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Life sometimes and really is a pie in the face from God...

I'd been suspecting it since last fall. Tonight I couldn't hold it in any longer. I told Tom I knew he was seeing someone else. It's a lady he met at the village walking track. I met her one time in fall at a beer tasting event.

Funny the things that tip off a woman. First, he lost weight. Started letting his hair grow hippy length. Bought some new clothes. All things that may cause a woman to go, "Hmmmm..."

Tom said, back last fall, "Want to go to the Park District beer tasting event?" He told me it started at a Tavern near our house and then the group walked to the brewery about a mile-and-a-half away. I can't walk that far. Tom knows that. But I know he likes beer. I've been the biggest party pooper of his life lately. So I said, "Know what? I'll start at the bar with ya'all and then you can walk with the group and I'll drive and meet you there!"

Tom was completely alone on the walk. And I noticed a woman completely alone as well. She stayed completely alone at the tasting, and, when we got BACK to the bar, she sat next to him.

I introduced myself...made some small talk. Tom was between us. And in a little bit, When we ordered another drink (I paid because Tom bought the tickets.) I told Tom I wanted to buy her a drink.

Funny the things that give husbands (SOs) away. I "knew" when he casually leaned over to her and said, "She wants to buy you a drink." Don't know why that was telltale, but it was.

So for months I've just sort of watched. And then it became clear. I was right. And this evening I brought it up when he got back from the track his second tome today . . . always 7 am and 4:30 . . . Always a few hours except weekends when "the whole group" supposedly goes to McDonald's. Then he's gone three or four.

"You know I know, don't you? Marta, right? I didn't want you to think I was stupid." We haven't talked. But he didnt deny it.

Deep breaths. Broken heart. More later.
 

Winston

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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. :(. aren't you worried you're jumping to conclusions? I presume nothing upon the situation only offering my support on your blog. I've had a broken heart plenty times. Sometimes context helps. If you think about how many other people are going through heartbreak and divorce at this moment, it helps the loneliness. Maybe he doesn't deserve you. Old country music helps. If you're a drinker, avail yourself of a cocktail and put on "Here's a Quarter" by Travis Tritt.
 

MaggieD

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What makes this more complicated, Winston, is that I'm dying.

I am sitting here drinking wine, though. ;) Helps!

I'm sure. He's admitted to an emotional affair. That's worse than sex, I think. I just can't believe this is happening...

Thanks, Winston.
 

Winston

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That sounds like some pile Maggie. I totally understand the pangs of an emotional affair. That's territory outside the physical world and it cuts pretty deep. Keep your head up Maggie! We'll always be here for you.
 

nota bene

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I'm so sorry, Maggie. Such a betrayal...and at a time like this, sigh.
 

Hawkeye10

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Boy Oh Boy Mags (can I call you Mags?)....you two sure know how to make the end a big block buster movie don't YA!......

I am not sure how I feel about that.

I will get back to YA, MKay?

LOVE YA!

4xvim2p.gif
 
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Gina

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So sorry to hear this, Maggie. With all you're going through...

My heart goes out to you.

*HUGS*
 

trblmkr

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Make sure Maggie, before you burn the bridges. My wife and I hit a rough spot at 9 years and got divorced. Entirely my fault. Got out of the navy and life was so different I went through some crap and did some really stupid stuff. 6 months after the divorce was final I realized I really, really missed her. We got back together and this December will be 38 years. I wish you the best.
 

PoS

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Ouch. Sorry to hear that, Maggie. Stay strong and be well.
 

Trippy Trekker

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Keep the focus on yourself.... your needs, your wants, your health, your sanity. You have us. Make your way one day at a time... shorter increments when necessary. This too shall pass. Feel some Love! May your best times lie ahead!
 

haymarket

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On top of all you have been through Maggie - this is one giant shi* sandwich with no bread. Its terrible.

You are in my thoughts and I hope you can find a way to hold your head high and get through this.
 

haymarket

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Winston;bt3871 said:
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. :(. aren't you worried you're jumping to conclusions? I presume nothing upon the situation only offering my support on your blog. I've had a broken heart plenty times. Sometimes context helps. If you think about how many other people are going through heartbreak and divorce at this moment, it helps the loneliness. Maybe he doesn't deserve you. Old country music helps. If you're a drinker, avail yourself of a cocktail and put on "Here's a Quarter" by Travis Tritt.

Women know. Its instinctual and comes with the chromosomes. And once they know - nothing changes that knowledge.
 

DiAnna

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Words cannot express how sorry I am. A betrayal like this, at a time when you so desperately need support, would be a crushing blow for anyone. You will be in my thoughts.
 

rocket88

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That's terrible Maggie. What are you going to do?
 

Grand Mal

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Want easy? Put ground glass in his spaghetti sauce, or take a shovel to him like a snake.
Want serenity? Looks like it might take either self-effacing compromise or no looking back.
I hope for the best for you.
 

MaggieD

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Tom kept telling me I was wrong. Nothing was as it seemed. She was just a friend. Nothing there. I begged him just to tell me the truth. I knew I hadn't heard it yet. Then finally I thought of our eighteen years and said, "Ive loved you for eighteen years. You deserve the benefit of the doubt." But you have to agree to complete transparency. Let me see your phone, I said. He hesitated and then handed it to me. He had deleted his call log. Tom would have NEVER known to do this. He's computer and phone illiterate. He doesn't even have a smart phone. So someone had shown him how to do it. He finally said Marta told him he should do it.

I told him to pack his things and leave. If you saw my post up front, you know I told him he had four hours and then I was going to file a TRO on him. I wouldn't have done that, but he didn't know that.

I told him his kids would be ashamed of what he had done. He said, yeah they probably would. But they'll still love me. OMG. This cannot be the man I've loved for 18 years. It's not possible.

Thanks for listening. This too will pass...
 

Hawkeye10

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MaggieD;bt3887 said:
Snip

-----------------------------------------------------

Thanks for listening. This too will pass...
Catholic I presume?
Anyways, so sorry.
 
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Top Cat

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Wow Maggie. So sorry you have to through this **** storm. No one deserves to be treated like that. All the positive chi I have is coming your way.

TC
 

CanadaJohn

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I'm late to this but I wanted to express my anger on your behalf - we men can be damn assholes sometimes and it really bugs me that he would do this after all you, particularly, and he with you have been through the past couple of years. Some people have no decency. I suppose it's best that you and your extended family know this now rather than later, when perhaps you're not as well.

You're a strong woman and I have no doubt you'll rise out of this mess as well. Take care and keep the faith - better days ahead, have to be.
 
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