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'Marriage is for White People'

RightinNYC

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"Marriage is for white people."

That's what one of my students told me some years back when I taught a career exploration class for sixth-graders at an elementary school in Southeast Washington. I was pleasantly surprised when the boys in the class stated that being a good father was a very important goal to them, more meaningful than making money or having a fancy title.

"That's wonderful!" I told my class. "I think I'll invite some couples in to talk about being married and rearing children."

"Oh, no," objected one student. "We're not interested in the part about marriage. Only about how to be good fathers."

And that's when the other boy chimed in, speaking as if the words left a nasty taste in his mouth: "Marriage is for white people."


He's right. At least statistically. The marriage rate for African Americans has been dropping since the 1960s, and today, we have the lowest marriage rate of any racial group in the United States. In 2001, according to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married, in contrast to 27.4 percent and 20.7 percent respectively for whites. African American women are the least likely in our society to marry. In the period between 1970 and 2001, the overall marriage rate in the United States declined by 17 percent; but for blacks, it fell by 34 percent. Such statistics have caused Howard University relationship therapist Audrey Chapman to point out that African Americans are the most uncoupled people in the country.
I was stunned to learn that a black child was more likely to grow up living with both parents during slavery days than he or she is today, according to sociologist Andrew J. Cherlin.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/25/AR2006032500029.html?sub=AR

This is a serious issue that is having a strong negative impact on the efforts of many in the black community to escape the culture of poverty that is holding them back. If children are being socialized to think that marriage is not only not the best option, but not even an option, what will the result of this be?
 

alphamale

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RightatNYU said:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/25/AR2006032500029.html?sub=AR

This is a serious issue that is having a strong negative impact on the efforts of many in the black community to escape the culture of poverty that is holding them back. If children are being socialized to think that marriage is not only not the best option, but not even an option, what will the result of this be?
The abandonment by black fathers of families is one of the social pathologies that keep them down, inspite of the white liberal establishment rigging everything in their favor.
 

talloulou

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RightatNYU said:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/25/AR2006032500029.html?sub=AR

This is a serious issue that is having a strong negative impact on the efforts of many in the black community to escape the culture of poverty that is holding them back. If children are being socialized to think that marriage is not only not the best option, but not even an option, what will the result of this be?

Well our governments answer to poverty here in the US is sort of anti-marriage. A single woman raising her kids alone gets more benefits for being a "single" mother than she would from having a man around. I had a friend in Philly back in 1997 who was buying her first house. Now it was her, her child, and the childs father. They specifically choose not to marry because she was eligible for certain programs and aid that would help with buying the house because she was a single mother. See? So it was financially beneficial and smart not to marry. But on the flipside the house was bought in her name and eventually they had problems and broke up. She kicked him out...after all it's her house right? It's a weird thing 'cause you want aid to go to single mothers obviously but at the same time there has to be a way to make that pro-family vs anti-family. Single women earning low wages will benefit much more relying on aid from the government than they would relying on a man. So why rely on the man? And from a mans perspective...why stick around if your family will do better financially without you. It's all very odd.
 

alphamale

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Well our governments answer to poverty here in the US is sort of anti-marriage. A single woman raising her kids alone gets more benefits for being a "single" mother than she would from having a man around.
This is a minor side issue. The black guys should stop impregnating and then abandoning women, and they should all get off their dead asses and get a job.
 

DD7

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Who cares, it's just a subculture thing from the good old days of slavery when some lucky guys could impregnante loads of chicks on stud farms and then be sent home to massa.
 

danarhea

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RightatNYU said:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/25/AR2006032500029.html?sub=AR

This is a serious issue that is having a strong negative impact on the efforts of many in the black community to escape the culture of poverty that is holding them back. If children are being socialized to think that marriage is not only not the best option, but not even an option, what will the result of this be?
This is a good issue. I would like to bring up Louis Farrakhan. Whether you like him or not, he has been making this a hotbutton issue for the black community for quite a while. Black Muslims in general push responsibility for their members, and preach the responsibilities of fathers. They also have a support network to help fathers be responsible. With all that, it doesnt matter whether or not they think I am a white devil. They are doing good work in that regard, and that is a good thing.
 

Indy

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I this that this anti-marriage attitude is just a subproduct of the crappy culture they are so proud of. Look at all the gangs and violence that are present in overly black communities. If you are still confused just take a look at MTV. All the bling bling and I shot a ***** talk. If you ask me they are reaping what they sowed.
 

Korimyr the Rat

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Not going to chime in on the race issue-- try to avoid it on general principle-- but I can say one thing: our entire society needs to take a good hard look at what marriage is for and why we want to encourage it, because if you look at the political issues surrounding it, it's clear that we have not a single *******ed clue.

We punish people financially for getting married, and we fight over whether or not to allow certain people to get married, and we complain that too many people aren't getting married or staying married...

It is all very, very stupid.
 

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mnpollock said:
I this that this anti-marriage attitude is just a subproduct of the crappy culture they are so proud of. Look at all the gangs and violence that are present in overly black communities. If you are still confused just take a look at MTV. All the bling bling and I shot a ***** talk. If you ask me they are reaping what they sowed.
If you knew anything about the subculture you're apparently an expert on you'd know that most rappers are married. Half the stuff they say about bi*tches and h*oes is all an act. The black community simply has more problems then the white community due to 400 years of slavery followed by 50-60 years of racism that have influenced from how they eat to how they *****.
 
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danarhea

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Davo said:
If you knew anything about the subculture you're apparently an expert on you'd know that most rappers are married.
Not Flavor Flave. There is a reason he wears the viking horns. LOL.
 

Deegan

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Yep, just about what I expected from any thread like this, it never fails.:doh
 

ludahai

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Davo said:
If . The black community simply has more problems then the white community due to 400 years of slavery followed by 50-60 years of racism that have influenced from how they eat to how they *****.
So, slavery started in 1465?!?!? Really?
 

Stace

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ludahai said:
So, slavery started in 1465?!?!? Really?
And I didn't realize that all of this slavery and racism was preventing people from getting married. I mean, heck, Asians and Latinos are the victims of racism, they apparently don't have this issue. Whites are victims of racism, too, and yet, we're still getting married.
 

Indy

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Davo said:
If you knew anything about the subculture you're apparently an expert on you'd know that most rappers are married. Half the stuff they say about bi*tches and h*oes is all an act. The black community simply has more problems then the white community due to 400 years of slavery followed by 50-60 years of racism that have influenced from how they eat to how they *****.
So how long are they going to play the victim? Can we have a date to look forward to here? Really, I want to know. Jews were slaves in Egypt for HOW LONG? Are they wearing their bling bling and slappin their b*tches and hoes?
 

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From ARticle said:
Although slavery was an atrocious social system, men and women back then nonetheless often succeeded in establishing working families. In his account of slave life and culture, "Roll, Jordan, Roll," historian Eugene D. Genovese wrote: "A slave in Georgia prevailed on his master to sell him to Jamaica so that he could find his wife, despite warnings that his chances of finding her on so large an island were remote. . . . Another slave in Virginia chopped his left hand off with a hatchet to prevent being sold away from his son." I was stunned to learn that a black child was more likely to grow up living with both parents during slavery days than he or she is today, according to sociologist Andrew J. Cherlin.
****ing hilarious, it was more likely for a black child to be to have a family back while there was slavery than today.
 

RightinNYC

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Davo said:
If you knew anything about the subculture you're apparently an expert on you'd know that most rappers are married. Half the stuff they say about bi*tches and h*oes is all an act. The black community simply has more problems then the white community due to 400 years of slavery followed by 50-60 years of racism that have influenced from how they eat to how they *****.
And none of the fault can be laid at the foot of the culture?
 

Indy

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RightatNYU said:
And none of the fault can be laid at the foot of the culture?
Thats the whole problem with them. They aren't willing to do things for themselves. And yes, for all of you people who are probably going to start throwing the "racism" card around, I understand that not ALL black people buy into that worthless culture, but sadly more and more are.
 

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Guys? The 6th grade boys mentioned in this article stated (before marriage was even mentioned) that they wanted to be good fathers - that it was a higher priority to them than anything else.

So why the big deal? You don't need to marry your partner to be a good dad, or to raise happy, well-adjusted kids. this may seem pessimistic but it is just a piece of paper. Shouldn't you be celebrating the fact that one day they want to be the best parent they can be, ahead of pursuing money or prestige - rather than panicking over the lack of a ring on their finger? Half of marriages end in divorce, anyway. Saying "I do" won't guarantee happiness, and won't guarantee that the two parents will remain under one roof. If you're in love, if your kids are happy, what more could a formality bring?

Erm, and what the heck does not marrying have to do with the "culture of poverty", exactly? Last I checked, wealth is not dependent on exchanging vows.
 

RightinNYC

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vergiss said:
Guys? The 6th grade boys mentioned in this article stated (before marriage was even mentioned) that they wanted to be good fathers - that it was a higher priority to them than anything else.

So why the big deal? You don't need to marry your partner to be a good dad, or to raise happy, well-adjusted kids. this may seem pessimistic but it is just a piece of paper. Shouldn't you be celebrating the fact that one day they want to be the best parent they can be, ahead of pursuing money or prestige - rather than panicking over the lack of a ring on their finger? Half of marriages end in divorce, anyway. Saying "I do" won't guarantee happiness, and won't guarantee that the two parents will remain under one roof. If you're in love, if your kids are happy, what more could a formality bring?

Erm, and what the heck does not marrying have to do with the "culture of poverty", exactly? Last I checked, wealth is not dependent on exchanging vows.
Uh, actually, it kind of is.

If you really want to increase your wealth, get married and stay married,” says Jay Zagorsky, a research scientist at Ohio State University’s Center for Human Resource Research and author of a new nationwide study on the effect of marriage and divorce on a person’s wealth. “On the other hand, divorce can devastate your wealth.”
According to the study, singles saw their wealth grow from less than $2,000 at the start of the surveys to an average of about $11,000 after 15 years.

Married couples experienced a sharp increase in wealth just after marriage. Their wealth continues to grow to an average of about $43,000 by their tenth anniversary. Just being married, the study found, increases wealth about 4 percent annually, with all other factors held constant.

Wealth begins declining about four years before divorce, with total wealth bottoming out at an average of $3,500 the year before divorce.
http://www.accountingweb.com/cgi-bin/item.cgi?id=101773&d=815&h=817&f=816&dateformat=%o %B %Y



# The poverty rate for all children in married-couple families is 8.2 percent. By contrast, the poverty rate for all children in single-parent families is four times higher at 35.2 percent.

# The number of single-parent families has grown considerably since the onset of the War on Poverty. In 1960, less than 12 percent of children lived in single-parent families. By 2000, that figure had more than doubled, rising to 27.6 percent.

http://www.heritage.org/Research/Family/CDA02-04.cfm
 

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"You don't need to marry your partner to be a good dad, or to raise happy, well-adjusted kids."

That's like saying that you don't need a high school diploma to get a good job. Ofcourse it can be done, but it puts you at a tremendous disadvantage.
 

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Davo said:
If you knew anything about the subculture you're apparently an expert on you'd know that most rappers are married. Half the stuff they say about bi*tches and h*oes is all an act. The black community simply has more problems then the white community due to 400 years of slavery followed by 50-60 years of racism that have influenced from how they eat to how they *****.
Maybe you missed this part of the article "a black child was more likely to grow up living with both parents during slavery days than he or she is today, according to sociologist Andrew J. Cherlin.".
 

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danarhea said:
Not Flavor Flave. There is a reason he wears the viking horns. LOL.
ehhh maybe not, but Flavor Flav, Chuck D and Public Enemy for years spoke directly to the ills within the black community, and it was cool. They went on to be millionaires. Bill Cosby, speaks to the ills of the black community, and he's chastised because many in the black community call him a sell out. Imagine that!
 

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RightatNYU said:
Uh, actually, it kind of is.

http://www.accountingweb.com/cgi-bin/item.cgi?id=101773&d=815&h=817&f=816&dateformat=%o %B %Y


# The poverty rate for all children in married-couple families is 8.2 percent. By contrast, the poverty rate for all children in single-parent families is four times higher at 35.2 percent.

# The number of single-parent families has grown considerably since the onset of the War on Poverty. In 1960, less than 12 percent of children lived in single-parent families. By 2000, that figure had more than doubled, rising to 27.6 percent.

http://www.heritage.org/Research/Family/CDA02-04.cfm
mpg said:
"You don't need to marry your partner to be a good dad, or to raise happy, well-adjusted kids."

That's like saying that you don't need a high school diploma to get a good job. Ofcourse it can be done, but it puts you at a tremendous disadvantage.
You're both assuming that not marrying = not cohabiting and dating other people. Ever heard of de facto partners?

I don't think it's in any way comparable to the difficulties faced by not receiving an education. Not only are you completely ignoring the many, many successful kids whose parents aren't married but raise them together (again, how can a marriage certificate improve this situation?), but the millions of children whose parents later divorce (in which case a marriage certificate obviously did nothing to guarantee happiness and security). Let's pause for a moment while I list all my friends who are at university but whose parents aren't together or never were: Lani, Scott, Alice, Genevieve, Bianca, Morris, Steph, Sarah, etc. Now, the kids I know whose parents are married, but dropped out of school anyway: Claire, Hannah (committed suicide... a bloody waste), Luc, Sonja, Saxon... hmm. Yep, I totally see proof of your theory here.

So, got any proof that a big, expensive party will make your children's lives in any way safer, happier or more financially stable? Marriage does not automatically make one a good parent any more than lack thereof makes one a bad parent. That much should be plainly obvious to anyone who bothers to take a realistic view of the world.
 
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Indy

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vergiss said:
You're both assuming that not marrying = not cohabiting and dating other people. Ever heard of de facto partners?

I don't think it's in any way comparable to the difficulties faced by not receiving an education. Not only are you completely ignoring the many, many successful kids whose parents aren't married but raise them together (again, how can a marriage certificate improve this situation?), but the millions of children whose parents later divorce (in which case a marriage certificate obviously did nothing to guarantee happiness and security). Let's pause for a moment while I list all my friends who are at university but whose parents aren't together or never were: Lani, Scott, Alice, Genevieve, Bianca, Morris, Steph, Sarah, etc. Now, the kids I know whose parents are married, but dropped out of school anyway: Claire, Hannah (committed suicide... a bloody waste), Luc, Sonja, Saxon... hmm. Yep, I totally see proof of your theory here.

So, got any proof that a big, expensive party will make your children's lives in any way safer, happier or more financially stable? Marriage does not automatically make one a good parent any more than lack thereof makes one a bad parent. That much should be plainly obvious to anyone who bothers to take a realistic view of the world.

You know what? You're right. Marriage isn't the usue here. Their culture of laziness and crime is. If they were to get married as the same rates as other races I think that they would just have the highest rates of divorce and spousal abuse as well. They need to fix this culture of "you owe me 'cause my great great great great great great grandparents were slaves" and "the man is trying to get me down". All of the "ills" that they are experiencing right now is completely on their shoulders. Like it or not, they created it.
 

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mnpollock said:
You know what? You're right. Marriage isn't the usue here. Their culture of laziness and crime is.
Fascinating claim, that one's skin color determines whether they are lazy or not.

You MUST be a conservative, right?
 
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