ever been faced with the opportunity to do so.

These people who don't have to resist temptation because they simply aren't interested in attractive people who want to have sex with them, (if such mythological creatures exist at all) represent such a small portion of the population that I think the "eats-nothing-but-potato-salad" demographic might actually be larger.

Polyamory and swinging make sense to people who have the desire to have sex and serious relationships with other people. I say live let live.

I see married couples who practice swinging and polyamory in the same way I see gay married couples.

Sure, I agree for the most part, although I prefer to say "live and let live," just because I am a fan of conjunctions.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

Personally I wouldn't do stuff like this... but if people wanna do what they want that's their right, long as they don't hurt nobody.

You know, it's odd - I'm not against the idea. But there's honestly no one I've ever met, seen or walked by that sparks an interest.
:shrug:
I truly have never had an inkling of a thought about anyone other than my husband. . . It just doesn't happen.

I really think that is a bit odd - most people at least look at someone else and say "hes' attractive" or "she's really pretty" . . . that's a normal observation type of response.

 

[Justice44]

Honestly I think the stereotype against swingers is worse than gays because swingers have almost NO positive portrayals in modern society so even educated people who dismiss a lot of the stereotyping about gays may believe the stereotypes about swingers because we have a popular culture that likes to portray swingers a certain way (which is usually negative) and there is little opportunity to (knowingly) interact with couples who swing that there really isn't an opportunity to break a lot of the myths.

Being gay or bisexual is probably the most widely accepted way to live, depending on your gender, of all the "alternative lifestyles" out there.

I actually presented this point to a Swingers forum. Surprisingly many of them did not think the negative portrayals of them was an issue. They actually criticized my view by frankly asserting that I was too concerned about what others thought. One swinger said that he is out of the closet and he had very small issues with those who disagreed with him. They were actually clueless on why I would write post that attempted to show the mistreatment of swingers. From your experience, are most swingers apathetic towards fighting stereotypes? It seems to me that the swingers on that forum could care less about the negative attitudes toward them.

 

[Hoplite]

I actually presented this point to a Swingers forum. Surprisingly many of them did not think the negative portrayals of them was an issue. They actually criticized my view by frankly asserting that I was too concerned about what others thought. One swinger said that he is out of the closet and he had very small issues with those who disagreed with him. They were actually clueless on why I would write post that attempted to show the mistreatment of swingers. From your experience, are most swingers apathetic towards fighting stereotypes? It seems to me that the swingers on that forum could care less about the negative attitudes toward them.

Many of the swingers I've interacted with take that attitude and I think thats a large part of the reason that many people tend to see swinging in the light they do.

There are a vast amount of negative stereotypes and the swinger community does little or nothing to combat them. It's not a question of being concerned what others think about you, its combating negative depictions of you so people have more than one view to base their thoughts about you on. If someone wanted to find information on swinging out of curiosity, he may find a wealth of information on swinging from the point of view of the bad stereotypes but almost no real positive input from the community itself. Even an educated person at this point could easily be forgiven for believing the negative stereotype because of the lack of conflicting information. I know that may sound like six of one half dozen of the other, but there is a real difference. Showing yourself and the community you are part of in a positive light as well as refuting mythology surrounding it is a way to become a group that society recognizes and respects.

People may not care what others think about them, but if they want to extend their friendships and relationships out beyond the boundaries of their own communities, then they need to, in my opinion, do something proactive to NOT make whatever group they happen to be a part of a group that society finds distasteful. Doing things that say to society "This is who we are, we are not ashamed of who we are" is a way to not seem like you're trying to be secretive and covert, which our society tends to inherently distrust.

Without trying to at least show the rest of society that you are basically an average person, you (as a group) run the risk of society completely turning on you and deciding that what you do just isn't morally acceptable and outlawing it or placing such stigma on it that it becomes impossible to live in that society.

I respect the attitude of "I dont care what anyone thinks about me", it's something I try to carry as much as possible and I'm a much happier person because of it. But even I have to recognize there is a careful balance that must be struck between my un-concern for the opinions of others and other's willingness to interact with me. If I completely dont care, chances are good I'll end up on my own completely. However if I completely conform, I'll have the acceptance and praise of the society around me but I will have lost my own individual identity and made myself unhappy in the process.

 

[Kali]

I think whatever works and yes-it works for some people.

While I am down? I am a VERY Jealous person. You with me? You ARE MINE and the only way you gonna be with anybody else is through MY allowing you and the person that I allow you to be with? I pick. I am a bitch like that.